How can you pretend we were never close
Treat me like **** because I didn't put you first I needed to distance myself from you
For the first time I was putting myself ahead of others
Saw what you were doing to me was making the pain harsher
So I had to say no
Because caring about you made all my progress lost
I always put others first
Let them step on me so their shoes won't get ruined with dirt
Now I said no
At first you were mad snapped at me
I guess because I was the one that said no
So I'm the bad guy
But now you look at me like dirt on the floor
Like I'm nothing to you
Was I only something to you when I gave you what you wante
Only made me feel like a human When I said yes
You told me to value myself And not harm my body
I guess what you only meant that I should come second
You first
So don't you dare look at me Like I deserve your coldness
Like I'm the bad guy
Don't you dare turn away when I made an effort for peace
Stop making me feel like nothing
For choosing me

the thought strikes
clings with its whole might
just take the blade
before old scars fade
fighting to keep the thoughts at bay
just cut the inside pain away
hugging my tear soaked pillow
drowning in my sorrow
I shakingly sit up
Reach for the blade where it was last put
I know I shouldn’t be doing this
But the pain I cant help but miss
It silences how I feel inside
I don’t always do it to die
Just to do at least one thing
That no one else is controlling
I really want to now
To stop I don’t know how
So I give in and take the razor
Raise my pant legs and hover over
Bring the knife to my skin
Till my legs get crimson
When im done with my thing
My poor thighs sting
Now I don’t focus on the inside pain
Or feel as insane
I just let the bleeding
Do the healing.