Jackson

Jackson Nov 2019

If I die today I'll leave my home
I'll never enjoy seeing the families of rabbits live right next door
I'll never sit outside to watch the fireflies flickering in the woods once twilight hits
I'll never walk through those woods wishing that was where I could live

If I die today I'll leave my room
My smell would remain intact
My clothes will still be in piles on the floor
My books will still be untouched in their specific order
My bed will still be unmade with a little indent on the blankets from the dog
My light will still be on from me forgetting to turn it off as I left my room
My curtains will still be closed because it was still dark as I left

If I die today I would leave my dog
I would leave my dog wondering why I never came home
Why I never put food into his bowl
Why I never took him out before I left home
I would leave him sitting by the door wondering

If I die today I would leave my big sister
I leave without telling her goodbye
I would leave without telling her how much I love her
I would leave without seeing her get married
I would leave my rock

If I die today I would leave my friends
I would leave a seat open as they huddled for their get-togethers
I would leave their hugs and their ability to make me laugh no matter what
I would leave the best people I could know

Jackson Oct 2018

The Trigger

Face to face with a gun like face to face with a man
Except the gun isn’t pulling it’s own trigger
The man is
The man I’ve known over half of my life
The man who rips everything away from my fingers no matter how much I care
His eyes pierce my heart with a thousand needles
I need someway to stop this
I need someway to tell this man I deserve to live
That I can do some form of good in this world
No matter the consequences
Somehow to prove to him that I am a good person

But am I?
Do I deserve to live life like I want?
I’ll never get back all of those who I’ve hurt
All of those who I have killed
I could of done so much better in my life
But instead I wasted it hurting those whom I loved
I wish I could change

I must try and convince this man that my life is my own
I must try and convince this man standing in front of me that I deserve to live
It’s no use
It’s too late

I pull the trigger

Jackson Jul 2018

Who Are We

Who are we to think the world revolves around us
Who are we to think that good is considered the best choice
Who are we to take it upon ourselves to divide right from wrong
Chaos from order
White from black
Good from bad
Smart from stupid
Easy from difficult
Cheezy from worthy
Computers from monitors
Cars from bikes
Running from racing
God from Satan
Who are we to decide to put us in front of them
Us in front of those who deserve so much more
Those who deserve to be right
Those who deserve the world at their fingertips
Those who no matter what they say have no ability to quiet the voices in their heads
Those who hope that maybe just maybe they could live one day without the world falling upon their shoulders
Those who hope they don't have to hear from you
You who think you're the only one who divides greatness from incompetence
You who think you can divide abstract from reality
But it's not up to you
It's not up to you to get to decide who's good and who's bad
What's right and what's wrong
Who deserves to live and who deserves to die
Because it's not just something that is found in the contents of a first aid kit
It's not just something you can draw a line around to avoid like how you build a wall around your mind
A wall around what distinguishes you from them
You are not God
You do not get to decide who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell
Who gets to drive a car and who has to walk
Who is successful with their attempt upon their own life and who gets to walk free
Who becomes the hunter and who becomes the hunted

Jackson Jul 2018

Sophia

I see how you hide behind your smile
How you lie about how things are
The marks on your wrists tell the truth
The truth you try to hide from me
Me of all people
You don't know how much I love you
You think you're not loved
You think everything's your fault
But little by little it's tearing away at your skin
Chipping and eroding the harsh ocean waves at such an innocent cliff
But little by little I try to add more sand
Back the cliff in right so it won't erode
Then a hurricane cakes
And I think you're gone forever
You can't add to something that is no longer there
But then I see a speck
Just a little speck of what was before a massive cliff

Jackson Jul 2018

Ana

You tear away at my sides
You patronize my sleep
You write my stories
You shape my thoughts
You sing my songs
You are my friend
Or at least I thought you were
This beautiful being
Filled with hope, pleasure, cautious

Jackson May 2018

(For a school project)

Somewhere in America there is a girl trapped in her mind writing stories on her wrists trying to escape from her reality

Somewhere in America there is a boy being called a ****** because he doesn’t have the money for those slick new Air Jordans

Somewhere in America this is a girl who can’t go to her hometown church without being ridiculed for bringing her girlfriend

Somewhere in America there is a boy being abused in school for his baggy dark circled eyes because he was up all night trying to keep his brother from committing suicide

Somewhere in America there are siblings being called goth for walking into school wearing all black because they just came from a funeral for their 2 year old sister who died from TB because they couldn’t provide the medication

Somewhere in America there is a student on a school bus, sitting alone, music blasting, because they’re too afraid to saying a single word to the wrong crowd

We see these people and we say “I’m lucky with what I have.” We put on a fake face to pretend that we don’t take advantage of the things that we do have.

But then we go home

We go home and we think we have it the worst, because poor old mommy can’t buy us the newest IPhone

Poor old mommy can’t buy us the newest Nike shoe

Poor old mommy is working 3 jobs on the weekends and 4 jobs during the week just to put food on the table for you

Poor old mommy is working 3 jobs on the weekends and 4 jobs during the week just to keep the air conditioning on for you

Because that’s all that matters to her:

You

Jackson May 2018

Untitled

Inside this school, you see everyone
You see faces
You see names
But you don't realize that all you really are seeing is the mask
The mask that they decide to put on so you don't know the real them
You don't see the writing that she has done on your wrists
Or the stories he tells to his grandmother who died last year
In this school, you only see what they want you to see
You don't see the difference that is made with her smile
You don't see the tiredness on his face because he was up all night proving to his brother that his life is worth living
You don't see the rage on her face because she can't bring her girlfriend to church
There is all too much you can't see
Yet you think you know everything about someone
How they look is ** much money they have
Oh they're holding hands? They MUST be a couple
The bruises are fine, they are just from falling off their bike