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Lyra Saros Aug 13
I’ve always been erratic
There’s still an ember in these ashes
The forest has cooled since the fire
The birds are coming home tonight
They make their nests from kindling

Is it still a relapse if I never quit?
tw self harm
Lyra Saros Jul 21
The lonely totem tells me
These thoughts are not my own

My heart becomes a bullet
My throat becomes enclosed

My mind is stripped of thinking
Of what am I composed?
Lyra Saros Jul 11
Another lonely cycle and I’ll fall back to you
A delusion of second chances clawing like a relapse

The marionette strings will guide my hands
To the machine that will reanimate this
Phantom reflection of things long dead

My tongue will swirl and ask you, again
If you remember our promise
That inequitable scream you affirmed

I will retire to the same fantasy:
Us, lain down on the hood of a car
The upside down stars
And summer heat melting us together in December
And I will tell myself that in that dream I do not love you

My heart will swell and my lungs will strain
And I will fabricate a false god to worship
Less than obsession with you

The mantras will repeat
“This is normal.”
“I know what I'm doing.”
“I've just never had a friend like you.”
But I will know
My body has betrayed me

I will be reminded
I am just a girl

I will wish for it to be unmade
As much as I wish you felt it
But in the end
The heart wants what the heart wants
Even when it wants to **** you

So I'm sorry,
My friend,
For all the things I am yet to hurt you with
But I fear I have no choice
For Missy
Lyra Saros Jul 4
First, you must let yourself be swallowed by her
You must relish the way she digests you
You must watch the cold gear of a tired jaw grind you to sand
You must taste her tastes
And smell her scents
You must become her if you wish to love her

Second, you must navigate her
You must become the cartographer of her hips
You must name every hair
You must know every scar and blemish like a captain knows his shore
Understand all the ways you fit into her arms best
You must memorize her rocky coasts if you wish to love her

Third, you must bleed for her
You must let her pain bruise you instead
You must drown in your own tears just to keep her cheeks dry
You must kneel for her on broken glass
Become her knight
You must be willing to give your soul to know she’ll never have to give hers if you wish to love her

Fourth, you must kiss her
You must taste the salt of her skin between your cheeks with every breath
You must bind her like a captive in your lips
You must make time to just
Kiss her
Kiss her like she’s the last person on earth
You must make her your favorite flavor if you wish to love her

Fifth, you must hear her
You must make your cheeks curl like hers when she recounts her tales
You must welcome her into your ears like your favorite song
You must hum the contours of her voice as you float between her spaces
Feel the bass drum of her heartbeat
You must dance to the sound of her breath if you wish to love her

To write a love poem for her
You must write with the words she taught you
You must speak in tongues
You must spell it out in the colors of her eyes
In the long hugs that mean only themselves
You must be fluent in her if you wish to love her

If you want to write her a love poem
You must first fall in love with her
And by then
You’ll have already done it
Written September 2018
Lyra Saros Jul 3
I’m not afraid of dying like I was before

Of course I still tremble
but now it’s less
“I don’t want to go”
and more
“I don’t want to go like this”

I know that Charon will come
That Hades' gate will swallow me

It will occur just as everything changes

Just as winter will freeze the red from my leaves
Just as the tulips will sprout on the hill garden come spring

Someday I will die

But still
I hope he will be patient with me
I hope he doesn't **** my fight to see one more sunrise

Because maybe I do want to go someday
To see if there is a blinding light

But these shadows have held me for too long
For me to give up that easy
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