⚠️Trigger Warning: The following poem contains subject matter pertaining to substance abuse⚠️
~

A benzo
A day keeps the
nerves
at bay

⚠️Trigger Warning: The following poem contains subject matter pertaining to substance abuse⚠️
~


Dear Billie Eilish,


I wish I could make you proud


it's just


I DO


need a


Xanny


to feel better

"Write, edit, re-write.
Post, edit, repost."
My finger prints are fading fast;
I thought they were here to last.
They used to linger where I'd please;
I've lost them now on laptop keys.

⚠️Trigger Warning: The following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicidal ideation⚠️
~

Hey,

Remember that time
you went to the bathroom

and you found the words

“I wish I was dead”

written on the stall
in purple marker?


Yeah,
That was me.


And before you
say anything
insensitive

(and you will say something
insensitive)


let me just cut to the chase:

if I did it for attention
I would have signed my name.

So don’t even *******
start with me.

~


But
to whoever wrote back,


“Don’t end your life—it’s precious”:


thank you for actually
caring

even if you didn't
know who I was.

And I guess
I hope you read this,
too.

yeah.
i'm a happy person with a broken soul.
what about it?

Trial i: Crimson


By: The Mad Poetess


Purpose:

I shall birth
a new colour.

Sprung from the womb
of passion & rage--

cacophonous.

The name of the labour:
The Crimsoning

after the spawn:

Crimson.

Hypothesis:

from the quill
baptized in crimson ink

to the torn parchment

poetry shall hail down

like a meteor shower.

Materials:

- Sewing needle
- Blood
- Berries harvested from the Belladonna plant (devil's cherry)
- Teardrops
- Artist's palette
- Inkwell
- Bunsen burner
- Quill pen
- Parchment


Procedure:

1. With the needle, ***** finger; remove needle at the first dewdrop of blood
2.  Crush and mix devil's cherries with teardrops upon artist's palette
3. Add dewdrop and rest of concoction on to palette and mix using whatever is convenient (fingers, paint brush, hair, etc)
4. Transfer Crimson to inkwell
5. Place in well above bunsen burner
6. Burn for 40 days and 40 nights until Crimson is matured
7. Dip quill into ink
5. Press quill to parchment
6. Write poetry


Observations:

The parchment kindles
beneath the ink

pages curl up
at the corners
like Medusa’s hissing serpents

every gawking
letter
a petrification of
what could have been

every lowercase t
crucified

every serif
a burning branch.

Is this the context
of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

To write poems about forest fires
and then

burn?

~

My poems and I:

on the cusp of extinction.

I throw my head back
at a ghastly angle

like the ancient
Ornithomimus.

⚠️Trigger Warning: The following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicidal ideation⚠️
~

When one cat is dying
the other cats in the household
will sometimes keep their distance
from the dying cat

because they cannot bear
the smell of
death.


I wonder if that’s
why
so many of you
had abandoned me at my
most terminal.


Could you smell the murmur of
death
I wore above my collar bone
like Eau de Parfum?

Could you smell
the impending suicide?

You couldn’t wait to
put me down—

not for the sake of my
suffering

but

for the sake of yours.

{bad luck}