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245 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
She sat there
Morning, 10 o'clock
A gray tanktop
A pair white socks
Dark yoga pants
And sun kissed skin
A few blond stripes
Brown, straight hair in between
The smell of her perfume
That heavy and sweet
Makes you wanna stay
Wanna bite on your lip
A pony tail hanging
And dancing around
Her head which is slowly
Turning around
Those eyes, for a moment
I don't recognize
I only feel my heart
Fall down and arise
The lips, full of glory
Adding to the face
A shameless expression
Makes me wonder what taste...
She sets up a question
With no single sound
She's waiting for action
My heartbeat is loud
She gets up -
Her eyes even closer to mine
And all I can do is
Watching them shine
She finally moves slowly her mouth
And makes her lovely voice come out
"What's wrong with you, baby?"
She's stroking my cheek
As soft her hand as gentle streak
I wish I could have said something
But now she seemed so sad and weak
I didn't want to upset her
I must have done something wrong
That made her feel bad
And this made me mad
I hated myself for an instant...

It was today that she told me...
And I had no idea.
She made me a cup of black tea
And told me - I had amnesia
A careful approach to an important and sensible topic, worth the attention, influencing many lives. In this poem the focus lies on the perspective of the person with amnesia.
It is not meant to upset anyone but only to thematize this issue and make people remember about its existence.
226 · Feb 2017
Me And You
Viktoria Feb 2017
Love or not
Hard to tell
Far away
From me

Deep deep feelings
Maybe yes
It's a test

I can feel
About you

There's no other way
But to meet
Me and you

I will listen to my inner
Soul believer
I will listen not to lose
What is true

And I know you're sometimes
Stronger than me
But I'll fight for us
Me and you
217 · Jan 2017
Process of creation
Viktoria Jan 2017
Only me and my mind
In a beautiful space
Only me and a feeling
That I welcome, embrace
I relive it, believe it,
Take it into my arms
And I think to myself
This is how we do arts
216 · Apr 2019
Listen Expectations
Viktoria Apr 2019
Expectations, expectations,
Can I drop you for a while?
I don't mean it bad or vicious,
I just need a relaxed mind.

I don't really need your pressure,
Since it holds me back a lot,
Can I please enjoy this moment?
Cause it's everything I got!
215 · Mar 2017
It's not you
Viktoria Mar 2017
I thought
I got over it
But you are still here
I thought I forgot
But I didn't
I thought
I was through with you
But you simply stayed
I thought I asked you
To leave my heart
More than once till today

I thought
But obviously
I was wrong
I didn't know
That I still longed
For the smile
And the touch
That you gave
But me
I asked for something
That was far too much
And never meant to be

I like to think of it
This way:
You're not the one,
I like to say,
Because the one
The real, the true
He's meant to stay

And that's not you.
Noticed feelings waking up from a sleep again, trying to survive.
214 · Feb 2017
The Captain
Viktoria Feb 2017
I feel groggy
On my way
My mind is foggy
But bright my day

For if I am honest
I like to tell stories
The ones which end up
In a fairytale

I am the captain of my life
The decks are colorful
Avoiding any kind of strife
I use my special tool

I use the light
The happiness
I choose to fight
And not to rest

I can't forget your face
Your smile's dynamics
Your magical eyes
The love you give
The warm, the bright

The decks are shaking
My mind is breaking
I'm losing control
Over my own soul
It's trembling, it fears
As if it was panicking
Fighting with tears
But those are the joyful
The beautiful ones
They are a part of
Something tremendous
Of something so real
That it hurts

The captain stands straight
He isn't afraid
His hope doesn't fade
He tries to adjust
The balance the faith
The love and the trust
To sort out the voices
The signals the settings
That are covered with dust

He feels quite dizzy
The heart is uneasy
Albeit his soul still
Desires to feel
The warmth on the inside
With hope as the starlight
Remembering moments
To help him get out

As he is addicted
To the powerful might
His eyes turn grey
His heart fills with fright
Still sticking to something
The adrenaline
His mind and his soul
And his heart
In between
211 · Dec 2018
Losing a friend
Viktoria Dec 2018
I am not gonna write how it is
to lose. A friend. Again
It's the physical closeness
That we miss
I miss to hold your hand.

I am not gonna write how sad
I felt, when I said goodbye.
Because these thoughts and feelings are able
to make me emotional and cry.

I am not gonna describe
How I lost something together with you
As if I was separated in two
And you took one part of myself with you.

... and still I do.
Had to say goodbye to a friend who moved into another country.
Viktoria Jan 2019
Is it true?
Or am I fooling,
Is it real,
Or am I lost?
Am I insecure and lonely?
Is it that what has caused,
Lovely feelings and hopes,
Expectations and dreams,
After all these months,
Is it really still real?

Can't barely catch a thought
That's pure and clear,
It's all a mixture of speculations,
I've always loved it, and I do love still,
The magic and the power of imagination.
I am an artist in projecting,
I see the little signs in every tree,
I am a hopeless romantic for arts,
I am a desperate creator in need.
Just give me one bit hope,
And I'll make history...!

Just a wink of love,
And I'm there,
Just one lovely look,
And I care,
And I present the generations,
A basket full of dreams and passions!

Go try and catch'em,
For they're free,
They're my ideas,
But have history,
They did exist before,
On paper and on more,

This time they came to me!!!!
They've outgrown me,
Now they will come to you,
If you are ready, too!
210 · Mar 2017
No other way
Viktoria Mar 2017
No other way
I can explain
Beauty's on its
I need it
It's right
Every night
I can see the light
That guides me
It is not purple or
Baby blue
It is rather red
With dark attitude
It has a certain
But this is simply
How I found
My way to be
My way in me
205 · May 2019
White=Nothing & Everything
Viktoria May 2019

I recover
From long madness
Called N-U-M-B-N-E-S-S

Held me in
For too long
Behind bars
Made of steel
Of fears


Instead of

I wished many times
I could feel SADNESS
But all I felt was
And nothing else

Then I looked precisely
And found everything
Hidden in there.

Not only SADNESS


just like the colour WHITE
consists of all the other colours
Viktoria Feb 2019
No way, no face to look at,
No touch to dive into,
No taste of sweetness,
No electrifying feelings.

No time to give to,
No one to give the time to either.
No tension, despite of illusions.
No hope, only dellusions.

Happy thoughts aren't stable, no more.
Just impulsive, in circles they go.
Chased by fear, just like every emotion,
Drowning in the cold deep ocean...

Of Loneliness, Searching and Hoping,
But senseless,
The belief is gone.
I held onto it, for too long.

The focus now is on what matters.
But isn't what should matter - love?
It's complicated. Self-love is the basis.
Is it? My way is lost and I am standing here.
Love drips down from my fingertips,
A few more seconds and I let it slip.
195 · Feb 2017
Tell me
Viktoria Feb 2017
Tell me
Tell me
Tell me
I don't know
Tell me
Tell me
Tell me
Who's gonna show?
194 · Jan 2017
How to make you understand
Viktoria Jan 2017
How to make you understand
That you mean a lot to me
How to show it to you
I don't know

Come on give me your hand
Don't be afraid of me
Warmly, let me hold you
Let me show my love to you

One smile, one glance
It's happiness
No need for many words
No need for rewards

I never met someone like you before
I never thought I would
I never planned to feel like that
I never Imagined, what happened

Maybe there is someone else
Who makes you feel in the same way
Maybe I am one out of many for you
But it is obvious that we're close

I don't wanna speculate
Did it already too much
It was a good lesson
Never interpret more in a touch

Sometimes I feel you are trying to say
That you also like me
But I bet I misunderstand
Anyway, give me your hand
192 · Mar 2017
The reason
Viktoria Mar 2017
You're a thief
You're stealing all my thoughts
You're a butcher
Tearing me apart
You're my muse
For you're my inspiration
You're my alarm
I wake up to your vibration
You're like space
So huge but not to see
You're the sun
You're blinding me
You're my favorite song
It's your voice I hear
This flowering fragrance
When you appear
You're the one for a dance
And to give a kiss
You're the one to love
You're the one to miss

You're my reason why
And I'd have to lie
If I said that it's over
For me
191 · Feb 2017
Love & Share
Viktoria Feb 2017
Love yourself
Love everyone
Love life
Love being
On your own
Share love
Share hope
Share happiness
Be loved and love
Cause that's the best!
188 · Feb 2017
Viktoria Feb 2017
Art is mystery
Art is ***
Art is disarray
Art is fact
Art is a slumber
Art is a storm

Art is not comparable at all

Art is for you
Art is for me
Art is for everyone
To touch and see
Art is aggressive
Art is kind
Art are you
And Art am I
185 · Feb 2017
A statement
Viktoria Feb 2017
I don't have time for self-analysis and overthinking. I live in the moment and here time doesn't exist.
182 · May 2017
Viktoria May 2017
Four letters.

A feeling
That matters.
A feeling for you

I love.
What does it mean?
Is it really enough
The way I feel
To call it love?

the symbol - heart
Yes, sometimes
It does hurt
But how deep
Does it have to be?
To be called love,
Or in love desperately?

I know, I don't know enough about love.
But I know I haven't had enough
Of times with you,
Your attitude,
Your hugs, your spirit
Life with you
It showed me something new
Something that matters
And something that's true
179 · Mar 2017
How the world is with you
Viktoria Mar 2017
I just love how the world is with you
It's like candy and it's smooth
Sweet and easy all in one
New perspectives, new perceptions

I just love how the world is with you
It is real, it's the happy truth
Grooving, bouncing all around
Every moment new and round

I just love how the world is with you
Nothing is boring, everything moves
And we move with it, ready to laugh
You can't imagine how much all this I love

I just love how the world is with you
The atmosphere that cuts the fear
The real and crazy all in one
Perfection is made for the imperfect ones

I just love how the world is with you
Hanging out from sunrise till the moon
I embrace these feelings we have and share
All these moments about which I care

I just love how the world is with you
Holding hands in a sweet romance
Everything we need is me and you
Because we change this world into

Something beautiful and true
Something positive and real
I would not know how to feel
In this world without you
177 · Mar 2017
You decide
Viktoria Mar 2017
I'll let you freedom
You decide
Figure out
How often
I am on your mind
Listen to your feelings
Listen to your heart
It is always right
It is never wrong
177 · Mar 2017
How I would love him
Viktoria Mar 2017
How I would love him:
I'd appreciate every word he says
Every preposition, verb or noun
I'd enjoy his voice in all different ways
Because I'd just love its sound
169 · Dec 2018
The light in my eyes
Viktoria Dec 2018
Done blaming myself
Want to give myself love
That I deserve

Been fake
And treating badly myself
For far too long

Done being harsh with myself
I wanna grow
Although accepting myself
For who I am

I see the light in my eyes
I just woke up
Now I again recognize
My love and soul

I wanna give me the strength
I'm gonna need
I will be there for myself
From now on

I won't be afraid
Of losing myself
I'm here

I stop crusading myself,
I am still here

I see the light
In my eyes
It makes believe
I see the sun
And the moon
And I can breath

How you speak to yourself does count.
168 · Dec 2018
Viktoria Dec 2018
Afraid to fall in love
And to fall out again.

Afraid to move forward,
To fall down in the end.

Afraid to feel,
To finally get hurt.

Afraid to steal
And not give back your heart.

Afraid to find myself
Then lose it straight again.

Afraid to let love happen
Before it all began.
Falling in love, afraid to hurt anybody. Too many break ups in my life and around me. Gotta believe but tryin to protect myself at the same time... from hurting and getting hurt.
167 · Feb 2017
Viktoria Feb 2017
Sounds of laughter
What a joy
Sounds of sadness
Not a toy
Laughing hard
At someone's bad
Keep an eye on you instead
166 · Feb 2017
Waiting Room
Viktoria Feb 2017
Everyone's waiting
The waiting room
Some look sad
Some neutral or mad
Some play with their children
The sounds of joy
The child often drops
Its colorful toy

Some cough
Some sigh
Some seem tough
Some seem to hide

Everyone one is waiting

Some are patient
And some aren't
Everyone's a patient
Some old, some current

None of them knows really what to do.
Some of them are just like me and you.
Some believe in the now
Some are looking for how
To entertain themselves ...
There are some brochures
On the shelves ...

Some read, some are in deep thought
Some text their friends
Some are being called
Some just seem to pretend
Doing nothing at all
Just as I am sitting here
I am waiting without fear
And I'm typing this poem
On my phone, that's my gere
It is always better to create
A beautiful poem to hear
Even if a situational
Even if an inspirational one
It always makes sense
To write a poem when you're alone! :)
166 · Apr 2017
Times and times again
Viktoria Apr 2017
I can't calm myself
No can't
There is something in me
I don't understand
I just want to get home
To forget?
Too much
It blocks out everything
I am tired, worn out
Miss my health
Have to find a way out
Times and times again
Don't forget to smile
Don't worry and don't cry
Times and times again
You deserve to be happy my friend
161 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
And stay
Not knowing
Where to go
Or what the purpose is
They either question things
Or set up a confusion
And in the end
I realize that
All those thoughts
Were an illusion

this is my conclusion
An attempt to catch the confusion of the moment, simultaneously watching it melt away
160 · Feb 2017
I wrote ten poems about you
Viktoria Feb 2017
I wrote ten poems about you
Or maybe even more
I wrote about my thoughts
I wrote a lot a lot

I wrote about you
Your smile, your eyes
As bright as skies
The shining of your face

I wrote to see, to understand
What this all means to me
But in the end, all that I felt
Looked like a maze to me

I wrote ten poems about you
I tried to understand
I wrote about my feelings
And thoughts inside my head

I wrote about your attitude
Your living happiness
I wrote about the positive
The good things and the best

I never realized it before
And now it's kinda late
How much I cared
How much for you I felt

I wrote the poems desperately
Because of room and time
I tried to make every of them
To be filled up with rhyme

It was quite easy
Because of you
Your smile,
Your friendly attitude

Your opened nature
Your manly stature
Your free emotions
Your crazy devotions

I wrote ten poems about you
For how impressed I am
I'll keep on writing about you
Until the very end

I wrote ten poems about you
Or maybe even more
I'll keep on writing about you
And you don't even know
159 · Feb 2017
You do
Viktoria Feb 2017
Yes, you do
You can make a difference
You really matter
You are an individual
You deserve a Life in
Peace Love Harmony
153 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
Ciao! BYE! Adios

...I said, I had enough

Tschüss! Poka! Stop smiling

...I don't need you
...I am done

See you next time! In the next life

...But I am still here
Let me go now, I have to
Even if it's so hard
To say bye to you

Oh remember
Ciao! HI! Salut

...For the first time
...Me and you

I will never
Forget ever
But it's time
I'm moving on

... No
...I don't wanna start it all over

Goodbye baby
Now I'm gone
152 · Apr 2019
What's there to lose?
Viktoria Apr 2019
Of course I wonder
Of course I care
It's coming, soon,
Like in a different life,
It's either a date
Nor a simple encounter,
It doesn't fit into my last months strife.

I do prepare for a breakthrough,
I do prepare for a heartbreak too.
But I prefer to have it that way finally.
Better than fleeing from love endlessly.

I do need love in my life,
I do deserve the heat of touch,
I do deserve the butterflies,
The ups and downs,
The stress, the rush,
The anxious worries,
The dramatic stories,
The fear, the pain,
And the occasional gain,
The tears of luck,
The tears of disdain,
I could do this again and again.

Because I do choose my way,
I'll be ignoring, what they have to say.
There's nothing to lose after all, anyway.

And once you let me go,
I set my love for you... free.
There are no boundaries for love
In my life, and for me.

So that's my goal,
I'm gonna haunt the truth,
After all it's only this one life,
And how often do we love
Like this?
151 · Feb 2017
I admit
Viktoria Feb 2017
I admit that I am worried
I admit I think too much
I admit to be ignoring
Some strong feelings
Cause they touch

I admit I am not trying
To distract myself at all
I admit to be so grateful
For the feelings that I got
I admit to be admiring
You and just my love for you
I admit that now I'm trying
To make you think about it too
150 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
Stop to
I can't
You keep
From you
Old and new
At once
But I never
Is either
Or it's
Only show
147 · Feb 2017
My truth
Viktoria Feb 2017
I won't think about others
No I won't
I will listen to my feelings
And my heart

I know there's something
All these fears

I can feel it
I can hear it

Something holds me back
To show it
Let it go

But I simply need more time
On my own

It's a story
About you
You and me

I can't wait
Till I see you
145 · Mar 2017
In Between
Viktoria Mar 2017
There's a decision to make
I gotta make it straight
Always look on the now
Never look back somehow
I am analyzing too much
Don't feel free to keep in touch
Heart is worried, feared of breaking
Heavy is the breath I'm taking
It was long ago that I
Lost my truth up in the sky
Every sparkle, it depended
On the stars that you made shine
I hoped that love never be ended
But how to know without to try
143 · Jan 2019
Viktoria Jan 2019
I gotta do something against
The pressure I am putting on myself
I can't bear this weight on my chest
I need to break free and to rest.

Of all
140 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
And I felt nothing but fear
And I didn't know at all
How all this could disappear
And I didn't want to fall
And I couldn't tell myself
What I did want and what not
I need to find myself again
To be alone on my true own
136 · Feb 2017
Viktoria Feb 2017
He is
He is so interesting
I was impressed
And I laughed
136 · Jan 2017
A Mountain in front of me
Viktoria Jan 2017
And there's a mountain in front of me
A mountain of work, of disarray
A mountain of delights is behind this one
I can only see it when lights are gone

The mountains decrease
Doesn't change anything
There always will be a new mountain within
Cause I create em they're a part of the game
You don't need to care
You don't need to pay

Just carry them, carry!
So heavy around
Just think of it think!!!
Don't let them be drown
Stop thinking then stop
But how can I how?
To drown an own thought
Is like suicide, feels wrong
But you can decide
So do yourself a favour
**** pain.
**** the heavy
The hard life endeavor
135 · Feb 2017
Viktoria Feb 2017
This one message
I won't read it
This one message
I ever needed
134 · Mar 2017
Viktoria Mar 2017
This pride
This time
That you
I found
That happened
It's marvellous
Thanks God
Thank you
I thank myself
This great achievement's
More than gorgeous
I know, I've known
Not always
How much
I appreciate
You and me
But the real
Feelings' touch
Shook me up
130 · Mar 2017
For myself
Viktoria Mar 2017
How to be free
How to be me
I need to find

How to pursue
What's made for you
Still not forgetting

Hell what is this
I am nowhere
Can't find it
Have to fight

This promise
I gave to myself
I need to stick to it

For my own soul
On my true own
Find myself in the deep
129 · Jan 2017
Your beautiful power
Viktoria Jan 2017
I want you to know
That everything's possible.
Don't ever be afraid
Cause' fear isn't that great.

I want you to know
That your time is now.
Stop thinking about
Nonexistent dimensions.

Your mind will not frown
In this moment of yours.
Let everything go
It's the best, I don't doubt.

Be sure that you know
You can change the world
Make use of your power
Since this is your sword.

The power of presence.
The power of now.
You're the warrior of truth.
And today is your crown!

Let your powerful sword
Guide you every night
Cut the evil inside
With that powerful light.

And forget the importance
The importance of mind.
But express everything
Through the clearance of light.
128 · May 2019
Protection shield
Viktoria May 2019
No actually better already,
halfway, not full I suppose.
Thought I was so very aware,
Turned out, I didn't know half of the truth.

Fears chasing me, yet again.
And I try to stay in the moment,
Maybe that was the mistake,
I held on to it, with force.

I was convinced, my inner state,
Must feel all pure and harmonious,
Every time I have made it into the
Present moments.
But very possible I was wrong,
And I covered my fears with an image,
Of how I would think,
A moment in human's life should feel.

Sounds bit complicated, I know.
But I know what I talk about.
I am tired of hiding the unpleasant,
I better live with, not without it.

In fact without it, that's not possible.
At least till I have cleared it up.
It can't disappear, it's emotional,
And I used to cover it up.

It was a part of my perfect thinking,
I idealized myself,
In my view, I am a real warrior,
A hero for the weak and dead,
I put this expectation on myself,
I carried it around like a shield,
And though no arrow really got to me,
I still got traumatized, stopped to feel.
In fact behind the shield I was just hiding,
I hid my fears, my worries beneath,
I am still very sure that they're my weaknesses,
I tried to be different, and the result was this.

I truly stopped to feel real pain,
I fell to ashes and got up again,
But through the journey,
I lost who I was,
And my humanity got lost.

Now I am standing here,
My shield, still in my hand,
But I have made a hole,
To look through it instead.

I am not ready to uncover,
How damaged I am underneath,
I am not ready to discover,
My truth and my uncertainties.

I'm wounded, but I am alive.
I see it although I still hide,
Under the shield,
A perfect game,
The sun, the rain,
They're all the same,
No light comes in,
And storms stay outside,
But I am here to live,
And I have to decide,
Can I let the illusion go,
Am I ready to meet with my soul,
Am I ready to show the world,
Who I am and who I'm actually not?

Truly, I didn't even know,
I held this shield through it all,
I just saw it in my hand and realized,
I am not as much a hero, as I fantasized.

In fact I feel really hurt and blind,
For the waking up is cutting within
At the same time I realize,
It is time to let life and light in.

It is a very small, though heavy step to make.
I am still shaking insecurely, I have fears.
I need more courage now,
Than I ever had,
And I'm glad, that now I understand that.
About my deepest truth, how I am hiding behind some image of myself that seemingly doesn't get hurt.
112 · May 2019
Our bodies
Viktoria May 2019
Trust the process. They say.
But what if I am the process?
Anyway, my mind is directing my actions,
My body's the one to obey.
But shouldn't it be in a vice versa way?

To listen to the body, for a change.
I can imagine that, but can I manage that?
The body knows the healthy way,
Why should my mind lead instead?

Back to the roots, they say.
I weren't there, I state.
I cannot know for sure,
The origin of human way.

Does the body ever speak to me though?
Oh, I'm sure it at least sometimes whispers.
Don't eat that sugarfilled product, you,
I need simply more oxytocin.

This one weak voice, you can realize,
If you pay attention very closely,
Our bodies miss the human touch,
But we feed it with chocolate, almost chocking.

Our bodies miss sports, exercise,
Do you feel, how your muscles get weaker?
Get out there, for a fresh morning run,
Your body will be happier much quicker.

Let your health be the leader of your day,
Listen to your inner body's voice,
It has every minute-hour, much to say,
It's about life, for what it's worth.

Our bodies miss love,
Our mind's blown away,
Shouldn't we listen up,
And give our bodies a say?
106 · Apr 2019
Testify to you
Viktoria Apr 2019
I'm gonna testify my love to you,
I feel so horrified, and so don't you.
You don't even know what I went through.
After two years thinking about you.

I tried to love someone but you.
But I never felt the same again as for you.
So I decided to set you finally free,
I need you to know about me.

I need to tell you, I loved you.
I don't even know, if I still do.
I have not seen you for a long while,
And I almost forgot how you smile.

But tomorrow is the day and I will know,
If I still do love you like long ago.
Anyway I wanna tell you that I did.
I just need you to know about it.

Well, the plan is insecure, I agree.
But it's something I decided for me.
If not in this life, when can I tell,
Someone I loved for real, what I feel.

I tried to figure out the words,
I'm gonna use.
If we are honest,
I don't have as much to lose.
I'm gonna take a joker and tell you,
"I fell in love with you, when I met you".

I am so excited about your reaction,
I can't wait for it, honestly.
Although simultaneously I am,
So afraid, that I can barely breath.

I hope I can finally say it,
And of course, I might surprise you a lot.
I mean, if we're honest, we're not close.
And not close enough for that matter at all.

Somehow I am happy though that you live
In a different city than me,
Although there's a distance between us,
It will be possible to flee.

I don't know what to expect. Honestly.
There are too many unknowns in the equation.
But I chose truth for once and we'll see,
How I'll manage to testify to thee.
And almost every sentence ends with "you"...
89 · Jan 2019
He is the same
Viktoria Jan 2019
And there in the deep
That is pretty **** steep
He is vulnerable and shy
He is insecure - like I.
73 · Jan 8
This night
Viktoria Jan 8
Out of time
No one minds
At all

Two crazy
And two

Far away
But home
In your

Your touch
And comfort
Like snowflakes
On the windows

Like the sound
Of rain in the summer.


Is our
I am sure
You heard it
This night.
52 · Jan 2019
He is strong
Viktoria Jan 2019
He is trying hard
He could just give up
But no, he stays strong,
He keeps moving on.

— The End —