I had a dream last night. Started off the same.
About grandad. It started normal, childlike, playing on the cliff with the dogs and uncle pete with the wind blowing I could hear myself laughing, mum and dad and anne in the pub across the water…I saw my face and I was maybe five, six, pigtails and a huge grin chasing after moss the border collie. But then something changed, the view of the very air itself seemed to become hyper clear, the sky became a little darker, heavier. I looked back to where grandad had been watching , and instead, there was nobody, I looked to my uncle and he was turned towards his two little girls girls running off into the distance laughing, following my aunt. I looked around me and behind me there was you.
I saw us on that cliff path above the water and the sun was beginning to set behind us, shinig gold off the clay, there were bees above the heather and the waves crashed below us. I looked round for mum and dad and they were far off but they were there, dad had his arm around mum outside the pub, they were laughing, they looked happy talking to anne and the new husband.
But I didn’t know where grandad was. I wanted him to see all of this, to see how happy mummy finally was to see how uncle p had turned his life around… to see how I had grown up.. to meet you.
I wanted him to know me now… instead in the distance , almost out of sight I see him… walking up the path back to the village, the two dogs strolling beside him, his walking stick helping him up the road.
And I realised then… I am not that little girl anymore, things have changed irrevocably..but maybe that’s ok. Then I turned to you, you put your arm round me and we looked out to see as the sun sunk into its inky sea.
Bit rambling but so vivid to me