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A Sep 27
My love
My enemy
My best friend
My drive me crazy
My Pain in the ****
Yeah that's my baby
Lets fight and argue now
And make up for it later
Not always
But for forever
My love
My oh so funny
Got me laughing
While im crying
My best high
My worst addiction
My little drug
Oh You so handsome
And so lovely
Your intentions were so ****
You're toxic
You're like poison
Still I'll love you til the end
Because you're also so much more
And I'll pretend you meant no harm
I'll disregard the **** you said
Though I cant forget
All the memories you left
Up in my head
My hunny
My dear
My sweetheart
My apologies for the rough start
I promise
Soon it wont have to be so hard
And I hope one day you can learn from this
So you can rest your heavy heart
Whats in the past is considered history
Just move on
I believe in you
My love
My one and only
My kiss and warm hug me
My late night smoking buddy
My good my bad my ****
So evil yet so loving
No goodnight this time
My baby im afraid
That this just may be
My final last goodbye
Here's another just for you
A Aug 16
Living in tension with you
Still feels better
Better than I've ever known
As long as I'm next to you
I'll feel at home
With you I hurt, without you I'm numb.
A Jul 29
One for the pain
One for the tolerance
Anotha and anotha cause
***** still nonsense
Here's to better days
And happy lasting bliss
One more kiss
I promise I won't tell
We're already living in hell
So what the hell
What do you say
You in or you out?
No time to wait
Already Survived the storm just
Gotta outlive the rain
There's no rules
To being outlaws
So watcha think
About us together getting lost
Can't be right but doesn't feel too wrong
Come along
**** what's ahead
Just move forward
Work in progress
The two of us
Far from perfect
But there's no fuss
Maybe it's lust
Who even gives a ****
Life goes on that's a must
With or without trust
Leave the past behind
In the dust
No matter what stay on that grind
Not so wisely using this time
But at least I ain't lyin
You shook
Tongue stay tied in knots
Almost forgot
The reason why I'm even here
Face to face with more than just my fears
It'll never be easy
That's what we needa hear
**** all that sappy ****
Don't wanna cheer when my mind ain't clear
Can't stay calm
Just drive and I'll steer
Don't question what's going on
Riding straight thru the storm
Pretend like it's the norm
The life we live ain't even that boring so
Quit mourning every morning
It's just a cycle
You coming or you going?
Nevermind that it's all unfolding
Gripping the trigger to a gun that's unloaded
Finding answers to questions we never thought of
Get a grip like a real one
Do better cause
They all sell outs where we come from
Remember that but stay gone
Don't let it bother you none
Drink till your numb
Come on
Its all just for fun
Take the risk aim your shot
**** what you want stick to what you already got
Originally written with a beat/melody behind it. I like to switch styles here and there to keep it interesting.
A Jan 8
The walls are breathing
Each breath deeper
She knows there's no leaving
She doesn't get to decide when this happens
The anxiety is kid-napping
Alone in a tiny space
No room for her thoughts to race
Heart rate growing faster
Her minds a disaster
She puts her head down
Hoping this will all turn around
Instead the ceiling collapsed
And her feelings overlapped
She wants to cry for help
Just let out a large yelp
"I am not anxiety, anxiety is me"
When it takes over it's all she can see
Grey and black, too numb to over react
So strong and smart
But when anxiety takes over
Its hopeless she's distraught
A Sep 2018
Two negatives drawn to no positive
Strings untied, white lying and provocative
Both completely out of our mind
Day 1 we merely improvised
By month 5 masks were off, no more disguise
Agreeing to disagree
10 months went happily
What ever happens is meant to be
Understand though,
This was never supposed to be
Inflicting pain is a kink we're both crazy
That was pretty clear to see
It was that same page til about 1 year
Next chapter brought distance, but still no fear
Couldnt resist it,
Locked myself in an unkempt cage
I'm your neglected pet
Whose tail still wags upon your
Not so frequent stays
Saying you'll fix this and sorry for the pain
Damaging my brain while it's me you've framed
18 months later and still begging me to wait
"Be patient, I almost got  my **** straight"
Using me as raw bait, enjoyed watching the chase
But you missed my back with your sharp blade
Spun around almost like a boomerang
Soon sharply planted deep in your face
Binge drink each noon feel our ending is near
It was way too good to be true
Caught every feeling you intentionally threw
I kept it too real
You said you did too
Push came to shove
Your shoulders just shrugged  
Walked away while I crawled out the mud
Let myself fall as you watched just for fun
Pulled me apart to keep me intact
Kept me racing and running back
Had me trippen over my own act
Won't lie at first I didn't see it like that
Shortly after month 19 I guess I survived, in fact
No matter how hard I fall
I always come back
Planning ahead cause you
Think I'm still coming for more
I took a hard loss but stayed keeping score
It's my turn, I'm gonna be on cue
Gonna skip the next few lines I became obsessed  
So invested in my crime, you have no clue
You've infested my mind now
Your debts over due
Invite you over not now but in a few  
We're meeting up after noon
Waiting, to the window my eyes are glued
Knocked one time
Quick to let you in
No time for conversation
Already towards the bed
Bet you didnt expect that steel pipe to the head
Down quicker than the lies you spread
Shouldn't have unlocked the cage
Should have left me dead
Near starving you left me un-fed
This heist is the only energy I've consumed
Sit you up nicely against the corner of the room
Now it's you that's ******* doomed
We're locked in here, just us two
Still unconscious from the fall you took
Wake tied to a chair down the hall
Now you're shook
My turn to torture you
No where to go we've got plenty of time.
Only thing is I gotta be out in a few,
I got **** to do but I might be lyin
You don't give a ****
So stubborn you refuse
Think life's hell, well it is and
You've been introduced to your devil
Short fused your fear keeps me amused
Starved for 18 days but todays gourmet food
Tease the **** out of you, but every so often still slightly please you
Made it to day 24 too weak to eat now
Tonights meal is your favorite
Fried heart stew
Don't cry now
There's no re-do
You ****** up
Untied you, no strength to move
This went all too smooth, time to retire
Day 35 so neglected you're ready to die
No energy left to open your eyes
I hope you hear me inbetween your faint sighs
This is the moment I had planned all those nights
It took you almost 20 months to **** and let me die
Still alive and only needed 1 month to take your life
Clenched fist violently forced down inside your neck
Bones break easier than one would expect
Stretch to pull my arm out, your heart has been removed.
Intended to take it but it's too badly bruised.
I gotta go now, so uh, get well soon.
The short story I didn't want to write because it was strictly inspired by you
A Aug 2018
Barley conscious
120 miles an hour
I got this
No threat deaths a promise
Popped another downer
Cherry to the top of this
Incredible really it's such bliss
Aim every shot you take but you still miss
Directly towards the flame
Addicted to the risk and all types of pain
Ending every night burning alive
Waking up just to spawn right back to life
Confused and cold lying right where you died
Living in hell like I feel completely fine
Impervious to the fire
Closer to that other side
Your definition of heaven is all **** a lie
See in hell you dont die cause
The dead can't see
For they have no ******* eyes
So sad and so broken
Feel tears but can't cry
Buried deep in the dirt
With a gravestone to define
All these corpses neatly lined
Keep trying to ******* see
But you're stuck blind
Still conscious in a small box
With super glue, bodys clogged
It's getting too hot
Every memory of your life becomes fogged
I'm dead in this coffin so why the **** its locked?
Living in the thought of my own mind
beneath earth buried in its back pocket
Hearing the rain fall but can't find it
Only capable of thinking
I can't stop this
Can't remember my life
So all these thoughts is nonsense
Moral of the story life is hell and its eternal
Heaven is the consequence
Cause your soul becomes immortal
Trapped in a lifeless body
At least in hell you're able to be somebody
A Aug 2018
Where as most are away in slumber
I'm sitting on the couch in wonder
Writing a poem that's supposed to help
It's like writing all the pain in one yelp
My hands are shaking and my stomach is queasy
I can make a rhyme one line at a time
But I can't save a dime and misery sits on my mind
All alone it's 4:24a.m
Quiet phone up all night again
I'm not always sad and I'm not always mad
I try to stay glad and feel happy a tad
Struggle to write a happy poem
I don't even know where this is goin'
Pack the bowl inhale exhale
Pay the toll forget your life is hell
Apparently it's worth for the times you smile
But they fail to tell you that misery runs for miles
Talking to myself again
Conscious is my best friend
Will this ever end?
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