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Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I thought you and I were equal
But I have a problem,
I can only fall in love with the wrong people
I'm leaving now,
don't want to stick around for the sequel
I've seen it before
heart on the floor
trampled, barely beating
**** this I'm leaving
But wait he tries to get up
back on his feet again
nice try
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
And now your words and memories linger in my heart like rotten meat
I go to speak one of your catch phrases,
my lips shut abruptly,
how dare I let those words lift me like they once did
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
Where do I start
At the corner of desire and suffering
When I look at her, I see the universe before me
A creature of total beauty
I want her with me hard
It makes me sick to my stomach
It doesn’t matter because I’m not right for her
And she’s after something other than little old me
And that’s perfectly fine
I wished to taste the whiskey on her lips
Feel her energy run through mine
I’m terribly attracted,
Like a foolish magnet that doesn’t know any better
We sat in silence, then, she pleads
You’re too young for me, I’m ten years older
I didn’t mention a thing, but she felt it in the air
The way I stare at her
Like the whole worlds in front of me
That’s how it really be
It’s a shameful thing to be in the friend zone,
When all you see is her in the arms of unworthy half-assed lovers
And you have a heart of gold to give
And you want her to have it
But she’s chosen a tragic life
To fall in love with men that treat her like leftovers
And to me, she’s the abundant nutrition I’ve been without
I’m fading in and out of drunken nauseating thoughts
I wanted her here more than ever before
I wanted her lips on mine
Her hips pressed against my pelvis
Our bodies entwined
Our intimacy shared
She doesn’t want me to know her
And I’ve made the foolish mistake of attaching to my imagining of what it would be like
She’s not forr me
I’m not for her
Togheter we're great friends
But an2y i more is too much
And I must be ok with that
I wanted
I wanted
I WANTED so bad what is wrong with me
To want is a sin
To want is a disease
It only destroys you to want what you cannot have
Like a foolish child throwing a tantrum
I hear silence when it should be her laughter
I wishe
I wish
I WISH it were me she was after
and my love was enough to satisfy her insatiable heart
And I’m just sitting here trying to help myself draw out a river of emotion
For what
What does that do
Nothing but educate me on the extent of my own delusion
I’m dehydrated
But feel no need to hydrate a sad human
I’d rather feell     even weaker
I wish this were like the movies where she came back to me
and you bet I'd be there to embrace her  
I'm sorry rationalization does no justice to a romantic soul
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I met her on Instagram

She told me she was a fan of my work

And as our dialogue continued we realized how similar we are

She didn’t live far

So we met up in the city

Her eyes sparkling like stars in the night sky

Or should I say embers of the inferno her mind produces

A spiritual girl with a sharp tongue

She refuses to drink from plastic bottles

Her hair a melody of colors

And her skin as soft as Cashmere

We toured art museums

Gazed at monuments together

She tells me she’s obsessed with love

Already my heads spinning

And I’m wondering If I will make it out alive with her

we spent the entire day submerged in analytical discourse

On what it means to be alive

Our experiences

How little time

We only came up for air

when our eyes linked

And we stared

She says to me

“That's a nice thought you’re having”

Exercising her intuitive prowess

I laughed and wondered if she really knew

of the storm that exists in my mind

my face like a window with the shades pulled away

It was getting late

and we were both exhausted from the stimulation we gave each other

Of course, I wanted her to stay

I’ve been waiting for a woman like this

And there she was in all her beauty

I grabbed her hand

She says

“Can you take my glasses off before you kiss me?”

The nerve

She knew what I wanted

But I know she wanted it too

And so I denied it to her

I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction

I said,

“With all the instant gratification our modern society presents, its
refreshing to delay certain things, wouldn’t you agree?”

She laughed and agreed

We hugged goodbye tightly

It hurt to let her go

I watched her off as she danced goofily on the escalator

As she vanished I stood


Like I’d been struck by lightning

Peering closely as if I’d see her face one more time

She was gone for good

And all at once this dream was over

I sat on the train that night replaying her voice in my head

She could be the one I said

Oh this lie I told myself was so sweet

In the beginning

And now bitter in the end
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
People keep telling me oh you’re so young,
Your voice is just trying to have fun
Your optimism is kind
But you’ll learn one day you’ll see things this way when you’re thirty
But oh no there’s a fire in my heart that’s been burning outrageously from the day I awoke
It’s not going away, I hope not so very much
It’s one thing to be uninspired to lack motivation, but our lives,
this heart is beating inside me I have to see a reason to live otherwise what **** would I give but to live in disgust of ever miserable avenue this life takes me through,
I promise you, I promise myself I will never give my life up to the dirt I arose from, I will always be here using my energy for the good of mankind because that’s all I see is worth it, myself is an illusion and the only truth is us, our unity of spirit, all I can do is try to make it better for you or the next person, I haven’t become certain, I have fear as well, but I have on my dancing shoes, and sometimes it can’t keep up, sometimes it steps on my toes and takes me under, but again, we get back up.
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I’m on a plane right now looking down at the world
Or I should say this little planet we reside on
It’s quite fascinating how you see lights twinkle resembling life down there another plane flies passed and lands down somewhere
And I look at this planet as my home
The only thing we know
This measly earth
We are earthlings truly
Bound to the pressure on our lungs and the gravity securing our feet to the ground
That sound, the jet engine spinning round
That man created with his brilliant mind
The society the culture the bigotry the lies
All entwined into our Deoxyribonucleic acid
I feel like an anlien to the rest of us
Looking down like I’m not apart of this
I’m just a creature that exists but my potential leads me to believe there’s more
Out there
More in store
Self indulgent I’ve become but generous I’ll always be,
my words I serve to thee
On a silver platter
My emotion matters as it will help you understand yourself better
We are the same
I’m just a little more insane
And these two men behind me have not stop talking
I’m irritated at every sound out of their mouths, I’m just exhausted but look at me
I’m just like them, as much as we want to separate ourselves from the negative traits of humanity they exist within us, what’s stopping me from strangling them, a court date? Gosh I’m not that irascible am I? Yet it’s surprising how violent our minds can be when pushed.
Venus in Scorpio Mar 2018
I don’t know who I am
What I am
How I am  
Why I am
Where I am
Here I am
And all I know is that I am
And you are too

*More than enough actually
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2018
This painful curse
the worst way to live
to not give but take
whats yours
thoughts energy
to fill the void

emptiness in your heart
veins dried up
the contamination that fear creates
love doesn't course through you, hate does
disgust Id with your ego

what did you do
protect your sanity, your delusion
Pretend like confusion will never exist
You wish

But truth is
the Narc in us all is useless
when running wild
but important in not seeming too mild
you might feel like a child
but it's the children that beg and scream for what they want,

And they usually get it.
Shes an amusement park
She's an enigma, pandora's box
I wonder what she thinks when she's silent
I want to know her heart
I want to be where her mind is
Like a clock that keeps ticking by
I keep wishing why she does that hurtful thing to me
I know she doesn't mean any harm
I'm just alarmed because my heart is ready to explode
I wonder if she knows
I wonder where her feelings go
They have to live somewhere
She gets a thrill from testing my ego
Something deep down causes her to
Because I'm a man and she has to prove
She doesn't already know that shes won my heart
In every way, she exists
My mind stops in her presence
I just want her to correspond with me
to say she can't go on without me
I doubt the possibility
I'm out of optimisery
It's killing me
or is it sustaining me?
I think in a way it is
precisely what I want
I finally found a gem to share
I'm mesmerized by the shades of gold in her hair
Her presence a hurricane
and I,  a mere mortal stand in front of it
Enraptured by its destruction
Weak at its grace
Its been a week and I've laid up thinking about her
People gaze at mountains, stars, and rivers
but when I'm with her
a big bang is taking place
I cannot look the other way
I just want her to say
she can't go on without me
Only I know a girl that responds to compliments with grammar corrections

And if I dare sweat them
she’ll think I haven’t learned my lesson

Being with her, a blessing

Her touch

When we’re resting my stomach aches from excessive laughter

Do you really think soulmates are real? I asked her
She said no, and I agreed

However some nights I see her in my dreams

Sage green eyes
Staring at me with a passion I can’t divide

My attention poured into her like gasoline would an empty tank

I would thank her
Kiss her feet and her mind, if it wouldn’t make me look like a child

I think      I love her

These poems make me suffer, more than I need to
She doesn’t write about me too

So why should I proceed to
Lose my mind over the thought of her with another guy

All I can do is try to ****** her and still remain holy
A paradox unfolding

We can’t dream of such controlling
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I'm not sad
I'm waiting
not passive
not angry
not malicious
I've had enough delicious thoughts
to make my mind rot
and its excavated busted axons zapping around
no hope found
it's not for me to decide
I'd rather hide than stand here before the great big universe
***** ashamed, wanted greatness
I wanted.
So many things, selfish I need to be it seemed
to accomplish anything
helpless I need all I can get
the lottery of life itself is said to be worth one in 400 trillion
and that should make you feel happy and grateful
there has to be something to love when you're down below
I can't find it in the darkness
my one wish, estranged from me
The universe has bigger plans
and what I wanted is not what I deserve
I always thought I was the one who called the shots
but that's not the case
I'm ashamed of my foolishness
I guess this is what its like to believe in God
Let him pull your strings
he has it planned out for you
this is how we make sense of defeat
Such a seductive thing
breezed upon us alongside a shooting star
I'd like to bathe the stench of pessimism off my heart
I'd like to show God who's boss and become responsible for my earnings
I refuse to believe I'm not in control
why believe at all?
belief is a flimsy tool
when you strike it flops around and hits you right back in the face.
They tell you to be yourself
but I'm convinced that's not what the world wants
they want what's right for them.
My parents used to tell me when I was a child
"They only make fun of you because they're jealous"
I wish that were true
our personalities are polarizing
that's why we try so hard to hide them
and why we admire the artist
who has taken pride inside
I wish I could be proud of who I am
but that's even harder than faking it
I don't know how all these experiences add up
they don't
and I want to abandon all I think and know
How can I, when trapped behind bars of respectability, conformity
I'm abnormally human too fuming with desire,
I'll try to cool it off
I wrote a note to myself, "be more stoic, please".
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
This plant,
I’ve forgotten to water it
It’s soil dry as bone
I examine the branches to find
New leaves grown on all three
This tree
Is expanding and flourishing even in the midst of a drought
I ask then
Why can't we without?
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2016
Not wasting my time
Done with that
A lot on my mind

Just leave
Dont need
Any reminders of
What could be,
What I want,
What I so desperately need

Time and time again
I'm left alone
Waiting for you to text
Said you have a situation going on
I'm wishing you the best
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I fell silent
“You always have so much to say Armond.”
Why is it so
Your lips make no sound
My hearts in my throat
Love was fighting its way out
And any word I can speak will never come close
Will never communicate the depth of what I felt that night
She felt it too
Communication is 93% non-verbal
I know now because her pause said more than her words
Her heart I discovered in those short moments
I would’ve instead kept my unwise mouth shut
My misguided words
But she pushed me
How dare he sit quietly
As her mind evaporated into the air
She’s afraid her sister will chastise
And I’m trying to figure out
Wondering why
Even after all this rationalization why my heart hurts so much
Why the sun is setting, and I can’t look up
My head glued to this pen
Bleeding out ink of expression
I know I might,
will not
Ever have her as my queen
It just can’t be
So our time was not yesterday,
not now,
nor tomorrow,
Why can’t I seem to accept this then
Logically I understand
“I think.” therefore I am, in pain
And this is why thinking and feeling
Are quarrelsome children of the observer
Although my mind is strict
My heart still yearns endlessly
And this has become a painful sport I play
Juggling heart and brain
To keep me sane
I might as well abandon the idea that I’ll ever be at peace
And soon find it the moment after I release
I hope through all this I will have reached a more thorough understanding of her and humanity.

Update- I did
but I still prayed in thought that she come back.
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
What is so attractive about a confident woman?
is it that she’s rare
is it that her voice soars when others hide
is it that her heart resides in a cold place
locked away with bubble wrap to keep it safe
only to come out when her music plays

What is it about the confident woman that makes me weak?
I think she knows something I don’t
I can hear it in the words she speaks
Her tempered soul is bearing too much heat
and I'm a hydrant
tending to her wildfires
Vast and outrageous
her courageous heart knows just where to start
and where she'll end

Why then, is the confident woman so afraid to love?
it terrifies her to be vulnerable for once
meanwhile, there's a world for her
as safe as a child's crib
And I try to give
her everything she’s never had
It makes me mad
but I must find peace
the confident woman does not and never will
need me
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
My favorite color was all
until I saw
the turquoise gold of her eyes
like a hidden artifact I discovered
and no one knew about that beauty but I
felt like a greedy millionaire
give me all the shares
I'll invest the love I've been saving  
and when she stared those gems at mine
I admired them
for the first time, I saw the universal truth we're all searching for
I felt that deep inside
void of rationalization  
no words needed to define it
like we know its daytime when the sun ascends the horizon
And how we open our ears to the songs the birds sing
they're just conversing
and that's as pure as it will ever get
she was an oasis of spring water
and I drank to my heart's content
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
And you'll never know how much your behavior destroys my equilibrium
I'm in motion like a space-time continuum
this is the change
our planets would have to be re-arranged for this to work
I need you to hurt
like I do
and that's not likely
try me
you've worn out my buttons
and I deserve it
I'm glutton for punishment
I wish you sent me a letter of your compromise
but I'm either going to have to live with one or two realities:
I get used to your flavor of rotten love
or live a life without the sunrise every day in my mind
both are inevitable
both seem terrible
I want neither but to love you the way It'll feel incredible
your empty correspondence leaves my heart to wander down dark halls of a deceitful past attempt
to try and make love my very best friend
I'm learning again,
how things are not given,
they're worked for, long hours
but love so natural should happen like the planets falling under each others gravity,
like stars just shine,
like you and I met,
for some reason, I'd like to believe
and forget
all the pain I've caused myself
the battle I fight as the commander in chief
you should know what I need,
you to change,
be different
do it for me babe
it'll make my life less insane
when I say your name it won't hurt
even though you're miles away
I just want you to stay with me
so we can be free together
travel land
holding hands
fighting the unfavorable weather
under one heart
and I fear it's you that's not right for me
as much as I'd like you to be
as much as I try to get you to see the pain you generate inside
you're blind to your sin
and I'm the judge who gets to say
whether or not I stay
in this prison cell of love I dwell
my heart swells
It can pump oceans of blood for you
but yours is trapped in a frozen safe
with no object to break through
only my warm breath melting away slowly
at a structure more massive than the empire state
It'll take a lifetime
and now I know I'm not going crazy
I want you to pay me
the respect I deserve
your patience,
your compromise,
every time I try
to make this work
Venus in Scorpio Apr 2018
What does it mean to see
A rejection letter
I tried hard, I tried better
My effort staggering
My accomplishment lagging behind
This is not the first time
A few now
I’m feeling down because of it
My heart aches and I want out
Nothing to answer my prayers but reality
What good is that
Faith is a dream and I’m awake watching my life slip away
I want out more than anything,
More than ever before
I want to succeed and excel
I suffer like **** to have the opportunity to
It feels like I’m not good enough (yet)
To make these people sweat with impression
I want to be an artist
Teach humanity a lesson
My life’s goals I question
How am I supposed to know what’s right for me
I want to try everything
I want to live like a child does
Committed to nothing other than chasing the sun down
I’m energized and I’m trapped behind large gates
Made of cast iron and I’ve been ramming into them over and over now my body is bruised and bloodied
And I’m out of breath it seems
My heart has reduced to a mustard seed
I need more strength
I need to either hit harder or smarter
But until I find it, I’ll remain before these gates
A wild horse
Only wishing to race
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
You might not know it from the start,
but pay attention closely
be aware of the ropes they're tying,
you might be blindfolded as well
how can one possibly tell
try to sense
the reckless taste on their lips
when they speak of riches
with empty pockets
nothing to give but everything to take
a heart beating cold and they want you to stop it
Don't let them take the fuel from your rocket
Half-baked memoir
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She was tough

Just how I like them

Soft when I laid beside her

a companion

She made me laugh when I was drowning

Her eyes made me love her

She was a fabrication of my subconscious desire

How manipulative our minds conspire

They reel us in with lofty dreams of the life we ought to be living

And so we wake up grinning

then wishing and missing the feeling that was just there

The look in her eyes she didn’t mind If I stared

I stroked my fingers through her soft hair

over and over as we talked through the night

My best friend was there and she only comes to visit whenever I might lose it from the daily pressures of modern life

We talked about how our soul feels when we’re together

How we’ve just gotten lucky and nothing could sever us apart

But the sound of a phone alarm rings in the distance and it’s my time to go

I hope to see her again sometime soon

But for now her presence lingers in my heart

I still hear her laugh and see her smile

It brings me warmth accompanied by emptiness
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I saw her in my dream last night,

I got to lay with her

We laughed a lot

and it was beautiful but now my heart aches

I just thought about us

I know it’s dramatic but

I think, not only did we meet at the right time,

but our whole lives had gone by and everything we’ve ever experienced added up to now,

If anything were different we wouldn’t have this,

I’m sure a lot would be different and it doesn’t even matter,

I think I’m just grateful because I’ve never had such a strong connection with anyone before

it’s caused me to rethink logic and science

because even though the universe is chaos we collided,

we were stars getting too large

and now we share our brightness,

shoot me I sound like a loser,

all I know is I never want to lose her,

the moon of my life she guides me

controls the tides roaring inside me,

the universe tethered us so that we wouldn’t have to be alone for long in this mad world,

everything I’m saying goes against my beliefs but that’s ok

I’m dealing with a paradigm shift and it’s changing the way I think,

if I blink hard enough I can still see her face smiling,

I sound like a ridiculous man but these words are not mine

they’re flowers she planted inside,

there’s plenty of sunlight, water, and love now

they're flourishing.

I guess it means something to me

do I fall in love too hastily

or am I just dehydrated

and she the oasis
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I can't tell you how I really feel
that you destroy me when you're near
when your eyes glance at me
my heart stops beating
and all I ever wanted was you
but you're unattainable
and there's pain in this pleasure soup I’m cooking in
the look in your eyes when you grin
a world I want to explore
suppress these feelings
I can no more
But I must
and I trust you'll forget about me
after 5 pm
What is inside me when nothing is
begging to be released
I’m just an observer, a thought stirrer
A solid block of stone
Cold, standing tall when the wind blows
I wonder where it’s been though
My psychotic episodes
They seem so at home when I’m rambling all alone
I feel lost when it’s grip has no hold
My eyes a desert
And the world an oasis
I try to break this pattern
I try to find the way
It doesn’t matter
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
My heart hurts for no reason other than my own treason of self-dignity
The pleasure of desire
Of wanting another, or anything
Not just to admire
Why does it matter
Why does it shatter my heart
Why do I cling
Like a child to its mother in threat of survival
Unjustified intensified desire
Of this gain
This glorified access to a source of stimulation
An escape
The degree of escape can vary
Drugs give temporary dopamine hits
But a shared love
with its oxytocin and serotonin
seems the most valuable drug to be addicted
All of those chemicals flying through our bodies
Of course, I want the most potent drug of them all
My extremism
my greed
my pathetic human need to escape from the prison of loneliness
But I wish nothing more than to escape with you
All I need is your eyes adjacent the sunrise
Your preach alongside my moving feet
A profound love I’m after
And I’ll never be over your magnificent beauty
Never will look at you as just another
But rather
The top of the mountain I’ve been climbing
And the guidance to bring me down to the bottom
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
You don't miss me
you don't know me
you wouldn't want me if I showed you
I just want truth
but if you knew
just how much
my heart aches for you
you'd set me loose
and that's not love
this is a game we play
and I want to get down to business
my heart has been through this
too many times
it's not alright
I'm not ok
I'd rather be dehydrated forever
then get to taste your acid raindrops
searing my throat
never enough to nourish me
just enough to keep me on my knees
with my jaw open wide embracing all I can get
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I've said this a thousand times before and it never gets old
But life’s beauty is rich in my soul
And after the drama subsides as we lay in bed
our eyes roll to the back of our head
I’m reminded of what a simple pleasure it is to exist at all
How every breath I take is keeping me alive
I laugh at how strange the mind can be sometimes
Our lives, one of trial and error
Equal amounts of elation and terror
I wouldn’t trade this beauty if I had anything equivalent
I’d argue nothing can compare
This extraordinary gift we share
I hope it brings tears to your eyes the next time you think about how special your thoughts can be
And with every touch you feel
Every sight you see
Every taste you savor
Every melody that dances through your ears
Thank the odds because they are ever in your favor
Welcome every laugh and embrace every tear
Millions of years will go by
and you and I will be nothing more than dirt on this planet
Even though it gets arduous
We can try and understand it
However, we must not demand its cooperation
But gently ask
all we need is patience.
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
We laughed like ancient friends
and joked about how we were meant
to cross each other’s path,
how the universe tethered us so we could grasp
greatness together, like this was planned,
our encounter,
but not the demands I made, those cost extra,
the whole world in fact,
Is it unhealthy to equate thou to celestial objects so great?
so fertile supporting life and balancing gravitation
Or am I a mere fool for giving my solar system away
And this is what it means for me love
I will give you every ounce of blood my heart has to beat
And the clothes on my back are yours to keep
And I’ll try my hardest
to protect you,
From the cold winters ahead
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
It’s a Friday morning and I’m sitting on the train to work
My head hurts of mild pain
The rain is pouring I’m soaked
I feel vulnerable today as I spent all night being tortured by subconscious ghosts
To be in love I hope
But wonder if that’s what I truly want
My heads a web connected from here to mars
And everything in between grabs my soul and pumps my heart
I don't know what I'm after
The joy, companionship, the laughter
My daytime moods a natural disaster
And I’m a feather going any way the weather takes me
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
My heart aches as she sits
Six feet away from me
Every day I see
Her diamond eyes sparkling

A match becomes stricken
As quick as she looks my way
I feel the fire escalate
I don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing,
That thing to me

I have to conceal it because we work together,
I try to give her
The attention she deserves
her heart's in heaven
And she's become my best friend
My only real one

I wish she could know how strongly my rivers flow for her
How the only moments I enjoy are the ones when I hear her voice
Like hot chocolate to frozen ears
It would take years to forget that sound

Dreaming of dreaming with her fast asleep
Her rosy cheeks so kissable
Her benevolence unmissable
I've been afraid of love
This monster in the forest who attacks me whenever I wander around
She makes it seem like a playground as we laugh more than we speak

Our conversation an expedition
and I must be forgiven
I've been stricken by one of those arrows again
no need to pretend I don't enjoy the blood dripping

I wish she could know how I daydream of holding her tight
I wonder if she would like it
I wonder if these words will ever suffice
I guess I need to expand my vocabulary along with my chest
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I dreamt about a spider one night
It was sitting on my bed
I saw it right next to my head
That morning I read
That the spider symbolizes a feminine influence in your life
At the time
She was on my mind
Her betrayal dense in the atmosphere
it weighed down my breath
and so I opened up some windows,
but left one shut for a while
I still wanted to feel something when I saw her smile
but its been windy outside
so I listened to the melody of her voice fade out
the look in her eyes without a doubt
would seize my heart one last time
until I opened up the remaining window
and let it all air out
my lungs are clear now
and I'm proud
to have healthy lungs that can breathe fresh air
overflowing with possibility
and I cannot despair
I tried my best, and you'll see
I know deep inside my love will outlive me
A candy jar lined with bear traps
My hands
Blood dripping through
I thought I knew myself before I felt the tension in her silence
A painful gift is what I'll have to define this
A wine is
Only as rich as the grapes its made from
And like us,
Our Minds are
Only as potent as the horrors we've escaped from.
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She’s never there when you need her
You’ll fall asleep and dream of
Your lips on her sweet curves
You need a different life
Sacrifice the time it took
To make her look your way
What is there to say when your breath gets taken away
And you see her face when you’re up at night
Dream of holding her tight
But that’s right
You’re out of sight
out of her mind
And she’s infused in mine
All this time
I’ve been without a home
Someone I know
Searching for a place of my own
I live in tornado country so I’m always on the move
My shoes have holes in them
My feet are bruised
And everyone is cruising by
What is there to do I sigh
Try something new I might
Give up on the system
There’s plenty of problems with playing the victim
But I’m not in control
Humility’s taken me with him
Let me go I try to convince
Along with my pride
But he slaughtered her before I could try
I wonder if she wonders why
I’ve been silent rhyming in my phone
I want to hold her hand, her body and I can’t
deprived of romance
Is there any chance what I want just isn’t there
And all I care is to make myself crazy the way she flips her hair
Or her lips how they’re just begging me to kiss
I wish she would give in
Give me a reason to lean in
But she plays this awful game
Doesn’t look at me the same she does anyone else
How would I know she’ll hardly show me her real self
And all I can help is to turn away
Plug my ears with headphones so I can’t hear her name
In an effort to stay sane
I pretend to disdain her
And It helps the pain temporarily
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
Letting your pain strike away at my defenseless heart
Do I let the clock, tick-tock
a few more hours
a year
I'll be fine, I'm sure
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I’ve gone so insane
The thoughts I present to the world seem out of their grasp
When I ask them questions
They start to dance
Avoiding sharp edges that may threaten a pop to their beloved ego
How far will we go
If we don’t seek to understand the truth beneath us
Void of lies we tell ourselves at night that everything will be alright
When it just might not be
And why can’t that be ok
I’d like to say
Let us live life without faith
In forces, we can only pray to
My uncle implies that I’m impure because my mind suggests such ideas
Because I didn’t go to church enough in my childhood and my parents didn’t stay together
If so then I’m as muddy as they come
And I wear it on my face proudly
In fact, give me more
I’m only playing the cards I was dealt
So here’s my hand
I have a royal flush of rebellious thoughts
All I wish is that you listen along
And help me understand why you're so afraid
to accept a life without eternal sunshine
a brief moment in time
with no reward other than the karma you design
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
but she'll never be mine
and I've learned to overcome that destructive state of mind
it's all about me
I must have it this way or nothing at all
Its sick you see
I cant love that way and be healthy
I learned that I must let her free
I cant control her, neither can she
and I shouldn't want to
shes a star and everyone can see her light
I see it too
stars suspended in space
bearing tremendous gravity
getting larger than light itself
We can get so massive that no light escapes us
only ***** that of others in
I wouldn't want that to begin
but it's happened before, and I'm ashamed
I wish to nourish the souls of others not
take their energy
We're not perfect
we're not robots
but society portrays us as gods immortal and infallible
in our moments of greatness
we're uncomfortable with our weakness
Why are we so afraid to be weak
when it seems like most of the time we are
and we bite others to prove that we're not
but its all a lie
I want us to try
and be softer with our assertions
and understand them for what they really are
but I don't think time will allow it,
we're infants to this universe
kicking and screaming
desperate for meaning when there is none
but that we assign to it
What is true then, but the ground beneath our feet
the sky above us
and the gravity keeping us here,
anything else seems to be a foolish attempt to make sense of something senseless
why we exist
to enjoy the fruits of mother earth
I love these words
I love the beautiful ability we have to share with each other
the realities of our existence
I think that all we have are each other's lessons
right now at this point in the world
we are the future,
don't let that get misconstrued
I mean this in the most literal sense
all we know are each other, and the stories we're telling
and still learning
we are living the same life
in different places with different faces and bodies
but the same hearts searching for truth
to Audrey
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
This world is chaos, so why am I trying to make order of it

I was in a beautiful mood last night

I’d convinced myself things were going to be alright

And then they came crashing down

At the sound of your words

I want things to stay the same

To be predictable

So I can feel safe

She’s chaos and I am too

My energy’s off and it’s because of you

Don’t text me anymore

I don’t want those words

They hurt too much

I’d rather isolate

This is paralyzed

This is pouring rain

I was fantasizing again

I’ve done this to myself

You’d laugh at me

I’m a child

Why do I keep checking

As if I want her to plead

I need to get over it

Give me a week

It's not the same

I can hardly speak

the pain in my heart

so real so sweet

What a beautiful thing it is to feel at all

Up and down I go

In and out I crawl

I want it all

Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I don’t know what I want
To understand myself
To understand her too
It seems impossible as I remain an infant to my own delusion
Is she too cold for me
Am I too desperate for her
Do I not belong with anyone
The kind women are too predictable
The intelligent women too deviant
I’m stuck in the middle
My heart is not that fickle
It just demands a lot
Why can I not just live
Everything obsessive-compulsive
I want to stop it
Every week I feel something different
My mood up and down
Influenced by everything
Will I ever be successful
My biggest fear
But I’m facing it
My life I’m wasting it
I can't handle the winter in her heart
My bare skin
Her love stripped away
In prison
I want her to say
Stay with me every day
So I can watch the sunrise indoors
Hear the crowd applause when we kiss
Instead now
silence exists

I hide and resist
my wish
to unify with her lips
but shes dismissed
like kids in summer school

The blue ocean inside my head
my mind a minnow drowning to death
when she neglects
my heart begins to freeze
I try to but her absence impedes
weak in the knees
I need
to know why
shes left me, and I won't cry for her,
I would die for her if she'd let me
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
You kissed me so hard and I never let you go,
The end is near I told you so
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2016
Wasted time

wasted space

trying to figure me out

and become the ideal I cling to

with no hope,

no light illuminating the empty halls of my mind

wasted space, wasted time

trapped by respectability

destined to die

anxious, still waiting for myself to come alive

to live one more time

overly romanticized events taken place in my head

wondering, without you, I'll be fine

I wait my turn to be happy,

you can have your time to shine.

Still searching for truth, for beauty to admire

to lose myself in

I need an escape from my fears

and no more lies to listen to.

stay with me this time, love,

I need you under my own circumstances

because I'm selfish deep down.

The bread on my plate,

you can have it, I'm already starving,

been for a while.
Venus in Scorpio Apr 2018
That’s the only way it’ll work,
The only way it’ll hurt
if she leaves
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I had to spit my food out
Took a deep breath
My mom asked what was wrong
“Nothing, I’m fine”
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
does she feel the same electricity on her lips
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I'm falling in love with my fantasy
And you'll be the one who's crying
When I realize you're not what I thought you'd be
It's so easy, it feels so right to fall in love
Life is too safe and I need a precipice to lean over
I'll tie you to my waist, if I'm going down you're coming down with me
As time goes on the edge will grow weary
We'll go soaring down into eternity
And your heart will fall flat on the pavement as mine goes on searching for the true love that exists only in my imagination
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
With the opportunity to help others along their way
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
Worrying about this girl
She tells me I’m her king
But makes me feel like an afterthought
A daydream
She doesn’t deserve me
But I let her words
or lack of
destroy my ego
Ughh I want to get rid of it
I don’t like this poor health
I’m a sick man made of disease
My heart bleeds at everything
Life is this ever-changing machine
Add something and everything gets adjusted
Take it away and watch your life fall into a different place
I want to return to ignorance
I don’t think we could ever know ourselves
We are not one thing
But this accumulation
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I’m typing these words but do they mean anything
They change nothing
Just helping my reflection
I can’t focus on work
Because my heart hurts too much
I get anxiety when she doesn’t text me soon enough
She’ll hit me up with an apology
And I’ll accept
Over and over
This isn’t working
I don’t want it
I’d rather be alone then,
Really alone
Not pretending to have you
Not clinging to the raft that is your presence
I’d rather drown myself and end it all
Life without her
I’ve lived it, and it's predictable
Is it better than the excitement I get when she finally reaches her hand out to grab me
I’ll only fall in love with these girls,
The ones that are incapable of loving me the way I need
Or maybe I’ll wait for this unicorn to arrive in front of me
Again I’m asking for too much
Now I know why they make music about girls like you
This life is uneasy
I can never have it my way
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
I’ve typed out I love you a few times

But never pressed send

I apprehend

I don’t understand those words in succession

Like a corn maze of analysis

My emotions remain powerless

The cowardice

How much pain is too much

How much joy is not enough

When can we live balanced lives

It’s overwhelming

I don’t want to try anymore

I’m breaking my own heart

I hold the power in that regard

It's like every moment I’m unraveling more

More depth to my insanity

I need peace and comfort

I can’t find it anywhere

It is within

I have fear it won’t exist with her

This was born to die

Just like everything in life

The joy I get in her presence

The laughter it ensues

The warmth that boils in my heart

like a chemical reaction

Turns straight into pain

The moment we turn away

This is agony

Would I rather be

without it?

I thought so for a while

She tells me she loves me

And I think she’s using that as bait

Her face tells stories

Not universal truth

I love her too

meaning I want to keep her

Under my control and satisfaction

That can’t be love

It's too selfish

Love must be generous

omnipotent and omnipresent

is it just an emotion?

Do we feel it for a period

and watch it vanish?

How could love cause me so much pain?

It can’t be love

Rather a struggle to hold dear to my heart

What I find valuable to me

I’ll call this love destruction

It cannot possibly build

This cannot be love

But a mutual exploitation

That's why it hurts

Where is love then?

Where can it be?

Where does it live if not inside of me?

All we do is take in this life

I want

I need

Some time to myself

Sometimes stoicism won’t help

The pain is too deep

I can’t sleep it off

I toss and turn

My stomach churns during the day

When will it end?

When I press send,

When I’m free from her

What I need is death

I can’t stress enough

Must there be pain in everything around us

Can nothing be just pleasureful

It's pleasureful to love someone

To care and to want that person all the time

It's divine surely

Like free falling without a chute

You’re going to hit the ground hard

Good thing you won’t make it out alive to reap the consequences

Existential dread

Esoteric mindset

My heart bleeds continuously

What you're reading right now

are my thoughts close to impact

I lack the strength necessary for this

Whistling melodies to distract myself

Subtraction is whats needed

Me from the world

or my hopes for it
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
Its Tuesday, another week soon to expire, my life continues.
I see a world of people expressing their ego, not their self,
the self doesn't need to communicate, it doesn't have the mechanics to
it just exists calmly
I have no one to share my self with
there isn't a soul out there capable of meeting us at the same level even though words might indicate so; it hurts to be alone
I'll be alone for as long as I can take it
we're all alone though, why do we want to be ******* in each other
why do we value another human to turn to in uncertain times
because survival requires it?
An artist bears a strong emotion
she wants to show the world and exactly how much it means to her.
She uses medium to bring it to life and display these universal impulses;
but medium is not large
medium is not ultimate
rather almost
halfway there
the medium can never contain the total intensity of what the artist truly wishes to show the world
only a fragment
broken pieces of information she toils to put together
and she might reveal a great deal to her peers
but her self knows that there's more to be told
that which she hasn't discovered yet
nor has the means to express
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