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6.2k · Nov 2017
Strangers
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
You don't just see a girl

And then grab her head and kiss her to death

It really doesn't work like that

So why do I

In me feel so strongly

When I see a beautiful girl sit across from me

She matches my ideals

And so I project my fantasies onto her

It's so ****** because

I really am capable of love

Why is it the only thing I think about

Love

A union of souls

Two hands clenched

A heart strapped in tight

For the long ride of this life

I sit here alone

Looking at myself from all angles

I see depression

Passion

Hope

Fear

Guilt

Ambition

Intense power and vitality

All submerged, sublimated by desire

The only thing I want

I guess I can't have right now


I'm stuck



In a life



That I am too sensitive to endure



Heartbreaks at the sound of her footsteps leaving the room

Lost my chance to make an impression

Another one that got away

What do I say to her

Nothing

Because I'm too scared

I've been like this since I could remember

And I guess there's nothing wrong

We all have our things

But me as in love as I am with beauty

I'm also terribly frightened by it

It holds a tremendous power over me

That I cannot bear to confront

I want to say

God your eyes are as magnificent as the sunrise,

She will scurry off and I will look a fool

Am I depressed when I start writing

What's stopping me from having the life that I want

Time

Time keeps me here

On this train

Alone

On my way home to a place where I'm safe

Ten years from now I'll be thinking about now remembering my
ignorance

Feeling enlightened

My life right now is a mixture of too many emotions

Intense fear and crushing optimism

Now I said it was a mixture but not a very good one

Like oil and water

Fire and air

But I guess they need each other

And what do I need now

To focus

To be productive

To make my uncle proud

Or do I need some life breathed into me

Where is it to be found

Why can't I be my own life

Gosh after all this it sounds pointless

But still, I'm amazed

I know life is a beautiful thing

as I tap those words I'm reminded and my heart bursts

So what is wrong then, why aren't I happy?

Where did I go wrong

I guess I'm on the right track to my dreams it's just going to
take time

But what is this really about?

Just because you don't have a Ma

You feel isolated and alone way too often

Yet you long for companionship

Yeah I guess that's it, that's why I'm sad

And what is there to do about that besides keep living my life with
my head high in hopes that one will cross my path

If I were writing a love story that would make sense

but this is real life

and I don't talk to strangers

Nor do they talk to me
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I met her on Instagram

She told me she was a fan of my work

And as our dialogue continued we realized how similar we are

She didn’t live far

So we met up in the city

Her eyes sparkling like stars in the night sky

Or should I say embers of the inferno her mind produces

A spiritual girl with a sharp tongue

She refuses to drink from plastic bottles

Her hair a melody of colors

And her skin as soft as Cashmere

We toured art museums

Gazed at monuments together

She tells me she’s obsessed with love

Already my heads spinning

And I’m wondering If I will make it out alive with her

we spent the entire day submerged in analytical discourse

On what it means to be alive

Our experiences

How little time

We only came up for air

when our eyes linked

And we stared

She says to me

“That's a nice thought you’re having”

Exercising her intuitive prowess

I laughed and wondered if she really knew

of the storm that exists in my mind

my face like a window with the shades pulled away

It was getting late

and we were both exhausted from the stimulation we gave each other

Of course, I wanted her to stay

I’ve been waiting for a woman like this

And there she was in all her beauty

I grabbed her hand

She says

“Can you take my glasses off before you kiss me?”

The nerve

She knew what I wanted

But I know she wanted it too

And so I denied it to her

I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction

I said,

“With all the instant gratification our modern society presents, its
refreshing to delay certain things, wouldn’t you agree?”

She laughed and agreed

We hugged goodbye tightly

It hurt to let her go

I watched her off as she danced goofily on the escalator

As she vanished I stood

motionless

Like I’d been struck by lightning

Peering closely as if I’d see her face one more time

She was gone for good

And all at once this dream was over

I sat on the train that night replaying her voice in my head

She could be the one I said

Oh this lie I told myself was so sweet

In the beginning

And now bitter in the end
3.1k · May 2018
Kryptonite
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
She tears apart my world
I stutter when I speak
My heart flutters when it beats
If every man has the thing that makes him weak
Mine is her sweet graceful stride
I have to hide
Yet fireworks are going off in the distance
I fear I’m missing out on her
Never to share a sentiment
Instead, I pretended
I’m uninterested
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I find myself wanting too much
To see the woman I love
To create work sent from above
To share the joy I have
To quell the anxiety I bear
To care
To matter somewhere
I don’t know why this happened to us
To grow up with expectations
They rule the divided nations of the mind
And I’m just a ***** to them
A prisoner of time
The active volcano of my soul is ready to blow
At any disturbance
I feel the urge to cry
let the ash rain from the sky
But It’s doesn’t seem ready yet,
it’s been a while since that last time
My mother read, disparaging aloud a compassionate letter my brother wrote to her about his longings for a better relationship,
I was twisted and hurt deeply by her maliciousness,
It caused me to rid myself, I ran to my room, and she came following in
I dropped to the floor in agony like a tragedy had just unfolded,
She held me as I screamed and cried "He doesn't have anyone"
Realized months later, neither do I
how bold it seemed to allow that pain possess me.
Am I just a ***** I thought
I think we can try our best to be tough and ignore the pain we suffer, Push It down
And now I’ve reached that point
where my heart can bleed no more
My soul can’t suffocate any longer
and there I’ll go pretending
Living inauthentic
Until I decide to stand up for my beliefs
I read once that the assertion of faith is only an indication of fear and I’m afraid of everything near
Vulnerability,
How underrated because it doesn’t help us survive,
I guess I’d be better off dead if any attempt to appear confident is just that
An attempt
Gray clouds consume me when I’m feeling down I cough them up and my lungs bleed deoxygenated blood

What if you have no one, nowhere to turn
No time to hurt because you’re inundated with work

I’m a fool for wanting, I have a disaster of emotion within me
2.3k · Oct 2017
Impact
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
I’ve typed out I love you a few times

But never pressed send

I apprehend

I don’t understand those words in succession

Like a corn maze of analysis

My emotions remain powerless

The cowardice

How much pain is too much

How much joy is not enough

When can we live balanced lives

It’s overwhelming

I don’t want to try anymore

I’m breaking my own heart

I hold the power in that regard

It's like every moment I’m unraveling more

More depth to my insanity

I need peace and comfort

I can’t find it anywhere

It is within

I have fear it won’t exist with her

This was born to die

Just like everything in life

The joy I get in her presence

The laughter it ensues

The warmth that boils in my heart

like a chemical reaction

Turns straight into pain

The moment we turn away

This is agony

Would I rather be

without it?

I thought so for a while

She tells me she loves me

And I think she’s using that as bait

Her face tells stories

Not universal truth

I love her too

meaning I want to keep her

Under my control and satisfaction

That can’t be love

It's too selfish

Love must be generous

omnipotent and omnipresent

is it just an emotion?

Do we feel it for a period

and watch it vanish?

How could love cause me so much pain?

It can’t be love

Rather a struggle to hold dear to my heart

What I find valuable to me

I’ll call this love destruction

It cannot possibly build

This cannot be love

But a mutual exploitation

That's why it hurts

Where is love then?

Where can it be?

Where does it live if not inside of me?

All we do is take in this life

I want

I need

Some time to myself

Sometimes stoicism won’t help

The pain is too deep

I can’t sleep it off

I toss and turn

My stomach churns during the day

When will it end?

When I press send,

When I’m free from her

What I need is death

I can’t stress enough

Must there be pain in everything around us

Can nothing be just pleasureful

It's pleasureful to love someone

To care and to want that person all the time

It's divine surely

Like free falling without a chute

You’re going to hit the ground hard

Good thing you won’t make it out alive to reap the consequences

Existential dread

Esoteric mindset

My heart bleeds continuously

What you're reading right now

are my thoughts close to impact

I lack the strength necessary for this

Whistling melodies to distract myself

Subtraction is whats needed

Me from the world

or my hopes for it
2.1k · Nov 2017
What are you waiting for
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
she was my end all
I wanted her to be all
I needed
but she seceded from my nation
of love and dedication
my proclamation was bold
The sacrifices I was willing to make
just to hold her close
closer than anyone or anything I know
and now that the winters here I'm cold
No hand to hold
alone again
I told her we could just be friends
she's undergoing a continuous metamorphosis
and I don't think its best
for me to get my hopes up when
she'll be sprouting wings and flying away soon
She cries to me
she doesn't want to lose the love I represent
yet doesn't want to accept the responsibility of such a sacred union
She tells me she doesn't cry for anyone
I guess that's supposed to make me feel special
but I don't,
not when her love is lightyears away
And her minds in a thousand directions.
In her, I see my reflection
what I've been waiting for
for so long was myself in disguise
A mountain to climb
and I'm still at the bottom
making sense of every path there is to take
when all I want is to wake with her hair in my face
we struggle with our ideals when reality shoves them back at us half-baked
for god's sake give me a break woman I'm yours to take
It's too bad your souls full it already ate
and I'm impoverished waiting for the taste
of lips on mine
another's skin
a heart to nurture like mines never been
2.1k · Sep 2018
For her
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
My heart aches as she sits
Six feet away from me
Every day I see
Her diamond eyes sparkling

A match becomes stricken
As quick as she looks my way
I feel the fire escalate
I don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing,
That thing to me

I have to conceal it because we work together,
I try to give her
The attention she deserves
her heart's in heaven
And she's become my best friend
My only real one

I wish she could know how strongly my rivers flow for her
How the only moments I enjoy are the ones when I hear her voice
Like hot chocolate to frozen ears
It would take years to forget that sound

Dreaming of dreaming with her fast asleep
Her rosy cheeks so kissable
Her benevolence unmissable
I've been afraid of love
This monster in the forest who attacks me whenever I wander around
She makes it seem like a playground as we laugh more than we speak

Our conversation an expedition
and I must be forgiven
I've been stricken by one of those arrows again
no need to pretend I don't enjoy the blood dripping

I wish she could know how I daydream of holding her tight
I wonder if she would like it
I wonder if these words will ever suffice
I guess I need to expand my vocabulary along with my chest
1.9k · Aug 2017
Nothing
Venus in Scorpio Aug 2017
I love her
but apparently, I don't want to be loved
Inner conflicts arise
as I try
to make sense of the reason why
it doesn't feel the same
my name gets called and I feel nothing
our mouths touch and my mind starts numbing
I'm coming I'm coming
but nothing
I wanted something real
and I've convinced myself so
but no
my heart knows something I don't
1.9k · Sep 2018
Be More Stoic Please
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I'm not sad
I'm waiting
not passive
not angry
not malicious
I've had enough delicious thoughts
to make my mind rot
and its excavated busted axons zapping around
no hope found
it's not for me to decide
I'd rather hide than stand here before the great big universe
***** ashamed, wanted greatness
I wanted.
So many things, selfish I need to be it seemed
to accomplish anything
helpless I need all I can get
the lottery of life itself is said to be worth one in 400 trillion
and that should make you feel happy and grateful
there has to be something to love when you're down below
I can't find it in the darkness
my one wish, estranged from me
hopefully
The universe has bigger plans
and what I wanted is not what I deserve
I always thought I was the one who called the shots
but that's not the case
I'm ashamed of my foolishness
I guess this is what its like to believe in God
Let him pull your strings
he has it planned out for you
this is how we make sense of defeat
Glory.
Such a seductive thing
breezed upon us alongside a shooting star
I'd like to bathe the stench of pessimism off my heart
I'd like to show God who's boss and become responsible for my earnings
I refuse to believe I'm not in control
why believe at all?
belief is a flimsy tool
when you strike it flops around and hits you right back in the face.
They tell you to be yourself
but I'm convinced that's not what the world wants
they want what's right for them.
My parents used to tell me when I was a child
"They only make fun of you because they're jealous"
I wish that were true
our personalities are polarizing
that's why we try so hard to hide them
and why we admire the artist
who has taken pride inside
I wish I could be proud of who I am
but that's even harder than faking it
I don't know how all these experiences add up
they don't
random
and I want to abandon all I think and know
How can I, when trapped behind bars of respectability, conformity
I'm abnormally human too fuming with desire,
I'll try to cool it off
I wrote a note to myself, "be more stoic, please".
1.6k · Oct 2017
Serves you right
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
Deep breaths fill my chest

What is air, oxygen

this gas we embrace to stay alive

has the ability to destroy miles of land

just like your mind

I want it all the time

its insights amaze me

yet pierce my heart

why bother with pleasure

this double-edged sword

I'm longing for safety

a place to call home

I'm a wanderer

alone I'll be

I cant handle uncertainty

I'm learning how to love

without needing security

Impossible it seems so

the answer I don't know

too emotional I guess

wish I could rip these feelings from my chest

rest my head on your breast

feel your heartbeat lull me to sleep

except

I'd be a fool to suggest

it were that easy
1.4k · Nov 2017
Wednesday 8:15 PM
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
How many times a day, rather, a week, month, etc...

Do you sit down and really think

Disconnected from distraction

About your future

Hard earnest thought

About where you want to be

Who you are really

The things you want to achieve

I don't need to tell you because you know already

It's deep within the depths of your soul

It's your job to fish it out

Otherwise, you don't eat

You starve

You wilt

Lacking the motivation

To turn your head to the sun

You think its fun

To ponder death

But it's not

Done

Until you say its done

I just swatted away a gnat

Almost killed him

I'm glad he's still with us

This is me romanticizing existence

We have no reason

We don't belong to anyone but mother Earth

I know what I'm worth

Four billion years of evolution

However many revolutions

I don't need my intuition

To tell me our lives are special

You are the most capable creature known to man

I don't understand

Why then

You destroy so much

I guess it's because you don't know enough

What you're really made of

They told you-you came from gods and angels

and I tell you we came from dirt

well single-celled organisms

from outer space, on an asteroid or something

Tell me

Whats more humbling?

Whats more honest and true

Has life not been miserable for you?

Do you not feel the pain running down your spine

I bet it's time

For you to admit

And quit

Weeping about your suffer

If life's so tough,

Why don’t you be tougher?

Its disgusting

How mistrusting

You can be

looking out for deceit in the everyday

Its been that way

What may we do but stay true

To what we see is real

And help others see it too
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
I won’t soon forget
the way she swept like a maid would
grabbed my wood and started building with it
I gave her no permission
but wishing
she had the nerve
Her eyes a supernova
My heart ablaze
Gravitating to her
I thought I knew her
How could I
She hardly knew herself
1.2k · Oct 2018
Dreamgirl
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She was tough

Just how I like them

Soft when I laid beside her

a companion

She made me laugh when I was drowning

Her eyes made me love her

She was a fabrication of my subconscious desire

How manipulative our minds conspire

They reel us in with lofty dreams of the life we ought to be living

And so we wake up grinning

then wishing and missing the feeling that was just there

The look in her eyes she didn’t mind If I stared

I stroked my fingers through her soft hair

over and over as we talked through the night

My best friend was there and she only comes to visit whenever I might lose it from the daily pressures of modern life

We talked about how our soul feels when we’re together

How we’ve just gotten lucky and nothing could sever us apart

But the sound of a phone alarm rings in the distance and it’s my time to go

I hope to see her again sometime soon

But for now her presence lingers in my heart

I still hear her laugh and see her smile

It brings me warmth accompanied by emptiness
1.1k · Oct 2017
Miiisunderstanding
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
Insecurity

it's among us

I don't want it but it's not in my power

my hopes went sour

I don't breathe pure air

it's thick and smoky

rich of despair

and I care so much

I'm worthy of love

but I run

I can predict the weather

I've been avoiding pain

and pleasure

all together

like a cactus

harboring its nutrient

Prepared for dehydration

Because I'm afraid

There, I said it

loud and clear

Afraid to die again

Yet I can’t have one without the other

Where is my courage

I’m a coward

Too many events gone south

I’ll shut my mouth

And be braver

I’ll get scraped in the face of danger

but do so in love

What more could I want

it all
853 · Jul 2018
An Ode to Narcissism
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2018
This painful curse
the worst way to live
to not give but take
whats yours
thoughts energy
to fill the void

emptiness in your heart
veins dried up
the contamination that fear creates
love doesn't course through you, hate does
disgust Id with your ego

what did you do
protect your sanity, your delusion
Pretend like confusion will never exist
You wish

But truth is
the Narc in us all is useless
when running wild
but important in not seeming too mild
you might feel like a child
but it's the children that beg and scream for what they want,

And they usually get it.
765 · Oct 2017
How to Love
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
This world is chaos, so why am I trying to make order of it

I was in a beautiful mood last night

I’d convinced myself things were going to be alright

And then they came crashing down

At the sound of your words

I want things to stay the same

To be predictable

So I can feel safe

She’s chaos and I am too

My energy’s off and it’s because of you

Don’t text me anymore

I don’t want those words

They hurt too much

I’d rather isolate

This is paralyzed

This is pouring rain

I was fantasizing again

I’ve done this to myself

You’d laugh at me

I’m a child

Why do I keep checking

As if I want her to plead

I need to get over it

Give me a week

It's not the same

I can hardly speak

the pain in my heart

so real so sweet

What a beautiful thing it is to feel at all

Up and down I go

In and out I crawl

I want it all

Apparently
750 · Dec 2017
My love:
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
like a river that's been closed off by a dam
that's right, I am
ready to flow through you
more than you probably want or need
I don't care, so I proceed
selfish of me,
maybe,
but if my effort were on the books you'd have to pay me
dividends
I don't want another friend
there's no time to waste let's go ahead
let's go pretend
this is working
meanwhile, my heart hurts more than a sore throat in its prime
I try to swallow your broken glass words
as if they'll nourish my empty soul
send blood down my spine
All I wanted was to hold your hand
I hope you understand
why I cannot stay here
in this desert land
I had on distorted lenses,
and the ground looked fertile,
life was fuming
the sky was blue, clouds above
your hug so tight
I thought it was going to be alright
then the drought came
and the lakes dried up
I tried to run
but there was quicksand below me
I'm on your earth now
and if I stay
continue to love you this way
without reciprocation
you will have taken
everything I had to give
and something so pure
so selfless
deserves the right to live
729 · Oct 2018
Holding onto a ghost
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She’s never there when you need her
You’ll fall asleep and dream of
Your lips on her sweet curves
You need a different life
Sacrifice the time it took
To make her look your way
What is there to say when your breath gets taken away
And you see her face when you’re up at night
Dream of holding her tight
But that’s right
You’re out of sight
out of her mind
And she’s infused in mine
All this time
I’ve been without a home
Someone I know
Searching for a place of my own
I live in tornado country so I’m always on the move
My shoes have holes in them
My feet are bruised
And everyone is cruising by
What is there to do I sigh
Try something new I might
Give up on the system
There’s plenty of problems with playing the victim
But I’m not in control
Humility’s taken me with him
Let me go I try to convince
Along with my pride
But he slaughtered her before I could try
I wonder if she wonders why
I’ve been silent rhyming in my phone
I want to hold her hand, her body and I can’t
deprived of romance
Is there any chance what I want just isn’t there
And all I care is to make myself crazy the way she flips her hair
Or her lips how they’re just begging me to kiss
I wish she would give in
Give me a reason to lean in
But she plays this awful game
Doesn’t look at me the same she does anyone else
How would I know she’ll hardly show me her real self
And all I can help is to turn away
Plug my ears with headphones so I can’t hear her name
In an effort to stay sane
I pretend to disdain her
And It helps the pain temporarily
727 · Dec 2017
The Ocean and the Moon
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I loved you more than the ocean loves the moon
I KNOW it’s true,
Because my force was too great
And it pushed you away
Out of my orbit
My waters are static now without your gravity to move me
And I have no choice but to wait for another rock to stop by
Give it a try
And hope
That they’re strong enough to bear my pushing and pulling
721 · Oct 2018
Virginia
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
Just being near her makes me feel beautiful

And her eyes as big as the moon
send a tidal wave through my bloodstream

I must dream, of kissing her tenderly
Of her, being a friend to me

I’ll let it be known she has a place in my home
if she ever needed it

She’s afraid to be alone in the big city and I hope it’s me
who could protect her

But I’m anxious too
my eyes stuck like glue to her innocence

And I think the feeling of love is new to her
isn’t it

She wouldn’t know what to do with my
romantic imprisonment

Nor does she deserve
the benevolent belligerence

And I’m still interested,
will I ever be sick of it?

daydreaming from afar
encapsulated by her beauty

The same way
a Venus flytrap consumes her nutrients
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
But a blank page will hear everything you have to say.
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I saw her in my dream last night,

I got to lay with her

We laughed a lot

and it was beautiful but now my heart aches

I just thought about us

I know it’s dramatic but

I think, not only did we meet at the right time,

but our whole lives had gone by and everything we’ve ever experienced added up to now,

If anything were different we wouldn’t have this,

I’m sure a lot would be different and it doesn’t even matter,

I think I’m just grateful because I’ve never had such a strong connection with anyone before

it’s caused me to rethink logic and science

because even though the universe is chaos we collided,

we were stars getting too large

and now we share our brightness,

shoot me I sound like a loser,

all I know is I never want to lose her,

the moon of my life she guides me

controls the tides roaring inside me,

the universe tethered us so that we wouldn’t have to be alone for long in this mad world,

everything I’m saying goes against my beliefs but that’s ok

I’m dealing with a paradigm shift and it’s changing the way I think,

if I blink hard enough I can still see her face smiling,

I sound like a ridiculous man but these words are not mine

they’re flowers she planted inside,

there’s plenty of sunlight, water, and love now

they're flourishing.

I guess it means something to me

do I fall in love too hastily

or am I just dehydrated

and she the oasis
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2018
The strongest emotions are often the most destructive
Down with psychological structures
Left cold with wind blowing roughly
I must be a fool
To think someone loves me
If god above me
But I’m here all alone
I left her so immaturely
We haven’t spoken, her neck is broken and can’t look at me
Tragedy unfolds as I leave her aura for the last time
My heart explodes and my eyes like pour like a fire hydrant
I want you to know
I drove endlessly for your love and admiration
I carved sculptures out of my marbled personality
I loved you unconditionally like the sun does the moon
and it’s true, I might never see you again
Except in my head
Even then, I’ll still love you
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
like the moon
with craters and bruises
and they show you only what the light reveals
but if you look closer you can see the outline of their character
blending in with the night sky
nice try,
but I'm not fooled,
there's weakness in you somewhere
whether or not you'd like to share
My eyes can see not only look
It's the twitch of your eye when certain words are said
how you fold your arms like you have something to protect
if we can just love ourselves more
it will reach a point where there's too much to bear
and it must be shared
so please, feel free
to compare your scars with mine
I'm just trying to be the Neosporin you need
so more of you can shine
626 · Sep 2018
Bonsai
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
This plant,
I’ve forgotten to water it
It’s soil dry as bone
I examine the branches to find
New leaves grown on all three
This tree
Is expanding and flourishing even in the midst of a drought
I ask then
Why can't we without?
613 · 4d
Release me
Her eyes, sparkling
city lights in the grip of atmospheric pressure
My heart the same, ever since I met her.
611 · Nov 2017
Love forever
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I’m not what you want, and we’re trying to force it, I understand that's what it is, I saw your face, blank, motionless, my words make sense and you know it, there's nothing we can do, your love is not true, it’s a disguise to satisfy an empty part of your mind, and you don't deserve me, and all I’m capable of giving you, you're literally the reason mother ******* cant fall in love, is it my fault, am I ******, was I trying too hard, but’m not desperate, my love was generous and you felt it, you just didn’t respect it and now its gone forever, you severed your chances, I hope youre happy, you’ve made me too happy, and now im too sad, you’ve destroyed my heart, but I gave it to you to protect, guess I was expecting too much, I though I could trust you, you told me so, your love was a rapid river, I was caught in the current, bones shattered, lungs collapsed, I’m bleeding now, I told you it was intense, I was about to tell you how much I loved you, my eyes practically said it, my encounter with you I dont regret it, its taught me more, but no more, I'm done learning, its time to take action, you're a good distraction, Im not giving you the satisfaction of being admired, my heart is tired, of being deceived, Im not what you needed, but what you wanted to play with, such a shame how our perception can be blinding, because I’m trying to undertstand what caused me to miss it, was it the long distance, the days without your love, I don’t need any more lies in my life, I’m maxed out, your time is done, you have won this time love, but im only getting better, I will overcome you, you seem the greatest prize to be won, I think we will go our whole lives searching for you, in need of it, and its out there, somewhere into the future, whenever it wants to align, its gotta be the right time, the formula has to be just right, otherwise failure, like a scientist in the lab, nothing great in life comes easy, we must work for the success we want, we must fall down repeatedly until we learn exactly how to walk, and I guess we must respect that grittiness about life, the bumps and bruises, even the scars and tragedies, the whole spectrum of experience, so allow yourself to laugh, to be merry when the time is right, allow yourself to experience pain, and embrace it all with loving arms, you will not be free until you die, we are prisoners for about a hundred years, do your time, be kind, love forever.
562 · Sep 2018
Isn't it?
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
Isn’t it nice just
To have someone that’ll listen to us
A speck of dust
Fluttering in the gusts of a hurricane
535 · Nov 2017
Wo-men
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
I think women’s empowerment shouldn’t include men disempowerment,

I understand men

And I understand women

Although our profoundly sick society has subjugated women for so
long

I’d like to think we’ve reached a time where we can come together
now

We’re smarter than our ancestors

We have a much greater respect for life

I guess I can’t speak for all of us

However, I’d like to

Because what's in me is in you too

You women are stronger than us

Forget physical strength

It’s become irrelevant

you’re trained from the beginning to be emotionally intelligent

You share yourselves with each other

Compliment the beauty you possess

And us men are quite the opposite

We're taught to dominate

Life is competition

Only the strong make it out alive

this applies to an ape surely

to my nine to five?

Not so much

When I was a child my father made sure I knew how to fight

Not with words but with might

No matter how many pounds I can press

I remain as fragile as an orchid on the inside

That is why

We need you women

To nurture us

We’re frightened creatures

We need you to be patient

We need to learn from each other

And grow together

I’d like that

But I’d also like for us to look at each other as the same human beings

Not men and women

We can understand each other if we try

I think that's where human excellence resides
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I hate that my father just put me here
on this planet
with no guidance, very little maybe
I don't understand it
he had much less than I
How could I expect him to try and make sense with me
when my questions scream louder than concerts
and my heart hurts when it doesn't get answers
life is cancer
it grows on you
as you see the truth only sometimes
because mostly you're blind
being fooled by the ignorance, you're ignorant of
What does it mean to be alive?
Why should we try to answer this question?
Would it give us significant purpose?
Bring truth to the surface,
provide greater understanding somewhere?
I'd like not to care
but too often this thought arises
these eyes see
these hands touch
my heart beats
I can visualize the future
or something like it,
a glimpse into what could be,
Its cloudy
I feel my toes; this is apart of me
I'm enclosed in this flesh,
but I've traveled deep into depths
of some other world, I don't see in front of me
this is what Isolation will do to you
distort reality beyond dimensions
your head has become a toy chest
and you the child putting items in, playing with them, throwing some away
and its ok if you stumble upon some angry creatures, they don't belong in there, so you rid them of your collection
abandonment of the old
Does this mean you're growing?
do we grow as long as time continues on
Until we've swung our last revolution around the sun
or is it an effort we must maintain?
I can't complain this life is a gift.
To who?
Me?
Who am I to accept myself?
I guess it's our job to
accept this gift
even if we never asked for it.
476 · Jan 2018
Princess
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
Her hair
Like that of an angel
I swear
If there ever was one
It would be in her stare
like a pool of chocolate her eyes
That I drown in
She’s complex
Too much to ever make us happen
And it’s unfair, the way the joy of a beautiful mind is dangled in front of me
It’s a shame when I crave her more than the dawn does the sun
And my words haven’t even begun to hold the immensity of desire she compels within me.
467 · Dec 2017
Extremism
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
We laughed like ancient friends
and joked about how we were meant
to cross each other’s path,
how the universe tethered us so we could grasp
greatness together, like this was planned,
our encounter,
but not the demands I made, those cost extra,
the whole world in fact,
Is it unhealthy to equate thou to celestial objects so great?
so fertile supporting life and balancing gravitation
Or am I a mere fool for giving my solar system away
And this is what it means for me love
I will give you every ounce of blood my heart has to beat
And the clothes on my back are yours to keep
And I’ll try my hardest
to protect you,
From the cold winters ahead
457 · Jul 2016
midsummer night's dream
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2016
There's something about the midnight air
The cricket sounds
The moon light in your hair
I can't see your face
but I can feel your stare
442 · Dec 2017
Learning How to Fly
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
And she just sat there
consumed the words I spoke casually
like the joint she smoked
she loved to be loved
It tickled a sick pleasure of hers
to watch me squirm under her sinister power
and I sat there
a coward
afraid to climb my way outward
to be without her at first was sour
but now
I’m better off
I know what I’m worth
more than a chat on your terms
your can of worms,
I swallowed them whole
as you kept feeding me
"I'm getting fat," I say
I'm trying to rip your neurons from my brain
and its ok if you cross my mind's eye
as long as I'm prepared to repair the tears you've left in my tapestry
How can it be
I let this happen again
I'm sorry old friend
I wanted to give you another chance
in my dreams I watched you soar
Here take my hand, I'll help you up.
And listen,
what you did was brave
to give your heart away and take that risk
I told you: "Go ahead! Leap off that cliff",
The courage
I'm inspired by it
but I'm still an uneducated pilot
and I don't know why
I thought I could try
But don't lose faith in me
I'm still learning how to fly
440 · Oct 2017
Will you betray me?
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
Maybe

Most likely

I might be

Going crazy

Come here baby

I need you

I need truth

I need something to do

other than obsessing over you

I've been through

a lot

climbed this very mountain to the top

and now I'm tumbling down

every attempt to save myself denied by the loose terrain beneath my feet

how neat

my limbs paralyzed

the answers

out

of

my

reach
435 · Jul 2016
Natural Disaster
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2016
I'll write to you a thousand times before you reply
and you'll look at me the same way I remember
with joy pouring from out your eyes
and a flame roaring deep in your heart
Do you remember?
how our minds stopped when we touched
and we shared only one single thought,
love was among us.
It coursed through our veins
with the energy of a malicious hurricane
tearing down the houses I've built for us
peeling apart the walls that kept us safe
a natural disaster
you've breathed into me
and now I'm left to clean it all up
and start building once more,
so that when you come visit me again
I'll make sure your bed is soft and warm
the roof won't leak,
and maybe I can add a key to your ring.
434 · Oct 2017
What now?
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2017
I’m finally interested

It’s not me that's broken

The system

But now I’m ever more

I thought I was immune to this disease

Desire has pulled at my strings

I want her

How could I want thee

A living creature

A force of nature

In my possession

Forever?

I’d be foolish

It's too quick

The rule is

Nothing lasts forever

Don’t let your heart become severed

It's out of your control

whether or not

You like the sound

It resounds

So hear it loud

What now?
399 · Nov 2016
I think in images
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2016
Wasted time

wasted space

trying to figure me out

and become the ideal I cling to

with no hope,

no light illuminating the empty halls of my mind

wasted space, wasted time

trapped by respectability

destined to die

anxious, still waiting for myself to come alive

to live one more time

overly romanticized events taken place in my head

wondering, without you, I'll be fine

I wait my turn to be happy,

you can have your time to shine.

Still searching for truth, for beauty to admire

to lose myself in

I need an escape from my fears

and no more lies to listen to.

stay with me this time, love,

I need you under my own circumstances

because I'm selfish deep down.

The bread on my plate,

you can have it, I'm already starving,

been for a while.
398 · Jan 2018
The sun rises from darkness
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I woke up before sunrise
got a glimpse of a timeless world bounded by time
the reason why
I’ll stay kind
man needs to leave behind
a piece of himself
so that he can help
a struggling creature
so wise and unique
he toils away day after day
spoils his time
all for this fame
I think it’s a shame
how we can’t just float like the seagulls
lay comfortably like the leaves on billowing trees
but every life has its strain
it’s strive
even just to stay alive
one day I’ll try
to exist like the wind flowing within
as unfettered
as the sun rises from darkness
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
Tonight the wind gusts called my bluff
Mouth dry from ****
Heart pumped for once
It’s greedy how needy I become
Your voice near me I’m in love
Skin golden like the sun
I’m the one
Your web is spun it’s too late to run
Bound by your rogue curls
Your crystalline eyes turn me to stone if I stare too long
I’m longing to be wherever you are
To feel your warmth to hear that sound
Any signal and it’s going down
My tongue that is in your mouth
She makes me quiver at the sound of an invitation to sit around
Nothing special but I feel now, a bond creating I haven’t found
It’s been a while I try to hide it

Is this how attraction works
You only want her if it hurts
And if she loves you don’t deserve
My words are worthless I know how this ends
My soul in two going crazy over you
A passion that lasted what planet are you on
384 · Jan 2018
A young mind
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
People keep telling me oh you’re so young,
Your voice is just trying to have fun
Your optimism is kind
But you’ll learn one day you’ll see things this way when you’re thirty
But oh no there’s a fire in my heart that’s been burning outrageously from the day I awoke
It’s not going away, I hope not so very much
It’s one thing to be uninspired to lack motivation, but our lives,
this heart is beating inside me I have to see a reason to live otherwise what **** would I give but to live in disgust of ever miserable avenue this life takes me through,
I promise you, I promise myself I will never give my life up to the dirt I arose from, I will always be here using my energy for the good of mankind because that’s all I see is worth it, myself is an illusion and the only truth is us, our unity of spirit, all I can do is try to make it better for you or the next person, I haven’t become certain, I have fear as well, but I have on my dancing shoes, and sometimes it can’t keep up, sometimes it steps on my toes and takes me under, but again, we get back up.
354 · Jun 2016
My Compass
Venus in Scorpio Jun 2016
It’s dark
And I’m alone
In a world of uncertainty

I Don’t know where I’m going
Or where I belong
All I have is my compass

My compass guides me
With a relentless confidence
One that I can trust
One that I turn to
When my mind is drowning
In the sea of doubt
My thoughts submerge me in

Gasping for air
To keep my dreams alive
I look to my compass for a way out
And when paralyzed by fear,
It’s my compass that moves my legs
One by one

I can hear the echo of my compass
In every move I make
I don’t know if I’ll ever get there,
If I’ll ever overcome my limitations
But I know for sure
I’ll never be who I’m supposed to be without it

The most important asset
To my endeavors
I’ll walk straight into the dark
With my compass beside me
And an army of encouragement at my heels

Wishing never to let it down
Except on the mantle of high achievement
It worked so hard to lead me to

My compass is great
My compass is infinite
My compass is you.
332 · Jan 2018
Emotional Affair
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I can't tell you how I really feel
that you destroy me when you're near
when your eyes glance at me
my heart stops beating
and all I ever wanted was you
but you're unattainable
and there's pain in this pleasure soup I’m cooking in
the look in your eyes when you grin
a world I want to explore
suppress these feelings
I can no more
But I must
and I trust you'll forget about me
after 5 pm
323 · Nov 2017
V
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2017
V
I know we suffer more in our minds than in reality
But if I’m always in my mind I should try to be healthier
At least
Can I ask for such unity
What is life therefore without an ounce of uncertainty
And agony running through my veins
Would it be livable?
Has the Buddha suffered enough to know
That we cannot escape this
Instead, we must love it
How could you love such a mental tragedy
I feel disgusting rattling off my insecurity while children starve
What is it all for?
Am I asking questions unanswerable
Shall I abandon them
Are they useless?
I sound foolish
Of course they are
Even if we had the answers our lives would’ve gone too far
That's what it means to be human
**** Sapiens is Latin for Wise Man
What good is wise if he’ll never know the truth
At least he can make sense of whats in front of him
HaHa
322 · Dec 2017
Confident Woman
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
What is so attractive about a confident woman?
is it that she’s rare
is it that her voice soars when others hide
is it that her heart resides in a cold place
locked away with bubble wrap to keep it safe
only to come out when her music plays

What is it about the confident woman that makes me weak?
I think she knows something I don’t
I can hear it in the words she speaks
Her tempered soul is bearing too much heat
and I'm a hydrant
tending to her wildfires
Vast and outrageous
her courageous heart knows just where to start
and where she'll end

Why then, is the confident woman so afraid to love?
it terrifies her to be vulnerable for once
meanwhile, there's a world for her
as safe as a child's crib
And I try to give
her everything she’s never had
It makes me mad
but I must find peace
the confident woman does not and never will
need me
316 · Jan 2018
I've been blessed each day
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
With the opportunity to help others along their way
313 · Dec 2017
Withdrawal
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2017
I’m watching photons fall onto a beautiful tree in front of me
The wind dances through the leaves
The same way your expressions did my consciousness
And it was the highest high
To feel my mind tickled at your thoughts
But I got greedy
And addicted
To the stimulation of a soul mate
If timing is everything
Then you weren’t ready
Undercooked
Malnourished even
You understood me most when I spoke these deranged communications
I’ve always had to keep them within
And it was my greatest pleasure of all to share myself with you
Drugs?
I need the oxytocin you gave me
Be my doctor
Prescribe me more of this intoxication
But like as I said before
We must learn to moderate our desire
The universe works tirelessly to make sure good
(as beautiful as it is)
Always has evil to fight
And my mind
Searching for pleasure
Will always find pain on the other side
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
I wonder now
How man goes to sleep sound
With his brothers and sisters gathered around
Homeless shelters shivering under bridges with scraps of fabrics
And he’s wrapped in goose lined blankets tailored to his physique
I know how man doesn’t think he’s related
but what do I do, continue down the same path
Ignoring the horrors of society
When will I take responsibility for it
How long will I keep running
I can’t run fast enough to keep up with the thought of my demise crippled by the misuse of human time
At the end, it’s my decision,
to keep chasing women, ideals, fiction
Instead of giving myself to a cause greater than I

What am I going to do
Save me and you
made the decision to
ignore the laws of reality and now you look back at me like I have something you don’t
A human brain capable of much more than disdain but we’re not taught
we fought before we ought to listen,
your mindset is forgiven and so is mine

I wonder about the future man
I wonder if he can spare the time
To think about such seeming trivialities
And in my heart, I smell tragedy a group of creatures
you and me sir
living a life of fallacy
294 · Jul 2017
Two Worlds
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2017
I don't know myself anymore
though my heart is sure
it is not me
I have a thought and it gets questioned
what does that really mean
why did I think that
who are we
but a collection of the minds around us  
all evolved stardust
trying to comprehend
bending and twisting to find the answers
left alone with emptiness

Is it deeper
or is that an ideal
I beg and I squeal for more
to live is a chore
I want it no more
I want peace
Inner and outer
I search and I scream louder
But nobody listens
They all merely hear
With their distorted ears
Only what they want
Whatever satisfies
Their poor
insecure
minds
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