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2d · 39
A kiss goodbye
I love,
you on the tip of my tongue
Soft words that weigh a ton
And I don’t say them, It's far too early
How do I know
The horror if you don’t say it back
I can't handle the winter in her heart
My bare skin
Bitten
Her love stripped away
In prison
I want her to say
Stay with me every day
So I can watch the sunrise indoors
Hear the crowd applause when we kiss
Instead now
silence exists

I hide and resist
my wish
to unify with her lips
but shes dismissed
like kids in summer school

The blue ocean inside my head
my mind a minnow drowning to death
when she neglects
my heart begins to freeze
breathe
I try to but her absence impedes
weak in the knees
I need
to know why
shes left me, and I won't cry for her,
I would die for her if she'd let me
Apr 14 · 707
Release me
Her eyes, sparkling
city lights in the grip of atmospheric pressure
My heart the same, ever since I met her.
She gets close
like butter on toast
melts into my arms
hardens
onto every crevice of my psyche
I might be f
                      a
                          
            ­             l
                          
                            l
                              ing in love
but before I can hit the ground
shes lost and I've not found
but a momentum
a memory, some dissipated energy

I wanted her on Saturday mornings
dreaming next to me
her hair a cocoon around her face
protecting from my kiss
projecting, I resist the impulse to
this world is objective isn't it true
the thought of me and you
so selfish

she pretends to be in love
I pretend not to be, can't help it
a look in her eyes I thought I felt it
there was nothing there
she doesn't care
I'm a victim ensnared
by the rose bush that is her love
Apr 13 · 39
Yeah, I love her
But she’s not mine to have
She’s a person
Not a place
Or the things that she brings to my heart
I must forgive her for wanting more
I must know where to start
Trodding

Down
   This              
                         e
        b   e     t      n
                a
                
                 path

I’ve been here before
I’ve done the math
seen how it all adds up,
              
               up,

              and

      a     w     a    y  

I’m not in dismay
I’ve accepted
The truth, My tooth is l o  o   s    e
From the punch in the face
What is that metallic taste of her love
Mine drips of honey n lavender, I lather her with
I love her so much that I’d rather her with

Another guy
She’s destroying me, with those southern eyes
Apr 10 · 52
Anna III
Only I know a girl that responds to compliments with grammar corrections

And if I dare sweat them
she’ll think I haven’t learned my lesson

Being with her, a blessing

Her touch
Goosebumps

When we’re resting my stomach aches from excessive laughter

Do you really think soulmates are real? I asked her
She said no, and I agreed

However some nights I see her in my dreams

Sage green eyes
Staring at me with a passion I can’t divide

My attention poured into her like gasoline would an empty tank

I would thank her
Kiss her feet and her mind, if it wouldn’t make me look like a child

I think      I love her

These poems make me suffer, more than I need to
She doesn’t write about me too

So why should I proceed to
Lose my mind over the thought of her with another guy

All I can do is try to ****** her and still remain holy
A paradox unfolding

We can’t dream of such controlling
Mar 31 · 83
Anna II
I just want her to correspond with me
to say she can't go on without me
I doubt the possibility
I'm out of optimisery
It's killing me
or is it sustaining me?
I think in a way it is
precisely what I want
I finally found a gem to share
I'm mesmerized by the shades of gold in her hair
Her presence a hurricane
and I,  a mere mortal stand in front of it
Enraptured by its destruction
Weak at its grace
Its been a week and I've laid up thinking about her
People gaze at mountains, stars, and rivers
but when I'm with her
a big bang is taking place
I cannot look the other way
I just want her to say
she can't go on without me
Mar 30 · 52
Anna
Shes an amusement park
She's an enigma, pandora's box
I wonder what she thinks when she's silent
I want to know her heart
I want to be where her mind is
Like a clock that keeps ticking by
I keep wishing why she does that hurtful thing to me
I know she doesn't mean any harm
I'm just alarmed because my heart is ready to explode
I wonder if she knows
I wonder where her feelings go
They have to live somewhere
She gets a thrill from testing my ego
Something deep down causes her to
Because I'm a man and she has to prove
She doesn't already know that shes won my heart
In every way, she exists
My mind stops in her presence
Mar 26 · 48
Her Mind
A candy jar lined with bear traps
My hands
Digging
Blood dripping through
I thought I knew myself before I felt the tension in her silence
A painful gift is what I'll have to define this
A wine is
Only as rich as the grapes its made from
And like us,
Our Minds are
Only as potent as the horrors we've escaped from.
Mar 23 · 193
To love like a fool
It was great
I felt safe
for a moment or two
was shooting for three and four
to love you forevermore
Jan 29 · 278
The Earth
Standing upon the floating rock
The way this world turns us
The volcanoes that burn us
The furnace of inadequacy
The tragedy of living unhappily
How can it be
Her arms wrapped around me
My heart pumping dust storms of dehydrated ****
Scorned
by my own heart's desire
All I do is aspire to have greatness acquired
So I’m tired, of pushing myself past the mirrors edge
The glass shattered
My fingers bled
And I tape them with optimism
The mind can be a prison
Or an oasis
The days like birds just keep flying by
I only have time to think about life when I’m away from it
the irony surrounding all of us
I want to be like the birds and let the gusts be my master
my minds a disaster
Everything I’ve wanted seems no longer to matter
searching what I'm really after
Jan 5 · 156
Empty
What is inside me when nothing is
Screaming
begging to be released
I’m just an observer, a thought stirrer
A solid block of stone
Cold, standing tall when the wind blows
I wonder where it’s been though
My psychotic episodes
They seem so at home when I’m rambling all alone
I feel lost when it’s grip has no hold
My eyes a desert
And the world an oasis
I try to break this pattern
I try to find the way
It doesn’t matter
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
Tonight the wind gusts called my bluff
Mouth dry from ****
Heart pumped for once
It’s greedy how needy I become
Your voice near me I’m in love
Skin golden like the sun
I’m the one
Your web is spun it’s too late to run
Bound by your rogue curls
Your crystalline eyes turn me to stone if I stare too long
I’m longing to be wherever you are
To feel your warmth to hear that sound
Any signal and it’s going down
My tongue that is in your mouth
She makes me quiver at the sound of an invitation to sit around
Nothing special but I feel now, a bond creating I haven’t found
It’s been a while I try to hide it

Is this how attraction works
You only want her if it hurts
And if she loves you don’t deserve
My words are worthless I know how this ends
My soul in two going crazy over you
A passion that lasted what planet are you on
Dec 2018 · 77
Feather
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
It’s a Friday morning and I’m sitting on the train to work
My head hurts of mild pain
The rain is pouring I’m soaked
I feel vulnerable today as I spent all night being tortured by subconscious ghosts
To be in love I hope
But wonder if that’s what I truly want
My heads a web connected from here to mars
And everything in between grabs my soul and pumps my heart
I don't know what I'm after
The joy, companionship, the laughter
My daytime moods a natural disaster
And I’m a feather going any way the weather takes me
Venus in Scorpio Dec 2018
I wonder now
How man goes to sleep sound
With his brothers and sisters gathered around
Homeless shelters shivering under bridges with scraps of fabrics
And he’s wrapped in goose lined blankets tailored to his physique
I know how man doesn’t think he’s related
but what do I do, continue down the same path
Ignoring the horrors of society
When will I take responsibility for it
How long will I keep running
I can’t run fast enough to keep up with the thought of my demise crippled by the misuse of human time
At the end, it’s my decision,
to keep chasing women, ideals, fiction
Instead of giving myself to a cause greater than I

What am I going to do
Save me and you
made the decision to
ignore the laws of reality and now you look back at me like I have something you don’t
A human brain capable of much more than disdain but we’re not taught
we fought before we ought to listen,
your mindset is forgiven and so is mine

I wonder about the future man
I wonder if he can spare the time
To think about such seeming trivialities
And in my heart, I smell tragedy a group of creatures
you and me sir
living a life of fallacy
Venus in Scorpio Nov 2018
The strongest emotions are often the most destructive
Down with psychological structures
Left cold with wind blowing roughly
I must be a fool
To think someone loves me
If god above me
But I’m here all alone
I left her so immaturely
We haven’t spoken, her neck is broken and can’t look at me
Tragedy unfolds as I leave her aura for the last time
My heart explodes and my eyes like pour like a fire hydrant
I want you to know
I drove endlessly for your love and admiration
I carved sculptures out of my marbled personality
I loved you unconditionally like the sun does the moon
and it’s true, I might never see you again
Except in my head
Even then, I’ll still love you
Oct 2018 · 743
Holding onto a ghost
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She’s never there when you need her
You’ll fall asleep and dream of
Your lips on her sweet curves
You need a different life
Sacrifice the time it took
To make her look your way
What is there to say when your breath gets taken away
And you see her face when you’re up at night
Dream of holding her tight
But that’s right
You’re out of sight
out of her mind
And she’s infused in mine
All this time
I’ve been without a home
Someone I know
Searching for a place of my own
I live in tornado country so I’m always on the move
My shoes have holes in them
My feet are bruised
And everyone is cruising by
What is there to do I sigh
Try something new I might
Give up on the system
There’s plenty of problems with playing the victim
But I’m not in control
Humility’s taken me with him
Let me go I try to convince
Along with my pride
But he slaughtered her before I could try
I wonder if she wonders why
I’ve been silent rhyming in my phone
I want to hold her hand, her body and I can’t
deprived of romance
Is there any chance what I want just isn’t there
And all I care is to make myself crazy the way she flips her hair
Or her lips how they’re just begging me to kiss
I wish she would give in
Give me a reason to lean in
But she plays this awful game
Doesn’t look at me the same she does anyone else
How would I know she’ll hardly show me her real self
And all I can help is to turn away
Plug my ears with headphones so I can’t hear her name
In an effort to stay sane
I pretend to disdain her
And It helps the pain temporarily
Oct 2018 · 1.2k
Dreamgirl
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She was tough

Just how I like them

Soft when I laid beside her

a companion

She made me laugh when I was drowning

Her eyes made me love her

She was a fabrication of my subconscious desire

How manipulative our minds conspire

They reel us in with lofty dreams of the life we ought to be living

And so we wake up grinning

then wishing and missing the feeling that was just there

The look in her eyes she didn’t mind If I stared

I stroked my fingers through her soft hair

over and over as we talked through the night

My best friend was there and she only comes to visit whenever I might lose it from the daily pressures of modern life

We talked about how our soul feels when we’re together

How we’ve just gotten lucky and nothing could sever us apart

But the sound of a phone alarm rings in the distance and it’s my time to go

I hope to see her again sometime soon

But for now her presence lingers in my heart

I still hear her laugh and see her smile

It brings me warmth accompanied by emptiness
Oct 2018 · 724
Virginia
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
Just being near her makes me feel beautiful

And her eyes as big as the moon
send a tidal wave through my bloodstream

I must dream, of kissing her tenderly
Of her, being a friend to me

I’ll let it be known she has a place in my home
if she ever needed it

She’s afraid to be alone in the big city and I hope it’s me
who could protect her

But I’m anxious too
my eyes stuck like glue to her innocence

And I think the feeling of love is new to her
isn’t it

She wouldn’t know what to do with my
romantic imprisonment

Nor does she deserve
the benevolent belligerence

And I’m still interested,
will I ever be sick of it?

daydreaming from afar
encapsulated by her beauty

The same way
a Venus flytrap consumes her nutrients
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I find myself wanting too much
To see the woman I love
To create work sent from above
To share the joy I have
To quell the anxiety I bear
To care
To matter somewhere
I don’t know why this happened to us
To grow up with expectations
They rule the divided nations of the mind
And I’m just a ***** to them
A prisoner of time
The active volcano of my soul is ready to blow
At any disturbance
I feel the urge to cry
let the ash rain from the sky
But It’s doesn’t seem ready yet,
it’s been a while since that last time
My mother read, disparaging aloud a compassionate letter my brother wrote to her about his longings for a better relationship,
I was twisted and hurt deeply by her maliciousness,
It caused me to rid myself, I ran to my room, and she came following in
I dropped to the floor in agony like a tragedy had just unfolded,
She held me as I screamed and cried "He doesn't have anyone"
Realized months later, neither do I
how bold it seemed to allow that pain possess me.
Am I just a ***** I thought
I think we can try our best to be tough and ignore the pain we suffer, Push It down
And now I’ve reached that point
where my heart can bleed no more
My soul can’t suffocate any longer
and there I’ll go pretending
Living inauthentic
Until I decide to stand up for my beliefs
I read once that the assertion of faith is only an indication of fear and I’m afraid of everything near
Vulnerability,
How underrated because it doesn’t help us survive,
I guess I’d be better off dead if any attempt to appear confident is just that
An attempt
Gray clouds consume me when I’m feeling down I cough them up and my lungs bleed deoxygenated blood

What if you have no one, nowhere to turn
No time to hurt because you’re inundated with work

I’m a fool for wanting, I have a disaster of emotion within me
Sep 2018 · 2.1k
For her
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
My heart aches as she sits
Six feet away from me
Every day I see
Her diamond eyes sparkling

A match becomes stricken
As quick as she looks my way
I feel the fire escalate
I don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing,
That thing to me

I have to conceal it because we work together,
I try to give her
The attention she deserves
her heart's in heaven
And she's become my best friend
My only real one

I wish she could know how strongly my rivers flow for her
How the only moments I enjoy are the ones when I hear her voice
Like hot chocolate to frozen ears
It would take years to forget that sound

Dreaming of dreaming with her fast asleep
Her rosy cheeks so kissable
Her benevolence unmissable
I've been afraid of love
This monster in the forest who attacks me whenever I wander around
She makes it seem like a playground as we laugh more than we speak

Our conversation an expedition
and I must be forgiven
I've been stricken by one of those arrows again
no need to pretend I don't enjoy the blood dripping

I wish she could know how I daydream of holding her tight
I wonder if she would like it
I wonder if these words will ever suffice
I guess I need to expand my vocabulary along with my chest
Sep 2018 · 1.9k
Be More Stoic Please
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I'm not sad
I'm waiting
not passive
not angry
not malicious
I've had enough delicious thoughts
to make my mind rot
and its excavated busted axons zapping around
no hope found
it's not for me to decide
I'd rather hide than stand here before the great big universe
***** ashamed, wanted greatness
I wanted.
So many things, selfish I need to be it seemed
to accomplish anything
helpless I need all I can get
the lottery of life itself is said to be worth one in 400 trillion
and that should make you feel happy and grateful
there has to be something to love when you're down below
I can't find it in the darkness
my one wish, estranged from me
hopefully
The universe has bigger plans
and what I wanted is not what I deserve
I always thought I was the one who called the shots
but that's not the case
I'm ashamed of my foolishness
I guess this is what its like to believe in God
Let him pull your strings
he has it planned out for you
this is how we make sense of defeat
Glory.
Such a seductive thing
breezed upon us alongside a shooting star
I'd like to bathe the stench of pessimism off my heart
I'd like to show God who's boss and become responsible for my earnings
I refuse to believe I'm not in control
why believe at all?
belief is a flimsy tool
when you strike it flops around and hits you right back in the face.
They tell you to be yourself
but I'm convinced that's not what the world wants
they want what's right for them.
My parents used to tell me when I was a child
"They only make fun of you because they're jealous"
I wish that were true
our personalities are polarizing
that's why we try so hard to hide them
and why we admire the artist
who has taken pride inside
I wish I could be proud of who I am
but that's even harder than faking it
I don't know how all these experiences add up
they don't
random
and I want to abandon all I think and know
How can I, when trapped behind bars of respectability, conformity
I'm abnormally human too fuming with desire,
I'll try to cool it off
I wrote a note to myself, "be more stoic, please".
Sep 2018 · 629
Bonsai
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
This plant,
I’ve forgotten to water it
It’s soil dry as bone
I examine the branches to find
New leaves grown on all three
This tree
Is expanding and flourishing even in the midst of a drought
I ask then
Why can't we without?
Sep 2018 · 562
Isn't it?
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
Isn’t it nice just
To have someone that’ll listen to us
A speck of dust
Fluttering in the gusts of a hurricane
Jul 2018 · 859
An Ode to Narcissism
Venus in Scorpio Jul 2018
This painful curse
the worst way to live
to not give but take
whats yours
thoughts energy
to fill the void

emptiness in your heart
veins dried up
the contamination that fear creates
love doesn't course through you, hate does
disgust Id with your ego

what did you do
protect your sanity, your delusion
Pretend like confusion will never exist
You wish

But truth is
the Narc in us all is useless
when running wild
but important in not seeming too mild
you might feel like a child
but it's the children that beg and scream for what they want,

And they usually get it.
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
I won’t soon forget
the way she swept like a maid would
grabbed my wood and started building with it
I gave her no permission
but wishing
she had the nerve
Her eyes a supernova
My heart ablaze
Gravitating to her
I thought I knew her
How could I
She hardly knew herself
May 2018 · 3.1k
Kryptonite
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
She tears apart my world
I stutter when I speak
My heart flutters when it beats
If every man has the thing that makes him weak
Mine is her sweet graceful stride
I have to hide
Yet fireworks are going off in the distance
I fear I’m missing out on her
Never to share a sentiment
Instead, I pretended
I’m uninterested
May 2018 · 263
Reaching
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
Is the modern world to blame
For all the lack of patience I have
Instant gratification at my grasp
but what I truly want comes last
Seems like I’m in slow motion while the whole world zips passed my face
And I sit there feeling a disgrace
Out of place
Falling behind in this race
I want more faith
Potential
Not mental but physical
Action
without distraction
focus thats indivisible
They don't teach these lessons in primary school
How to persevere
How to defeat pessimistic mindsets so you can achieve
Instead, they lead you down a path of normality
so now that you realize you want more you become an anomaly
A force of nature swimming up stream
How foolish you seem
But then you remember of all the others you’ve seen
Overthrow entire governments
Shatter realities
Augment mankind's destiny
And I want that to be me
Who am I
May 2018 · 193
Mirrors
Venus in Scorpio May 2018
It amazes me how often we refuse to see in ourselves that which we see in others.

And this can be looked at in two ways.

On one hand, we have those hateful qualities dripping in the hormones crafted by fear and anxiety

the ability to lie to me, to close your mind in a fight to preserve your identity.

On the other, from the bottom of our soul, we see human triumph, acts of kindness and compassion widespread among every region, religion, or race.

What a disgrace to say that can’t be us also,

Those men and women are no more human than we are.
Apr 2018 · 170
Corporate America
Venus in Scorpio Apr 2018
What does it mean to see
A rejection letter
I tried hard, I tried better
My effort staggering
My accomplishment lagging behind
This is not the first time
A few now
I’m feeling down because of it
My heart aches and I want out
Nothing to answer my prayers but reality
Faith
What good is that
Faith is a dream and I’m awake watching my life slip away
I want out more than anything,
More than ever before
I want to succeed and excel
I suffer like **** to have the opportunity to
It feels like I’m not good enough (yet)
To make these people sweat with impression
I want to be an artist
Teach humanity a lesson
My life’s goals I question
How am I supposed to know what’s right for me
I want to try everything
I want to live like a child does
Committed to nothing other than chasing the sun down
I’m energized and I’m trapped behind large gates
Made of cast iron and I’ve been ramming into them over and over now my body is bruised and bloodied
And I’m out of breath it seems
My heart has reduced to a mustard seed
I need more strength
I need to either hit harder or smarter
But until I find it, I’ll remain before these gates
A wild horse
Only wishing to race
Venus in Scorpio Apr 2018
That’s the only way it’ll work,
The only way it’ll hurt
if she leaves
Mar 2018 · 180
All I know
Venus in Scorpio Mar 2018
I don’t know who I am
What I am
How I am  
Why I am
Where I am
Here I am
And all I know is that I am
Enough.
And you are too

*More than enough actually
Feb 2018 · 280
Time goes on and we do too
Venus in Scorpio Feb 2018
Everything we engage in changes us.
even though we might not notice it, repeated movements compound
it’s our job to be aware of what we give that power to and how it’s affecting us, you might end up saying
“I don’t know how that happened.”
“How could I not see?”
But see now
as we speak
the food you eat
the environments you greet
the job you perform
the people you meet
the music in your ears
the sights you see
and more.
Memories are stored
our perception expanded or contracted
from large emotional impactions
to infinitesimal distractions
we’re growing,
changing,
bending,
every second we're spending,
so spend it wisely.
Jan 2018 · 398
The sun rises from darkness
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I woke up before sunrise
got a glimpse of a timeless world bounded by time
the reason why
I’ll stay kind
man needs to leave behind
a piece of himself
so that he can help
a struggling creature
so wise and unique
he toils away day after day
spoils his time
all for this fame
I think it’s a shame
how we can’t just float like the seagulls
lay comfortably like the leaves on billowing trees
but every life has its strain
it’s strive
even just to stay alive
one day I’ll try
to exist like the wind flowing within
as unfettered
as the sun rises from darkness
Jan 2018 · 277
Romanticisms Crime
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
Oh her laugh,
like a thousand butterflies that dance in my heart
at every peak and valley
I didn’t realize it in the moment,
but now it echoes through my canyon
her delicious voice that makes me feel all the time
like she’s the one that should be mine
and please, spare me
I’m only a victim of romanticisms crime
I didn’t ask for this pain
but it exists in me every day
I introspect until there’s nothing left
I work with this girl
and she’s perfect for me
but she’s too lovely and sweet
I notice this with almost every girl I meet
And as I look around
I watch the beauty get locked up in cages
Just because I want a love that’s a little too dangerous
That pushes me,
challenges my ******* statements
I want to be reincarnated by her presence not only reinforced
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
You might not know it from the start,
but pay attention closely
be aware of the ropes they're tying,
you might be blindfolded as well
how can one possibly tell
try to sense
the reckless taste on their lips
when they speak of riches
with empty pockets
nothing to give but everything to take
a heart beating cold and they want you to stop it
Don't let them take the fuel from your rocket
Half-baked memoir
Jan 2018 · 369
Emotional Affair
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I can't tell you how I really feel
that you destroy me when you're near
when your eyes glance at me
my heart stops beating
and all I ever wanted was you
but you're unattainable
and there's pain in this pleasure soup I’m cooking in
the look in your eyes when you grin
a world I want to explore
suppress these feelings
I can no more
But I must
and I trust you'll forget about me
after 5 pm
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
But a blank page will hear everything you have to say.
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
Chocolate - (Chawk-lit)
Batteries - (Bat-trees)
Patterns - (Pattins)
Years - (Yeahs)
Billionaire - (Billion-ahhe)
Schedule - (Shed-yule)
Zebra - (Zeh-bra)
Litterally - (Lit-chrollie)
Hope I don't offend anyone,
I'm just an uncultured American with a serious obsession with accents
Blame Game of Thrones
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
like the moon
with craters and bruises
and they show you only what the light reveals
but if you look closer you can see the outline of their character
blending in with the night sky
nice try,
but I'm not fooled,
there's weakness in you somewhere
whether or not you'd like to share
My eyes can see not only look
It's the twitch of your eye when certain words are said
how you fold your arms like you have something to protect
if we can just love ourselves more
it will reach a point where there's too much to bear
and it must be shared
so please, feel free
to compare your scars with mine
I'm just trying to be the Neosporin you need
so more of you can shine
Jan 2018 · 198
Fresh Air
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I dreamt about a spider one night
It was sitting on my bed
I saw it right next to my head
That morning I read
That the spider symbolizes a feminine influence in your life
At the time
She was on my mind
Her betrayal dense in the atmosphere
it weighed down my breath
and so I opened up some windows,
but left one shut for a while
I still wanted to feel something when I saw her smile
but its been windy outside
so I listened to the melody of her voice fade out
the look in her eyes without a doubt
would seize my heart one last time
until I opened up the remaining window
and let it all air out
my lungs are clear now
and I'm proud
to have healthy lungs that can breathe fresh air
overflowing with possibility
and I cannot despair
I tried my best, and you'll see
I know deep inside my love will outlive me
Jan 2018 · 167
How far will we go
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I’ve gone so insane
The thoughts I present to the world seem out of their grasp
When I ask them questions
They start to dance
Skillfully
Avoiding sharp edges that may threaten a pop to their beloved ego
How far will we go
If we don’t seek to understand the truth beneath us
Void of lies we tell ourselves at night that everything will be alright
When it just might not be
And why can’t that be ok
I’d like to say
Let us live life without faith
In forces, we can only pray to
My uncle implies that I’m impure because my mind suggests such ideas
Because I didn’t go to church enough in my childhood and my parents didn’t stay together
If so then I’m as muddy as they come
And I wear it on my face proudly
In fact, give me more
I’m only playing the cards I was dealt
So here’s my hand
I have a royal flush of rebellious thoughts
All I wish is that you listen along
And help me understand why you're so afraid
to accept a life without eternal sunshine
a brief moment in time
with no reward other than the karma you design
Jan 2018 · 316
I've been blessed each day
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
With the opportunity to help others along their way
Jan 2018 · 220
Existential Bliss
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I've said this a thousand times before and it never gets old
But life’s beauty is rich in my soul
And after the drama subsides as we lay in bed
our eyes roll to the back of our head
I’m reminded of what a simple pleasure it is to exist at all
How every breath I take is keeping me alive
I laugh at how strange the mind can be sometimes
Our lives, one of trial and error
Equal amounts of elation and terror
I wouldn’t trade this beauty if I had anything equivalent
I’d argue nothing can compare
This extraordinary gift we share
I hope it brings tears to your eyes the next time you think about how special your thoughts can be
And with every touch you feel
Every sight you see
Every taste you savor
Every melody that dances through your ears
Thank the odds because they are ever in your favor
Welcome every laugh and embrace every tear
Millions of years will go by
and you and I will be nothing more than dirt on this planet
Even though it gets arduous
We can try and understand it
However, we must not demand its cooperation
But gently ask
all we need is patience.
Jan 2018 · 221
The Poison of Desire
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I fall in love like a child does with a new toy
So enthralled you can’t dare take my attention off of the one I’ve chosen to love
With all my heart
With all my might
I will fight
To keep her eyes in my hand
But too often they fall through like sand
grand illusions poison my heart
and I only have myself to blame
The shame
Of a romantic idiot
I need to dial back my seriousness
Live life at the whim
instead of planning my future with every breath I take
one day I'll wake
with her love next to me
my fingers through her hair
following the rhythm of her respiration
my heart full of relentless dedication
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
I fell silent
“You always have so much to say Armond.”
Why is it so
Your lips make no sound
My hearts in my throat
Love was fighting its way out
And any word I can speak will never come close
Will never communicate the depth of what I felt that night
She felt it too
Communication is 93% non-verbal
I know now because her pause said more than her words
Her heart I discovered in those short moments
I would’ve instead kept my unwise mouth shut
My misguided words
But she pushed me
How dare he sit quietly
As her mind evaporated into the air
She’s afraid her sister will chastise
And I’m trying to figure out
Wondering why
Even after all this rationalization why my heart hurts so much
Why the sun is setting, and I can’t look up
My head glued to this pen
Bleeding out ink of expression
I know I might,
can,
will not
Ever have her as my queen
It just can’t be
So our time was not yesterday,
not now,
nor tomorrow,
Why can’t I seem to accept this then
Logically I understand
“I think.” therefore I am, in pain
And this is why thinking and feeling
Are quarrelsome children of the observer
Although my mind is strict
My heart still yearns endlessly
And this has become a painful sport I play
Juggling heart and brain
To keep me sane
I might as well abandon the idea that I’ll ever be at peace
And soon find it the moment after I release
I hope through all this I will have reached a more thorough understanding of her and humanity.

Update- I did
but I still prayed in thought that she come back.
Jan 2018 · 262
Escape
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
My heart hurts for no reason other than my own treason of self-dignity
The pleasure of desire
Of wanting another, or anything
Not just to admire
Why does it matter
Why does it shatter my heart
Why do I cling
Like a child to its mother in threat of survival
Unjustified intensified desire
Of this gain
This glorified access to a source of stimulation
An escape
But!!
The degree of escape can vary
Drugs give temporary dopamine hits
But a shared love
with its oxytocin and serotonin
seems the most valuable drug to be addicted
All of those chemicals flying through our bodies
Of course, I want the most potent drug of them all
My extremism
my greed
my pathetic human need to escape from the prison of loneliness
But I wish nothing more than to escape with you
All I need is your eyes adjacent the sunrise
Your preach alongside my moving feet
A profound love I’m after
And I’ll never be over your magnificent beauty
Never will look at you as just another
But rather
The top of the mountain I’ve been climbing
And the guidance to bring me down to the bottom
Jan 2018 · 151
A Defeated Heart
Venus in Scorpio Jan 2018
Where do I start
At the corner of desire and suffering
When I look at her, I see the universe before me
A creature of total beauty
I want her with me hard
It makes me sick to my stomach
It doesn’t matter because I’m not right for her
And she’s after something other than little old me
And that’s perfectly fine
I wished to taste the whiskey on her lips
Feel her energy run through mine
I’m terribly attracted,
Like a foolish magnet that doesn’t know any better
We sat in silence, then, she pleads
You’re too young for me, I’m ten years older
I didn’t mention a thing, but she felt it in the air
The way I stare at her
Like the whole worlds in front of me
That’s how it really be
It’s a shameful thing to be in the friend zone,
When all you see is her in the arms of unworthy half-assed lovers
And you have a heart of gold to give
And you want her to have it
But she’s chosen a tragic life
To fall in love with men that treat her like leftovers
And to me, she’s the abundant nutrition I’ve been without
I’m fading in and out of drunken nauseating thoughts
I wanted her here more than ever before
I wanted her lips on mine
Her hips pressed against my pelvis
Our bodies entwined
Our intimacy shared
She doesn’t want me to know her
And I’ve made the foolish mistake of attaching to my imagining of what it would be like
She’s not forr me
I’m not for her
Togheter we're great friends
But an2y i more is too much
And I must be ok with that
I wanted
I wanted
I WANTED so bad what is wrong with me
To want is a sin
To want is a disease
It only destroys you to want what you cannot have
Like a foolish child throwing a tantrum
I hear silence when it should be her laughter
I wishe
I wish
I WISH it were me she was after
and my love was enough to satisfy her insatiable heart
And I’m just sitting here trying to help myself draw out a river of emotion
For what
*******
WHAT
What does that do
Nothing but educate me on the extent of my own delusion
I’m dehydrated
But feel no need to hydrate a sad human
I’d rather feell     even weaker
I wish this were like the movies where she came back to me
and you bet I'd be there to embrace her  
I'm sorry rationalization does no justice to a romantic soul
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