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Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She’s never there when you need her
You’ll fall asleep and dream of
Your lips on her sweet curves
You need a different life
Sacrifice the time it took
To make her look your way
What is there to say when your breath gets taken away
And you see her face when you’re up at night
Dream of holding her tight
But that’s right
You’re out of sight
out of her mind
And she’s infused in mine
All this time
I’ve been without a home
Someone I know
Searching for a place of my own
I live in tornado country so I’m always on the move
My shoes have holes in them
My feet are bruised
And everyone is cruising by
What is there to do I sigh
Try something new I might
Give up on the system
There’s plenty of problems with playing the victim
But I’m not in control
Humility’s taken me with him
Let me go I try to convince
Along with my pride
But he slaughtered her before I could try
I wonder if she wonders why
I’ve been silent rhyming in my phone
I want to hold her hand, her body and I can’t
deprived of romance
Is there any chance what I want just isn’t there
And all I care is to make myself crazy the way she flips her hair
Or her lips how they’re just begging me to kiss
I wish she would give in
Give me a reason to lean in
But she plays this awful game
Doesn’t look at me the same she does anyone else
How would I know she’ll hardly show me her real self
And all I can help is to turn away
Plug my ears with headphones so I can’t hear her name
In an effort to stay sane
I pretend to disdain her
And It helps the pain temporarily
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She was tough

Just how I like them

Soft when I laid beside her

a companion

She made me laugh when I was drowning

Her eyes made me love her

She was a fabrication of my subconscious desire

How manipulative our minds conspire

They reel us in with lofty dreams of the life we ought to be living

And so we wake up grinning

then wishing and missing the feeling that was just there

The look in her eyes she didn’t mind If I stared

I stroked my fingers through her soft hair

over and over as we talked through the night

My best friend was there and she only comes to visit whenever I might lose it from the daily pressures of modern life

We talked about how our soul feels when we’re together

How we’ve just gotten lucky and nothing could sever us apart

But the sound of a phone alarm rings in the distance and it’s my time to go

I hope to see her again sometime soon

But for now her presence lingers in my heart

I still hear her laugh and see her smile

It brings me warmth accompanied by emptiness
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
Just being near her makes me feel beautiful

And her eyes as big as the moon
send a tidal wave through my bloodstream

I must dream, of kissing her tenderly
Of her, being a friend to me

I’ll let it be known she has a place in my home
if she ever needed it

She’s afraid to be alone in the big city and I hope it’s me
who could protect her

But I’m anxious too
my eyes stuck like glue to her innocence

And I think the feeling of love is new to her
isn’t it

She wouldn’t know what to do with my
romantic imprisonment

Nor does she deserve
the benevolent belligerence

And I’m still interested,
will I ever be sick of it?

daydreaming from afar
encapsulated by her beauty

The same way
a Venus flytrap consumes her nutrients
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I find myself wanting too much
To see the woman I love
To create work sent from above
To share the joy I have
To quell the anxiety I bear
To care
To matter somewhere
I don’t know why this happened to us
To grow up with expectations
They rule the divided nations of the mind
And I’m just a ***** to them
A prisoner of time
The active volcano of my soul is ready to blow
At any disturbance
I feel the urge to cry
let the ash rain from the sky
But It’s doesn’t seem ready yet,
it’s been a while since that last time
My mother read, disparaging aloud a compassionate letter my brother wrote to her about his longings for a better relationship,
I was twisted and hurt deeply by her maliciousness,
It caused me to rid myself, I ran to my room, and she came following in
I dropped to the floor in agony like a tragedy had just unfolded,
She held me as I screamed and cried "He doesn't have anyone"
Realized months later, neither do I
how bold it seemed to allow that pain possess me.
Am I just a ***** I thought
I think we can try our best to be tough and ignore the pain we suffer, Push It down
And now I’ve reached that point
where my heart can bleed no more
My soul can’t suffocate any longer
and there I’ll go pretending
Living inauthentic
Until I decide to stand up for my beliefs
I read once that the assertion of faith is only an indication of fear and I’m afraid of everything near
Vulnerability,
How underrated because it doesn’t help us survive,
I guess I’d be better off dead if any attempt to appear confident is just that
An attempt
Gray clouds consume me when I’m feeling down I cough them up and my lungs bleed deoxygenated blood

What if you have no one, nowhere to turn
No time to hurt because you’re inundated with work

I’m a fool for wanting, I have a disaster of emotion within me
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
My heart aches as she sits
Six feet away from me
Every day I see
Her diamond eyes sparkling

A match becomes stricken
As quick as she looks my way
I feel the fire escalate
I don't hesitate to ask her how she's doing,
That thing to me

I have to conceal it because we work together,
I try to give her
The attention she deserves
her heart's in heaven
And she's become my best friend
My only real one

I wish she could know how strongly my rivers flow for her
How the only moments I enjoy are the ones when I hear her voice
Like hot chocolate to frozen ears
It would take years to forget that sound

Dreaming of dreaming with her fast asleep
Her rosy cheeks so kissable
Her benevolence unmissable
I've been afraid of love
This monster in the forest who attacks me whenever I wander around
She makes it seem like a playground as we laugh more than we speak

Our conversation an expedition
and I must be forgiven
I've been stricken by one of those arrows again
no need to pretend I don't enjoy the blood dripping

I wish she could know how I daydream of holding her tight
I wonder if she would like it
I wonder if these words will ever suffice
I guess I need to expand my vocabulary along with my chest
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
I'm not sad
I'm waiting
not passive
not angry
not malicious
I've had enough delicious thoughts
to make my mind rot
and its excavated busted axons zapping around
no hope found
it's not for me to decide
I'd rather hide than stand here before the great big universe
***** ashamed, wanted greatness
I wanted.
So many things, selfish I need to be it seemed
to accomplish anything
helpless I need all I can get
the lottery of life itself is said to be worth one in 400 trillion
and that should make you feel happy and grateful
there has to be something to love when you're down below
I can't find it in the darkness
my one wish, estranged from me
hopefully
The universe has bigger plans
and what I wanted is not what I deserve
I always thought I was the one who called the shots
but that's not the case
I'm ashamed of my foolishness
I guess this is what its like to believe in God
Let him pull your strings
he has it planned out for you
this is how we make sense of defeat
Glory.
Such a seductive thing
breezed upon us alongside a shooting star
I'd like to bathe the stench of pessimism off my heart
I'd like to show God who's boss and become responsible for my earnings
I refuse to believe I'm not in control
why believe at all?
belief is a flimsy tool
when you strike it flops around and hits you right back in the face.
They tell you to be yourself
but I'm convinced that's not what the world wants
they want what's right for them.
My parents used to tell me when I was a child
"They only make fun of you because they're jealous"
I wish that were true
our personalities are polarizing
that's why we try so hard to hide them
and why we admire the artist
who has taken pride inside
I wish I could be proud of who I am
but that's even harder than faking it
I don't know how all these experiences add up
they don't
random
and I want to abandon all I think and know
How can I, when trapped behind bars of respectability, conformity
I'm abnormally human too fuming with desire,
I'll try to cool it off
I wrote a note to myself, "be more stoic, please".
Venus in Scorpio Sep 2018
This plant,
I’ve forgotten to water it
It’s soil dry as bone
I examine the branches to find
New leaves grown on all three
This tree
Is expanding and flourishing even in the midst of a drought
I ask then
Why can't we without?
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