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Vellichor Apr 2020
A shadow dark as night
Lingers in her eyes
It hides behind her irises
Wearing a sapphire disguise

It shows in every teardrop
Yet never quite comes free
It’s hidden in plain sight
But no one takes the time to see

It slowly taints her vision
Turning colors black and gray
Her daily pain accumulates
While her laughter slips away

She cries out for our help
But we see her eyes as blue
No one’s close enough to notice
The teary, darkened truth

She waits for us to save her
But her rescue never comes
Darkness drives her to despair
And slowly she succumbs

Day by day the shadow kills her
Stealing every ray of light
She battles for each breath
But in the end it wins the fight



We claim we couldn’t see
Past its sapphire disguise
But we should’ve seen it long before
It surfaced in her lifeless eyes
Vellichor Mar 2020
(Cutting Trigger Warning!)

She studied the blade
That she held in her hand
While she braced for the pain
She’d learned to withstand

It shined like the snow
On a cold winter’s day
And bit into her skin
In the same bitter way

It fell like the rain
Plummeting from the sky
It drenched her in pain
As it pummeled her thigh

She watched through dry eyes
She was too numb to weep
But her skin cried in blood
As the slick blade cut deep

But after each raindrop
Her blade rose like the sun
Desperate for warmth
She didn’t care what she’d done

And once it was over
Sunburns littered her skin
But for a breath she could feel
Despite the frostbite within
If you’ve struggled with cutting, you’re not alone. I’ve struggled for years and I know its pull. I know how much it must hurt for you to turn to the blade. I know that cutting can temporarily help. But in the longterm, cutting won’t fix the problem. So please put down your blade, and I’ll try to do the same.
Vellichor Mar 2020
I was lost in loneliness
And no one seemed to care
Yearning to be heard
At night I’d whisper to the air

Then one night I spoke to paper
And it hung on every word
I cried my sorrows in my mind
And somehow the paper heard

It found a way to translate
Found language in my tears
It silenced my confusion
And gave voice to my fears

We had lovely conversations
Between paper and me
Sometimes we’d talk of fantasy
Sometimes of reality

The poems became my letters
To help them understand
The characters my family
When life didn’t go as planned

The stories became my home
That I could go to anywhere
The paper became my dearest friend
The words became my air

Now not a day goes by
That my dearest friend and I
Don’t pass time rhyming truths
And storytelling lies

And when I find I’m lost again
And start to feel alone
My dearest friend is always there
To usher me back home
Vellichor Dec 2019
I see you
You’re the girl who’s too put together
For what her heart feels
For what her arms scream
You wear band aid sleeves
Your lips spill out lies
But I can see past
Band aid blinds

It’s your little secret
That kills you inside
No one knows how deep those cuts go
Deeper than your skin

You must be in agony
There’s a monster clawing at your heart
And no one else seems to care
You feel you’re bleeding out
In front of them all
And no one says a word

You must be so frustrated
Seeing your own hands cut your skin
When no one around you needs
To destroy their body
Just to get through the day

You wish you could rip off the band aids
And let them drink in your brokenness
But you never do

My friend, I want to tell you
Everything will be okay
But you’re the only one
Who can make that promise
All I can do is tell you
I see your cuts
Because I had them too

And I thought it would never get better
But I was wrong

I hope more than anything
That someday your cuts will
Turn white just like mine
And you’ll wear short sleeves
And not be ashamed
And that one day you’ll see past someone’s
Band aid blinds
And tell them your story
Of how you thought your pain would last forever
But in the end
It didn’t
Vellichor Oct 2019
Calling all the walking dead
All the ones who’ve lost their hearts
Who’ve learned to fill their ribcage
With love’s broken scraps and parts
All the ones who’ve drained their faith
Who’ve spent years chasing hope
Who’ve lived in piercing sorrow
But have somehow learned to cope

For years you’ve been decaying
Wishing anyone could see
You’ve pondered giving up
But something just won’t leave you be

Because you’re the walking dead
You refused to meet the grave
You’ve managed to escape your fate
You’ve chosen to be brave
Of all the ones you’ve found a way
To breathe by pure resolve
You’ve fought a war with death and
Against all the odds evolved

It’s hard to fathom giving up
You almost don’t know how
And though you miss your heartbeat
You’ve fought too hard to give up now

So calling all the walking dead
Who have won this war before
And calling all the walking dead
Who will cheat death once more
Death wails across the battlefield
And begs you to give in
But you’re the walking dead
And you know that you can win
Vellichor Oct 2019
Locked inside this box
My muffled cries resound
Emotion floods in waves
How long until I drown
It fills with liquid mania
It swirls with tides of pain
It brims with stagnant sorrow
I pound the walls in vain
You’re baffled by my struggle
You can’t seem to understand
How I drown in this emotion
When my box is on dry land
If all it took was logic
To save me from this fate
I think instead of screaming
I’d be in a better state
But the box is filling quickly
I wail a broken cry
Then I hold my breath and pray
That the cry won’t be goodbye
And I still see your face
I still hear your carefree voice
You lecture me to fight it
As if drowning is a choice
But you don’t know the pain
Of dying for a breath
And you don’t know the art
Of living cheating death
Save me from this madness
I plead as you come near
But liquid floods my lungs
Silent words are hard to hear
Now I’m breathing with no air
I’m screaming with no sound
It’s just a matter of time
Until I finally drown
Vellichor Sep 2019
I look into the mirror
And hate my vacant stare
But paralyzing sorrow
Keeps me standing there
I have no strength to leave
No courage left to fight
So I study my reflection
But it’s such a painful sight
I forge a forced smile
Has it ever been so hollow
The corners of my eyes
Are now dripping in sorrow
I run my fingers through
My tangled, greasy hair
I don’t know if this smile
Can ever be repaired
And I can see the fear
Swirling in my eyes
Some things can’t be covered
By a simple smile disguise
Of all the tears from laughter
Seems just tears from sorrow stain
And my posture collapses
Under the weight of all this pain
I don’t know who I’m looking at
I don’t know where I went
My real face twists with joy
It’s not haunted by torment
And I just get more confused
The longer I stay here
I need to stop looking at
The imposter in the mirror
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