She was never gorgeous, never subtle in her seduction, yet i was rapt. Time and again i would raise a bleary eye from the depths of some god awful toilet bowl i had cradled half the night and wonder what i saw in her. An hour later, wiping ***** from the hair under my lip, she would be all i could taste. She was a Friday night ***** that was still there Monday mornings. She pillaged my wallet and ***** my balance. She undermined my politeness making me feel less afraid but she was never gorgeous

when we are all but ghosts and the last of our hearts has been weighed against a  feather
what then?
what love will remain?
what forgiveness sought?
when our last breath expires and to dust we return
what then?
what kindness remembered?
what shade of regret?
when our memory fades and we are forgotten
what then?
what vestige of triumph or failure persists?
will we have lived loud enough to echo through the cosmos?
to cause a single wrinkle?

i drink a lot
i talk too much
and maybe even lied a bit
all truths aside
i live
perhaps in a haze
perhaps not
how my mother would have
i still drink
this life is glorious
and finite
i stopped regretting
when i saw the hour approach
with a focused hindsight
the future was never clearer
i lit a cigarette
i rued again
my habits
my family
my friends
the melodies soothed me
and became a river
that carried me
my mortal whatever you call it
drifted calmly down this body
to the delta

Early smoke rises from the ashtray
An aromatic ballet with coffee
On a backdrop of crisp winter sunlight
While yesterday comes heavy on the wind
And throbs in a cloudy head
But tonight twinkles in a **** hole eye
Looking back while time flies idly by
And unable to forget the inspirations
Like women and scabies
And ***** and hemorrhoids
And various beds where i'd lay
My head and rock myself to sleep
There were wake and bakes
And one night dates with pupils
That dialate from the drugs we'd take
There were late evening shadows
And dawn's early lights
Legs that wrapped
Around so rightly
Wound up upside down
From the ground up
Who were we
Were we who we were
We were who we should have been
I almost thought i knew you
You who knew me
Through and through
And from the other side
Of the bed on the opposite end

What we didn't and what we can't undo
The feelings we felt
Before this sin