Lampshade decorated with paper flowers

Though as he woke it caught in flames

Moths spluttered away from an impact

He spoke in his mind 'it was ours'

A loud blaring voice claims 'we let them to safety'

As the buildings fall to pieces

As the fire climbs rapidly up the towers

The Tiger crushed all that was left

Floating around and around,
as free as you can be.
But what can you do?
What can you feel?
Free yet you are trapped
in this emptiness.
Not knowing what to do next,
or the meaning of life.
As you float closer and closer
to the black hole, you realize
something in your mind...

I have built this endless void myself,
forever lost in hopelessness and sorrow.

Smear, trickle, tumble
The smell of iron from the red
Ties our senses together

Oh how I wonder where his mind went
For his eyes were shadowed
And his face was someone else

Yet, he started to cry a faceless cry

I write poems based on what's going on with me, past issues, current mental state, what's on my mind currently, and real life situations.

This is like my outlet
like people writing songs based on how they feel
or based on the stuff that has been happening.

Because of this, many of them are very personal.
Some are true, some are just a poem idea.
Can you tell which ones are real?
Can you tell which ones are base on what's been happening in my life?

Like a door way leading to my darkest secrets of my struggles.
I put myself here for you to judge

Hiding myself forever
Longing for someone to find me
It was easy as hide and seek
But now, I'm a see through

Completely invisible
Though I can see you
And you can see me
Yet you never seem to wonder where I've gone

I feel comfortable under these covers
No one judging me, no hate
No intentional trading of friends
Only because no one else is here

Sometimes I don't want to hide myself
But I traded my friends for these covers
Or were they really friends
I still wish to have them back

Hiding myself forever
Afraid to come out of the shade
Not because of judgement or hate
Because of knowing I wont see my friends

The true friends who are peaking through the clouds

I messed up again
Why, I'm just a big flaw

Slowly, degrading in meaning
Losing the 'significant'

Like a word with no definition
It's just me, messing up again

Rolling back to old habbits
Never learning

Marking a chapter in your life
With a special ideogram
Or is it?
Does it represent something?

Understood with no words
But some, no meaning at all
So, you just marked a chapter of life
Where you found yourself meaningless

An ideogram with no meaning
Just there for no reason
Like the day you loss,
Fighting yourself

Now left with no meaning at all

I could've said something
Before she 'left'

Something didn't sounded right
She stuttered a bit while she spoke

Her voice was "happy"
No sound of sadness

I asked her if she was alright
She said 'totally' with a smile

So the conversation continued
Like it always did

I could've told her
That I knew she wasn't alright

But you know, thought she never thought about that
Never saw her struggle

The next day I found out
She was gone

That day, I just thought about it
I wish I said more

She would still be here
If I haven't just moved on

I could've saved my friend

I love him
Can’t stop thinking about him
When I sleep, he’s in my head
As I hold his jacket like a stuffed animal

I fell in love with him
Looked into his blue eyes
Saw something different
Something is different about him

The way he treats me
He’s always by my side
Doesn’t judge me of who I am
I love him just the way he is

Feel safe as his arms wrap around me
Like a real home
The warmth,
Everything is gonna be alright

I feel happy, smiling
Even if things aren’t going out well
When I think of him, it makes me happy
The thoughts, ease my strain

Take a deep breath, let it out
It's gonna alright
Just look at me in the eye
Promise you won't hurt yourself
I'm always here for you

Listen, friend, come close to me
Don't breathe in the chemicals
Drop the needles, leave them in the corner
Forget the pills, come with me
I'll lead you to a happier place

Please don't leave, don't say that
Don't forget I'm always here for you
Listen to my words, I'll guide you
Things will get better, I promise
Just breathe, you'll be alright

How you are always by my side

Where others fade away, your beauty stays

The more we talked, we got closer

Always finding the right time to hang around

While others left, you stayed

My little friend, ever so special

You may have flaws, but you're flawless to me

Because you never left

And so your beauty never faded

So much is happening
So much in one night
I remember what happened this morning
Oh this, it isn't right.

Why, i stayed up all night
I wish i was helping
My soul wants to sleep
But i kept on forcing awake

Last time i took a breath
Wasn't today at all
I dont know what to feel
They're mixed up in a batter

I dont feel blue, or yellow
Or mellow, my little fellow
I feel purple
Cuz i dont know how to feel

Slipping away
Losing all the sleepy days
Growing tired everyday
Working endlessly

Eyes about to close
Heartbeat slowing down
You take a deep breath
Everything slowing down

Your eyes widen
You snap awake
Still all the same
All tired, no energy

Breathe in, breathe out
Weird stench fills the air
I took 8 hits on the pipe
Feeling relaxed, feeling lost

My eyes turn red, very red
My mouth is dry; I feel famished
Wasted another day, all alone
All forgetful, all pain-free

Blue Dream, Purple Voodoo, Afghan, Green Crack
I haven't tried it all, only have one type
Feeling so lost, but relaxed
No sorrow I feel, no yelling I hear

Known as "illegal drug", right in my room
I should stop, this isn't good
It ruins my brain, my lungs, my life
Feeling very lost, feeling that anxiety

I get caught smoking outside
My life is done, over for good
They tell me to turn myself in
But guess what I have, guess what I have

Some pistols and a gun
I load 3, just to make sure
I should've stopped smoking earlier; but it's  all done now
I pull the trigger, I pull the trigger

Not missing the head

Oh little leaf, little leaf
How much you like the tree
Hanging on tight as you can be
Breathing happily under the warm sun

Fall is coming, coming, coming
You change green to brown
Oh how you have a big frown
As you twitch and sway, about to fall

Oh little leaf, little leaf, hanging on tight
But you feel your grip weaken
Fall is here, this isn't mistaken
You cry softly, as you feel the cold ground

Suddenly you hear laughing, kids everywhere
You see them getting closer...crunch...crunch
Leaves getting blown...crunch...crunch
And everything blacks out, as you wither into pieces.

Oh little leaf, little leaf, your life was good
But little leaf, what was your name?
It's possible to reach that fame
But you're gone now, withered in pieces

Don't worry, there were leaves before you
Little leaves in the spring grew
They saw you before there a few
But forgetting what it was, living happily as little leaf

Forget about the end, new little leaf, you're happy now
Just live happy, hanging on tight
Spread the joy, don't be in fright
Because you'll be in the light...

...keeping you safe...

Hell is full,
Heaven won't let me in.
Life won't accept me,
As something gets close by.
While death holds me tight,
As the cold wind blows though the night.

Seeing less living

Not breathing

But feeling

The scorching light

Tearing my skin

Fading away

Away I go

Into the deep abyss...

Going by fast,
Clock broken? Will that stop time?
You take out the batteries,
Sure, you'll feel like time has stopped,
But it's still going.

Slipping by, spilling like pouring water,
Never stopping for you,
Especially when you need it the most.
Time never waits for you,
Just like anyone in this world

Sometimes you want it to go by quickly.
The pain you're going through,
Feeling like time goes by slow then.
Just at the wrong moments it slows down
Either way, it never waits.

Time is a valuable thing,
If you realize it sooner enough.
Some are limited to 3 months,
They have no choice, but to live their life,
Wishing they could live longer.

You forget time is going by,
Not realizing you'll get it back.
And it comes that time,
You are limited with time.
Just 'cause the choices you made, it's over.

You feel that sudden chill
Suddenly you feel cold, though its summer
You have a lot of school work to do
But you go straight to bed
Just trying to sleep

Wake up, hear voices in your head
You take another smoke, in the closet
Better not get caught by your parents
That doesn't fix it
You fall back asleep, skipping school

You get blamed for something you didn't do the next day
Didn't stand up for yourself
You don't care about anything anumore.
You've lost that sense of feeling

Getting yelled at, a bit of abusement
But the only pain you feel is inside your head
Crippling into your thinking
Getting hold of your emotions
Never letting you go

You relapsed several times
You overdose on pills every day
But not enough to pass out
You then promise yourself one day to stop
But relapse again 2 days later

You meet someone people
Become friends; they don't know what you're going through
But the smiles, the talks, that makes you think....
Think about something...

You're not alone anymore
When you think about those suicidal thoughts again....
Think twice: you have friends
And someone who cares about you
That special one you think about everyday

No relapses; you stop on pills and self-harming
You start healing every day
Little by little
Still getting those thoughts
But they disappear quickly

You think about that person
Everyday; looking forward to see him
Your parents don't know about him
They would be mad at you
Telling you to focus in school
But no one can really prevent themselves from falling in love

One day, you relapse again
You think about what you've just done
You tell yourself that this is wrong
You stop, the relapse only lasting one day
You think about him again
You tell yourself you'll never do this again

Looks like you've healed
You're still depressed
Like ***** to you
But you got something to look forward to
Friends
That special one
That's all that matters to you now

You can't say you're alright
But you have hope
This will get better, right?
As you lie awake at night
Things are different now
In a good way

Life isn't easy to live through
Its hard to keep yourself alive
But now, you have people you care about
Something you didn't actually have in the past
"Everything will be alright." You tell yourself
Am I off the list of relapses?
It looks like it

None of the people I care about would like it
If they find out I'm hurting myself
So I'll not do it, for them
For me also
I'm off the list of all of those relapses
Slowling healing everyday
Thank you
You don't know exactly what I'm going through
But just by existing, you're helping a lot
And by all the conversations we have

I make friends with both dark and light,
everyone is different and special.
No one is left to be judged.
You ask who are these people?
"Who is that with no hands?"
Well let me tell you something,

Scissorhands is my friend;
very original, yet mistreated,
why it's like the people around us.
Judging a book by its cover;
sure that sounds old,
but not if you never learn.

"Left with no hands, why with us?"
Oh everyone is special.
I got a friend with no eyes,
cannot see at all.
Does that make her different?
No not at all.

Am I alone?
No I'm not,
people may call my friends monsters,
though they are not what you think.
Everyone is not the same,
but we shall treat others the same way.
Different is unique,
very creative in all sorts of ways.

So next time you enter my house,
don't point anyone out.
If you don't enjoy their company,
then you shall not come at all.

Just like a birds flying free,
it did felt great living in a free country.
But now look at what the world has become...
Things have changed,
and if you realize...
We never had freedom from the start.

How as a little kid hated bedtime,
enjoyed stories being read.
Falling sound asleep,
waking up with a smile.

Now all grown up,
All I do is sleep.
Waking up with a frown,
never a morning person.

Oh during childhood,
everything was delightful at home,
home is what I thought was safe and sound...

Wonders why I can't sleep,
Till I realize they're just thoughts.
Many events, many happenings,
I can never seem to forget.
Good or bad, big or small,
They're still there:

What's tomorrow when its the same,
The same as the day before.
Nothing changed except for one,
My addiction is finally gone.
I feel proud because of that,
But that's all I'm ever proud of.

Why do people need friends,
When they pretend you're not there?
I grew up in a rude environment,
I thought everyone's like that.
Just another misconceptions,
But no, I'm just so used to it.

2:11 am,
I always slept at 4 or 5.
Over the summer I'm an owl,
Never waking up during the day.
Forced to swallow down food,
I end up skipping a whole meal.

I never felt so alone,
Why alone when you have voices?
They talk to you when you sleep,
They talk to you any day.
Unlike "human" friends around my circle,
They're just one of my ghost followers

I must sleep now,
Too many thoughts.
No wonder I'm so wide awake.
Hoping I'll make it alive another day,
Wanting to make it to my goals.
I'll climb the challenges by myself,
This is what I have to overcome.
But I'm also used it too.

Oh how I wish to grow up to be tall,
Almost touching the skies,
And hugged by the sunlight.
How I wish I can see above all,
All above everyone else.
Being the tallest tree of all.
But oh I can't see the sun,
I know it's there.
Hey, where's the rain?
I know its falling,
I can hear the rain drops.
Oh the others are so tall,
They cover my light.
No I won't give up,
They must move out of my way.
Softly I cried,
Shriveling away day by day.
I can see no sky,
I can see no freedom.
I'll never be the tallest tree,
Like my dream will always be.

What is home?
Home is not literally home to me,
Not the one built with trees and all cozy and warm inside.
Not the place where everyone is welcome,
It is never shared with society.
The music I listen too feels at home,
But wait what is home?
Oh, I just live in a different universe.
No family members there, no friends.
Oh wait, I just don't have no home.

Some say that it'll go away,
after a short while, no it won't stay
But no Fear is a person,
you and your precious thoughts
You think its leading you away
But first ask yourself,
can you ever run away from you?
Your worst enemy is always you