It’s been a week since I took all of your things off of my wall. All of the pictures, all of our 4.5 years of memories.. the scrap book you made me for Christmas in 2019 when you said you weren’t financially stable so you had to make me a Christmas gift. That meant so much more to me than any material gift you ever gave me, because of the effort that you put into it. It showed me just how happy you were here.. I was your first love, but now you have decided to pursue love elsewhere. You weren’t my first boyfriend, but you were my greatest love. I love you still, even if you’re with a new person. I love you enough not to bother looking for you. I love you enough to let you go.

You see Babe
My love is too valuable to keep at the bottom of your drawer
Too immense to keep in store.
You cannot throw it on the highest of shelves
And decide to keep it for yourself.
It is not yours to take.
You think you can come back for it when you’re bored
And keep it along with all the other loves that you hoard.
This one isn’t like your rest,
This one will not be another forgotten conquest.

You had no right to talk to me the way you did. No right to take ownership over me.

No right to tell me how to dress or even how to smile,
no right babe you were so sinister and vile. You crossed the line when you told me who I could talk to or what I could say after we were done. You master manipulator and I your puppeteer.
Said you’d always be here but you were the first to run.

You pulled me by the strings of my own heart and you didn’t even care about the hurting that would cause.

He believes that everything transcribed for a purpose
That every moment that came to be,
Has taken him through impactful checkpoints
Has guided him to me.

We walk around lost a while,
With no physical map.
Just two kids adulting
Cautious not to fall into some kind of trap.

We are on a trapeze now
sensing no fear, we twirl and dance
Not haven’t had much luck in the world of romance
We are not afraid to fall now,
But more so afraid of not taking up on this chance.

There is nothing left for you to fix
There is nothing left for you to say
I guess you really did all that
to have everything play out your way.

I was so careless
I was a mess
Somehow my mind you managed to undress
I cared about your happiness
that for a brief moment I left myself behind
In a puddle of distress
In a empty pattern of unstableness.

I was born with wings that you tried to cut through
There was a disguise that prevented me from seeing the real you.
Giving you time to convince me that you cared about me too..
I guess this is your cue...

I guess the last thing I want to say to you is:
I hope the next time
you look a female in the eye,
you select to be true.

I told you about all of the times I believed that you didn’t matter,
You said “baby your heart I could never shatter”
I heard that time and time again in the mouth of another
But time nursed me like if I was her child and she my mother.

I apologize for being so cruel to you
I apologize for all that I put you through.
Just look at how beautiful you done grew
Baby look at all the amazing things that you do.
I am blessed to be... you.

I watched as my depression took control of my body
It made me push away everybody
Until I was left with nobody
But me.
I thought to myself “how could this be?”
This wasn’t me.
I was never one to be unhappy.

I gave up
I let myself be
I fell back from the crowd until I was the only thing I could see.
I faked my bright charisma so that no one would see that depression found me.

It seems crazy how much I love and hate the night,
I cannot fall asleep so instead I choose to write.
If I fall asleep I have these dreams where we’re together and we never fight.
If these dreams were our reality then maybe we could have gotten it right.

We laugh, we dance
I wish I could bring myself to give you another chance.
But I know that we need to keep our distance
Because we both know how soul damaging it can be to live in coexistence.

Papá, I’m sorry for all the wrong turns I’ve made along the road,
When help and support was all you showed.

You tried to warn me that the world can be cold,
But I become weak and so I fold.
You teach me to be righteous and bold,
But I find a way to cope.. and you know the rest.. it’s the same old..

And I know it’s not fair,
I can’t let you see me this way even though you say you’re always there.
Please, be aware.
I’m smiling now, I don’t want to give you a scare..
Papá bear.