As I sit here and stir thinking about how much I miss them.
I begin to realize.
They have been replacements for the two people I missed and loved the most.
KD and CB.
But it still hurts.
All of this still hurts.
I crave emotions stability
drops of rain battering my glass window
the harmonious sounds of changing seasons
the billowing clouds,
the windswept leaves,
and the darkened cobblestone walkways
It's been a while since I've cried like that.
Gasping for breath.
No thoughts.
Aching head.
Very loud.
Falling asleep.
It's almost calming in an unusual way.
It's been a while since I've cried like that.
Downing glasses of boiling hot milk.
That must be why they are passed out.
Ignore the yelling that sprints through my innocent ears.
Hug your stuffed rabbit,
and go to bed.
Let the words escape through your head.
Their shouts and screams will manifest in your dreams.
There is no monster in your closet,
instead, the monster lives in your heart
it will tear everything apart.
Leaving you will a ragged blue bunny,
a stack of money,
and a plan to flee from this place.
Walking a tightrope
Teetering on the edge of a breakdown
I never asked to be an acrobat,
I never asked to juggle my fragmented feelings
I guess my hormone inflicted brain had other ideas.
Ideas that would send me falling without a safetynet.
I never asked to be an acrobat.

I’m confused.
Confused about how I feel about you.
I can’t remove my smile when you text.
I can’t help but blush when they make jokes.
I’m confused.
I’m not sure how I feel.
At a concert full of people
All gathered for the same reason
I still manage to find a way
to become lonely
The chants and whistles can’t
Tune out the screams
of my shattered mind.
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