Once again in this time zone.
This monochromatic elongated hour,
Where everything is more vibrant.
The air seems crisper,
Your bed warmer,
Your mood deeper.

But as the minute’s tick tick tick by, like the ants on the pavement outside, your mind starts to become agitated and vile.

His cherry blossom heart losing its petals in a desperate hope to hide the fact the neighbours are flowerless.

A gentle rainstorm quickly enlightens the situation as more and more thunderclouds role in from the north.

The north a sea storm, with high mountains and deep valleys
But here you are. once again in this hour, where you are not quite awake, but your mind is alive.

Your body running through the scorching sandpaper desserts down the spine, sending sharp stabbing sounds out into the night.
The night a seemingly peaceful place, but every detail of a sound is amplified, as the walls cave in, turning into speakers of which play only at a frequency which seemingly only you can hear.

Your mouth seems dryer, dehydrated from all the drinking, thinking and linking of random events in your mind, as a mindless car drives by, casting playful shadows that dance and beckon you on the walls, enticing you closer as they play games on your eyes, casting spells on your senses and messing with your mind.

2 am.

This place is neither real nor otherwise, but perhaps it exists in this hour of the night.

What is that we do,
after all these years.
Punched a hole in the wall
that now I look through.
Seeing the world through that shattered master piece.

How can it be, that after all these years
we are still the same.
Yet so very far from how we were.

Altered minds create some of the best art..
Either with drugs, substances or painful memories bouncing around an overgrown mind.
Isn't it strange how the best art can come from an altered mind?
Like it's not from this world,
A cosmic wasteland of artists and creatives.

I'm sorry to anyone who's got close to me
Felt my feeling and tried to help.
I'm a sinking ship, a broken tool that no one can fix
An unfixable annomaly without a reason.
High all the time to ignore the fact I was never going to die of old age.

Well it will all be for nothing,
But I never achieved much
Never had a plan anyway
So there isn't much to loose.

So if I can push the people around me,
Ensure they never have to face a hurricane alone,
Give them a feeling of existence, happiness and life,
Then atleast my efforts will not be for nothing.

Well I guess this is me,
They say once you’ve hit rock bottom you can only go upwards,
Well I hit the rock and pushed up into my mind,
Revealed the sky and shot up into the night.
Though all the scars and torture I’ve trodden those that are tattooed on my skin,
The mud might have weighed down my boots but I’m stronger now than I ever have been.

A somewhat sober somebody, turning my life into something instead of melting into another nothing.

Sometimes I miss the old me,
The me that would run around in mountains, and swim in rivers.
But now every thought is a mountain and the waters are cold.
My anxiety shaking me back down to earth where my mind is never at ease with the birds in the sky.
Coz the birds, you see, they've never quite been in reach,
Every goal he's set, every day he tried
He always ends up back here, just wanting to fly.

I just want to sleep, but i
Dance as I fall in and out of consciousness.
Jumping between days as they blur past my eyes.
I paint the world with words as I see it through my eyes,
But my eyes are cracked and red, it's never been easy to see through broken filters.
The trees that sheltered me from the rain have fallen down,
Ash burning, circling through my mind.
A distant mind with a painful memory.

Well I don’t know what to write
Because it’s been a while,
And the turns have been winding, the maps stored in a file.

Rushed away like wind in my mind
A fleeting jab at a life.

So take me back to those mind games
Where the sea is stronger
And the breeze block stumps sway in the wind.

Stretched far across this land,
Like ice on the fields
A punch through the crack
And a hole in this earth.

There’s fires on every corner
So you’d best come prepared.

Because the man who once lived here..
Is now huddled and scared.

A bubblegum girl and a toxic boy,
You sweetened my life, but I pushed you away.
Peeled you off my shoe and threw you in the gutter.
Now I'm missing your bubbles and everything about you.
Well, I have no cash to buy anymore, and no energy anyway.
So ill sit here without my bubblegum girl,
In this blank page, I have created for myself.

I want to run away and play hide and seek with my past,
Ignore the alarm bells as fire engines rush past on their way to my heart.
Blank out the headaches and pain with starry sky lollipops and buttercup laughs.

At night I lay and I watch the cars cast shadows on my walls,
In the bed we used to share, when you illuminated my life.
Well now the shadows are back and I'm afraid of the dark,
But you left me here alone with my mind,
To play tricks with myself and dance in the dark
Do you remember the nights, where we gazed at the stars?
Because now the clouds have rolled in and my vision is blurred, blocking my view of those perfect lights suspended on strings up above our heads.

Well these ******* naps have got me waking up drunk.
Broken knuckles and scars I don't remember.
So many days spent in a daze,
Drinking and smoking haze.
A complex distraction for a complex problem.
It's killing me, I know, but maybe that's better than nothing at all.

How can you ask a self destructive mess to not be paranoid.
All the nights I spend hating myself
Analysis to a grand scale, of every miniscule detail.
Every second of the sunset, every plant that grows I turn to dust.
Why can I only ruin this paradise,
Too late to save someone, too ****** up to let someone love me.

This is pain,
Ruining my chances and knowing what I've done.
Hating myself for the actions I do, and the things I don't say.
Blaming myself, constantly.

But let's do another line, and wash it down with spirits,
Drown them in substances and pretend we're okay until it kills us.

How is it that we can be,
so far apart like islands drifting at sea.
Well the waves are getting bigger and
we've never sailed out quite this far before.
So forgive me for asking who's steering this boat?

Tossing and turning late at night,
more than a single drop of solitude.
It'll wash away that sunset leaving a foggy
clouded mess that melts into this storm.

Why do we do this to ourselves,
drowning in liquid confidence
like a broken ship trapped in a bottle
so very far out at sea.

Well, I lost myself in your bedsheets
but I beat myself up when I ran away.
you know that I adore you,
but I've never loved myself.

So how could a daisy ever survive a hurricane?
this storm in my mind is too much,
an unstable anomaly.
sweeping away happiness and leaving a scar across the landscape.

Well, I'm too unstable to ever be any good for you,
so please just find someone that has a paradise in their mind,
leave me in this dust land I live in,
dry mouth and burning lungs,
but my heart will always fly with the birds.

We sit on the edge of conversation
Hands clasped, feet shuffling anxiously
Eyes darting across the room like
the stars in the night sky
You lean back with a sigh
and I catch you.

Hands together, knees bent
fingers touching skin
Tracing outlines of mountains on the map you offer me
You look up from my gaze and a calmness falls across your face
The corner of our eyes don't wonder but meet
Times entangled in the feast before us
I raise a leg and your knee greets my feet.

Waters greet these feet,
Waters that rage on and under us
Washing over our bodies like the light that’s wrapped itself beside us
Bodies become one in the heat of the den that we've made
In the depts we've paid
The depths we've obeyed
The trust we've displayed

Down by the rivers where the whomping willow weeps,
where the waters run ramped, and the wild things wonder
wonder about life, wonder about death
run through your mind son, be absent, be bold
just don’t forget that the water man reaps
reaps in what is sown, sold and told

whispered. whispered like silence on the edge of the wind
the wind that howls through the corner of beauty
there where it stays and sits for a while,
as the man, he stands, waiting watching on duty.
I look back to you, your face changed by the cut of a smile.

A smile.
That smile, that warms my soul like summer breeze,
Wraps me up and takes me in from the cold
You don't even realise, you do it with such ease
You do it now when we're young and you'll do it when we're old.

We sit, once again, as we used to, but more alone
Hands together, fingers crossed, in utter isolation
It’s such a wild thing, wild life that we’ve known
And none of it is ripe for an explanation.

Feet dancing on the edge of contemplation
This information that we use for the source of our meditation
Imagination sparks conversation but also speculation
So, what are we to do when there’s no confirmation?
A shout shuddering in the darkness of creation
Thinking of the combination, representation and motivation for these words when all I ever wanted was a simple conversation.

The fire burnt out and the ash floated away.
creating patterns around our fingers we couldn't ignore
it was there when we would stare into each other's eyes for hours on end.

There.

That's how I'll remember you.

We listened to songs and smoked in our happiness.
We wrote warmth into poems and cuddled at night.
Your smile was contagious, but now it's all gone.
Because the flowers have died, and the petals are sharp.
Theyll never smell as sweet without you by my side.

I want to travel to far off places.
Sit in coffee bars writing notes,

I want to go to Paris,
Walk along the river
And feed foreign ducks
Foreign bread,

Smoking cigarettes and watching the sunset, as it kills the day. A romantic display of a brutal ******.
A poets stupid love for foreign places and romance and coffee.

I’ve thought about that so many times before,
An itch on my mind like a scratch on the floor.
I’ve seen my face on other peoples memories,
Boxed away in places just out of reach.
It might be my life but it’s just a figure of speech.

A forgotten fallacy, framed through the ages and found in the back room of an old mans house,
Dust blown, leather cracked and spine broken.
Cracked open in two, bent over a knee and followed by the finger.
Put the red ribbon down and let’s talk it over,
Draw a pretty picture and imagine it again.

Where the wind whistles and the dogs howl like stars in the night.
Piercing the black, thick tar in the sky.
Running over clouds and dripping through my mind, thick like treacle but no half as sweet.

I feel like I’m losing you.
Maybe it’s childish, or pathetic.. but maybe my biggest fault was not voicing my feelings for you soon enough.
Perhaps out of fear and naivety, but I suppose hind sight is always the clearest vision.
I try every night to get you off my mind and I fail every time, so here I am, trying to deal with another sleepless night.
Not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, but rather to get **** off my chest, in the hopes that perhaps I’ll finally get some sleep.

Well you seem to have jumped into my life like some golden ticket I’ve spent my life trying to find.
A gorgeous boy and my tired mind,
Because the toxic fog around my eyes was burning for much too long,
But you’ve cleared my mind and made me happier than any artificial overdose ever could.

Perhaps I spent too long in this box I call comfort,
And perhaps my minds too lost for me to understand,
A barren town of ivy and weeds,
Overgrown memories with a hint of reality.
You’re a ******* breathe of fresh air, for these dusty lungs.. and I won’t stop trying to show you how much you mean to me...

Well don't you know girl,
You're a wonder of this world.
A butterfly's wing wrapped around mountain ranges.
Dancing like lillies on lakes of sunset kisses and morning hugs.
Trapped in the maze of half cooked poems, imagery and pain,
I can't get you off my mind, but I'm really not complaining.

How can I feel like this once again,
Like I’m falling through the floor I thought was made of stone.
I came so far but on closer inspection perhaps I’ve been going in circles.

I appear to have lost my way, stumbled on my way out of the woods,
And lost myself in the night sky.
Perhaps I stood too long looking up at the stars.

Well I stopped to smell the flowers and the world passed me by.
A great wind knocking me down to my knees again, just like old times, old friend of mine.

Flood me in emotions,
Let me drink from that stream.
Cover me in leaves
And leave me in this dream.

My life is an animation.
Just a cartoonists drawing as I drip and slide with the cosmic flow.
Bouncing off objects and seeping through the floor, deeper and deeper as I lose myself once again.
Neither existing or otherwise, just flowing and leaving it behind. Scene to scene, nothing more than a prescribed drop of emotions.
A slowmotion adventure as I explore possibilities.

Well my life was doomed from the begining.
Punch in the face by life itself,
Everyone else lives their lives on a predefined pavement
With barriers and lanes, they divide their life into devotion,
Pledging to reach the end of the road.

Well we ****** up few live our lives on a different route,
Far away, a broken road with potholes and cracks,
Called the high way for a reason, a road with no end,
We travel down alone and alone we die.

With teer soaked pillow cases
And broken glass painting the room

Washed clean with liqour
And covered over with ash

A beautiful sadness now speckled our minds,
When petals fall and flowers die
Rivers still run and the sun still sets,

But the stars look down and with sadness In their eyes,
For the sunset will never be the same, without the moon by their side

Well you destroyed me,
Ripped the happiness away, shredding my skin into scars as I fall.
I trusted too much and now it's all my fault,
How could I ever hate the one that saved me, even if it was momentary.

You took a poets words away,
And stole my confidence.
So now I'll float through the night sitting on some drug fuelled motorboat,
Trying desperately to escape the iceburgs.

But the water is cold and inviting,
So let me be self destructive as the captain tries his best to fight me.
You've left me in the dust and I couldn't hate myself more.

The air is toxic,
These brown paper bag clouds
Clogging up our lungs
We wash our ash covered feet
But it’s seeped into the bloodstream
Trickling down into a much larger lake.

So we take the plunge
Swimming in the lake of serotonin
We dive down deep and admire the fish,
Such bright coloured fish relaxing at such depths.
Everything is better down where it’s wetter,
But with lungs not gills
We all have to come up for air.

We resurface and time has moved on
The air is getting thick now
And buildings have crumbled.
Entire generations of degraded graduates
Emerging from the thick mud of the banks of the lake serotonin.

Melting away down this empty street,
No one in sight and no one to meet.
I'm not okay but it doesn't really matter,
The liquids flowed, and the alcohol stung my mind.
This nicotine rush is what's keeping me alive,
These drugs I have are altering my mind.
Because my happiness is just temporary,
And my existence is only momentary.

Well, we walked and we talked and,
You said we were better off alone.
But these words will mean nothing,
When I'm sitting on my own.

A memory of a memory,
Echos threw the darkness
Of his head.

And as the pain will come back,
He'll replace you with drugs instead.

The doctor visits broke me
And the hospital stayed in my head,
But they said sorry son there is no cure for a broken heart
Or messed up head.

So he sits and he waits dreaming of
Memories from a life he never had.
He never had.

Well the shouting and the fighting
Drew us far apart.
But you will always be special,
Like a sunrise for my heart.

Coz he wrote this on a bus,
While he was dreaming of you.
Coz all the flowers have died,
But the memories still remain.

The petals turned to knives
As they cut through his happiness

And destroyed his self-esteem,
Leaving scars where he went.


So he sits and he waits dreaming of
Memories from a life he never had.
He never had.

Well now he sits in a puddle
Of whiskey, tears, and drinks
To forget the one he loved
The one that he loved.

He spends his time,
Writing love songs for no one else to hear,
But these words will dig deep and then disappear.
Oh, disappear.

A disgusting group of goopy mess
A cluster of bandits in town to stay
A rain storm to cloud the sky,
The weathers never been nice, and the forcast looks bad.
Because the mind monsters are back
And they're here to stay.

Unwound myself from this wool just enough to breath,
Cut the rope around my neck and tie my shoes up tight.
Looking in a mirror of reflections, seeing new memories and old balled into one.
Not sure where I am, this mirror maze distracting me from where I'm heading.

What I would give for another cigarette.
An ash stained mouth and a lung full of smoke,
Spiralling up from the death wish I hold so delicately between my finger tips.
Well I quite a while ago, and yes I can breathe, but why would I want to when I'm as self destructive as I am.
So let me drink from a volcano and inhale the fumes, exhale in one breathe and clear my mind for a while.

I look back at old comments, hoping for something new to see
Some old remark of a person I once was
That stench that burns your nostrils and kills the back of your throat
Stinging into the base of your teeth and down to your fingertips
Bite your nails with yellowed teeth and suckle on the nicotine feed
That keeps you strong
Like balsawood and matchstick towers,
We built our castles in the mud and grit of it all
A glorious death had I not found my feet

Feet running
Running rabid and fast, too scared to slow down
Too nervous to stop.
Stop searching. Stop searching for something to hold onto
Let it all out of you
Hands released
Let the waters take hold of you
floating on top.

So selfish of me to not see the sun
The day breaks and falls to pieces in your hands
Crumbling down with a certain sweetness behind
Like burnt caramel that sticks
As we stand.

How beautiful it is
We talk of fun things and long weekends
Of head highs and analogue eyes
Away from the screens and the mess of addiction
white skies mottled with rose coloured patches
Sewn together jeans with embroidered scratches
Chalk line to measure my affliction
The people I’m with won’t see my addiction.

One more swipe.
One more swipe across one more greasy face.
My finger slips, skips down the page.
My finger pauses at your gaze.
The taste of your smile as it wonders through
my maze.

My thoughts are killing me in this wild overgrown mind,
Where lumps of ash and debris slowly fall downhill.
Water replaced by the blood in his veins.
Where once swallows swooped down from branches in summer,
Crows now crawl out from cracks in his skin.
As he swallows the lump in his throat,
He just wishes it would rot away.

An overgrown mesh of brambles and pain.
Mud and grit coursing through his bones,
Clogging up routes and cutting off his joy,
A broken boy and an overgrown mind.

I might just bury myself in the nights' sky and hide away from the world for a few hours. Think up some arrangement of words spoken before me, and try to be happy. For this is all that I know, living in a house where the walls bend and warp through the dangerously long hours of the night, weighed down by painful memories and bad smells.

well who knows, maybe if we had hugged a little longer,
and loved a little stronger,
moved a little slower,
and argued a little less.
perhaps then we would have each other.
perhaps in another life,
where we get what we want and we both are fully grown.
but perhaps we polluted a thousand memories with our words when we should have stayed silent.
but plants grow, and people change,
so perhaps we just grew apart, and our intertwined lives became too separate.
because you should never force love, no matter how much you want it.
sometimes,
you've got to let it go away.

Well it would seem I've fallen into this current world,
Slept in too long and skipped the past.
Found myself awakened by the thoughts in my mind.
A simple conversation to clear the fog of the winter nights.
With neon lights carving lines in the dirt, directing them with influences and tricks.
To better fill their pockets and pride.

Well maybe I'm crazy, but looking back it all looks right.
Maybe my "gut instinct" is more than an instinct.
Maybe I've found myself, lost in this river.
In the calming flow, of ever changing chaos.

Well my mind is a blur
And my hearts full of pain,
So let's drink to the moon
And shout poems to the sky.

An unsatisfied disfunctional
Smoking in the rain

Siting all alone in a puddle of his pain.
No umbrella to shield him, just walls to drown him.
Anxiety and fears surrounding his screams in a muffled muse of fright.