Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Feb 2021 · 160
Curious
Taylor Feb 2021
I’m 18, almost 19 now, but when I was at the age of 13-14 I was curious, wanted to explore my sexuality. Not even that. My best friend at the time, who was a girl, said she liked me. I was young, the “weird” girl in school. Someone showed interest in me and I went for it. My first relationship, ever, was with a girl. Nothing wrong with that.
But with this being my first relationship, I wanted to move slow. I was young and I was scared to be seen in public, holding hands with a girl. My middle school wasn’t a place that really supported being gay or bisexual or anything other than straight.
I wanted to keep it a secret, she didn’t want to keep it a secret. She wanted to move fast, I wanted to move slow.
She kept wanting to kiss and I kept saying no. She’d get upset with me so I just caved and let it happen, I was uncomfortable, I realized girls were not who I wanted to be with. I was straight. I was afraid to break up with her because she was suicidal and I couldn’t handle what would happen if I did break up with her.
It got to the point where she made me join track with her.
We were in the locker room and we were the last two to leave the locker room. I get ready to walk away and she grabs me and pulls me to her. She’s trying to kiss me. I was sick. I didn’t want to kiss her and give her whatever sickness I had. She didn’t like me pulling away, refusing to kiss her and she grabbed me harder and started to hit me. She slammed my head into the mirror in the locker room, mad that I wouldn’t give her what she wanted. She continued to hit me and abuse me mentally and physically until I cut it off for sure. I’d come home from school with bruises and sore from the day. I cut the relationship off. I stayed longer and took the abuse not wanting to hurt her, knowing she was suicidal. But staying I realized I was slowly killing myself.


*this was 5-6 years ago.
Aug 2019 · 208
He’s hurt
Taylor Aug 2019
Me- “why do you keep bringing me up into conversation?”
Him- “maybe because you were a big part of my life for a ******* year Taylor”
And that’s when it hit me
He’s hurting
Aug 2019 · 364
Ok
Taylor Aug 2019
Ok
I keep portraying myself like I’m really actually ok and I’m getting over everything
But once I’m alone I realize I’m not ok and I keep telling myself I am but when no one is around I get to thinking and I’m not ok and I wish I could express how I feel to you and I know I can’t and it just
Hurts
Aug 2019 · 356
Break up
Taylor Aug 2019
It’s 11:24 in the morning and it’s taking all of me not to text you good morning
And tell you how much I love you
And tell you I miss the taste of your lips
And the feeling of your arms wrapped around me
And your scent when I dig my face into your chest
To tell you I’m heartbroken would be an understatement
I’m completely crushed
You said you still loved me and you didn’t want to do this.
You cried
I hyperventilated on the side of the street as you held me and told me to calm down before I made myself sick.
I didn’t care, let me get sick
You were leaving me
I still love you and care about you a ton and I’m always here, I’m never leaving you said to me that night
But I want you back
I did nothing wrong
Please
I miss you.
Jun 2019 · 190
Dear Boyfriend Part 2
Taylor Jun 2019
It’s been almost 10 months
At first I was scared we wouldn’t work out
But now we talk about the future
Marriage
Children
I lay on your chest and I imagine this 10 years from now
A baby on the way
Good stable jobs
A beautiful house
I don’t want that with anyone else
I’ve never been happier than I am with you
I can’t remember what life was like before you
I’ve finally found my missing puzzle piece
You’re amazing, a handsome *** young man, a great boyfriend
Everything I’ve ever wanted and more
Please never leave
I love you
Love, Tiny
Feb 2019 · 332
Dreams
Taylor Feb 2019
What if you tell someone to dream big but they can’t because they can’t dream the dream they want to dream because they have these monsters in their head, shredding their dreams and giving them unforgettable nightmares.

But so what?

Dreams are overrated anyways.
Feb 2019 · 236
Jealous
Taylor Feb 2019
There are the girls who are your boyfriends exes
That’ll come up to you and act all nice...
Then fill your head with ******* lies.
Because they’re jealous.

They’re jealous because you were able to work out your problems
Instead of having a blowout in the hall
Jealous because that boy cares about you more than he ever did to all those girls...
Combined.
Nov 2018 · 172
Show me
Taylor Nov 2018
Show me you care
Show me you love me
Show me all the things you say
I need actions, not words
Oct 2018 · 178
Words
Taylor Oct 2018
**** me softly with the words you speak
Whisper the words that cut like knives
Scream the words that are soft like your sweater I stole from you years ago  
Keep silent with the ones that are rough like gravel
Do not speak to me the lies you have told
Instead
Smile and promise it’ll never happen again
Whisper your ***** little secrets you dare not share
Scream at the top of you lungs what you really mean
Speak to me kindly your thoughts
Hopes
Dreams
And I might
Just might
Let you in
Oct 2018 · 1.6k
Sleepover
Taylor Oct 2018
Let’s have a sleepover
Just you and me
We’ll dance and sing
Then get under the covers
Laughing like children

Let’s have a sleepover
Under the covers is a secret
You’ll whisper I love you in my ear

Let’s have a sleepover
Your arms wrapped around my bare waist
Keeping me close because
“I’m cold”

Let’s have a sleepover
Let’s get closer so we don’t need the blanket
Our body heat will be enough

Let’s have a sleepover
Let’s have a sleepover
Let’s have a sleepover
Oct 2018 · 166
Not a poem part 2
Taylor Oct 2018
“Boy started trending”
“Dear boyfriend started trending”
“i never blamed you for what I did started trending”

What. Is. Happening.
Oct 2018 · 269
Boy
Taylor Oct 2018
Boy
You’re the highlight of my
Life
The only star I’ll ever
See
You make life worth
Living
Your smile makes my
Day
This all makes no sense but I’m
In love with
You
And I hope you are
Too
Oct 2018 · 183
Trending
Taylor Oct 2018
It gives me anxiety knowing one of my poems is
Trending
8.6k
That’s a lot of people
That could
Easily
Destroy me
Bring me down
Make me feel like that poem is never good enough
Although I hate that poem now
It’s still apart of me
And it scares me knowing many have seen it
And loved it
Liked it
Shared it
Reposted it
Thank you but I’m scared
Oct 2018 · 418
Dear boyfriend
Taylor Oct 2018
Thank you for completing me
Thank you for returning
Making me feel like I was worth the wait
“I tried so hard to get over you Taylor”
I tried to get over you too
But here we are
Almost 2 months later
This is the happiest I’ve seen you since
Freshman year
When we last dated
Thank you
For waiting
Sep 2018 · 208
August 31,2018
Taylor Sep 2018
“Awe I didn’t get you anything”
That’s okay
“How about I get you a boyfriend again”
Are you asking me out?
“Yes”
Then yes

And then he hugs me tighter than he ever has before
The end
Aug 2018 · 196
Second chance
Taylor Aug 2018
You deserve it
You’re an amazing guy
If only they could see what I see
When I look at you
Jul 2018 · 176
Love.
Taylor Jul 2018
I haven’t been this happy in so long
And I’m afraid it’s gonna go away
And I know it’s gonna go away
Maybe not now
Or for awhile
But it’s gonna go away
And when it does
I don’t know what to do
Because I...

I ******* love him
And I hate that I do
And I shouldn’t
But I do
Jul 2018 · 206
Draw
Taylor Jul 2018
“You need to draw your feelings”

You can’t draw what you don’t have.
Jul 2018 · 201
Drunk
Taylor Jul 2018
She’s a little love drunk,
But hey,
Aren’t we all?
Jul 2018 · 189
Mind
Taylor Jul 2018
I know I’m not
The last thing on your
Mind
Before you go to
Sleep

But I’d be
Honored
If I was the first thing on your
Mind
When you wake up in the
Morning
Jul 2018 · 197
Right?
Taylor Jul 2018
You know I love you,
Right?
Jul 2018 · 158
July 4, 2018
Taylor Jul 2018
We hung out today
For 2 hours
Best 2 hours of my
Life

We went down to the river
You grabbed me by the waist for a hug
Then you asked to kiss me
I said yes

You gently pushed your
Lips upon mine
**** I missed your lips

You pick me up and grab my ***
As you push me against the car
I kiss you deeper

We walk down to the
River
And I get in your
Lap

We continue to make out
Those beautiful lips of
Yours
Against mine

You slowly pull my shirt up
Revealing my maroon colored
Bra

You asked to leave a hickey
Where only
You
And
Me
Will see it
You press your lips to my
Chest
******* on the skin
Causing me to breathe harder

Man,
I missed your lips on my body
Jun 2018 · 166
Hurt
Taylor Jun 2018
I just wanna scream until I have no
Voice
Because the thought of seeing you with
Her
Hurts me more than it hurt
When you walked away
From me
A year ago
Jun 2018 · 147
Secrets
Taylor Jun 2018
I love how at night
The things we do in the bedroom are
Magical

But in the morning
All your time and energy
Goes to that girl

And she doesn’t even have a clue
About our ***** little secret
Jun 2018 · 142
Fuck life
Taylor Jun 2018
This **** is real
You lose the ones you love
And people ******* die

And the sad thing is you can’t do
**** about it

You have to watch the one you love
Turn around and walk away

And you have to watch the people
You look up to
******* die a tragic death

Because that’s life.
**** life.
Jun 2018 · 186
One more time
Taylor Jun 2018
Baby I want you to love me
Baby I want you to care

Push me up against the wall one more time
And whisper you love me into my ear
And smash your lips against mine
Just one more time

Throw yourself on top of me
And love me like you did so long ago
Love me like you said you would
Never let me go

Baby I’m here waiting
Let’s go
Just one more time
May 2018 · 250
friends
Taylor May 2018
sometimes i question why i have friends
why i keep them.

they all tend to
never listen
leave me on read
never text back
etc.

why do i keep them?
because knowing they're there
makes me feel a little less
lonely.
Taylor May 2018
may 24, 2017
last suicide attempt
everyone blamed you
it was him
he hurt you
why do you even talk to him still?

you were never the reason
you broke up with me that night
and i snapped
the only thing that kept me happy
left
and i had
zero reason to
live

it was never your fault...
May 2018 · 260
change
Taylor May 2018
i miss the thought of the old you
why'd you change?
May 2018 · 153
how dare you
Taylor May 2018
how dare you kiss me and then turn around
and kiss another girl

how dare you whisper you love me then turn around
and whisper it to another

how dare you say you won't leave then turn around
and walk away, never to be seen again

how dare you...
May 2018 · 150
you
Taylor May 2018
you
i just want you to love me
cuddle me
hug me
kiss me
**** me
love me like i love you
May 2018 · 188
don't
Taylor May 2018
don't fall in love kids
it's like a drug

no good for you
May 2018 · 156
mothers day
Taylor May 2018
my mom left me when i was 10 for ******

happy mothers day
**** happens
May 2018 · 171
fingers
Taylor May 2018
my fingers are red and raw
all skin ripped away

"stop doing that"
they all say
i could if i would
but it's a nervous tick
a sense of relief

"you're practically self harming right in front of me"
then don't look

"doesn't it hurt to wash your hands?"
yes
but i won't say that,
i'll say
"you get used to it"

my fingers are red and raw
all skin ripped away.
May 2018 · 144
not a poem
Taylor May 2018
i feel like i should just stop doing everything.
stop writing
drawing
singing
dancing
pretty much everything i do
just quit showchoir
stop writing stories and poems
throw away my sketch books
i feel like i just **** at everything..
May 2018 · 144
Do You Remember?
Taylor May 2018
do you remember the first time we talked?
it was midnight and you texted me hello
do you remember the first time we hung out?
it was at a football game our freshman year
you asked me about my fingers
why they were so red and raw

do you remember the first time we kissed?
it was at a concert at the school
do you remember the first time you said 'i love you'?
it was when we were hugging goodbye at the bus stop
you whispered it in my ear

do you remember when we had that paper ball fight?
it was at your house on your birthday

do you remember how much i loved you?
it was more than was humanly possible
do you remember how much i still love you all this time later?
May 2018 · 265
what i'd tell my daughter
Taylor May 2018
Love is texting you
A long paragraph
At 3am, telling you how much
You mean to that person

And they’ll talk about Disney Pixar characters
Because they know
You want to grow up
And be like Carl and Ellie from Up

Love is when you
Just Keep Swimming
Through all the bad
And come out from the jellyfish wall within,
Smiling faces,
Hand in hand, or fin in fin,
Depending on whether you’re a fish or not

Love tastes like what a rainbow
Would taste like,
Colorful and sweet,
Just like a candy

It tastes like the chocolate cake
He had before
He pressed his soft lips to yours

It feels like having a
Soft,warm and fuzzy blanket
Wrapped around you,
Keeping you safe
From the monsters in your
Closet

And when he wraps his arms
Around you
You feel protected,
Like nothing can hurt you…
And it’s an amazing feeling

And when he kisses you…
God, when he kisses you,
You feel like time stops
And everything is perfect
And you never want that moment
To end...

Maybe love is temporary
Or maybe it’s long lasting
Maybe love is meant for you
Or maybe it’s not

There will be heartbreak
There will be tears
But baby, I’ll tell her,
There are plenty of fish in this big ocean,
But maybe some of those fish are
Big, or mean, or maybe even broken,
Maybe some are colorful, sweet, nice, kind,
But you’ll find another “fish,”
That makes you...
Happy  

And she would look at me
With those wide eyes of hers,
And I’d hug her
And tell her,  love is out there for you,
You may not find it right away
But it’s there
Somewhere in this world
Maybe on the other side of the ocean
Or maybe it’s right across the street

Love can stay for months
Love can stay for years

Just wait
There is someone out there
Praying they get to be the one you love

Love comes
And love goes

“ Learn to love yourself
Before you love someone else,”
But don’t you dare let someone tell you
That you care only about yourself
Because I know you
And I know you care about everyone
And everything
And once you love yourself
And you’re happy with yourself,
Then you can love someone
The way you love yourself

And I’ll be here through it all
With chocolate and a tissue box
For when love fails you
You can come to me
For I shall always love you
Even if you found someone
Who loves you more than I do

But you’re young
Only in high school
You’ll see love
When it walks through the door
You’ll know it
I knew it, or, well,
At least I thought I did

But you’ll know
You won’t make the same mistakes as me
Because I’ll tell you what I did wrong
And you’ll stay away from the people
Who are just bad for you

And if your guy
Makes you cry
Leave him
Don’t go back to him
No matter how much you want to
Because he will take
That tiny, fragile little heart of yours
And run it over with a bus
Multiple times

And if your guy
Breaks your heart
Yes,
You can cry,
But no,
You cannot
Go back to him
You cannot cry your eyes out in front of him
And no,
You cannot beg
To get him back
And lie and say you miss him
Because I know you
And I’ve heard you cry about him
To your friends at 2 in the morning
Because you thought he didn’t love you anymore,
You don’t miss him
You’re better off without him
And you may think otherwise
But it’s the truth

I know what you’re going through
Trust me,
I’ve been through the same thing
Thinking he doesn’t love you anymore
Cry for a little bit
Then realize that he actually does love you
And then he says that he’ll never leave you,
Don’t fall for it, because you’ll fall
And he’ll leave you on the ground...

Yeah, I’ll admit,
The feeling of love
Is amazing...
And sadly yes, heartbreak *****
But remember,
You’ve got your whole life
In front of you
And that boy…

That boy
Was only there
For a few months of it
May 2018 · 184
happy birthday
Taylor May 2018
you lips tasted of chocolate cake as you smashed your lips upon mine while you were on top of me
May 2018 · 158
anxiety
Taylor May 2018
it feels like butterflies going through out your entire body
it's a large brick on your chest
it's the reason why you never sleep at night anymore
it's the reason you can't order for yourself
answer questions in class
have a job
meet new people
it's ruined your life
i have severe anxiety so i feel i have a right to say these things, this is in no way making fun of anyone, in a way, it mind as well be making fun of myself because i have anxiety
May 2018 · 177
an addict
Taylor May 2018
i was addicted to your
touch
taste
smell
looks
you loved me in ways no one has ever showed me
you showed me what love was
and then one day you decided that you weren't addicted to me anymore
my addiction to you needed to be fullfilled
every addict has a withdrawl
and my withdrawl was me without you
my drug was gone
found someone new
i'm an addict laying in bed
crying
missing my drug called
you
someone you love leaving you has to be the worst feeling in the world and it's been a year and my addiction to you still hasn't faded
May 2018 · 412
Ana
Taylor May 2018
Ana
I met a girl named Ana
What a sweet girl she was
Until she made her way into my brain
And said
Stop eating, your brain will rot
I believed
and I didn't eat
Ana is no longer sweet
And she is the reason I won't eat
Because Ana told me skinny is better
And that's what killed me.
May 2018 · 558
hello
Taylor May 2018
i made this account
to express my feelings
of love
loss
life
everything really
you don't have to like my work
but it'd be appreciated
if at least one did

— The End —