I'm right here
Waiting stupidly for you
What if I'm not waiting for anything?
My heart can't handle that
Why
Are you
Doing this
To
Me

How much have I really lost?
How many times has happiness
Slipped from my grasp?
Is it really destiny?
Some happenstance collection
Of random encounters?
Random chemicals floating?
Neural synapses firing?
How many times has a moment
Shaped the rest of my life?
A moment so inconsequential
That it eludes my memory.
A green light I barely missed.
An extra ten minutes because I couldn't find my keys?
If I'd left on time would I still have met you....
Or would you have met someone else?

Beneath my window
some workmen are blaring
bad 80s rock and, worse,
singing along.

How come
I never seem to have a gun
when I could use one.

This will go on
for mindless hours.

The day's silence but a memory;
It's time for me to flee.

  ~mce

I used to judge love
By the words I was told.

But people deceive with their tongues.

I tried to judge love
By the way I was treated.

But people deceive with their actions as well.

So how should one judge love?

It's simple: you don't.

You just love with all your heart, mind, body and soul.
You hold on for the ride,
And hope against all hope

*That this time will be different.

That one thing i craved for..
Only you didn't know
Always on my mind
a drug, poisoning me
A sick addiction
Cutting me off from reality

Each time you pulled me closer
Each time i felt you better
Each time you treaded me more the way i wished for
A one night stand
But the day after i didn't exist anymore

The torture of being nothing
Nothing more than a pleasure
Just a toy, what could i do
Everything was fine with me
As long as i could see you

Never an explanation
Till the day we got together
You cherished me
Like a wolf in sheep skin
And i, the sheep, was trapped
As you kissed my neck
Calling me 'his girl'

You told me you love me
You told me you're afraid i'll leave
You told me you're a selfish man
You told me you're struggling with yourself
The voices, they keep talking to you
I know you're scared
But i love you too.

Now we're here
There's nothing left
No tensity just insanity
You're The razor on my wrist
But the cuts relieve the pain
My biggest mistake but yet my happiness

Afraid to lose you
Pretending I'm fine
Exhausted of waiting
Too Scared to stand up
craving for your attention
waiting patiently till it's my time

You pull me closer to the edge
Pushing me further away from you
Just A tread saving me from the abyss
It's like waiting for the end
Wondering what you're holding behind your back.

Preparing for another day
Closing my eyes as a tear slips through my lashes
Wetting my pillow
Leaving a black stain
Trying to sleep, my thoughts keep me awake.

As i wrap my hands around your neck, holding my breath
Counting to three...
The razor cuts me again
So relieving, but still feels so wrong
I love you and With knives in my heart
I decide to give you one more chance
The last chance

Like i gave yesterday...

I rise from the ashes of what might have been
Lips rouged red
Heart half dead

My feelings for you confined to a pen
Locked up tight
Out of sight

I told you we could still be friends
I now see
It can't be

My love for you would just scare you again
Make you flee
Away from me