In the beginning of my first heartbreak it shattered into a million pieces. I laid in it for awhile before wanting to put it back together because I was numb and depressed for a good minute but then, piece by piece I started taping it back together taking my time with it not leaving any piece behind. When it was put back together it didn’t glow for awhile…months…years until I got a small glow from someone and then it stopped and then it eventually glowed again and then eventually stopped… and then it glowed somewhat brighter and stayed light for a couple months and then…it stopped and some pieces shattered. I began to fix it putting the small piece back in place hoping it would glow..praying it would light up for who I want or who I needed in someone…and then it did it glowed super ******* bright it started to heal itself in a way that I wasn’t used to it was uncomfortable and scary but it stayed glowing for weeks that lead to months that lead to a year and another year and then another year…and then it shined a bit brighter it was uncomfortable I didn’t mention there was a cage before when I picked up the pieces to my heart the first time… my heart was glowing inside of the cage shining brighter and brighter like when you look at a sun and you squint…it was that bright…the cages began to melt away and it stayed lit for those weeks, months, and years…it was ready to share a heart a small one so it can shine brighter…it was ready to say yes a million times over and over…it was happy…and then it stopped…it didn’t dim like when you turn those lights off to make it the right light just for you no it cut off…and it exploded the pieces are even tiny this time the pieces you can’t even see the outline to even attempt to put it together… this time is different…this time it doesn’t wanna be fix it wants to lay in the destruction…it wants to decay. This is my heart.
It’s been a while. I feel like I’m only creative when I’m hurt.
If I wrote the way I thought I would run out of paper. I know it would be a disaster cause my thoughts are drastic I unintentionally cut myself that’s my bad habit but it helps —in that moment I don’t feel no pain I don’t think about anything but when it’s over that’s when it hits.
My thoughts. Tmarie
Can you be patient with me?
I’m still under construction.
I’m still trying to project what I
I’m still trying to figure me out.
I’m still trying to understand.
I’m still trying to love you a little better.
And I’m still trying to get use to you.
Forgive me but I’m not you I don’t know how to
Love in ways that you do. I’m still trying to love myself and love you.
I’m still trying to be the best me possible for you..for us.
—I’m still trying
I give too much of myself away and end up not having enough left.
What do I need to do so you can see me? So you can understand how much this hurts me.
I’m just one of those people who feel too much and love too much.
I’m one of those who just can’t seem to let go when I know I have too and my only reasoning of not letting go is because I love you too much to do so.
But what about me? What about what I need out of this?
I’m fighting for a love that probably never really belong to me—was it temporary? Am I only good for temporary things?
Do I make you feel—anything?
i am the best
version of myself
when i am comfortable
surrounded by my loved ones
and knowing there are no time restrictions
Never was shown true love.
Never knew what actual love felt like.
Never knew what it felt like to be loved
With no boundaries.
With no requirements.
My mind needs to be worshipped just as much as my body.