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Tia Mar 8
I don't know but I kinda forgot myself
I don't know but I kinda don't know what's left
I don't know but I think this is some kind of factory reset?
I don't know but maybe this is something like a love receipt

You see? I was lost when you left me
just like before nothing matters, just you and me
The only difference is now the nothing that matters is me
No I don't feel sad, I just feel empty

Because when you told me that you're planning to stay
I'm already thinking ahead of the bills that we need to pay
I already saw us argue over what to cook for lunch and dinner
What to do tomorrow, what color of shirt to wear

I was black but you were all the colors
I was the sky while you are the clouds
I was the post and you were the lamp
But I realized I'm just a trend and you are a follower

I thought I highlighted your colors and yes I did but just your true color
I  thought that we're fit and we could make it work
But no I can't make you shine and you can't even shout "she's mine"
But it's okay, I understand that I'm tough and it was just a "challenge accepted "

Don't worry about this love receipt
It's fine, I had the choice to throw it but I decided to keep it
Well just in case that you come back to ask for satisfaction rate
I could show it and maybe ask for refund or in front of you maybe I could rip it
Tia Dec 2018
I didn't loved you
because you told me so
I didn't loved you
So you can hear I love you too

I didn't loved you
because I needed you
Nor did I loved you
because I wanted you

I loved you
The moment you understood my brain and my pain
I loved you
The moment you watched the night sky and the stars with me

I loved you
When you said you'll never leave
I loved you
When you said you'll always be here

I loved you
When I saw you looked up and  and stare at the moon
I loved you
When under the moonlight you held my hand

I loved you
When you swore a little too much
I loved you
When your brows are drawing a straight line

I loved you
The moment you showed me your soul
I loved you
The moment I felt that I am in love with you

I loved you
Even though I don't know if you did too
I loved you
Even though I don't know if yours was true

I loved you
Even though I don't know your truths
I loved you
Even though I realized you don't feel the same too

I was a fool
Not listening to my mind
I was a fool
Thinking that you'll be mine

I was a fool
Believing your made up story
I was a fool
I forgot you're a real writer of stories

But yet
I didn't put a thought on it
But yet
I still continued ignoring it

Because I loved you
Not because you made me
But because I fell in love with you
And I chose to love you
Tia Nov 2018
You have that bright smiles
And your loud laughs
You show your wonderful mood
And your oh so joyful eyes

But behind of all of that
You are really not
Truth is you are scared
Feeling hopeless and hurt

So can you pull that mask off?
That mask! That mask you are wearing
That mask! That mask of happiness
Happiness you are showing us

Will you let us know?
Know those thoughts?
Those thoughts that hurts you
Those thoughts that haunts you

Please let us know, let us see
Let us feel your pain
Because what all of us knew is your mask
Your mask of happiness
I lied in front of the class when I was in College. I lied in front of the class when I said the poem that I wrote was about a friend. I lied when I told them it wasn't me.
Tia Oct 2018
Where are you when it's dark?
When it's hard to take what they bark
When I needed to breathe my deserved air
When in their eyes I feel so naked, so bare

I wanted to know you ever since
Ever since everything knocked me down and made  some sense
But yet you were nowhere to be found
You weren't there, you left me behind

Was this your natural nature?
To not show up even if everything is so hard to endure?
To let me be dragged and lay on the floor?
To let me be drowned on my sea of failure?

You kept running away
Leaving me to doubt myself when I fail
Putting me in the box with couple of locks
Caging me with no escape luck
Finished in June of 2018.
Tia Oct 2018
Her
I'm losing her
The her who used to smile
The girl who is full of joy
The woman who used to be happy

She's beginning to lose herself
The one who used to have loads of positivity
The lady who was good at everything
The she who loved to be challenged

She's getting afraid
Starting to hide at the dark
Wanting to just give up
Letting fear eat her up

She's getting tired
Tired of fighting back
Tired of overcoming things
Tired of everything

I'm losing her
The her who radiates
The her who wants to be strong everyday
The her who hates to lose

I'm losing her already
The girl who used to be happy
The girl who just want to be happy
I'm losing her, I'm losing her to sadness
Tia Sep 2018
I'm having the same fear again
But yet I don't wanna be comforted
I'm experiencing the same thing again
But yet I don't want you to see me uncollected

I'm having the same heavy breathings again
But yet I don't want you to know how I am unhealed
I'm having the same dreams again
But yet I don't want to tell you in those dreams you visited

I'm standing on the same spot again
But yet I don't want to inform you that even a little I didn't moved
I'm having ghosts of my feelings again
But yet I want to show you to forget is what I tried

It's *******!
******* that I'm in the same mess
It's *******!
******* that I'm in the same madness

It's *******!
******* that I have the same tears!
It's *******!
******* that now I'm looking for the same beer!

Do you know how?
How hard is it not to think of you?
Do you know how?
How I tried to tell my heart not to beat for you?

Do you know how?
How I'm trying to get you off my mind?
Do you know how?
How I'm doing my best not to see you in the crowd?

Do you know how?
How hard I tried to ignore the fact that I miss you?
Do you know how?
How it hurts to force myself not to love you.
When you're trying so hard but it's not enough to make the feelings disappear.
Tia Aug 2018
Because in me, there is a wall higher than China's
That I promised no one can get in even if they try hard
It's unbreakable even by the titans
It is made of solid rocks strengthened by thousands of emotions

Years and years of building
Years and years of protecting
Years and years of guarding
And now the heart inside is becoming empty and lonely
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