✨I fear the unknown

I'm walking down the aisle,
Looking all beautiful and elegant,
Maybe all this to impress the man standing infront of the altar, waiting for me.
But it doesn't feel right,
Something's missing.
Unlike other brides,
I'm not that happy.
Maybe that's what it feels like,
The congregation seem happy for me, for us, but my heart ain't,
Its frowning, I'd have thought its jealousy 'cause someone else gonna share it, but no, it's a strong feeling, tag war between the heart and mind, instincts and the 'love' I think is there.

I'm closer to the altar,
He's ready to take my hand and lead me to the journey fate planned for us,
But ****, my mind is strolling on a different lonely path,
A lane of no return, of looking back, a lane that...
I'm worried now,
With questions in my heart,
Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm too nervous, but where is this trust I claimed to have,
Where is this love?
Is this a mistake?did we rush things on such a short notice?
Am I really lucky like my girlfriends say?

We are already here,
My dad is handing me over to him,
Instead of being elated, I'm feeling scared,
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I really on the right path?
Why am I so insecure?why do I think he's gonna forget all this, and see me as a nobody someday?
Why do I feel he's gonna fall out of love,  and no longer treasure what we have?
Why am I too engrossed to the thoughts that he's gonna hurt me, he's not gonna show me respect even infront of our kids,
****, talking of kids, what if he leaves us, what if he finds a perfect lady and think all that we have, the family, is all a mistake?
What if I confront him someday and he decides that its over for us, what if he raises his hands on me,
Will I take all that?
Am I really ready for this man, for this new phase for me?

The ring is already on my finger,
Now I'm not just the girl they used to know,
I already have his second name,
He owns me now,
There's nothing like looking back, escaping this,
I've owned up to it,
So maybe, just maybe, I should shun these thoughts away,
And be happy, or that's what I think,
Let me laugh, smile, love while it lasts,
Cause the future is uncertain, not even my insticts can define it or predict what will happen,
So I'm looking back at this man, I smile,
My heart praying and hoping, this is the best decision I've ever made!

©tiana💞...

✨SOMEONE I LOVED...

Dear heartbreaker,

Why are you chasing something that's already gone?
Why are you realizing your mistakes when it's all too late?
Why are you apologizing when I've already made up my mind?
Why are you giving me your time when my clock long stopped?
Why?

Why are you showing your concern, when every mistreatment is packed up and on replay in my mind?
Why are you trying to make things right when I don't care anymore,
Why are you finding it so hard to let go when I've already given up?
Why?

You knew a day like this will come,
You knew one day I'll get fed up and find my way out,
You knew one day I'll untie all the knots and set you free,
You knew one day I'll stop begging for you to stay,
You knew one day I'll stop apologizing for your mistakes,
You knew one day this love you called 'desperate ' will fade and turn out to an illusion.

You were my life,
But the blades of rejection cut deeper than a knife,
You were my breathe,
But that air we used to share, chokes me now,
You gave me reasons to live,
But now, no amount of threats can shake me with a life I no longer care about,
You gave me reasons to smile,
But nothing is genuine now, the smile I give is just a reflection of my pain.
Happiness, joy, were my particulars,
But now, pain is just part of me,
Sad songs, my comfort,
The hole you dug, my home.

Please, just don't follow me,
Don't ask how am doing,
Don't try to stop me from what I'm about to do.
Let the fire that kept our love burning,
Consume every piece of memory to ashes.
You are just a little too early, to say goodbye,
But a little too late, to save a life...

#brokensoul...
#shatteredheart...

©tiana... 💔

✨WHAT IF ...

What if they all behind this?
What if those I call saviors, are the terminators?
What if they know nothing about being loyal but betrayal?
What if they are just making a fool out of me?
What if by telling them my thoughts, I'm helping in their new plans?
What if they all just devil incarnates,
Wearing masks of Angel?
What if they are playing too cool but deep inside with burning thoughts of seeing me crashed?
What if I'm their own game?
What if things that are excruciating to me are exhilarating to them?

What if the events running in my mind are the perfect definition of insanity?
What if this state I'm in, is an excursion to my fate?
What if I'm just a broken record on replay?
What if with this dark poetry is the only way I can rhyme?
What if it's my best method to spit the taming lines?
Or what if I'm just throwing a hissy fit where not needed?
What if I'm just thinking too much?
What if all these are just delusions?...

©tiana... 💔

✨YOUNG LOVE

Your tears are my weakness,
I'll never wanna see you cry,
I'll always try my best to make you happy ,
To see that beautiful smile displayed on your face.

Calling you a princess is an understatement ,
Coz you run my empire,
You the reflection of real beauty ,
You the only flower I'd always want to **** nectar from,
I wanna age to see you bloom to fruitful success.
I want to blindly follow that sweet scent all the way.

You twinkle like a star,
You blaze like fire,
You illuminate light way through my heart,
You give me meaning,
And a title that is unbeatable,
It never hit me that one day I'll afford gold,
For your worth is equally the same.

Be my lioness,
In our jungle, we rule,
That whenever my strength fails,we gonna use yours,
That when my pride fades away,you gonna be by my side and not on the other side
That when my mane has no signifance,our young love still gonna glow,
That when my claws wear out,you still gonna see me as your strength,your one,your love.
That when i make mistakes or go astray,it'll never be too late to apologize.
Let me die every minute fighting for what is mine.

Be my reason to everything,
Let not an ocean separate us,
Let not a mountain discourage you from climbing,
Let not this fire consume all the moments we've shared together.
Let not distance **** our love,
Let not petty arguments dismantle us.
Instead,let nature be the definition of building us and not tearing us apart.

Promise me you'll play your part,
You'll fight for our love,
You'll always smile for me,
You'll forever be my eyes and bring out the best in me.
Let our young love forever glow...

#Lover_boy

©tiana...❤

✨√SIGNED_FATE

I looked at myself in the mirror,
Smiled,  but hit back with a frawning reflection,  
My thoughts lingered on the darkened soul,
Where the black suit sheltered pain, deep sketched scars of a tortured heart...
A place they found as comfortable as home,
A place they cry and mourn.

Daughter of fate as written,
Happiness buried deep within my soul,
Screams and cries of the vengeful beasts inside,
Wanting to be let free,  
And ***** the whole situation up.
Echoes of the defeaning silence,
Sending me to hades...

They watching,
My every move tracking,
Leading me on a journey there's nothing like retrieving,
Where I hope to have an unerrinng ******* life,  
Where I wish they lull me to eternal sleep.

Their voices becoming louder as I pootle in,
Gravitating deeper in the gloomy atmosphere,  
Wild thoughts circulating in my mind,
Suicidal thoughts taking the better part of me,
with a force greater than centrifugal,  
dismantling whole of my right mind.

Their open arms luring me to hug back,
No one can save me now,
No one can unhitch me from these chains of torment, condemnation,
My mind is all frozen,
My heart is all broken,
Nothing's right,  
Maybe signing my fate is the only real thing,
Maybe I'll no longer feel this emptiness,
loneliness,
Just like leaves gyrate slowly to the ground.

Everything happens so fast,
In nick of time, blade in my hand,  
Gashed both of my wrists, half-arsed,
Gush of blood flowing,
I pass out,
In a pool of a blood,  I lay helplessly,
Waiting for my flipping Will to be read out.
Signed fate...

©tiana...😭

✨WAR OF HEARTS

At chasm,
Far deep abyss of despair,
Soaked gloomy atmosphere,
In a vague sparkle,
Arrested were my eyes to see,
My numb feelings jolted,
Salvation without sanatory,
I felt a new being resurrect,
Couldn't hold my feelings anymore,
Submissive,
I wasn't in control.

I was flummoxed,
Something I couldn't explain in fistful words,
Something hadn't felt for long,
Something my heart had long lost tune to,
Nearer I drew stuck,
Pootled in with mixed feelings.

With a gaze of his eyes,
I saw him,
Charismatic inclination,
I could no longer fight my thoughts,
A nightmare all was like alike,
A place of no return in flames,
In his world, I buried my thoughts,
In an ocean of love, lost I was.

Love at first sight the moment,
but wished to be a forever sight,
For in the stars in his eyes,
Was the forever in my heart,

My eyes craved his to see,
My heart wished to rewrite what I thought was lost,
My mind desired to rescript new memories,
To see the beauty in his soul,
Stretching out deep into him,
Dancing in our love,

In his cologne,
He became my body best scent,
Everyday, wishing he'd touch me more and more,
Dining in the thoughts of,
the grab that  I would give him when he is digging deep into me to satisfaction,

An overdose of him I took,
An obsession in my addiction,
That derived me numb,

He was the star that shone among the moons,
A star that had come to recollect my heart's broken pieces together,
To recolor my planet with colors of hope,
To refill it with diamonds where nothing fitted in,

But, the more I fell for him,
the more we drifted apart,
The more it hit me,
we were of two different World's,
Flowing in a whirl of perplexed events,

War of hearts, 
Clashes of cerebrations,
Fight between reality and delusion,
Conflict between heart's feelings and mind's instincts.

Reflection of his face,
Oceans and skies,
Space between fate and destiny,
Fantastical design,
Delusional exception,
Deception world of thoughts,
Dinning imagination,
Mental pictures,
confined behind my desires and wishes.

#brokensouls

©tiana..❣ ft. Abdu_l💎

Anxiety..
Sometimes it ***** to be you,
Losing everything you knew,
Earning nothing,
Feeling useless, becomes the daily dose,
Fake life, fake living,
It's all we are left with.
Nothing feels right,
Everyone becomes boring,
You can't do anything right,
Perfection becomes a fantasy, a dream,

Thinking we moving forward,
But in reality taking a step backwards every time,
No one seem to notice your efforts,
Not even a single achievement,
Because we are ****** up,
Living a life that's far from normal.
A loner,
Soon, a goner.

Over thinking turns to anxiety,
Anxiety to stress,
Stress to depression,
Depression to Self-harm,
Suicidal thoughts creeping in.
Life's worth, doesn't make sense anymore,
Nothing is working out,
Just fake smiles and bleeding hearts.

The blade becomes your friend,
Because all you want to feel is pain.
When you look at yourself in the mirror,
You just wanna convince yourself you not pretty enough, you wanna see all the scars,
You wanna look at all your imperfections from a complete, different, cold level,
Just to get those tears,
Getting into a fight with your friends,
Just to convince yourself you are alone.
Looking for trouble everywhere, because you wanna feel the mess,
More reasons to hate life,
To hate you.

Victim of Insomnia,
Late nights, your daily routine,
'Cause you wanna feel the silence,
You wanna get your demons to speak out,
You wanna drown into your ocean of thoughts,
Swimming in the waves of negativity,
Sad songs spicing it up,
Just digging deep and rethinking,
Meditating on whatever you wished would happen to you.
Because all you see is death in every corner,
A car running you over when on the road,
A fire outbreak when sleeping,
All you see in your problems is making use of that blade under your pillow.

It's already 3am,
Your monsters calling out on you again,
Like a bittersweet rhythm,
The voices getting louder,
The bed becoming colder,
Holding on to your pillows for dear life,
Screaming in silence,
Wishing for someone's presence,
Someone who could just understand how you feel,
And not tell you to be okay,
Or do this or that, cause you've heard all that **** before,
Someone to hold you, and not try to make you feel you can do it, because you can't.
You just want support, not assurance, not hope, not encouragement, no nothing.

Anxiety, like a wrecking ball
Crushing down my efforts,
Losing more than am winning.
Low self-esteem knocking,
Failing in every success,
It's too much to bear,
It's okay that you care,
But i can't have it fair.

Tired of hoping and waiting,
Efforts are fading,
Yet the forces am facing,
Are doubtfully strengthening,
My demons awakening,
Can't bear the noise,
Most in a high voice,
Freezing me like ice.

Tryna be alone,
Only to be lonely,
Tried congregations,
Only found them boring,
In love with constellations,
Counting a million stars,
Just for the night to pass,
Castles in my mind,
With angels singing hymns
Finally peace in the cold nights.
Anxiety at its Peak.

©tiana💞  ©Nml💎