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Annika J Dec 2018
Some days, I’m an extrovert
I’ll laugh and talk with my friends
And not want to be alone

Some days it will be in dance classes
More often than not, in fact
We’ll greet each other in the dressing room
With hugs and laughter
We’ll share stories during stretches
We’ll play secret games at the barre
(I just lost the game.)
We’ll gossip between combinations

We share a passion
To move
To dance
To have fun and grow
And that excited energy
Is shared between us

Some days it will be at school
Sometimes with friends from my grade
Sometimes with older grades
Sometimes we’ll be talking in classes
Sometimes I’ll talk with the older students at Independent Study
Some days it just works out

It’s fun talking to people
Hanging out with people
Being ****** with people
It’s great

But the next day
I’d like some peace and quiet
Annika J Dec 2018
There are many types of introverts

Some truly like to be alone
People drain their energy
And clog their mind
So they stay away from others

Some like having friends
But in smaller groups
They spend time with people
But only certain people

Some people are forced introverts
They have difficulty communicating
Or other people don’t like them
So they remain alone
Even if they don’t want to be

I’m all of these
And it’s hard
Annika J Jan 10
Your worth
Is what you can give
Is what you can lose
Is what you can sacrifice

You can be
The most
Person in the world

But if others can't
Exploit you
Use you
Burn you

You are nothing

This is the bitter truth
I face every day
Annika J Apr 21
Grounded in faith
I lay
In rich fertile soil
And so
I am ready to grow

Watered by His blood
I sprout
And put out leaves
And so
His sacrifice lets me live

In the light of His glory
I bloom
And free my petals
And so
His resurrection gives me hope

On this holy day
I free
My imprisoned hallelujah
The Lord is risen indeed
Happy Easter!
Annika J Apr 23
Constantly reloading
Mind's gears whirring
Restlessness staying
No newness
No action
Not a single distraction
Just me
Out of things to do
My patience is through
But boredom
Doesn't hurry
My mind's
Going blurry
Annika J Dec 2018
I live in a bubble
That shuts others out
I can create holes
But I cannot break it

I walk in circles
Among other people
We’ll say “hi”
But no more

My bubble is nice
It’s my comfort zone
A cozy spot of relaxation
And isolation

It’s a painful comfort
It’s a lonely conversation
It’s an ache for someone
Willing to come in

I love my little bubble
I hate my little bubble
I’m comfortable alone
But I’m not happy
Annika J Dec 2018
I think lots of thoughts in my mind
And build them up
And grow them
Until they are
And more
But they stay there
Like what happens to
Wire coat hangers
Bra straps
(I’m looking at you, Maroon.)
And when I try to write
Or speak
My words come out all wrong
For my thoughts are
And so, I am unproductive
And remain mostly silent
Annika J Dec 2018
Family members crowd around
I try to dodge the questions
How is school
How is dance
How is the harp
I don't want to talk
I just grab some food
And run away
From the noise
The questions
The lack of space
Or I would
But my mom won't let me

Even the King of the World
The Lord of Lords
The one who we celebrate
This time of year
Came as a baby
In a stable
In the middle of
Nowhere, Israel
(Okay, Bethlehem
But still)

Can't I just catch a break?


Oh well.

At least there are cookies.
Annika J Dec 2018
Front seat
They think I can't hear them
But I can
"Too expensive"
"Didn't want"
"Technology addiction"

In the back
With the
New tech
Sometimes fighting
But are they

In the middle

Is it good
Is it bad
How far to go
Who to side with

Sitting in the crossfire
Between X and Z
Borderline Millennial
Without an army
Annika J Dec 2018
My dreams
Are becoming reality
The lines are blurring
The dreams are seeping in
Filling me
With joy

I dance on that line
Between dreams and reality
Where magic happens
Where I fly in

My love has grown
My dreams are strong
I feared they would break
But they aren't
They are alive
They are strong

My joy is unbreakable
For love bears the purest joy
And my love
Is growing
A sequel to "I'm in Love".
Annika J Dec 2018
I just run out
I feel too much
And I’m left numb

No more

It just runs out

I’m left a shell of a person
I lose sight of my life
And my will to live

I push myself away from others
Until some shred of feeling returns
And I go back out
To the world
To be battered and attacked once more
Annika J May 7
That feeling
That I can't describe

When I know someone is genuine

It's physical
And emotional
It's happy
But calmly
Without any flourishes
Or bubbles
I feel it in my chest
A feeling of connection
Not quite the right word
It's lukewarm
But bright
And roundish
Kinda like a sphere
Sitting next to my heart
Centered in my chest
There's love
But little magic
It's pure
When I think of someone's face
I see open eyes
Open to watch another
But not wide with shock
I see a small smile
I hear a voice
Clear as a bell
And indeed
I think of pure
Golden bells
Not twinkling
Not ringing
Just a single
Unbroken note
I think of gold
Or is it orange?
Orange with a yellow halo?
It's energy
But not radiant
Not growing
Not destroying
Not dark
The feeling I get
When reading a classmate's essay
Or reading a good fanfiction

All this
Does not capture the feeling
But at least I tried my best
Annika J Mar 1
I live on a poison called privilege
First fed to me at my birth
To white, middle-class, educated parents
Who have worked so hard to keep me
Safe and happy
I have been fed this poison
For many years
And over time
I have grown ashamed of it

I feel guilty
For what I am
My pale skin dripping
With idiotic power
Fed to me
On a silver spoon
I feel guilty
Of my smooth road
Feeling awful
For those who have to walk
Different roads

But I am too weak
For a harsher road
So many people are out there
With strong character
Work ethic
And I have yet to grow in these areas
I do not fare well outside of my comfort zone
And so I continue to take this elixir
That weakens me
And keeps me alive

I watch this poison spread
From the mouths of others
Who have taken it
Hurting those
Who have not tasted this poison
More than
The poison hurts those
Who drink it regularly
I watch this poison
Cut down people's lives
Simply due to a difference in melanin
Or family
Or identity
Or any of a numerous amount of factors

I guess the best I can do
Is resist the toxins
And keep going
Try and make a difference
Try and find an antidote
Try and help those who need it
And be grateful
For the gift of this poison
Earlier today I saw this AMAZING performance called "Uninvited Girl" that really hit me, and if you ever have the chance to see it, I highly recommend it.
Annika J Dec 2018
People say you have to talk to others
And sometimes they’re right
Communication keeps us alive

But it’s okay to not want to talk all the time
It’s okay to want to be alone
To want to read a book
Or walk in circles
Or write poetry

The world needs to learn this
Annika J Dec 2018
I’m in love
I have dreams for this love
But I keep them dreams

I don’t act on my dreams
My dreams are perfect in my mind

I fear that if I bring them into the world
They will be crushed
And lose their perfection

This goes for many of my dreams in general.
Annika J Dec 2018
I want to have deep conversations
I want to have personal connections
I want to be emotional
I want to be passionate
I want to have loving, close friends

But everyone else has enough friends
Or doesn’t want friends
Or just doesn’t like me
I started too late
I flew solo as a child
And in adolescence, I suffer

The close bonds that lock friends together
Also lock me out

So I stay alone
Because I am the only one who will listen to me
Annika J Mar 20
I have emotions building in my soul
I long for nothing more than sweet release
I wish to meltdown, no longer be whole
To let myself be broken 'til at peace
Alas, many around me would be harmed
Many people count on me to bring joy
I wouldn't want them to be too alarmed
So I must always keep up my decoy
A nuclear reaction plant am I
To let my inner workings spill away
Would mean great harm for every person nigh
And great harm lasting oh so many days
If I meltdown, there is no going back
And thus, I must always remain intact
Annika J Mar 22
My poetry is always written
In the heat of the moment

The big picture is often neglected
It is but
One moment in all my life

The perspective might be messed up
And the feelings exaggerated
But it's nice to have that moment captured
Annika J Dec 2018
I may not know many other people
But I know myself
A life of solitude
Makes one’s self better known

I have a strong identity
I know what I want
I know my strengths
I know my weaknesses
I know how I think

I don’t know everything about myself
But I know plenty
Extroverts have more connections with others
But I have strong connections with myself

These connections aren’t always great
Sometimes I hate myself
My anxieties and overthinking
Pestering me
My inner demons
Clawing at my mind

I give them time to rage
Then put them back on their leashes
For I know how to keep them calm

I know myself
And even what I don’t know
I am willing to explore
Annika J Jan 2
This year
I'm trying to be kinder to myself

There's not much more
To say
Annika J Apr 29
I'm sore all over
The strain of past performances
Tugging at my muscles
It hurts to breathe
The involuntary souvenir
Of the city
Flaring up again
Every time I move

But also lingers
The memories
Of dancing
Of laughing with my companions
And friendly competition
And getting high on sleep deprivation
The crazy bus rides
The bustle of the city
The adventures we had

I bring back pain
But more importantly
I bring joy
And experience
And love

But still

Annika J Jan 4
Do we write
To make others think
Original thoughts
Poured into
Poured into words
Do we write
To create something new

Or do we write to grab attention
Appeal to what's already built
Follow the same rutted paths
For the sake of
A fierce human need
A beast that can corrupt
For the sake of food
And can destroy creativity
Just to follow another's path
Just to be known
To be seen

Or do we write for
Blending our own ideas
With those of others
Hoping to be heard

And what makes popularity?
What is it that grabs our attention
And pulls us in
And makes us lose ourselves
For the sake of being known?
Annika J Dec 2018
Do you ever get that feeling in your chest
An urge to break the silence
An urge to say something
The urge to communicate

Your thoughts trying to break free
Of the endless cycle of thinking

The ache is with me constantly
But I have very few outlets
My spoken words are strange
My writing good, but only with many revisions
My deepest thoughts incomprehensible to no one but myself

My deepest thoughts strain the hardest
For freedom
And it’s painful
Annika J Dec 2018
Quiet is not bad

In a busy world
It can be hard to find a time to rest
People are swept up in piles of obligations
These things are ever constant

Society has worsened this
Adding a rush
A need to
Do more
Do faster
Do better

We introverts understand the need for rest
The need for peace
The need for calm
The need to just gimme a break!

A tendency for solitude isn’t always fun
But it has its advantages
Annika J Dec 2018
He killed my best friend

We were in a fight
And he was attacking
He was on our team
Fighting our opponents
He risked my best friend's life
To attack the enemy
I told him not to
And he did anyway
Now my best friend is dead
There was a better way
He betrayed me and my best friend
He is cruel
And I will
**** him
In revenge

Good thing this is in D&D
And not real life
Annika J Dec 2018
Its starts as a spark
In the mind
And takes on form
Nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs
They become words, sentences, more
They flow to the mouth
And through the lips
Searching for ears to enter
To reach another’s mind
All ears are closed, or busy
The words are unwanted
So they return to the mind of the speaker
So the lips are shut
So the words stay in
And fester there, trapped, forevermore
Annika J Dec 2018
Somedays I get the urge to just snuggle something
Preferably someone
To be close
To be emotional
To be connected

People aren’t very snuggly
I’m an exception

Since no one else is snuggly
I just have to curl up by myself
And say I want to be alone
When in reality
I crave intimacy
Annika J Feb 5
So close
To the fateful day
So close
To what I've strived for
So close
I've told all my friends
So close
Can't afford a mistake
So close
Can't afford miscommunication
So close
Must plan carefully
So close
Musn't lose my chance
So close
Need to stop overthinking
So close
Need to do my research
So close
Don't mess it up
So close
Be careful
So close
And yet so far
In the middle
But so near the end
Just not there
Too far gone
To go back
Or try again

I messed it up, didn't I?
Annika J Jan 29
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Marshmallow factories
Are covered in goo

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Not all of these
Are going to rhyme

Roses are red
Violets are purple
Whoever wrote that
Was an idiot

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My favorite is Discord
Who used to be Q

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you count in binary
You'll never have 2

Roses are red
Violets are blue

Roses are red
Violets are blue, da ba dee da ba daa...

Roses are black
Violets are black
Everything is black
I'm Batman

Roses are blue
Violets are red
Something is wrong
With my head

The Math section is red
Social Studies is blue
I have too much homework
I want to cry

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please don't get stuck
In the spilled glue

Roses are purple
Violets are green
I'm just here revving
My limousine

Roses are red
They have thorns
Don't touch them

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want to turn this
Into a haiku

Roses are crimson
Violets are the fairest blue
And so fair are you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That was pretty good
For being written on the fly

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ridiculous Inflatable
Swan Thing

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I need to sleep

you are so And
sweet is Sugar
blue are Violets
red are Roses

Roses are red
Violets are blue
There is no try
Do not or do

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dab on those haters

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Think I'll paint them
On my shoe

Roses are red, dilly dilly
Violets are blue
Is this copyrighted, dilly dilly
I have no clue

Lavender's blue
Lavender's green
I store my sanity
In a canteen

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm too cynical
And yet too cheesy

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Spellcheck doesn't know meep?!?

Roses are rosy
Violets are violet
I want to be
A submarine pilot

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Something something

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They're watching you

Gryffindor's red
Ravenclaw's blue

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Be mine
I'm desperate

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't want romance
Stop asking

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm running low on ideas
We're almost through

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Don't eat too much

Roses are red
Never mind
Life's too short
Eat all the sugar you can find

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're still here?
Good job you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Happy Valentines Day
Co-written by some of my family members.
Annika J Dec 2018
The beauty of poetry
Is versatility
You can spend hours arranging
To­ create a literary masterpiece
An intelligent work
A song with no melody
Just have fun
Write whatever
Things may come to mind
Create art out of letters
Cut your heart open
And spill your emotions
Out into words
Of life

Poetry is the ultimate best friend
It takes whatever form you need
And accepts all your words
Be a friend in return
And listen
To poetry
Annika J Dec 2018

A blank slate
Is an opportunity
Annika J Feb 22
Even introverts can be alone for too long

And now I'm sad
****** snow days. ****** part-cyber school. ****** ****** ******
Annika J Mar 4
When the school day's going by fast
And I'm late to class
Guess what's swarming the halls?
Ugh, people.

When I want to be able to think
And there's screaming throwing me off sync
Who's making the calls?
Yep, people.

When I need my personal space
To get away from all the race
Guess who's here?
Dumb people.

When I'm feeling stressed and trapped
By expectations for my life map
What's the source of the fear?
Lots of people.

People can be nice
In small amounts
But when they're being annoying
It doesn't count
Annika J Dec 2018
I want my thoughts to be heard
Or read, in this case
I want people to know what I’m feeling
I want people to know my ideas

But I’m afraid of appearing weak
Or wrong
Or ******

I’m afraid people won’t accept my flaws
My quirks
My opinions

Why can’t we all just accept each other?
Annika J Apr 1
I'm inspired to write
But I don't know what
I feel the need to
Arrange a poem
But I don't have a topic

Just a random burst of
Unspecified inspiration
Or I want to draw something and don't know what to draw, or I want to listen to music but don't know what to listen to, or I'm hungry but don't know what to eat...
Annika J Mar 22
A message
An email
A wave
A "hello"

And I get so happy

It doesn't have to be anything special
It's just so nice to be reminded
That you exist
Ah, romance. I may be young and dumb, but at least I don't have the romantic ideals I had in 3rd grade. That was a travesty.
Annika J Dec 2018
whats the point
why capitalize
or use punctuation
why put in the effort
no one will read this
ill remain alone
my thoughts unheard
for im an introvert

Except I automatically write correctly
My mother is a professional writer
And she gave me her instincts

So I guess I might as well

And you never know when your thoughts might one day
Be finally freed

— The End —