a place I quite honestly never even imagined.
I never imagined it because
I convinced myself for so long
that I wouldn't make it that far.
I promised myself,
that by the time I had to decide
who I was going to be,
I would already be gone,
and this would be easier for everyone.
I told myself this,
before high school too.
There were months, even years,
I was convinced I wouldn't
and shouldn't survive.
There were many nights
I almost didn't.
Many nights I still can't understand,
how I survived.
No one else could understand.
And even trying to explain it now,
But the truth is,
I wasn't suppose to make it this far.
I shouldn'thave survived
all of the things I put my body through,
over and over again.
Anyway, somehow I did.
and I know not everyone is that lucky.
So I took the 3rd time,
and what I am convinced to be
my final chance at life,
and decided to figure out my purpose.
I decided I needed to help children
who felt as lost and lonely
as I did at when I was young.
I decided I owed the world
all the love and all the chances
it gave back to me.
I finally chose to fight.
I knew I couldn't fight for myself.
I was never good at that,
and to this day, I still struggle.
But I fought
for the kids like me.
The kids who had no voice
the kids afraid to speak up,
the kids who never fit in,
the kids who nobody liked.
The kids who care too much,
or not enough.
The ones who loved too hard
or didn't know the meaning of love.
The kids who's hugs saved me some days
and the kids who didn't know what a hug was.
I needed to know I had a purpose,
and I discovered my purpose was showing
so many beautiful children,
what their purpose here is,
and that they matter
and I care even if they don't believe anyone else do.
This purpose has given my life a whole new meaning...
so maybe it was all worth it.
Maybe I was given so many chances,
because someone up there was convinced
that some day my pain,
empathy and hope would save someone.
My honesty would help someone believe in humanity.