I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.
Sometimes I wonder if some of us were born to never fit in.
Maybe we do it to ourselves.
We push people away because we think too much, feel too much, read into things too much.
The good hearts, the soft hearts,
break the most.
People don't want to have to worry about you.
I get that.
Sometimes worrying about themselves is all they can handle and even that is just too much.

But I'm out here all alone, new people, and it's strange.
Even though everyone is new, and the town is new,
Im still me.

Running didn't save me. My demons just chased me back here.

Here is worse because here I'm all alone. I'm still me, surrounded by a whole bunch of people who don't understand me.

I miss home.

I miss my friends.

Take me back home.
I heard their voices
The laughter, all of the chatter
And I couldn't help but imagine
What it would feel like to be one of them,
What it would feel like to really matter.

I saw them wander,
In and out of the house, day and night.
Sun rise through sunset,
I hoped one day I would get the invite.

I felt the strength of their friendships
The circle they had built, I had no way in.
This isn't what I expected.
But I guess this is roommate living.

The last one to arrive
Comfort has been established for so long.
How could I expect them to change for me?
When they already just belong.

I strive to be like one of them.
The social butterfly everyone adores.
But here I am in a new city,
Still the same old me, still a bore.

Maybe some day things will change for me.
One day maybe they'll give me a chance too.
Still, I didnt think it was too much ask.
For someone to say hi I'm __, it's really nice to meet you too.

Could anyone relate to me?
Could anyone assure me the first week is always hard?
Could anyone offer to be my friend, and help me out?
Clearly I expected too much, no one cares enough to go that far.
Can you hear me?
My words are not like the others
They will not criticize or mock
They just want to be heard.

Can you hear me?
The walls are caving in
And you haven’t gotten out;
Can you hear me?

I’ve never been here before,
And I can’t see where you are.
I know you’re hurting, but
Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?
I’m here for reassurance
Not to give you pity or sympathy
Or to tell you it gets better.

I’ve been worried sick,
And I want to show you love.
So just answer when I call:
Can you hear me?
I’m not quite sure what to say yet.
teacher sent me to the doctor's office
teacher sent me home
teacher sent me to the place
where all the foul things roam

teacher gave me tic-tacs
to swallow when i'm sad
teacher said the chemicals
will make me sorta mad

teacher dries my eyes up
with platitudes enough
to even console all the kids who
are made of smarter stuff

teacher says confusion
is not a cause for shame
i'm not quite sure what teacher means
but i listen all the same

teacher treading tip-toed
lowering the tone:
"i'll help you with the theory here
but you'll practice on your own."
if you are sad, get people to help you not be sad, thanks
There's nothing scarier
than an ending
to a story
that you thought
would last forever

~h.m
I can't hear
There's a darkness
everywhere

Spinning in circles
Drawing squares in the
air

Confusion reigns
while calmness soothes

Longing for the dawn
at night
Longing for the night
at dawn

Wanting to be alone
when together
Missing you every
second we're apart

At work watching
the clock
At home restless
not knowing what to do

There is a road
that goes
There is a home
that stays
I'm sure there's a way
Never heard them say -
it was easy being
human.
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