I'm probably going to wake up in the morning,
and hate myself.
When I reach over
To your side of the bed
and realize you're not there.

I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep tonight,
because last night,
You held me in your arms.
But tonight,
you're gone.
And I know,
each time I see you
It could be the last time.

I'm probably going to bite my tongue,
when we talk on the phone tomorrow.
And you tell me,
I'm still so beautiful.
And every bone in my body,
Will get weak.
And all I will really want to say is,
"baby I'm still so in love with you"

I'm probably going to fly away for a month,
And escape this town.
In hope's of getting over you,
and come back home,
to find out it was you I was searching for all along.

I'm probably going to pick up that phone one last time,
And I'm going to call you.
And I'm going to apologize.
And I'm going to want it all back.

I'm going to tell you that leaving you,
was the worst decision I ever made.
And please just take me back one more time. I promise it will be different.

And you're probably going to tell me it's too late this time.

And my heart will shatter.

And nothing will ever be the same again.

And nothing will ever be okay again.

I probably forgot to tell you that not only do I love you, but I fucking need you so bad.
So tell me,
How did she get there ?
So lost in all that darkness.

            It lingered...

Tell me,
how was she suppose to rise above
When her fear had her trapped.

            It was a prison here for her...

Tell me,
How in the blink of an eye,
          
            A best friend....
            A daughter...
            A sister....

Got lost in the world alone.
And left without a goodbye.

             There was so much pain...

Tell me,
Why all good things end,
And the good hearts hurt the most.

              This wasn't suppose to be
              how it went...

Tell me,
WHY
God please tell me WHY?
She didn't deserve to die

                It just isn't fair...

Tell me,
What is my next step?
For this is something I'm not use to.

                She was too young...

Tell me,
There's a light on it's way for her.

                 She couldn't see the light...
                 Oh God where did she go?

Tell me,
That was all a bad dream.
For none of this I want to believe.

                  Please wake me up now...

Tell me,
She's coming home.
She's not really gone.

                   She can't be gone...

Tell me,
I'm crazy.
My eyes are just hazy.

                     It's just hard to see right now,
                     Right?
                     ....

Tell me,
That she's in heaven now.
A place with love and hope and light.

                     I hope it's always sunny there...

Tell me,
That she's okay over there.
She's not alone anymore.

                     She's safe now, she has to be...

If she can hear me,

Tell her,
I'm so sorry.
I would take it all back.

                     Just to see her smile
                    one more time...

It's too late now...

Tell her,
I miss her.

                       I miss you J...
I need you to remember,
My dear,
That even when it feels like the whole world doesn't see you,
I do.
I always did.

When the the whole world turns their ears off and ignores you,
I still hear you.

When the whole world is smiling and dancing in the moonlight,
I feel your tears trickle down my cheeks.
I feel you.

When the whole world is sleeping peacefully and sound and you feel like you're all alone.
I'm awake with you.
I'm here with you,
I'm here for you.

When the whole world doesn't understand your heart of gold.
I'm holding it in my hands.
I won't let it go.

Even when the whole world has made you feel like you don't belong here anymore.
Like you're too much.
Or not enough.
You're everything to me.

You always have been.
You always will be.

Please stay right here darling,
Look up at the sun, the clouds, the moon, the stars.
I'm right here.
this house will never be my home as much i try to force it to be

its the remembrance of pieces of myself i've left in different places
that wakes me up from my dreams

its the hole they've left where my happiness used to be
that causes a migraine when i am alone

i've clawed at my skin to try to bind the hole shut
but nothing is strong enough to keep it that way

i've tried ripping up the roots of myself in those places
so that nothing of me is left

is it because those places don't deserve my memory
is it because the only reason that my roots are still grounded
is that i cannot let those places go

is it that i cannot change



it seems that all i can really do is let the previous roots die
and plant brand new ones in the places i never want to forget
It takes a sad soul to be able to write poetry.

Someone who has been through hell.

It takes a person with so much emotion,

To be able to understand poetry.

For it to really reach them.

Poets write to feel.

Poets write to find people who understand.

And more than anything,

Poets write,

In Hope's that their words,

Will reach someone just like themselves.

Poets write to feel less alone.

And to let others know they aren't alone either.

I see all of you.

Right down to your hearts.

I wish I had the chance to know all of you.

Your beautiful souls.

Please don't ever stop writing.

I need you.

All of you. ♡
I'm over you
But sometimes
when I hear an old song on the radio
it still reminds me of you
and makes my heart ache.

I don't love you anymore
But when I drive past the spot
where you told me you loved me
for the first time,
I swear I feel the love all over again
my heart started to break.

I say I am finished missing you
But many nights I still lay awake
past 2, 3 am
with thoughts of you,
us,
still flashing through my mind.

I swear I'm not lonely,
being alone.
But seeing you with her,
suddenly makes me feel isolated and distant from the rest of the world.
My world is no longer aligned.

I want you to be happy,
I really do.
But I wish more than anything
I could have been the one making you smile.

Our relationship was short,
but sweet.

I fell fast
and I fell hard.

I loved,
and I hurt
and I laughed
and I cried.

But I never wished,
we would end with goodbye.

It's been over a year now,
And still things are the same.
I hope you're happier with out me.
You had so much to gain.

I'm sure I'll see you soon again
Our paths may cross from time to time
But I've finally accepted now,
That you will never again be mine.
To be honest with you,
I am so tired
of always feeling so guilty
and so ashamed
Of myself,
when I have not done anything wrong.

I'm so tired
of hating myself.

I'm sick of worrying.

Why can't I just be normal.
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