Look closer
Even closer than you are noww
Do you see the cracks?
Do you see the inherent sadness in my sweetness through them?
Do you see me being put together or do you see me crumbling?

Let me cry an ice cream tub full of tears
Let me know what is it like to feel your pain
Let me feel your absence from my arms as we walk
Hurt me

Let me miss you calling me weird insults, lovingly
Let me miss your voice suddenly going high as you say something sweet
Let me feel the wave of missing you upon catching your scent
Hurt me

Let me miss the wave of small breaths you take when you laugh
Let me miss your akwardness when someone compliments you
Hurt me

Let me miss your spontaneous energetic dancing
Let me miss your breath on my face as we get close
Hurt me

Let me miss your taste after freshly applying lip balm
Let me miss the feeling of your fingers running through my hair as I lay on your lap
Hurt me

Let me miss the smile I get upon seeing your name on my phone
Hurt me

Let me miss our moments interspersed
Hurt me

Let me know the feeling of being
alone again
Hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt

Standing on the balcony, that seems like it was made for you and me
A litte bit drunk, a litte tipsy
None of us knew how magical it would be


Underneath the umbrella that's too small for the both of us
Getting soaked in the rain
A little bit of a fun, a little bit of pain
This girl is driving me insane

Without talking to her, the day seems incomplete
A little bit of ****, a little bit of sweet
This girl makes my heart skip a beat

She is immensely special, if only she could see
A little bit of distance, A little intimacy
These are the moments between me and she

The
I want to love
I want to love
Became
I want to live
I want to live
To
I want to leave
I want to leave

How do the stars feel?
Seemingly close together
Beautiful and bright
Everyone admiring them
Do they feel like me?
A closer look and you'll realise they are lonely
On fire
No one to listen to their pain
Surrounded by darkness
Lost in the middle of nowhere
Moments away from dying
Just almost all burnt out
So I ask you again,
Do they feel like me?

I have forgotten how I look when I laugh
Did I snort?
Did my eyes become smaller during?
I wonder what I used to do with my hands
Can someone remind me?

I have forgotten how my laughter sounds
Did I take breaths in between?
Was I loud?
Or was it silent?
Like I am now

They say when you laugh you look towards the person you like the most
Is this why I look down?
Is this why I don't laugh anymore?

I am famished but don't feel like
eating.
I am exhausted but I can't
sleep.
I am alive but don't feel like
living.
I want to cry but the tears never seem
flow.
I want to move on but my legs are
glued together.
I want to say so much but my lips are
sewn shut.
I don't want to look at her anymore, but my eyes are
wide open.
I feel like writing but my hands only come up with
mediocre.
I feel like dying but don't have the
courage.
I feel like reaching out for
help.
Can anyone just
Fix me?

You must have heard the phrase
"I love you more"
a countless times
Couples go back and forth saying this to each other in a pretend argument
But can you really love someone "more"
Can love be quantified?
And if you are quantifying love, is it really love?
Because if you truly love someone, you just love them

You are my anti depressants
Every second with you makes me feel like my life doesn't ****
With you I don't have to put up a facade
With you I feel like I belong, like I fit in perfectly
And that this puzzle piece can't fit in anywhere but with you
With you I feel complete
With you my mind can't hurt me anymore
With you my mind forgets to think
You **** my anxiety
Your vibe is infectious
It makes me a more fun human
You make me forget that I was ever depressed
You are the perfect antidepressant
I just hope I don't get addicted

I don't get why people look forward to their birthdays
I always dread my birthday
I wish it could have been avoided
All that unwanted attention

But the truth is I hate it because of the unwanted attention I don't get
I just sit on my bed, alone, waiting for my phone to buzz: A message, a call, anything. Even a hbd on my facebook timeline would do.
But no
All I get is silence
Is this all I deserve?
Why do I let how many people wish me determine my self worth?
I know it doesn't matter but on my birthday its my anxiety that has a party
If people I talk to only once a year don't wish me I am okay with it
But they are the only ones who do
The rest tell me they forgot
and I
brush them off by saying that "It doesn't matter" with a fake smile
Even though it does
Even though my lack of self esteem leaves me feeling lonely, depressed and with a tear streaked face

Cause the thought that even the people whom I care about don't remember me, do they really care about me?
Its a scary thought having no friends especially when it's true
This is why hating the day makes it easier to survive it
Hating it makes the day lose its power;this grip it has over me

I am desperately waiting for the day when this grip is loosened but until then I will continue to hate it

My deepest regret
My strongest desire
Waiting for the right time?
Look at the liar
Always hated myself
As from a distance I'd admire

Whenever I saw her
Common sense went out the window
I was a coward and
Couldn't see myself in the mirror anymore

Time passed by
Distance grew
From a wish
She became a what if
From my crush
She became the thought that crushed me

I'd often find myself day dreaming about what it would be like to be with her
It always brought a playful grin on my face
But now all it does is fill me with regret
Because she was the girl I couldn't get
She was my missed opportunity