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I wake up without you
Lying away from me won't solve your problems
Not even on your cold asphalt bed
Your mechanical graveyard covers twisted tight around you

Rain rinses your wounds
The blood is washed away
A river flowing into my room
I don't recognize you, sitting in the corner

Watch my chest heave with silent sobs
Picturing your gnarled face
I don't sleep
I go to bed with you still gone
Born a girl and bred a monster
Bringer of despair
Bringer of demise
Bite the twisted hand that feeds
Glaring straight into the beast's eyes
Flailing fists, handfuls of coarse hair
A good-for-nothing, two-timing taker
A Self Portrait
Sharp teeth like shimmering diamonds in the dark
Dead of night
Pronged in a mouth as soft as satin
Unforgiving underground
Unforgiving as God's gated hell

I sprinkle a ring of forget-me-not flowers around our feet
I watched your eyes as they fell
Not-On-Me
But onto the petals that fly into the air as I dropped to my knees
Flocks of small sky-blue planes
Far far away
Much too far past where the eye can see
Lowlife
I crept out from under your ventricles
Cut out
From your glucosamine thoughts
Dripping with mucus, dripping with sap
Sugary sweet
Let me ease your pain
Let me rinse off your feet
It's finally started to snow
You never did manage to see
The final nail on the casket nor
The 9 years it has taken me
To unweave it from my crown of thorns

You say you shout you scream
You could not have foretold
The bullet I held clenched between my teeth
Heavy to the touch, heavy and unbearably cold
Not as I my mouth became a steal barrel,
Not as it came racing out
Not as it came to meet your creased forehead's third fold

I shake with loss
I shiver with relief
My silver armor melts away and evaporates into flesh
The life you had left ahead of you was anyway brief
Unlike the fruits you stole from my long life that once lay ahead of me
An ugly, loud, rampant, hobbling thief

I leave my pills to you
For all the times I failed
Trying bleed your blood out from my wrists
Bullet blown, skeletons thrown, casket nailed
I walk back up the stairs light as a feather
A crested crow, my wings unfurled, a crested crow unveiled
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