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The Nine Doubts Jun 2020
You don't have to love me anymore
But I'll always love you
You'll always have someone there
A wide open pair of sliced-up arms

I used to dream of you laying on my chest
Now all that lays there is razor marks
I almost don't mind if they scar;
They can represent my pain like a crest

I'll never be able to hear of your country
Not even see the southern cross
Without remembering your eyes
I'm so broken, I can't find it in me to cut ties

And so as you move on with life
I hope you know I still wish you the best
And I know you don't believe me, but I'll be here
Dragging the next blade across my chest

I know you'll be happy
And one day, I pray I can be too
But until then
Australia still makes me think of you
She doesn't love me anymore. She loves someone else. I want her to be happy. I hope she is, that's all I want. I don't believe I'll ever be, but I care about her enough to pray to a god I don't believe in that she'll be happy.

Whatever this is isn't organized, I apologize for that. It's not even poetry, it's just lines of words. I'm sorry...
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
I hate that there is always a question mark
What will the future hold? One day, will it all turn dark?
The thoughts in my head cause so much fear — like a circling shark
I'm still so afraid of losing you. I know we've come upon better times, I know we're the happiest we've ever been, but I'm still so terrified of losing you. I just wish I could break down and tell you how much I love you — I do love you. So, so much. I love you.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
The loneliness is crushing when you're not around
It feels like my chest is tied down and bound
Your absence makes my head feel like a merry go round
I miss you so much. I feel so needy—I just wish you knew how much I hate when you're not near me. I love you.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
I’m still fighting the fear of losing you
You should know that everything I feel is true
How we got here, I haven’t a clue
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
My head is my own worst enemy
My words are like a crown of barbed wire
You won’t get inside to see my thoughts
“You wear a crown made out of barbed wire...”
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
Sometimes I think about all the moments where I could’ve never met you. It hurts my heart to think I could’ve missed out on you. It makes me cry.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
It's been 60 days
I'm finally beginning to feel comfortable with you
Sometimes it all feels like a daydream haze
I can't help but continue to wonder if you care about me too

It's okay though, everything is fine
Maybe things will change with time
We don't need to rush things, it's not like this is a crime
I don't understand it all yet, but our friendship is in it's prime

I don't want to ruin this, not this time.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for being my rock, my lantern, my shelter. Thank you for being there for me. I wish I could make it up to you, I wish I could show you all my poetry. I wish I could show you how much you matter to me.
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