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The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
Sometimes I think about all the moments where I could’ve never met you. It hurts my heart to think I could’ve missed out on you. It makes me cry.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
It's been 60 days
I'm finally beginning to feel comfortable with you
Sometimes it all feels like a daydream haze
I can't help but continue to wonder if you care about me too

It's okay though, everything is fine
Maybe things will change with time
We don't need to rush things, it's not like this is a crime
I don't understand it all yet, but our friendship is in it's prime

I don't want to ruin this, not this time.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for being my rock, my lantern, my shelter. Thank you for being there for me. I wish I could make it up to you, I wish I could show you all my poetry. I wish I could show you how much you matter to me.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
I've always wondered how you see me
It doesn't really matter, my brain is convinced you hate me
I must be like a parasite — a flea.
Still I'll beg you again, please don't leave me
I've tried for so long to make them see that they mean the world to me. They don't care, they can't stand me.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
I wish you knew that the thought of being replaced makes me shake
There are so many others who you'd be way more interested in
It's okay, you can go... I'll be here, working through the heartache.


please don't go, i need you. i'll do anything...
She gets messages from so many people who are better at conversations, better at not being awkward, better at showing their emotions, better at making her interested... She has no reason to talk to me anymore... I wish I could tell her how afraid I am of her finding someone better. I hope she knows...
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
Tea
I guess I'll go make a cup of tea
Because sometimes it feels like
You have time for all of them, but not for me
I'll be here waiting for you to see my messages.
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
When you wake up and see a message from me, do you cringe?

Because sometimes I feel some sense of guilt, but just a twinge

I should just leave you alone and continue watching that TV show you asked me to binge

Besides, the picture of you in my mind already thinks that I'm unhinged
————————

Why do I feel jealous? You were never mine in the first place

Sometimes I feel like I have to compete for your attention; what do I think this is, some type of race?
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I want to make myself believe that you care about me as I care about you

Those are all mind games though, I can't guarantee that's true

My attachment to you wasn't intentional, it was like an invasive ****—it simply grew

I still can't believe this all started over me liking a picture you drew
————————
Every message from you is like a shot of drugs straight to my brain; it's as if you pumped it into my veins with a syringe

But every word I send makes me feel guilt, still just a twinge

I guess I'll get back to watching that TV show you asked me to binge

All the while I'll repeat the question in my head: when you wake up and see a message from me, do you cringe?
The Nine Doubts Sep 2019
Oh, I think I spoke too much again
The words flew and my mind didn't keep pace
You don't need to hear that, you don't need to fix my problems
It doesn't matter, it's far too late; now my heart starts to race

You must see me as a fool
After all, I'm not much more than the product of my errors
I care so much about you, but all I do is mess things up
When did I start to shake? Suddenly I notice the building terror

You know so much about me
I've never shared some of the things you've heard
Yet for some reason you still accept me, still waste your time on me
One side of my brain insists you hate me, the other says that's absurd

Every time we talk, I wonder if it'll be the last
Eventually you'll realize that I'm not worth the words that roll off your tongue
You'll leave and never look back; I'm no good for you, I know that
Besides, sometimes I'm just too high-strung

I'm possessive and too obsessive
You're relaxed and laid back
While I panic you kick your feet up and settle in
I wish I was different; why can't I stop feeling like I lack?

When I pour out my heart, does it touch yours?
You don't even know that I've cried at the thought of losing you
I just want to know your heart like I know mine
Maybe then I'd see that you care about me too

I'm way too naive, I own that
I need constant reassurance, I know that
You'll find someone better than me, I guarantee that
One day you'll forget me, I fear that

Can you hear me cry out?
I'm begging for a promise
Not for this to last forever, not for anything long-term
Only that you don't leave me hurting when it's over

Now that your name has gone dark I'm left wondering
Will we ever speak again? I don't want to lose you, you're like a four-leaved clover
I can't sleep, my words linger in my head; did I mess it all up?
Next time, can we start over? Before it's over?

Can we start over?
First time poet. Just trying to vent some pent up emotions, not much to see here. I don't have any experience in poetry but I had to put this somewhere. I don't know if I'll post often, but any tips that might help me improve my writing are welcomed.

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