I
TOLD
YOU.

AND I AM
TELLING
YOU
AGAIN.

I AM GOING TO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP,
WHILE I HOLD YOUR HAND.

i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE,
I HAVE WOKEN UP,
AND SOMEBODY WASN'T THERE.
SO MUCH SO,
THAT EVENTUALLY I STOPPED WANTING TO WAKE UP AT ALL.
SO YES,
YES I'M STILL AFRAID TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT,
AND I'M AFRAID TO LOVE,
ESPECIALLY TO LOVE.