i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE,
I HAVE WOKEN UP,
AND SOMEBODY WASN'T THERE.
SO MUCH SO,
THAT EVENTUALLY I STOPPED WANTING TO WAKE UP AT ALL.
SO YES,
YES I'M STILL AFRAID TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT,
AND I'M AFRAID TO LOVE,
ESPECIALLY TO LOVE.

I hide you in my poetry,
In every ink stroke, blot, and flow.
I hold on tight, clinging to your memory,
Not ready to let you go.

I hide you in my dreams,
In order to visit you every night.
We'd live forever there together,
Until I'm robbed of you by light.

I hide you in my actions,
In every decision, in every thought.
Remembering your mannerisms,
Only to repeat what you have taught.

I hide you in my tears,
In every drop, stream, and stain.
Pondering in stoic sorrow
On your affinity to cause pain.

I hide you in my soul,
And tether your essence to my heart.
I still cherish what once was had,
Despite this rift, despite this part.

I hide you in my smile,
In recollections of together.
However, it is time to say goodbye,
For nothing lasts forever...