I think we both knew
That it was going to end
Before it began

White lights flashing
Hold on through the night
Another reason to survive

Keep her company
Lie beside her
Whisper sweet nothings

My first gulp of fresh air
Is met with a smile
Eager to find peace

I found comfort
In the feeling of being wanted
Enough to choose to live

And so you keep me company
Lie beside me...
Whisper sweet nothings

Truth spurns
Hardest when your heart is wounded  
One less reason to live

& I still find comfort
In the feeling of being wanted
Just not from you

A breath in between sips
Of sweet morning air
As the sun cascades down branches
And drapes upon glistening flowers
Fresh with morning dew

Deer prance across
wheat rumbling in the wind
He doesn’t smile often
But a heart of content
Reflected in a crystal blue

mosaics
of tiny sparkling slivers
glittering

what is the correct response
when a world has been ripped away
how do you feel
when there is nothing to love

there's a fist clasped
around my heart
and I could feel my heart
beating rapidly
against my ribcage

the words leaked out
in between my teeth
and my tongue
shoveled them out
onto your heart

but what you did to him
and to her
to them
and the spewing boiling words
did to me

I've been seared
long enough
we've been fighting
more than
long enough

as the words spill
flooding around us
I float away
you streaming after me
tears brink at the bank

you shove
everything
I ever gave you
and tell me
not to lose them

and I walk away
knowing
that I just broke
both our hearts
broken

but tightness
in my chest
didn't dissipate
nor did the tears
evaporate

I lost
what you gave me
but I still have
the pain wrapped up
in my heart

and with time
I will begin to weave
it back together
but for now
it will stay broken

crawl
into my flesh
and sink
into my bones

I want to know
the truth
am I beautiful?
...not yet

I kneel before you
and I bow my head
I reach for the dangling treasure
in the back of my throat

I reach and reach and reach
until
there is blood coating
my fingers

but am I beautiful?
not yet

clammy fingers
grasp an ice cold glass
burning my fingers
but satiating the beast

to be hungry
is to betray you
numb everything
with ice

am I beautiful?
not yet

I can feel you now
etched into my skin
and I feel so paper thin
light as a feather

I look at the bodies
you put before me
and I all I see are
ribs
and
collarbones
and
spines

they are sharp
and my belly heats up
because they are

Beautiful.

and someday
I will look like them
but
not yet

Little girls grow up
with their mamas
and they love them
for the rest of their lives

little girls
all grown up
will someday lose
their mamas

but mama
I'm not all grown up
so why
do I have to lose you?

Revolving around you
I come back
And I leave

On my knees I come crawling
The floor creaking
Groaning

Pleading
Don't stay
Leave space

My chest is empty
My heart so alive
I left with you

Don't leave me alone
The four walls sit
Blank as me

Don't forget
Words echoing loudly

You
Loved
Me

A
Dull Ache
In my heart
Is a constant reminder
Of you

I thought
That it would eventually
Fade
But the memories of you

Embrace pain closely
And every day
It gets harder to
Say goodbye

And it hurts
To think about
Meeting someone
New

Because
You were the
Only One
for me

My standards
Are as high as
Our spirits were
When we were together

I miss seeing your face
Every day
Every hour
Every minute

Now I stare at photos
Trying to spot
Any difference
From since I last saw you

I am terrified
You are becoming a stranger
And once you're just another blank face
My world will crumble

Nights
And days
Of you
Holding me together

Listening
Crying
Listening
Hugging

And I don't think
I ever
thanked you
Enough
...

Thank you

L
e
  a
   k
    i
     n
      g

I n t o  

my ears

        s
       p
      i
     l
    l
   i
n
g

O  u   t

My lips

These

Words
Words words
Words words words
Words words
Words

That
h
u
r
t

Me

Because they

h
u
r
t

You

And

t
     e
          a
               r
                   s

f
a
l
l
  l

Fasterfasterfaster

Than I fell
For you

These
D E M O N S

In your

     Heart                 heart
Heart heart        heart heart
Heart heart heart heart heart
Heart heart heart heart heart
Heart heart heart heart heart
   Heart heart heart heart
        Heart heart heart
   Heart heart
      Heart

Are
SqUeEzIng
My  
        l
     u
  o
s

And i think

i love him i love him i love him i love him

but

how
can
He

love love love love love

someone else

When

He
C A N T
Even

Love love love love

h
  i
   m
     s
       e
         l
           f
             ?

One look
is enough to get me confused
Is everything ok?
Of course, I was just asking...

Moments at time
feel completely normal
Then the cold creeps back in
and I'm lost in your look again

As I begin to walk away
it almost hurts that you don't stop
and turn to look at me
...almost

I always come back
because I have grown to love you
Even if you hate me
like the others do

We have changed together
What's stopping us from growing together
When did we become strangers
Resent me anymore and I’ll break

They think you're great
often I'd agree
but lately, you're a puzzle
I lost the last piece to

I'd ask you to fill me in
but we both know you'd lie
for better or for worse
you don't want me to cry

I know this hurts me
and I leave every day
an ache in my stomach
and a buzz in my head

but does it hurt you
to leave me
and forget
all the beautiful things we have created

You and I
and you and us
We are...
We were beautiful things

There is no respect
in fear, rather compliance
Respect comes in love

Be ye not conformed
the trivial things of life
instead, be renewed

They were kids I once knew
Kids my heart once loved

The lights in their eyes danced
The warmth in their touch burned

If you see it you could believe me
If I said so you wouldn't believe me

Your lips form I do
But you don't deceive me

Burning hands are everywhere
They're everywhere

Tell me everything that happened
Tell me what they looked like

They were someone I once knew
They moved forward

Did you see the shaded window
Did you see the bolted door

Are they afraid of you?
Your hands- did they touch them?

Did they seem so real to you?
Your eyes- could you see them too clearly?

It's hard to know that you're still caring
But they're out there

Now they're all dead to you
They're all gone

My heart died
And I still don't believe you

I'll love you forever
                                                 Remember the time when we were lovers?
Your smile ingrained in my mind
                                                 Your anger branded into my soul
Always so kind
                                                 You never loved me back                        
I wanted to hold you forever
                                                 You're impossible to forget
I think about you all of the time
                                                  Your first beat upon my chest
I'm so glad to love you
                                                   I wish I'd never known you
Murmurs spilling out of your sweet lips
                                                   Anger spewing from your mouth        
I tell you all of my secrets
                                                   A stranger knows all of my secrets
We're inseperable
                                                   Your back was all I could see
I love you...
                                                   ...I hate you

I'm blending into these white walls
Silence to be heard
hands claw at my lips
Shredded skin
****** words spill

Stares
At the mural on the wall

You are a breath of fresh air
With every inhale, the very essence of you is consumed
In light, you are my own star
You’re shining brightness keeps my planet alive and warm
Our magnetic fields pulling each other closer
And closer

One day, one of us will be consumed
One day, we will become one
A blinding flash as our atmosphere’s collide
e x p l o s i o n
as I am reduced to dust

You are my ocean
Your love lilts from each continent 
From shore to shore
You are the water beating down upon the rocks
And I will be worn away until I am nothing but a smooth glassy stone
Until I am nothing but a particle of dust evaporating into the air

You are my wind
Causing the wild flowers to sway in the breeze
You bring rain, feeding my hungry roots
Nourishing, and engulfing me in life
You are the spinning vortex tearing everything I know to pieces 

You are the monster under my bed
There
But not

You are the last person on earth
As we stand alone, everything else dead and dying around us
Your eyes will light with fire, and your smile will outshine the scorching sun above us
You are the only being stealing the waning oxygen from the life I know

You are the one I love
You are the one I’d die without
And the one I’m dying with