I am barely living proof that life hurts
I've had a life's worth of pain
And my regrets have been my life's work
Try to write my way through it
But can never find the right words
I just jumble 'em and fumble
In a tunnel where no lights work
Every day I live *****
And every single night's worse
Life's a Bentley dealership
And I'm living with a tight purse
I spit the opposite of life's verse
And will leave it in a white hearse,
But finally see it in a plain light
Life's a test we gotta take
And I can't even spell my name right
Because inside of my head
I'm hearing several voices
I'm trying to write an essay
When it's a question of choices
And then of consequences
I always question my decisions
So I'm always on the fences
I will do it if I said it
But more than often, I'll admit
That I'll wish I hadn't meant it
You can prepare for the worst
But that don't mean you can prevent it
My swollen heart, though broke, is hard
And I've learned how to defend it
But there's just those certain blows
That I cannot be hit again with
I've got a powerful message
I just don't know how to send it
Guess I'll just throw it in the bottom
Of a bottle I've just finished
And hope it don't ship with the ship
That I sink with every word
With which I'm turned into a menace
And hope that I and it diminish
At rates slower than by it we're replenished

God can judge me if he wants,
And so can anyone else
The only verdict I value
Is my judgement of self
Your reaction to my actions
Are simply captions to my self portrait
That could never capture the story it tells
Higher goals are all that succeeding should lead to
And when I ***** up, I do what I need to
To nut up and punish myself
To shut up and push myself
To be the best I can on my own
But no-one does it alone
So I am still just as willing
To offer as I am to accept help
Blame is both useless and wasteful
A helping hand is worth more than a pointed finger
Stay learning from the book of culture
And continue to turn its pages
Be an eagle amongst vultures
Don’t hold grudges - return favors
Live every day to the fullest
And every hour like its your finest
When it rains on your parade
Think of the rainbow behind it
Dance in the rain when the sun is hiding
And keep an eye on the horizon
Without ignoring the moment
And when its someone else’s neck
Upon which the golden medal’s shining
Use it as proof of room to improve
And be reminded that there’s always a silver lining
And that the best kind of revenge
Is homicide via kindness
You wear the crown on your life’s throne
And control its defenses
Look your reflection in the eye
And hear it call you ‘your highness’
So rule with truth and with pride in
The roller coaster you ride in
And design as you go
As you accelerate and you slow
As the pace like everything changes
No matter how well it seemed to be known
Don’t put all your eggs in the love basket
But make as much as you can
And maybe someday with luck you will find it
The kind that can't be truly defined
And let me tell you, its blinding
The way it floods in your mind with a
Dopamine kind of a bliss
That I won’t bother failing describing
So let me get back to my message
It may not actually be one,
But treat this life like a blessing
And it’ll keep you from stressing
So much you miss all the best things
Because life’s purpose and point
Is beyond anyone’s guessing
So you might as well come up with your own
And do the best you can for the mirror’s image
To make a lasting impression
Because that’s the only person
That you should bother impressing
And make the most of your senses
That aren’t included in the five
That only give us perception
Of a fifth of the world we see through the lens of our eyes
And scents and tastes and sensations and sounds
That disguise the place that surrounds us
It’s the intangible, almost animal instincts
That can’t be defined or measured
But can be counted on when doubt is strong
That lead to real introspection
And understanding beyond just learning a lesson
Look out for more than numero uno
And who knows where you’ll go
It’s always harder to help than to hurt
But it always proves itself in its worth
Just look into appreciative eyes if
You want to know what the meaning of life is
And do not ever say
That you do not have regrets
Because if that’s actually true
You haven’t lived as of yet
Life when lived at its best
Is at its limit and edge
That can be easily crossed
Which is the point of making friends
To find your way when you’re lost
No-one has ever lived
Who didn’t make a mistake
Or a poor decision
Because from them we gain
The majority of our wisdom
And at the very least you'll know
What not to do the next time
In my eyes perfect is the worst of the words
That are often referred to as curses
Because the way the definition is worded
Creates a burden and encourages a person to
Be determined and search for
Something unbroken to fix
Perfection is something for which
You should not waste a wish
Because memories cease to exist
If every day was the best time
It is the purpose of pain
To give a meaning to pleasure
And the point of adversity is to serve
As a scale
By which character can be measured
The most effective method of earning respect is to
Do more than you’re expected to
Always make the best of and remember
All the smiles and laughs of the present and past times
To dry your eyes and provide
Either a crutch or disguise
For the slight slump in your stride
That comes from the bad times
And please try to believe
That all of the sad times
Are simply the result
Of the good ones that came before
Like a rainbow before a storm
Without the ugly and the dark
Beauty would’ve never been born.
Hardship is what makes happiness
Worth fighting for

Love is the only drug
That is felt
Before it is taken
And to which addiction
Is permitted, just as much
As you're encouraged to make it
It'll make you do
Things you would've never done
It might not cost you anything
And it could cost you everything
Like always, it depends
On who you get it from

**** a love story
Let me tell you a true one
A flesh and blood story
That might get a bit gruesome

So a boy meets a girl
The way a brain meets a bullet
She's got her finger on the trigger
As he begs her not to pull it

She answers every text
And laughs at every joke
He drinks it all in
Until he's ready to choke

So he says it, "I Love You"
And she doesn't respond
He starts waving the white flag
Wishing instead for a wand

He says "forget it, we're friends"
She breathes a sigh of relief
While with everything he has
He hides his signs of defeat

He acts like everything's normal
She thinks that everything is
But underneath, he's a wreck
He cannot settle for this

So he tells her again
And then cries her a lake
When she says it would be best
If they took a little break

So a couple of months pass
As he tries to forget her
With every one of the blunts passed
He wishes he'd never met her

One day she calls him and says "hey
I've missed you, let's catch up"
He thinks her mind's changed
But, she just wants to get lunch

So a couple of months pass
And it seems like nothing changed
Because for her nothing has
And for him it's the same

She looks at him with those eyes
And so again he tries his luck
The noose in her smile
Tightens and ties him up

He runs home wishing
That he'd never have lived
Love was his only ambition
Life should be better than this

So what's the point in living it?
He thinks, as he chambers a bullet
One finger on the trigger
As he begs himself to pull it

The cold steel touches his lips
The way that he wishes hers had
He pulls the hammer, it clicks
Only one way to reverse that.

He puts the gun down
As he picks up a razor
And carves into his arms
All of the ways that he hates her.

Simply calling me crazy
Would be nothing short of ignorant
And so much more than lazy
‘Cause it’s deeper than that
When my demons aren’t freely
Beating up or running up
A costly fee on my mind
And give me some me time
Where my thoughts are actually mine
They’ve got a special place to sleep in the back
And just when I think I’ve out-thought them
They come immediately back
And repeatedly prove once
Again it was me I made a fool of
As what I think I've fixed is shattered
And the clouds begin to gather
And very shortly thereafter
As I think this storm could be a cool one
Lightning bolts of pain
Followed closely by a thunder
That'll drown out the sound
Of everything but the rain
That it combines with at the ground
And culminates as a hurricane
That gets it's spin from their hoola-
Hoop in my medulla
And overload my frontal lobe
Creating a reaction within
My cranium that's a
Lot like splitting a uranium atom
Feels like my brain is gaining weight
And as the load upon my shoulders
Quickly, steadily grows
Until I think my head’ll explode
And try to think of an escape
Suddenly just as fast as
It came on it passes
Like an overfed fire
That just as quickly as it catches
Burns itself into ashes
It's either burning or it's cold
No middle ground
It's either up or it's low
I call it a calming panic
But have heard doctors call it manic
Sometimes it’s dark as any blackness
Sometimes blindingly it flashes
I’ve learned to just let it go
Don't dam the river, let it flow
And ride the wave until it crashes
Ride the line between careless
And just barely careful enough
To not get bit by a shark
Let all the thoughts -
The good, the bad, and the insane,
The glue as well as that which tears me apart
The worst of it won't see the day
'Cause I might think with my head
But I live with my heart.

Try imagining this world
Just exactly as it is
Where the only difference
Is that you don't know love exists
And never wonder what it is
And in it's place is an abyss
You've never thought of filling in

Now just imagine all the things
As we play this little game
That we said would stay the same
That would so drastically be changed
If your heart left the decisions
And the choices to your brain

It's hard to think what it'd do
If from Webster's dictionary
Just a single word removed
And forever changed the way
All the rest of them were used

Some people look for reasons to live
As if they need them to live
As if without them they’d die
While either way they’re alive
Just as much and just as surely
As they’re wasting their time
Looking for a hidden meaning
That isn’t trying to hide

So many want to leave a mark
And have a star in the concrete
And work so hard to impress
Someone they’re never gonna meet

Life's just as much like a sword
As it is like a pen
Because the point's the smallest part
And isn't found 'til the end