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 Jul 2017 Eva
Vale Luna
Until Today
 Jul 2017 Eva
Vale Luna
I woke up this morning
In bed next to Depression
Although,
I don't remember going to sleep next to him
I think I would've remembered that
I know I would've remembered that

Because, Depression and I
Haven't seen each other
In a very long time
We actually separated…
In fact, I dumped him
The instant Joy returned to me

But I guess I should've know better
Than to get clingy with Joy
Because last night
She left
Again.
So suddenly
So abruptly
So randomly
I thought we were happy together
But changing circumstances
Sent her running for the hills

Depression must have heard that she ran
And seized the opportunity to get to me
Yet, until today
I thought I'd never see him again
I hoped
Because I didn't want him here
Not anymore

So I told him to leave
Over and over
But stubborn as ever
He refused
Over and over
Which escalated into a shouting match
One minute, I was yelling
But the next…
I'm on the ground
I mean
I've seen Depression hit Joy before
But he's never hit me

Until today

I don't remember much
But I'm still bruised and bloodied
And when the tears came down my cheeks
He sighed
And sat down next to me
To embrace me

I wanted to push him away
But…
I guess I just didn't have the energy
And even as I cried out miserably
His hold
Seemed to comfort me
Well… not “comfort” maybe
But I became comfortable
In his arms
I am comfortable
In his arms

And despite
How badly he hurt me
I don't mind the fact that he came back
Because
Until today
I had forgotten what he meant to me
I had forgotten
How much Depression and I get along.
"Not Anymore" sequel/pre-quel?
 Jul 2017 Eva
Megan H
She said,
I want to die
Just let me die.

And I felt her words
Throughout the entirety of my soul
Because I knew
I knew.

We sat there stroking her back
He and I.
As she kept saying
I want to die
I looked up at him
And I saw it in his eyes
And he saw it in mine
Because he knew.
He knew.

Three broken people
Sitting at a party together.
Her sober thoughts coming out
As drunk words.
I heard it in her voice,
He saw it in my eyes,
I saw it in his eyes,
And for one second,
None of us were alone
Together we shared the pain.
Because we knew.
We knew.
 Jul 2017 Eva
g
what is love
 Jul 2017 Eva
g
5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was
kissing
touching

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.
maybe someday i can fully comprehend what love is :")
 Jun 2017 Eva
Vale Luna
Now you're in the sunken place
Clawing at your own skin
To escape
Break free
From the prison inside you
Pulling apart
Your rib cage
Because it feels like
You're suffocating yourself
Panting
        Gasping
              Grasping
For reality
But the only thing you catch
Is a handful
Of your decaying flesh

And now you're in the sunken place

The tears like acid-
Poison to your eyes
Burning through your sight
So you fight
With clouded vision
Stumbling into
The labyrinth that is your brain
Colliding
        Crashing
              Bashing
Against the tissued barriers
The padded walls
Insanely insanity
The darkest type of mental institute
Locked with three clicks
Inside your head

And now you're in the sunken place

Constantly slicing yourself open
Searching for a key
To unlock the psych ward door
A key-
Lost in your vital organs
So you cut deeper
Deep-deep down under
Drowning in gallons
Or your own crimson blood
Muffling your screams to girgles
You try and hide
In the fissures of your bones
Tearing
       Splitting
            Ripping
Through yourself
To escape yourself
To survive this hell
To outlive your jail cell

So now you're stuck
In the sunken place

Quietly psychotic
Waiting for what comes next
Paralyzed
         Frozen
             Broken
...
You're the patient in **Asylum X.
I got the "sunken place" from the movie Get Out (which is an awesome movie which accurately depicts racism that I've experienced btw).

Anyway, I just took that idea and ran with it!
 Jun 2017 Eva
George Anthony
I know that there is a table
in a Catholic high school in my local town
with an etch of the letter "G"
next to boredom-inspired vandal,
jagged lines, circles,
perhaps a few ******* shapes
as silly high school boys
are prone to draw.

An Advanced Maths textbook sits on a shelf
with a little doodle
of a peace sign next to an emo smiley
from a time where I was caught
between two phases,
tight black jeans and a flowing turquoise shirt.

Tobacco stains smeared
over the wood of a sealed off door
just outside my bedroom,
evidence of the first time
I tried a cigarette, seven years old,
and then panicked and tried to
flush it down the toilet,
only to have to fish it out and stuff it
in a little crevice, to be hidden and
remain there for seven years.

We leave all these little marks
and stains
in places we've been.
Spilled food, spilled ink, spilled drink,
tobacco stains and pools of blood.
"The marks humans leave are
too often scars."

I have scars.
Left forearm. Right calf. Right wrist bone. Both kneecaps.

A scar across my ribs and chest I was
so desperate to be rid of,
I bathed myself in oils and it was
the first scab I
never picked at; but a couple of weeks ago
I dreamt it was there again, fresh.
It tore open in front of everyone, bled out,
and I woke up gasping, drowning in my fear,
agonised, clutching at a wound that'd long since faded
convinced I could feel it splitting me apart again.

I have evidence all over my body
and more buried deep within the recesses of my mind,
scars so jagged they put knives to shame,
shining, pale, like diamonds in moonlight
not half as precious
but still invaluable.
Evidence of the marks humans leave behind.

I'm not innocent.
I don't pretend like I am.
I know there is a man out there
who gained another scar to add to his collection
when he was fourteen years old.
I know my hands carved it into his skin.
I know I used to use my fists
when others used their words to hurt me.

When I die, I know that I will leave
pieces of myself
everywhere
I've ever been. Whether people know it
or not, whether they
remember me
or not. There are ink stains
and coffee spills. My blood
is still on the floor of his house.
The high school cafeteria
has a circle of red
from a nosebleed I didn't realise I was having.
There are parks wearing my graffiti
and children donning my old clothes, and people overseas
still alive because of me

(or that's what they'll tell me, but
all I did was talk.
Give yourself the credit you guys deserve,
you're the ones who chose to listen.
You're the ones who had the strength to
pick your head up and carry on)

There are exes who still think of me
and friends who will one day
come across some article of clothing
or a piece of technology
I left behind after a sleepover.
Teachers who will remember
that smart, sarcastic student
who had panic attacks in their classrooms
and drank coffee in the mentoring hub with Mrs. Hume
whilst buttering bagels and functioning on no sleep.

Maybe our place in the universe is
insignificant. Or maybe it's the
most significant thing
of all.
Maybe the Buddhists are right.
Maybe we are the universe, together
as one. I sure think it makes sense.

Streams of consciousness
and spirits that need healing.
We work the sun
without even realising we're doing it.
We destroy it, too,
which is perhaps why we
are so self destructive in turn.

Maybe we're
smaller than specs of dust
but that's okay.
You don't have anything
without the particles required
to make things up.
Everything is a collection of atoms:
the tiniest things of all
yet they're the centre of everything,
the beginning of everything.

So when the end comes and
we burst back into the sky,
stardust and souls and
blinking little lights,
we'll have left our marks on the earth
regardless of who remembers
and we'll still be there, twinkling,
a collection of atoms that came from a supernova
essential to the makeup of galaxies
and life itself.
What could be more beautiful than that?
I don't know. It was... some sort of stream of consciousness, perhaps? I blanked out halfway through writing it.
 Jun 2017 Eva
Kat
Society, society
 Jun 2017 Eva
Kat
Society, society, what do you say?
You've dealt your cards, you've had your way.

Society, society, am I not enough?
I've skipped my meals and ran until I've thrown up.

Society, society, I've tried my best.
I studied all night long, and I passed all the test.

Society, society, what more do you need?
I'm on my knees and I'm starting to plead.

Society, society, I can't take much more.
They said by following your rules, I'd open more doors.

Society, society, why are you so cruel?
I'd try to make a change, but I know you'd win this duel.

Society, society, what more is there to say?
You've already made it so that I dread the next day.

Society, society, I wish I could win,
but I know if I fight back you'd see it as a sin.

Society, society, it's becoming way too hard,
going about my days with a leaden heart.

Society, society, you've made me give up,
but at least now the weight has lifted, and I can finally stand up.
 Jun 2017 Eva
Vale Luna
Okay Google
 Jun 2017 Eva
Vale Luna
Okay Google,
How do I get a crush to notice me?
Okay Google,
How do I ask someone out?
Okay Google,
What should I wear on a first date?
Okay Google,
How many dates until it's okay to kiss?
Okay Google,
How many dates until it's okay to have ***?
Okay Google,
How much do condoms cost?

Okay Google,
What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?
Okay Google,
How should I apologize after an argument?
Okay Google,
How do I cope with a hard break-up?
Okay Google,
What are the signs of a mental illness?
Okay Google,
How do I cope with depression?
Okay Google,
What are the easiest suicide methods?
Okay Google,
How do I buy a gun?
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