I wonder why I feel so dumb and clumsy?
Why do I feel so pathetic and ugly?
Will I ever be happy again?
Or will it continue to rain?
Shall I stay in the dark?
Do I have another hurtful mark?
Will my heart ever stop to cry?
Or will it continue till I die?
Why can't I fall asleep at night?
Did I fall from a greater height?
Will I ever get back to where I was?
Will this dark cloud ever pass?
I guess I just need to wait for the rainbow to come out...
Because that's what it is all about...
We all need rain to live...
We all need to learn how to give...

What has happened to my dear friend?
Has his life come to an end?
I so dearly hope he is fine...
My inner light doesn't want to shine...
I wonder if I lost my heart forever?
Why does it feel like I come from the nether?
Am I just dreaming?
Or does it feel like my heart is dying?
Maybe it is dead already?
Maybe that is the reason why I feel heavy?
Is someone able to fix it back?
Is it my best friend which I lack?
Maybe Gabriel knows what must be done?
Maybe he knows why I feel so alone?
It feels like time has captured me...
I have no idea what I must be?
Sad?
Mad?
Scared?
It all feels so weird.....
I wish Gabriel was sitting beside me...
I wish he could make me see...
I wish he would wipe away a tear...
I wish he would call me his "dear"...
I'm literally sitting alone in the dark of the night...
And there are no stars or moon to give light...
I feel rejected by everyone...
Maybe it is because I am alone?
My dreams seem so far out of reach...
They seem so dull and they have turned bleach...
Why is there no one for me in my darkest moment?
Why do I feel broken and bent?
I know Gabriel would help me somehow...
But he is not here right now...
What have I been doing all these years?
Why am holding back tears?
Why am I stuck to the ground?
Why does gravity keep me bound?
Why can't I fly like birds in the sky?
Why can't I go so high?
Why is my life so confusing?
Why is my character so boring?
Why do I only realize now how much Gabriel means to me?
Why did I make him so very angry?
Why did I let go?
What should I do?

I miss the good days...
But I must choose between ways...
And whatever I choose...
No matter if I go loose...
I will stay like a ghost...
Roaming Belgium the most...
Why do I feel so lonely?
Why do I feel so empty?
Why do I feel so dead?
Is something wrong with my head?
Why do I feel so stuck?
Have I run out of luck?
What has happened to my emotions?
What is wrong with my actions?
Am I fading out of existence?
Have I spoiled my last chance?
Have I lost my way away from the herd?
So many questions which are unanswered...
Luckily they don't drive me crazy...
Because I have someone in this world that makes me happy...
He lifts great lifts from my shoulders...
He is so unlike others...
He is funny...
And when he is angry...
I know he can become sorry...
He is so lovely...
He is so trustworthy...
We were both so lonely...
But then we met each other...
And then happen the wonder...
We laughed together...
Our lives turned to the better...
We had imaginary adventures...
We had pet vultures...
We rode in battle side by side...
We didn't even think about where to hide...
But now...
I wonder where he will go?

Oh, Gabriel where are you now?
I need to talk to you, but how?
You are so far...
I hope you are not at war?
I am just so desperate...
Is it already too late?
It is past noon...
And I wonder if I shall see you soon?
Will time bring it along?
Or am I totally wrong?
Time drags past so slow...
But I want to see you now...
Why can't I teleport?
Or will that hurt?
I don't care a thing...
I would do anything...
Just an hour with you to talk...
Remember when we went for a walk?
I cherish those precious memories...
Sometimes it is like a bunch of lies...
As if it never happened...
But then I get reminded...
The letter you wrote...
Or shall I call it a note?
I can't thank you enough...
Every time I go through my media I laugh...
I discovered something and I want to tell you...
You made me smile and you still do...
I found out that my heart is still on fire...
Even though I have tripped over a wire...
You helped me up to my feet...
And I type this as I feel my heart's heat...
I am sure of it now...
Don't ask how...

I got tired of trouble...
And I turned my back on all the rubble...
Now I'm feeling better than before...
I'm going to take a few steps more...
Even though I fell from the sky...
I got up again to try...
I'm going to run once more to fly...
I was soaring so high...
But then I hit the harsh reality...
And I turned from happy...
To hurt and sad...
I missed the lad...
The last few days it's not so bad anymore...
I'm just worried that he will wither to his core...
But I don't think so...
I must decide whether I stay or go...
I want to stay...
But maybe I'm looking the wrong way...?
Maybe I should go far away...?
Maybe I should fly night and day...?
Maybe another guy is meant for me...?
But where could he be...?

No matter how friendly I stay...
My mom always has another way...
She points at all my bad stuff...
And I know that I'm sometimes rough...
But she goes over the line...
I'm trying to clean myself so that I can shine...
And I believe that I'm making some progress...
But in her eyes, I always make a mess...
I don't mind if she helps me here and there...
But it is like she points everywhere...
I don't mind if my brother plays with the stuff I throw away...
But whatever I say...
They'll never understand or see...
The soft pain inside me...
I know my brother is still just a child...
But he goes wild...
I don't want to see how he destroys...
My old toys...
But no one cares a thing...
Except for my King...

There was a time when days were short...
When I felt like dirt...
It was not good and not bad...
Until I met a nice lad...
He gave me friendship when I needed it most...
When I felt like an invisible ghost...
He made me feel real again...
He was sunshine in the middle of rain...
But then the days of happiness came to an end...
My straight future bent...
I had to say goodbye...
And it hurts because I know why...
I admit that I was wrong about half of the things...
It feels like I broke one of my wings...
I know I will heal again...
I just don't know when...