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Taylor Dec 2020
Our greatest gift
is the pursuit of
futility
Devotion
to great deeds
and great works
is utterly meaningless
It’s a stellar performance
to an empty theater
a beautiful painting for the blind
It’s a desperate attempt
to be remembered
by a world
that remembers
no one
Without futility
what are we?
To exist
is to chase dreams
and truth
like dragons made of stardust
It’s natural to assume
this is cruel
but life is not cruel
It’s filled with meaning
Meaningless as it is
The gods were kind
when they gave Sisyphus the boulder
because what would he do
without it?
Taylor Dec 2020
My ears finally
Popped
I’m acclimated
Motion sickness over
The world is still
The room is quiet
Finally
It’s been so long
Sinking
Spiraling
Drowning
Choking on air
Praying for the crash
Now here I am
Where I belong
A bitter peace
Feeling empty and full
Lost and found
All at once
I’m alone
But smothered by you
I hate it here
But it’s home
I want to leave
But I know I’ll come back
So why bother
And knowing how I’ll come back
Sinking
Spiraling
Drowning
Choking on air
Feels almost as bad as staying here
With you
Taylor Dec 2020
would you believe
i’ve been
okay
six
whole
months

that i haven’t
thought of
Death
not
even
once

isn’t it great
to see
me
doing
so
well

i’m happy so
full of
smiles
my
jaw
hurts

my heart throbs
a tune
says
i’m
peachy
keen

life’s going great
i’m feeling
just
so
*******
good

do you believe
please just
believe
my
little
smile

i’m really okay
i’m okay
i
am
am
i
If I keep smiling, everyone will believe it, even me.
Taylor Dec 2020
The stars don’t feel
They just exist
without regard for you
or your perception of them
They are raw energy
explosive chaos
bound only to the cold grip of
Time
Free of their shackles
they unleash hell
ancient flames
devouring worlds
that you will never know
or care
existed

Beyond your sight
the apocalypse means
nothing
From a distance
the universe is pretty
And our little star
shines on
a beacon of safety
warm and comfortable
until one day
it isn’t
Taylor Dec 2020
I see the
world
in passing

Home
and countless cities
just like it

whizzing by

like faces
on the metro

Gone too quick
to remember the details

Were Spanish streets
cleaner than their
English siblings?

Did Thailand taste
like ginger?

Or was that Japan?

What did America sound like?

Memories of home
and the stops between

mingle like
voices
in busy street markets

echoing in harmony
with the droning
neon orchestra

Will the memories leave me?

Will recollection take flight
like the last of your
stray hairs?

Will I wander so far
that I forget
our
language?

I don’t belong here

I never will

and soon
I’ll see another land
and greet it
as a friendly stranger

with a nod
and meeting
of the
eyes
that lasts
just a bit
too long

and its face
will join the others

indistinguishable

and distant

I’m an outsider

I am
transient

foreign

and lost

and I don’t know
where you live
anymore

Could the world
stop
just for a second

so that I may clearly see
your face
on the other side
of the track?

So that I can
remember
a little longer
what home looks like?
Taylor Dec 2020
is it pathetic of me
to admit how used to you i’ve become?
my constant companion
squeezing us close
like gritted teeth
i feel you in every breath
you remind me of cigarettes
and bruised ribs
and you hold me close
closer than god ever bothered
you know me better than i do
and it’s not fair
because i don’t know me
without you
you were there when i hated my skin
and my eyes
and my thoughts
you were there when i hated my stomach
when it wouldn’t stop fluttering for the girls
and the boys too
you knew my secrets
and you held them
and me
even when i hated you
you were there when i met mr. thompson
and learned how to escape into poetry and
graphic novels
and you reminded me
i could escape from everything
but us
you were there when I barely made it to college
and you waited patiently
for the drugs and ***** to leave
so we could be together again
you were there when i dropped out
and sat on the floor with me
while we blacked out alone
in an empty apartment
you were there when i met m.
the one who saved my life
saved me from you
but you never left
years have gone by
i have all the love in the world
from a family all my own
but i still have you too
and i always will
you’re doing what you do best
balancing me
reminding me
happy is fleeting
but we’re forever
closer than blood
you’ve walked with me
through hell and back
sometimes you lead the way
and you always wait for me
when i leave you on the other side
and i always have a place for you
beneath the skin
deep in my lungs
because you’re the only thing in me
that will never change
An ode to the worst of me
Taylor Dec 2020
This blue world
lingers
Suspended in time
small
and warm
smelling of rain
and bodies
Crowned in haze
each new life
is a heavy sigh
a drunken breath
in sober nostrils
This world lives
it hurts
and it heals
It cracks into canyons
crumbles into
mountains
and floats ever onward
evolving
growing
and screaming
on a slow charge to
Oblivion
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