When they see her they see straight perfect teeth, round full lips.
Dark hair and tan skin,
A shy smile
With big sweet eyes.
Small, petite, but with ***** up to her chin in all their perky triple d glory.
No stretch marks.
They all fall in love with her
Smiling at the ground when she asks why.
Then they all look up at her
Slow
And say
theres just something about you..

I sit down, giving up immediately.

Inside a synthetic fantasy,
running from love's fall,
experiencing artificial destiny
when my life came to a crawl.

True life outside self-prison walls,
I can feel my purpose originate,
just another illusion's thrall,
twin ideas self-replicate.

(Why cant I keep misery at bay?!)

A lone perpetual memory,
I was just not chosen.
Reliving ancient agony,
I'm so cold, forgotten.

All senses lie to me,
truth hides unspoken.
Delusions are all I see,
I feel my mind is broken.

(Why cant this go away?!)

Unlit candles melt away,
under a cruel dark sun.
Colors fade back to grey,
watching a sadistic rerun.

Inside a forgotten cage
my heart lies sprawled,
unwilling to re-engage,
to her, enthralled.

How can I hope to see a new day?
If my heart still lies frozen..

Black
Opal
Coal
Charcoal
Midnight
My soul consumed
The horror of my past has caught up with me
I'm consumed by the ember flame
Every part dying
Withering away
Nothing left
Its a cold ground
Where I sit
Everything aches
No one knows
No one can know,
Not what I have become,
A monster inside
My world is nothing
Everything has faded away
Shades of black
Who knew that's all that would be left of me.
Strangely I laugh at this
Nothing can stop me now
For I have become a monster

She says 60
I say 200

Beautiful

Waiting

Nothing

Trying again

Spiraling downwards

Pain is building

Torment

When will this end?

I just want to see her

She says 60
I say 200

I just want to tell her once more

One last time to call her mine

Beautiful

Smart

She did it

Did what I couldn't

Longing

Writing

Waiting

She says 60
I say 200

One last time

This is it

Last call

Last cry

I can't take it

Suffering

Loosing

Tears streaming

Blood oozing

I failed like always because
She is the 200
And I can't even make the 60

and you message me every morning with a "hello beautiful", so I pass it on to my friends, because everyone deserves to feel the way that you make me feel right now.

I might see you today and if I do,
I don't know what I would do, you don't
know who I am anymore, it's been so very long
and I am unrecognizable.

She left a trail,
a meteor tail
streamed
behind her
everywhere she went,
her skirt hiked up.
An aura of flowers
floated around her
pretty face,
so fresh,
blossoming.
She left no doubt
of her *** appeal.
It was real,
totally unreal,
dreamy - like.

It's quiet here
at this time,
except
for the light rain,
its tears rolling
down my pane.
It's moments like these
when I cry inside
remembering,
remembering you
lying here
next to me
in the dark.
I traced
your sweet lady-form
with my finger
and you giggled girlishly,
holding my heart.
It was wonderful darling.
I remember too,
I remember
how much you loved the rain
& our quiet
tender moments.
And now all I trace
are my lips
missing you.

I could go tonight, I still have the ticket and I still have a reason to go. But why would I do that to myself? Would it do anything to me? When you are around, I don't feel anything. Not anger, nor jealousy. Just there. I feel almost completely separated from you, which is wonderful. But at the same time, you still slightly tug on my heart. Ray, you care about her. She'll always be your first love. Yes, I'll always care about her and she'll always be my first love. Maybe I'll always love her. But not in the same way, never in the same way. We've both changed, whether it be for the good or the bad, I cannot tell. But I do not love her, but I do care and I hope she stays safe tonight.

Whether
you
believe it or not,
I
loved you
so.
You
were
the one
I never
got
to have,
to be
mine.