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 Apr 2015 Swords and Roses
RJ
My name
It slides from the tongue with ease
So simplistic and overused
Will I ever hear you say it again?
You haven't known me in too long

My eyes
The emerald green orbs
That glisten in the light
Are they still beautiful?
You haven't seen me in too long

My hair*
Those long dark strands that flow
With your insistence of moving it out of the way
Do you still want to see my face?
You haven't answered me in too long

Your name
It seems so contradictory
To the half smile on your face
I wonder if you still feel yourself
I haven't known you in too long

Your eyes
The dull beads that sit steady
Trying to avoid the worried gaze
Only to look right through me anyway
I haven't seen you in too long

Your hair
Short with an angelic glisten
Just the way you hate it
Your curls have been taken away
Like the many other parts of you
I haven't recognized you in too long

**You haven't recognized me in too long
Visually see someone forget you, with no way of stopping it happen.
I'm writing this for you,
Flower thief. It's funny,
I told myself I'd never
Let it happen again, but I
Can only assume that I'm
The petal that falls once
You've clipped the stem.
Not to worry, my friend.
The breeze is quite beautiful
At such a day's quiet end.
You
My mind void of all thought.
Except for you.

Not one person is kind.
Except for you.

Not one person speaks.
Except for you.

Not one person cares.
Except for you.

I have not one person to love.


Except For You.
For BB
 Apr 2015 Swords and Roses
R
And I believe I did something extraordinary today. I smiled at him. I saw him in the hallway and I smiled at him. He didn't smile back, in fact, he looked away. Almost as if he was so consumed with shame, that by looking at me would make it pour out from his unforgivable heart. But the thing about is that I've forgiven him and her and the whole situation. I still can't look at her, but I'm getting to that point. It'll probably take awhile, but that's okay. I'm not on anybody's schedule except my own and I will take as long as I need to heal from this. Maybe it will take a few more days or maybe it'll take a few months. But I will not let you take me down, so that you could feel better. I did something extraordinary today and maybe it won't seem like it to anyone else, but to me it was a step towards a new life. A better life.
I think that’s the painful part,
remembering our start.
The innocence,
the uncontained bliss,
it’s such a contrast to now
and I’m still stuck wondering how.
How that chapter of my life is closed,
how is it that we’ve become opposed?
I think I believed we were indestructible,
that our relationship wasn’t corruptible.
It hurts most when I think about it, about us
and all the things we said in unshakeable trust.
Those words float now,
detached, but unforgettable somehow.
I keep asking, why?
For when we were together we aimed for the sky.
Here in the now, it’s much different.
I no longer have the ability to call you up in an instant.
We’ve grown apart,
strayed so much from our start.
We’ve grown up, but part of me is still fighting for what we had
and I know I need to stop because I laugh, but the disconnect makes me sad.
I can’t say I want to forget you, forget us
because you were somebody who had my trust
but things have changed
and we’ve become estranged.
I wish it were different, I don’t think you understand how much
but somehow I’ve benefited, for now I’m my own crutch.
So the goodbye is bittersweet.
I know a part of me, in some aspect, will always be incomplete
for a bond there was severed,
but I do wish you luck with your future endeavors.
I harbor no ill will,
and we’ll meet again on some rainy day, accepting a passing fill.
But we’ll know the truth,
we’ll share a smile that holds a million memories from our youth
and that’s what I’ll come to appreciate,
I’ll carry those wonderful memories even if we don’t affiliate.
We grow up, we change
the future isn’t something we can arrange.
We can only realize our choices,
and follow through on this voyage.
It’s messy, and beautiful, and can hurt like hell
but on the bad things we can’t dwell.
So the memories I’ll keep,
locked away, just for the rainy day when I see you on the street.
We've all lost someone, or multiple someones, but we've all experienced a loss of a friend, family member or lover. Whether it be to death, or the unforeseen dramas of life, we've all lost someone we thought we'd know forever. In the last year I had this happen, and I finally felt like getting it out on paper.
It won't ever end
Will it?
Pain is me
Not anything else
Just pain
It doesn't end
Pain of failure
Of not being good enough
Pain of loosing
Loosing everything
It comes out in red
That is the pain I like
It is a bright spot in the black
Pain of love
Of never seeing her again
Nothing ends
A downward spiral
Drowning
Chocking
Remembering
Remembering when she was mine
Everything is pain
Words that cut deeper into my skin than I ever could
Pain of listening to skinny puppy
Pain of living
Will death be pain as well?
 Apr 2015 Swords and Roses
Rj
We find ourselves rooting for the underdog because we see ourselves in them
Creds for Shayne Koyczan on the beautiful spoken word To This Day Project
The rain kisses my lips as I look into the sky
The clouds blanket me
And the stars smile for me
They care for me when no one else does.
I sigh as I gaze into the vast darkness of the night
I can't contain it anymore
A scream erupts from my lungs and tears through the fabric of night

Collapsed on the ground now I cry myself to sleep
A hollow shell
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