I've known long years of sickness
So I'm grateful for hours of health
Can I get witness?
David Markson on my shelf

Peace at times does come
But then the dread abyss
Peace be with you, darling
To love is much to miss

           Lunch together
            Ordinary bliss

When I finally woke
I saw you were never for me.
I looked at you
And saw what I wanted to see.
Not for who you were
But for who you could be.

A dream, a crave, a love engraved
A desire, a fire, a vision so dazed
Every thought, so fleeting, only this held tight
Every tear, such failure, for this i fight
Such pain, still settling, that road was rough
Such anger, ****** up, passion is never enough

I saw you glide around the basketball court today like the floor was made of freshly polished glass.
You didn't falter once.
You slid as easily as ball bearings across an endless marble table.
Circling & spinning & swaying & twirling.
Your dress was polka dot.
It whipped sharply in the wind.
I watched you skate until you rolled away, onto a gravel path.
Although your absence was as silent as the drifting of your blades,
As the sky went dark, I really wished you would have stayed.

when i turned eighteen
you didn't show up
the year before that too
you didn't come
said you were too busy
to swing by
work too much
didn't have time

but as soon as your baby
turns eight
you make the time
you save the date
we made plans to go out
but you shut them down
rescheduled so you
could be around

when i graduated
you said nothing to me
four years of your
constant degrading
i did my best
and you still raged
i was a burden
if i didn't obey

told me i was
tearing your family apart
spit in my face
and stomped on my heart
pressed down on me
if my head got too high
my happiness seemed
to be your demise

i wish i knew
what i could've done
i hate that i hate you
and have since i was young
hate that you forget me
and ignore my rights
feels like i've never had family
that i'm just a hiccup in your life