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  Mar 2020 Sunflower Girl
Lyda M Sourne
They asked me this question in class one day

"What do you want to be remembered by?"

I wrote down the answer of what they wanted to hear

But to be honest

I just want to be forgotten
So no one has to hurt when I say
goodbye
  Mar 2020 Sunflower Girl
Black Leaf
I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.
When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Under a spotlight where everyone knew my name...
I was five.

Now, I want shadows and to be as far away as possible.
Hidden and far from consequence,
And even further from myself.
Where my name is not a name,
But just another word without any true meaning.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Now, I want to disappear.

I should have jumped overboard when I had the chance.
When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.
"Pistanthrophobia is just not everyone's cup of tea."
  Mar 2020 Sunflower Girl
Acme
It belongs to those I love.
I'd end it sometimes but I
would never hurt them.
Loss might drive them
to despair and dominoes
would fall on and on.
Sunflower Girl Mar 2020
Whenever I try to figure out what went wrong,
that one person comes to mind Saying "don't you think its all in your mind"
That one sentence gets me thinking, breaking, hating!!
I hate myself!!
Maybe i did this to myself!
Made it worst that what it was
distorted my memories to make me hate me!
where did it all go wrong?
what did i do wrong?
I just remember being me...
Then they broke me, they played me, made me believe that being me was wrong and laughed after it all.
Cause maybe it was funny, Being me!
So now i don't know what to think!!
I don't know what to feel?
Because for as much as i know, as she said, it could be all in my head.
I hate me!!

Those vile smiles, I still see them so clearly
Those  unpleasant words, I still heard them so loudly,
I remember looking up at them, smiling, Hurting, Believing, hating me!
That young me!!
Smiling and laughing as they did, Knowing they hated me!
But what could i have done?
What should i have believed?
Who should I have believed in?
When the tell me thats me?

Was it my fault that i was different?
I didn't ask to be!
Now how can i be "ME"?
For years One day at a time I've grown to believe the things they said to me.
When they told me who i am and who i should be! I didn't yet think of who i was or who i wanted to be!
But everyone seemed to think the same things about me!
I'm sorry that I'm me!
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