So I guess this is it huh?
After all the love bombing and fake feelings you’re finally ready to move on
You’re ready to remember what it felt like when I didn’t exist.
You’re excited to feel warmth in a new place.
Because everything turned cold here.
You made it this way though.
You turned off your feelings.
Maybe you didn’t even have any.
Maybe I built a false persona of you in my head that was genuinely interested in me.
I must be crazy to think all that time I spent investing in you, you were only pretending to like what I was saying.
Like what I was giving to you.
I didn’t ask you for anything.
I barely reached for a hand.
But yet again I’ll switch my feelings back to nothing and pretend like you never even stopped by.
Cause it’s that easy right?
I’m not that interesting to remember.
I’m not that hard to forget.
You must have found someone better.
So I’ll pretend we ever met.

I will fall down these steps.
Breaking my bones and all I have left
Just to see you shake your head and say....
Nothing. You always walk away...
I shatter myself for a small smile
Cry in my bed for just a little while
You gave me gifts to remember you by
Blinded by all your narcissistic lies
I pray one day you see and you learn
How quickly the tables can turn

I have forgotten what skin feels like.
I have touched it many times but sometimes it feels like silk and other times it has felt like concrete.
It has felt like velvet but also felt like sandpaper.
I’ve avoided the texture of those around me for so long it has become an unfamiliar touch.
I have grown sick at the thought of melting into someone else’s epidermis.
The fact that just giving someone a delicate touch means I am vulnerable worries me that I have not built walls
I have built an entire castle
A fortress around me that no one can penetrate.
I sit on a throne that no one else is allowed to even look at
You can’t have what I’ve experienced
You can’t be a part of what I have built.
This is because of you. I have worked so hard to keep you out
I sit in the aftermath of your disappointment and remember the times you shattered me and I keep building.
And building.
And building.
Until finally I’ve built something sturdy enough to never be broken down again. Not even by you.

So who do want me to be
You say that you love me every day
But i can’t believe you’re talking to me
When everything’s taken the wrong way
Maybe if I go you’ll find who you need
I just want you to know you were everything to me
I’ve walked this road alone but I just want to see
Exactly what you want from me

I could give you the world and you’d ask for the Sun
I could give you all the answers but you’d tell me there is none
I could change the way I am but would that even be enough
I’ve fallen on my knees and you don’t care if I get up

You're a beautiful creation.
But what did they do to you?
Now you're a beautiful disaster.
What can I do?

Someone will love you but that someone's not me.
I'd rather be alone now than fall to my knees
And beg you to see, that this is real and this is me
But you cant see it so I'd rather be free.
And learn to love myself more than you could ever love me.

You're a beautiful creation.
But what did they do to you.
Now you're a beautiful disaster.
There's nothing I can do.

We often connect to rejection, and forget to reject fake affection, so used to neglect and aggression.... Once I love I forget and accept it...