belladonna it seems that you're deadly
such a beautiful name for a deadly plant
belladonna erase my pitiful existence
take my pain away
let me wither away
I cannot stand this hell any longer
take me away
will edit later on
insides ripped apart
I feel numb
Empty and depressed
hush don't tell
keep it a secret
hush don't tell
they'll be there just for the kicks
hush let it burn
hush they don't have to know
hush keep it all inside
hush let it burn
hush let it burn
hush let it burn
HUSH LET IT BURN
hush lights out
feeling the walls close in
the cold consuming your very soul
distant and cold
refusing any comfort
why are you still here?
who made your self worth so low?
the cracks between your aching heart
can't take another blow
the wonderers of night
tear yourself apart
let your insides rot
terrified of the night.
I left happy
I woke up depressed and empty
everything seems meaningless
alone with my thoughts
i repeating nightmare that won't stop
I don't know if I can keep going on
Stone were thrown at me
not the physical ones
but the verbal stones
do you catch my drift?
that voices that haunt me in the middle of the night
claw at my mind
they scream in agony and fear
do you see the unknown that i know so well?
time feels like a stretch
time is useless as it not?
they say emotions can control ones action
yet when my emotions are bottle up
they end up spilling from its cup
it's as if crimson flames lick my skin
anger courses through my veins
fueled by my own hate
I drift apart from the realm of reality
do you not see me hurting?
do you not see me drifting for reality?
i'm my own destruction
i have to set myself free
one day i'll see clear skies
as of now my skies are grey
just as a flower
my loved blossomed
it grew to be a beautiful flower
my colors full of life
eventually every beautiful flowers fate
you cut me off
I withered away
my petals withering away
the last of life left me
I held on for to long
now i'm ugly and dead
you cut my life
now I'm dead
to be thrown away
I can't hold a conversation with them
They spit each word with their own hurt
They come to me hurling my own agony
They are wicked and cruel
I will not shed a tear yet
The clock will strike midnight
I might shed a tear
I might just let my agony turn into anger
Cruel and wicked are their intentions
I bite my own tongue and keep quiet
If I become numb to my emotions
What will I become
When midnight comes
I'll be numb
-- this is a way for me to vent my emotions a few days ago I will not edit or change anything it's what I was thinking and going through in that moment
When I found out that you tried dying
I wept like a newborn
I let my misery soak me up
My days and nights got wrapped up in each other
days began to blur
I did not hear any news from you
I lost myself in a wave of sadness
how could I lose someone that I love
just another month
cold and crisp
the flowers that once bloomed
are all gone
the fire that shined bright
let it freeze and die out
let the wind extinguish the fire that was once alive
october can **** of my hope
october hurry up and **** my delight
All I feel is rage
My skin hot to the touch
I'm getting angrier as time passes by
I don't know how to handle it
I'm controlling myself but my mind is chaotic
It's like poison it's taking over
I wanna give in
Maybe it's all in my head
But for hells sake it better stop
Maybe i'm the one feeding my anger
My hands are shaking
My breath uneven
I can feel it manifesting
I'm not happy
--I wrote this a few days ago I was angry with myself I suppose my anger manifested I couldn't control the anger that I felt I just was hot to the touch I felt as if I was suffocating with the people all around me--
You marked me as Yours
In love I was
Awoken was this desire
To be only Yours
The fire that that was nourished
Extinguished by your coldness
The flickering light of this fire
dwindling into a portion of the heat that kept me warm
The hollowness eating my life away
Playing with my heart was your game
Dying out was my game
I was burned out pathetic isn’t it?
Part of me already knows that
The promises you make are empty
They bare no meaning
Yet I hold on to something
A sliver of hope
I turn away from the truth
The hope I feel is my own delusion
An illusion I create to save myself
Kept in the dark crevices of my mind
I throw myself deeper into the false pretense
and dig myself my own grave once more
Stuck in a reverie of my own, I let myself sink in own mind, pushing myself more into myself. I’m my own demise.
Take this with a grain of salt, if this makes you think of yourself by all means think of that. Just something I need to get out of my own system.
I’m meant to love you, to cherish you, but it
does not mean that I need you, I can live without you, I need you as a friend not a lover; perhaps my feelings will change with time but for now I keep you at arms length and let myself be free from the burden of romantic love and embrace with open arms our death.
I think I fell in love once,
Since then I have not been able to love another.
Will I ever truly be able to fall in love again?
I do not know, perhaps I lack sympathy to love another.
Pity, I pity the one who decides to fall for me.
I cannot love another human, I don’t think I have ever loved a person truly.
I cannot love unless I love myself.
Don’t expect much from someone that cannot show affection.
My mind is the logical part of me
While my heart yearns for everything that it touches
Split those two apart and my mind will always win
Don’t cry over us, we never had a future.
To my first ‘love’ I hope you are doing well, this will never get to you. I hope you achieved your happiness. I don’t know where my happiness lays at. The only thing I know is that I’m doing ok.
Betrayed, that’s what I’ve felt for ions.
Were you nervous as I stared at your eyes.
Pathetic, your gaze waivers as you look somewhere else but my eyes.
Anger, the rage that has buildup for months gone.
Peace, peace before the storm.
A flicker of the old emotions hits me full force.
I hope that you are ready, youre going to regret every single decision that you’ve made against me.
Physical aches hurt my poor flesh, but this anger that consumes me will be your demise.
Run, run and don’t turn back.
I will be your bitter end.
I’m going to destroy you
I’m going to watch you crumble
I’m going to watch you fall
I’ll be the hell you hate
I’ll become the thing you loath
I’ll be the thing that lurks at night
I’ll be your worst nightmare
I’ll be your enemy
I'll be anything you hate just to have your eyes on me
to become happy you have to fake it till you make it
what satisfication will that ever give me?
how can one be fond of happiness if nothing seems to be right anymore in the place you call home
I found myself feeding lies to my own heart.
My mind knowing from the beginning that we were doomed from the start.
Not meant for each other but I feed the illusion in my mind, that we are destined to be part of each other’s life.
I feel this pain crawling all over my being, inhale, exhale, inhale, repeat, I’ll bear the pain, until we meet again.
Two flames that burned too bright, too fast; yet only one of us made it out alive.
My soul cries out for what was lost
May these wretched stars align and grant me my wish.
Forever and never, disregard me and lay me to rest.
Call me home, I’m tired of this. If we fell from grace, I’ll be the hell that you love and hate.
Forever and never my eternal love.
— The End —