Stand in the rain

Stand in the rain Dec 15

Time

Once upon a time,

There was a sad girl that lived in a mythical land of the east coast

She met a boy online, a very sad boy in the middle of a forbidden land called tornado valley.

The boy is an idiot and leaves cause he thinks he’s toxic.

They never had a chance from the start.

She died emotionally, and continues to yearn for that whom she called her own.

She continues to look for him in different men, in hopes to find him.

Doomed from the very start

2015-2018

Stand in the rain Jan 18

Haunted

I’m haunted by the demons that lurk in my mind, they scream foul words my way. From the pits of hell they’ve clawed their way out, I’m left alone to fend myself, yet I grow weary of the hell I’m in, and endless loop, overcome with grief I sink into my own rot. An endless cycle with no hope in sight, distraught is such a pretty word to describe this vicious cycle of self hatred and hurt.

How little light do I see, flickering in and out of existence. I am nothing but a speck of dust on this earthly plane, I grow tired, I am becoming undone.

Dreaming every night of something, anything, yield my weary soul for she’s tired and ready to become undone.

#agony #grief #dreamless #rot

Stand in the rain Feb 2022

From the flames that burned

I found myself feeding lies to my own heart.

My mind knowing from the beginning that we were doomed from the start.

Not meant for each other but I feed the illusion in my mind, that we are destined to be part of each other’s life.

I feel this pain crawling all over my being, inhale, exhale, inhale, repeat, I’ll bear the pain, until we meet again.

Two flames that burned too bright, too fast; yet only one of us made it out alive.

My soul cries out for what was lost

May these wretched stars align and grant me my wish.

Forever and never, disregard me and lay me to rest.

Call me home, I’m tired of this. If we fell from grace, I’ll be the hell that you love and hate.

Forever and never my eternal love.

Stand in the rain Jul 2021

Promises

Part of me already knows that
The promises you make are empty
They bare no meaning
Yet I hold on to something
A sliver of hope
I turn away from the truth
The hope I feel is my own delusion
An illusion I create to save myself
Kept in the dark crevices of my mind
I throw myself deeper into the false pretense
and dig myself my own grave once more
Stuck in a reverie of my own, I let myself sink in own mind, pushing myself more into myself. I’m my own demise.

Take this with a grain of salt, if this makes you think of yourself by all means think of that. Just something I need to get out of my own system.

#promises #false #pretense #demise #ache

Stand in the rain Jul 2021

Love is strange

I’m meant to love you, to cherish you, but it
does not mean that I need you, I can live without you, I need you as a friend not a lover; perhaps my feelings will change with time but for now I keep you at arms length and let myself be free from the burden of romantic love and embrace with open arms our death.

Stand in the rain May 2020

Run

Betrayed, that’s what I’ve felt for ions.
Were you nervous as I stared at your eyes.
Pathetic, your gaze waivers as you look somewhere else but my eyes.
Anger, the rage that has buildup for months gone.
Peace, peace before the storm.
A flicker of the old emotions hits me full force.
I hope that you are ready, youre going to regret every single decision that you’ve made against me.
Physical aches hurt my poor flesh, but this anger that consumes me will be your demise.
Run, run and don’t turn back.
I will be your bitter end.

Stand in the rain May 2020

Hold

they said
to become happy you have to fake it till you make it
what satisfication will that ever give me?
how can one be fond of happiness if nothing seems to be right anymore in the place you call home