... but er' of heart.
The arrow flies to
miss its mark.

When love shot thus
makes pain begin
The hurtful shaft
of evil wins.

The arrow's notched
the bow is bent
But think before
that missile's sent!

Is it for love
with great aplomb?
Or does it house
an atom bomb?

Cupid's said to be a god.
But he can hurt
as well as laud!

Be ye careful of dismay!
Marry her!
Or you both pay!

I won't say more.
I won't shout.
I'm going now...

... over. *OUT.

All are cast upon life's Seas
All have cares and doubt
We can freeze at 0°
Or we can Scream & Shout

The Tempest tears at our proud sails
The waves crash on our decks
The winds wail, our strength can fail
And we can end up wrecks

Caught between two destinies
The Scylla and Charybdis
The devil and the deep blue sea
The malstrom comes to haunt us

But... avast there, mate! It's not your fate!
There asleep upon your lee
Is God so great, He's never late!
And he can calm the sea!

Have you heard? He has awoken!
He's not in the grave!
Tho we are broken, He has spoken!
He's Ruler of the waves!

So do not fear the hurricanes
For as sure as I was born
Tempests wane, in sad refrain
Before the

Maker of the Storm


SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/14/2016

A Story of Scientology and the
Mental Health System Connection

GILDED CAGE

Unlike the pampered, well heeled clients of my "faith", I didn't enter the Fort Harrison Hotel via the opulent main entrance. I made my appearance through the back. The garage entrance was less than hospitable. And, I noticed, there seemed to be people *living in the cold, drafty motor housing! When I asked about this strange berthing, Noah was much less than forthcoming. "RPF", he mumbled. Well. What's an RPF when it's at home? Then I saw a few of the denizens of said "RPF". I knew very little about it. Only that it was punishment. For people were "out-ethics". WOW. The RPF "sleeping quarters" had bunks three high, and was protected only marginally from the winds that swept through that garage.

There was an RPF person who was coming through the breezeway as I entered. He stepped aside very deferentialy, and said, "Excuse me, Sirs!" to Noah and I. WOW. I'd never had THAT kind of treatment in my life! I guess I was someone important! This bubble was burst immediately. I met the I/C of the FRU.

She was not in a good mood, as I recall. But, then, who ever really was in this Organization? She DID TRY to be nice. Greeted me clammily, and put on a spurious smile. She recognized I needed sleep, at least. Upon walking through the building, the rooms got more and more posh. I was to get to my berthing through the hotel lobby, apparently. It was grand! But in a sort of an outdated way. I really don't remember much else. Except for the conditions in my sleeping quarters. Only marginally better than the RPF! bunks three high! Junk everywhere (some of the new recruits had yet to figure out that they should cull their possessions to a minimum). Guess who was designated the top bunk? You got it. And moi was not a happy camper! As I climbed the rickety ladder to the top bunk I remember thinking, "How much lower can a person go?"

*I WAS, EVENTUALLY, TO FIND OUT.

Pain is both a pesticide
and growth hormone

It is necessary for all growing things
but not even the bugs like it!


SoulSurvivor
2022

There was a pearl Palace
In a land so far away
They said it glowed at midnight
And sparkled in the day
In the pearl Palace
A lovely princess stayed.

She walked The Halls a'dreamin
Of a handsome man
To take her from the golden Halls
Of that foreign land
But her company was peacocks
She didn't understand.

A Wizard's spell had captured her
To keep her in that place
Where no one kept her company
Tears flowed down her face
She was kept quite comfortably
In her Silk and Lace.

She knew the great volcano
Would erupt for miles and miles
If she left the Pearl Palace
Where she was kept in style
And so she stayed there all alone
A sad and lonely child.

Catherine Jarvis
8/16/2019

white light, never grey,
you've come to rest
upon my hand
do not fly away!
i am held in awe of you
i'm held in your sway
this is what i wish
this is what i pray
i will not be selfish
i'll be kind today
you'll find a home
within my heart
then maybe
you'll stay...

i'll be truly faithful
i'll be truly meek
i'll be truly patient
i will uphold the weak
i'll lead by example
those who truly seek...

i've been meditating
upon the skies above
what i've searched for
all my life
is your perfect love

true wealth's in the humble
retribution to forgive
the walk will make you stumble
in death we truly live

so i will be long-suffering
and i will release
the joy that is inside me

i will be at PEACE.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 1/16/2016

in their bed of ash
lavender-grey and sultry

slowly reassemble into
a bed of coals
salmon and fuchsia

stretching
and
torching
the
morning
star


soulsurvivor
(C) 20/10/2015

Written by Bad Baby*

When I look up above the sky
I see you paint it as you fly
With lines of poison that you trew
You take away my skies of blue

And when it rains it falls on me
The leaves, the trees, we die you see
Why do you **** us from up above?
Down here on earth
there's so much LOVE

They're not your skies
to take the blue
I told The Father, He always knew
So now, you know, you cannot hide

For what you sprayed up in my sky


Bad Baby
(C) 8/6/2015

Posted by SoulSurvivor

where the conformity sees a

(blank page)

we see scarlet letters and ink
of hues unimaginable . those
who don't know what it's like
to fight origami dragons, thin
as wafts of ***** smoke, the
wings of which having the po-
wer to knock their worlds to
the next millennium and the
flaming jaws to crush chrod-
mum skulls to powder . those
stars of their scales tell tales .
of woe . the beat of their heat
like a tribal drum from Hades
but all the conformity sees is

(blank page)

we see billions of suns already
extinguished . wraiths of cloud
wrapping around the tip of our
pen . we see . android humans
and human ai's cannot . we are
given a unique ability as poets
we make something blank into
beauty . ugliness . banality into
exquisite expression . cheers!!!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 1/2/2016

... the host waylaid!

I knew a woman on the street
Terrified and weary.
She had no place to go
Her prospects were dreary...

I took her in my home,
First checking with my folks.
She had a desire to help me
I knew this was no hoax...

But she had a brother
And his common-law wife
I was talked into helping THEM
The decision caused much strife...

They parked their car behind our house - and they slept inside it
I would have done more
But my folks decide it...

They never stole a thing
He helped in the garden
The ladies helped inside
It was a good bargin...

Until I found the couple
Had a penchant for SPICE.
A designer drug
Its effects far from nice...

I was put out totally
And asked them all to LEAVE
But I've been friends with the sister
And so my spirit grieves!

The lady I had helped out at first
Uses no drugs nor drinks
I have to decide...
... I ask you what you think.

Should i take her BACK?
Allow her to stay?
I'm not sure what to do...

... and continue to PRAY!!!



SoulSurvivor

---

If you read my last post you
know that I was in a relationship
which has ended. I was devastated.
I have been writing about how
depressed I have been.

That was before I watched a YouTube video of a sermon given by
Bill Johnson. It was about resting and
abiding in God. After viewing this i went outside onto my porch and talked to God. Never before had HIS LOVE for me been so palpable.
Or His voice so clear.

My dear friends. He has a plan and purpose for everything that happens to us. We are being systematically tried and purified to be inspired and blessed to have HIM in our hearts and minds. Our very lives are at stake.

Events will be taking place that will try our very SOUL. We MUST be prepared! We must be very strong to survive. Not only physically. But our souls must be prepared as well.

The devil has been sitting on me.
He's a fire that has been heating up my mettle. He has been pounding me. With doubt. Denial. And DECEIT. Telling me that I am not good enough. That I am bipolar and will never get better. But I am a sleeping giant! Not in myself. Never that. But the God I serve is awesome beyond comprehension!

These are things I have done with him working through me.

A woman with double phnemonia, strep throat and "incurable" bronchitis brought on by asthma
was healed overnight.

A woman with chronic depression was healed as I watched her start to giggle then LAUGH OUT LOUD! Holy laughter seemed to bubble up in her and she was healed!

My dad (who says he is an atheist) was cured of cancer. He's been cancer free for six years!

I've said the prayer of Salvation with a man who was a "Devil's Disciple".
A notorious motor cycle gang. He had killed three people. I saw him change before my eyes as the demons left him! He nearly fell off his chair. And this hardened man wept in my arms for 10 minutes afterwards.

The list goes on. NOT ANYTHING THAT I DID... EXCEPT I WAS TOTALLY SOLD OUT TO GOD AND ALLOWED HIM TO WORK THROUGH ME!

My name is Catherine Jarvis. I'm a SoulSurvivor. *And VICTORIOUS!!!

@/@\@


she walks a master's
    grace and poise her back
        ***** and staid... much more
a lady she'll destroy
    all plans for her waylaid

                  perfect  poetessa
                        proud possession
                                       phrase........


                  offering us opals
                          rainbows in their
                                        phase ........

                   luxuries of luster
                           let us give her


                                         *PRAISE!

"Though the mills
Of God grind slowly;
Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience
He stands waiting,
With exactness grinds He all."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The Mill

The grueling weight
of happenstance,
A millstone for to grind,
It deflates the ego
And shows us
Where we're blind,
It renders flesh a ruin
Obliterates the mind,
We leave our idols desolate
Leave the ties that bind.

Under painful hardship
We release the very things
Which put us in the circumstance
And caused the suffering
We leave behind our craving
For wealth and diamond rings
Everything exalted
All exalted above God...

That means EVERYTHING

Whatever you adore
On this temporal earth
Whatever gives you pleasure
In which you find worth

These very things will shackle you!
You'll find out they're not free.
They are just the Golden Calf
Of base idolatry.

But the millstone slowly purges
Turning hour by hour
Turning the wheat kernels
Into useful flour.

And so I am refined
As I surely must
Put to naught my flesh
Make powder all my lusts
For I am as ashes

for I am as dust.


Write of Passage aka
SoulSurvivor
8/23/2017

PROSE FOR ALL PEOPLE
CONSIDERING SUICIDE.

The last month has been torture.
I've tossed and turned at night.
I've been begging God just to take
me Home... then MAD at Him for not
answering my plea.
My body is wracked in pain.
My life is a dead-end.
My dreams are shattered.
But now I know why He did not...

This morning my 90 year old
father was choking. He hardly made a
sound as the breath left his body. I don't
know how (God?) but I KNEW something
was terribly wrong. I went over to see
what had me so disquieted in his regard.
He was gesturing to me frantically...

This had happened before. We both knew
the drill. As I put my arms around him
from behind and began the upward jerks
of the Heimlich maneuver, his arm got
caught in the mechanism of his power-
chair. We began to do a sort of a gruesome
dance... his body struggling not to die...
mine to bring it life...

I screamed at my mom, who was in
her room, "Call 911!!! Dad's choking again!"

I applied pressure to his solar plexus,
just under his ribcage by lifting him firmly.
With each motion saying a calm prayer... "Not today, God. Not today. He's going to LIVE. Today... in Jesus' Name. AMEN."

Then my father spit up the eggs which
had been lodged in his windpipe. His
breathing was ragged. But became regular.
No ambulance would be needed today.

As I looked at the wizened little old man
in the power-chair I realized something.
I had not saved HIS life as much as
HE had saved

MINE.

I may not be much or have much.
But I have him
and my family to help out.

I may never realize my dreams. But God
will always give me another day to try
to live them... a precious Gift...

LIFE.

SO WHO AM I TO THROW THAT GIFT
BACK IN HIS FACE?

So think about it. Perhaps later today
you may see a child run out in front
of a car... and pull him back. Maybe
you'll find a frozen starving kitten...
you'll smile and put a dollar in the hand
of a homeless person who was ready
to give up til your act of kindness made
him reconsider...

Who knows?

The life you save....


SoulSurvivor
(C) 12/17/2015

There once was a man
Who lived a "good" life
He worked through all trials
Temptation and strife

He lived very humbly
Never wished to be rich
Was good to his neighbours
Nothing bad passed his lips

He said, " God look at me!
I am worthy of praise!
I am without sin
But not by your grace...

For I am an atheist
And I don't need Christ
Humans provide
All their own good advice."

Then there was another
Who, quote, "lived for God"
But he looked upon sinners
as though they were odd...

He said, " God, I thank thee
That I'm not like them
For I walk uprightly
No, I do not sin...

And when I get to heaven
The praise shall be loud!
I'll walk right in
And I'll be so proud!"

Then there was a woman
Who'd give her last dime
That she could use drugs
And drink her sweet wine

But she cried, " Lord!
Please have mercy on me!
For I am so wretched!
So unworthy of thee!

I'm not all that clean
And I shout at folks
I drink and do drugs
And God help me, I smoke!

But, Lord, I am trying!
I want so much to change!
Please come into my heart
And my life rearrange..."

Then came the time
When all of them died
And the woman in heaven
Saw the men with such pride

In eternal torment
They cried out, "Lord!
We kept all your precepts
And sin we abhorred!

Why is that woman
Up there with you?
She so unfaithful
And she so untrue!

But Jesus said sadly,
"Yes, you were "good".
You had that advantage
Yet misunderstood.

I did not want works.
That's not what I bid.
You gave not your hearts,
But this woman DID.

I was always there knocking
But death cut like a knife
I gave you your chance...

YOU HAD YOUR WHOLE LIFE.


SoulSurvivor
(c) 6/14/2009

She has a special siren song
Pastel paisley passion's dawn

She's aloof, but takes on airs
Wearing seashells in her hair

Abalone, mother of pearl
She has her arms 'round half the world

She chuckles softly with the birds
She speaks to stars without a word

She bids them run! She bids them hide!
She tucks the mountains to her side

When whispering she turns to wink
The morning sky will blush to pink!

YES! The thrashers laugh out loud!
She's tangled in the pewter clouds!

She whistles low her magic tune
The dew-soaked desert's her perfume

Though it's the sun she courts and woos
She entices all... the morning muse!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/7/2016

Thankless. Difficult.
The most important thing
one person can do.

10W
Soul Survivor

There they are in all their glory!
Poems 'bout food to tell a story...

The sunny side up of a summer day
The yolk is rising to a fried egg whey!

There's plenty of grits
to fill the spoon...
With sizzling stars
and a flapjack MOON!

Pasta hills with pesto grass
Sure to give your hips some sass!

Fresh salmon salad on some greens
You're much more likely to be lean

Sensual fruits delight the eyes
And they're easier on the thighs!

Bread and muffins in a race
With cookies and cream
to stuff your face?

Cleanse the body! Cleanse the soul!
You can break the jello mold!

But I don't know if I can last...

I write about FOOD
whilst I do a FAST!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 8/4/2015

"I never made a mistake in my life.
I thought I did once, but I was wrong."

Charles M Shulz


There was once a greenhouse
Built so strong and high
The architect a genius
And built it to the sky

There was an imperfect one
Standing at the pane
The maker of the edifice
Thought she should be shamed

So he found a polished stone
Just the perfect size
He lobbed it with tremendous force
Got glass in HIS eyes!

There are *some who're perfect
Mighty, strong, and hale
This is their tragic error

And they should not chuck SHALE!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/5/2016

// --------''_//
//-----------//''''''//
//-----''''¡_~~~····¡
                         //~~~~//
               //  ''''//
     X''''
(you are here)

we are on a switchback trail
going nowhere? hear this tale
this is a tragic tearful vale
there will be great storms and hail
you may stumble upon shale
but in the end you can prevail

i don't pretend to be a seer
but i won't give you a *** steer
ask any seasoned mountaineer
climbing K2 it's a bear
you need to know
the way that's clear
or you'll be cryin' in your beer

the switchback trail may be slow
you'll be turning to and fro
but to get high you must start low
don't resist! go with the flow!

you have a backpack. yes, it's true
with things that we will all acrue
if you have weights you may be blue
shuffling off the burdened hew
you can find a way that's new!

some will try to climb straight up
they may find a bitter cup
the fall is greater from the top
too fast, the fall will never stop
'til you hit bottom with a plop!

so let us find the narrow way
listen to what i have to say
you will find it if you pray
you'll have valleys come what may
the winds will make you
bend and sway
you may not find the peak today

but when you do... hip hip hooray!


soulsurvivor
(C) 6/22/2015

~~~

if you are my friend
we're joined at the hip
you don't have to worry
about how i may slip.

if you are my friend
i am tried and true
you don't have to worry
i will not leave you.

if you are my friend
I'm there forever
come hell or high water
come stormy weather

i know what it's like
to be at rope's end
and find nothing more
than fair weather friends.

to be so down
death looks like pleasure
to drink of a cup
of pain without measure.

SO. I DON'T LEAVE FRIENDS.
as they're all that I have.
they stand up for me
they are life's salve.

if you are my friend
you are not alone
if you are my friend...

... it's down to the BONE.


♥ Catherine