Sunbaked streets
Home
It's a state of mind
Not a place I recognize

And this mind lives alone
Amidst hostile interiors
And foreign exteriors

The pounding heart
Sends the blood spinning
Death spiralling
The mirror broke when it met my eye

I forget the time
And I disappear
Somewhere between
What is happening
And what has been

It feels like drowning
In a muddy lake
Where the water thick clogs the lungs
Makes you suffocate with the anger
Of a thousand burning suns

And darkness does not bring silence
When eyes close nothing is mended
And cold hands refrain from taking hold
There's a tear and I'm beginning to see it

I think I'm lost
Somewhere between dreams and reality
Losing sense of which is what
And I'm terrified of waking up

I whisper in the darkness
Shy my words are finding flight
I heed the void
Let it draw me in
I need the night

Searching, groping
Without a light
The floor is cold
The walls are ice
I’ve slipped before I had a chance to rise

I’m looking hard
But try as I might
It’s hard to find something
To **** the fire that resides inside

So close my eyes
And slip inside
Take out your knives
Carve from my hide
Circles drawing from the tide

Of time as shorelines
Waves and grains, an interplay
Of moonlight and star skies
And the pitch black darkness
From a complete absence of life

Across the ocean
A destination silhouettes the end of sight
I’ve known it all my life
It’s been following me all this time

One day I will cross these waters
Leave my boat along it’s coast
Walk barefoot across the beach
And under white light give up this ghost

I went to the river
Sank myself in
Struggling there upstream
Is where I saw you swim

On the same journey
Different within
Arms against the current
Is this a fight we could win

Blue hypothermia
Brown swaying reeds
Fighting in this wilderness
The rocks that scrape our knees

Coming over now
But the water remains wild
Reaching out with nothing to hold
Drowning words I can’t make out

And on the shore I see
In shapes and silhouettes
Monolithic still and old
The ghosts that remain your family

I cannot breathe
When it comes in cold
Pouring ice down in my throat
And it is only then I know

That I won’t see you grow old
I’ll have to let you go
And your eyes they tell me so
Your eyes tell me:

Let go

Now you're alone
Sometimes I wonder
What holds up your bones
When I see you
Slumped in your being
Tied to a seat
Tide to the sea

I see you drowning
Want to hold out my hand
Cast out a lifeline
Save you from it

But the sharks got to you
Long before I did
Took the fight out of you
Tore it apart with all your limbs

Now your body lies broken
And you've made it your throne
Accepting the scars where
Wild thorns have grown

Waiting for cancers
A tumor to grow
A vein to burst open
For that sweet numbing glow
Did you realize what you paid with
That your body was the toll
When you drowned all your sorrows
While we were there in your home
We were there all along

Now you're here all alone
And you fill up your lungs
Body creaks and groans
Living life on a loan
Five times did your heart die
All wrapped into one
Still remember that night
Never saw you like that
So mortal under fluorescent light

I took a picture
That you may never forget
Naive in my thinking
I know somewhere there's regret
But you keep taking that killing path
Keeping company with bottles
Burning cigarettes
Lonely ghosts all around you
They follow you into your bed
Keep you from sleeping
My tears for the fears kept in your head

You're mine until my bones hurt
Though I've pushed you away
It's your blood running through me
Being your son means feeling pain
So many things happened to us
Best intentions were never enough
When you slipped you took us with you
Showed us places we never asked to see
Showed us your faces
Distorted
The beasts within that still hunt for me in dreams

I don't know where to put you
With this love I can't let go
I cannot hate you
Even when you break me
When at nights I stay up alone
With all that goes through me
Your hands they are stones
They hammer straight through me

You're old now
But I'm no longer young
Watching you ghosting out
A picture painted
But the portrait's wrong
It's just shells now
The spirit's gone
It's your hell now
And I am still your son

Through blinds
In this world
I watch from sidelines
So many voices raised
Heat seeking missiles
Just waiting to hit any mark
Anything that sticks out
Anything that gives off heat
And as the world burns hotter
I find myself colder
Trying to be indifferent
Feeling hands and tongue tied
I won't add fuel to the fire
I'm letting myself burn out

But inside
I'm silently crying
For all the hurt that comes around
Feeling out of this world
With each passing day
I've tried the blinds
Shutting peripheries
But I can't ignore what I see in front of me
So much hate and lacking empathy
And for the life of me
I don't know why
It has me wondering
If I'm alive just to see how love dies

I loved the world
For all her shades
Be they wonderful or horrible
I loved humanity
Flawed and flaundering
With the potential for the truly beautiful
I loved each element
Every nuance
Every single detail telling me the world is infinitely colourful
But now lines are drawn
Colours muted mutating slowly into
False sensations of black and white

I'm bowing out
This can't be right
I must be sleeping
Feeling, seeing something awful
So I won't open these wandering eyes
I'll keep them tightly locked inside
Not stare awake into this night
I'll pass the time in my own mind
And let this nightmare pass me by
Come sunrise I'll be in bed
Please don't wake me
Let me rest
Drifting into better dreams
Away from this broken world's unrest

Broken goes
I tip and toe the undertow
Scratched dirt beneath scratched heels
Trailing paper and what I’d feel
If only I had something around my brain
To make me feel whole again

But nothing lasts longer than a cigarette
A can of beer, it’s all wasted breath
Expel the moment
What comes back
Atonement

For sins you think you might remember
But just a kid, a kink, when you were younger
Made your knees buckle, and you went under
Afraid to let go, afraid to surrender

Is it my fault
What has happened here
Time went out and I grew cold
Feeling older than the sum of my years

And it feels as if it’s all stitched together
Moments that collect themselves
In a tin bucket cheaply rendered

And it all feels wrong
Like violins in a marching band
No one knowing what they’re marching for
And everyone’s just waiting for it to end

Late shift of a later day
Emotional balance like a mirror broken
Coping mechanisms, a million to none
All strewn out in arbitrary direction

I think I did it all wrong
Took a wrong turn somewhere
Ending up at a crossroads
Where all signs say: to Hell

And so I went there
Feeling not so free after all
Doubt cast as my shadow
Faithfully trailing me along the way

On the road meeting with strangers
Whose faces are coated in bitterness
Smiling sad, broken smiles
With sad, broken eyes

Trailing their ghosts and skeletons behind them
A procession of lost souls
Pulling shadows from their lives

We're all of us going in circles
The past clinging to us like a child
Fearful of being left behind



I dream of being and forgetting
Leaving only blankness in my wake