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Lemon Dec 2019
It’s 4 in the morning
The sky is still dark
The air is thick
My lung give off a spark
My legs move with fury
And a smile grows on my face
As I run through the puddles
And show my true face

A run makes me happy
Yet it wears me down
It creates a tiredness
One I rarely felt
It lets me push my limits
Till my legs give out
When my knees hit the ground
And my heart pounds
That’s when I feel alive
When I feel like I’ve won

It’s 4 in the morning
And I’m out on a run
Cause at 4 in the morning
It so much more fun
Lemon Feb 2020
I used to dream of happiness
Of having a good life

But now all I want
Is to truly feel alive
Lemon Dec 2019
I looked down at my artwork
None of it looking good
The eyes are saggy
And the neck is a mess
The arms are noodles
The legs as well
The stomach is disfigured
And the hair looks like a nest
The feet are squished
The hands are sharp
The ears are long
And my mind is a wreck
For I'm not looking at my artwork
No, I'm looking at myself
At all my flaws
And insecurities
All my mistakes
And all my thoughts
After all
I know I'm not okay
With how I look
Or how I am
So I act like im a failed artwork
And fix myself
To fit in this world
Lemon Dec 2019
I don't know when I became so cold
When I started to feel so ashamed

But now my life is miserable
And all I feel is pain
Lemon Feb 2020
Why

Why is it when I need you

You disappear

Ignored all of my messages

Ignore my cries for help

My cries for you

I get you've got problems too

But I am ALWAYS there for you

I drop everything for you

To help you

But when I' broken and hurting

You're gone

You say you're always there

Just call if you need me

And you always answer

But you're distant and harsh

What do i do if i don't have it in me to call

What if i cant talk through the tears

What if i just need you to answer your **** texts and see what's going on

I need you *******

I need your care

Your love

I need to know we still have a chance

That you're not just finding ways to pass time before you leave

I need to know you still want me

Cause lately it doesn't seem like you do

And it hurts like a *****

I can physically feel my heart breaking bit by bit

And you're still so distant

Saying you're ready

You just don't trust me

But I've given you every reason to trust me

Proved myself every day

And you just brush it away

So instead of talking to you like i want to

I write words for strangers in hopes it'll make me feel somewhat better

*******.
Lemon Oct 2019
Violet,
The first ingredient to the making of me.
A gentle and pure color, perfect for kindness and dreams.
Violet is all of my being, it the beginning of me, the reason I'm living and the way I breathe.
Like the calm warm feeling I sometimes possess,
to the sad lonely one I get when they all left.

White,
Drizzled over my fresh young fleshy skin,
light as the summer breeze flowing through the air like wind.
Making me blend in with the others, the ones who like to win.
So I can be lost and forgotten and thrown in with the crowd. But that's when the

Red,
starts to kick in.
Making me pop and glow.
Its covers my head, flowing as I walk.
Making everyone around look and stop.
It makes me stand out, and it makes me rare, but no matter what it was always there. Then goes the

Black,
For the feelings I express, for the small dark part of me I can never dismiss.
Like the cruel cold way I treat my friends.
Never letting go, when it's clearly the end,
and never being a good enough friend.
From the clothes I wear and the way I act, most people remember me as the quiet girl in black.

Yellow,
For the way I feel when he looks at me,
like every bit of joy in the world belongs to me.
It was kept deep inside for none to see but his smile starts to bring out the yellow in me.
The happiness I feel when he holds my hand, or the bright warm shine I show when we dance.
Yellow is the happy he found in me, and the warm fuzzy feelings that needed to be free.

A cold icy blue,
For the stress I feel.
From the anxiety and self hatred to the depression and lack of expression in me.
The cold icy blue takes control of my thoughts.
It makes me say and do things believing I'll never be enough.
But the cold icy blue keeps me strong, ready to be loved, ready for acceptance, and ready for some fun.
It keeps me kind and keeps me quiet.
Silence is a skill, and must be learned well,
for people need to be listened to, and to feel acceptance as well.

All the colors that I feel deep inside,
they all make me who I am and give me my pride.
They make me love and sometimes feel accepted.
For colors are beautiful things, and should be kept protected,
cause no matter how dark a color may be, there will always be someone there to help set you free.
Every color has its own meaning, it's what you make of them that keeps you breathing.
Lemon Feb 2021
What do you do when every thought consumes you
When every breath brings upon a war
And every second feels like a ticking time bomb ready to explode

What do you do when your life is a lie
When your brain is telling you there's no need to try yet to never stop trying
That everyones fake and just waiting for you to break 

What do you do when every beat causes heartbreak
Every tear causes regret
And the image of every single person you've ever met comes rushing in like they're all stabbing you in the back 

Do you wonder what it's like to be confident?
To know for a fact that you have people to rely on?
Cause every thought that passes through my mind starts with, what if it's a lie? 

Do you know what it feels like to ***** up your anxiety?
To desperately try to flush your fears down the toilet?
To wash away the pain? 

Do you know how it feels to think you're insane?
To question every thought that passes through your brain? 

When the what ifs devour you and leave you as an empty shell
When you can't stop the thoughts from running
Feeling like you're a disease that needs to be eradicated

Or do you feel well?
Lemon Nov 2019
I'm not sure why but I tried to die
And now I feel all dead inside
Do you know why I tried to die
Or why I feel so dead inside
I always feel all dead inside
Ever since the day I tried
Tried to take away my life
And tried it while holding a knife
I feel so lost looking in this knife
And I don't know why but now I cry
I cry all the lovely lullabies
The lullabies
Oh lovely cries
They sing me to sleep at night
Every night I lay with fright that this may be my last goodnight
The tears fall out and sing about the monsters of our fearful house
This fearful house they sing about leaves hidden sights to see
But once you see you can't turn back or you must wear a shameful hat
The shameful hate oh sinful hat
Why must you not look back
Wearing this hat oh sinful hat why must I sin for you
For sinning brings more fright of this being my last night
I think I know why I must feel so dead inside for I can not express making me a sinful mess
But a sinful mess must not address any real desire for if I do well then it's you who must bear this frightful night
If I no longer bear this dreaded frightful night it will leave me in a quake that I might not survive
A vegetable
A vegetable is what I will become p
And that my friend is worse than feeling oh so numb
I don't know how I started to feel all of these things
But now I know the reason why
I must stay all dead inside
Lemon Feb 2021
With a single step out the door,
The frozen air rushes to my lungs,
Bringing upon an ache one couldn’t imagine.


The world is cold and brittle,
And showed no mercy to the growing plants
That now lack the nutrition they need.


The wind blows tirelessly,
Taking the birds and the bees with it
Will we see them again?


The grass is no longer green,
And the trees crack with every blow.
Will they stand?


The deer have ran,
And the mice too.
Will they intrude into my home?
Do I want them to?


I am left alone awaiting the snow,
Will it join me or leave me feeling blue?


As the warmth leaves my body,
Broken and cold,
I will return to the earth,
But is it still my home?
Lemon Oct 2019
Depression
Depression is that hole inside me that slowly eats me up
Yeah that thing that can ****
That thing that has killed
That thing that makes my feel so useless and alone
Yeah that's right
Alone
I am alone
My anxiety makes sure of that
Wait anxiety
That thing that makes me so insecure
That thing I can’t get rid no matter how hard I try
That thing I can’t compress
It’s like a demon in my chest
They say with every demon comes and angel but where is my angel?
Angels aren’t real
Real
The simple definition of a simple word that seems so fake
Fake like these lies I tell
Lies I tell people to get them to leave me alone when depression hit
It takes you in the night
It cooks you up till you try to escape into the ****** night
Blood
Blood is red
It tends to come after depression is done
After it has eaten you up and snached you away
Not all can escape
Like not all can escape assault
Physical assault
****** assault
Memories leading back to assault
The pain that comes with memories
Pain that comes with the knife you're holding up to your wrist
Or the rope around your neck when you just can’t take it anymore
That pain in your chest after a heartbreak
Heartbreak
That feeling when someone rips your heart out and throws it away like it was nothing
Just another monster in my world
Just another monster hidden in my closet
That closet where I keep my darkest fears
But back to assault
The incident that stole your innocence
Crushed you little heart that someone so close would do such a thing
That such a kind soul could turn into such a horrible monster
Kinda like you
Depression, Anxiety and assault
All things that have turned you into the monster you are today
This being
This feeling starts to fill you up
The feeling of nothingness
Not living just barely surviving
Not even that
Just existing
Surrounded by darkness, one of depressions closest friends
Friends
Like the ones that left me when things got rough
Or the one friend that stood by me until I pushed them away
Because people never change, they become more of who they are
Who you are
I am simply a human without purpose
Purpose
I don’t have one
Or maybe my purpose is not to have a purpose
Or maybe I'm just not meant to be here
Maybe I'm just a mistake and I wasn’t meant to be here at all.
Mistake
I’ve made many of them but is living one of those mistakes?
Am I meant to just disappear?
I know this place
A place I can go
The hook in my room, all I would need is more rope
The parking garage ten minutes away from home
Or maybe the cars passing by on the street
But cars are slow
And rope will break
And by the time I get there it will be too late
Anything will do if it made me feel complete
Complete
What is complete?
Is it when you finish a problem
Or when your heart's content?
Heart’s
Such weird things
They beat even after they have been broken.
But maybe something's there squeezing them forcing them to stay
Maybe my heart is done but can’t stop
Can’t stop
Like my assaulter couldn’t stop when he stole my innocence
Or like how I can’t stop when the blade of a cold knife hits my skin
Skin
Can be smooth or rough
Black or white
Clean or scared
Scars are like a constant reminder
A reminder like the ones on my phone
Reminding me that I am weak and I couldn’t keep going so I pulled out a knife
I tried a rope but I couldn’t tie it
I tried a cliff but I couldn’t jump
I tried a car but they were going to slow
Slow
Like my slow cold heartbeat when I fall asleep at night
But I don’t really fall asleep
More like I feel the cold drops of water falling from my eyes
Falling
I always feel like i’m falling
When I walk the halls of my school my heart speeds up
It’s scared someone might notice the water gathering in my eyes
Or that someone might try to talk to me and I won’t be able to reply
Talk
It’s all people seem to do
Whether they talk about you or to you they always talk
Sometimes it’s better not to talk
Talking uses words and words can hurt
Like the time you told me I was a disgrace and that I try to hard
Or like that time you told me it was all my fault
Or how I was being selfish when I pressed the gun against my head
It’s better to just stop talking
To stop hurting other
To stop being their problem
To just go away
That’s all I want is to just go away
To stop causing everyone so much trouble
To save my mom money from medical bills
But also to stop the pain I feel
The sinking feeling I get when I walk into a crowded room
Or the feeling I get when I cry in my room
Or when my demons come out to play
These demons in my head that grow stronger every day
Or the demons that made me pull the trigger on my last day.
This is an old poem, one of the first I free wrote, back in about 2016
Lemon Feb 2020
She says don't get too attached
       Don't let him have your heart
Don't trust his words or actions
       Don't let him tear you apart
Don't let yourself love
       Don't let yourself live
Hide behind my rules
       And don't dare disobey
For you'll only get hurt
       And get lost on the way
Don't make me pick you up
       And clean up the mess
He'll only hurt you
       And cause distress

But little does she know
       I've already fallen in too deep
Past the point of return
       Always and forever we will be
And if not?
       Well then we're not all I thought us to be
But nothing is perfect
        Or goes according to plan
I'm just rolling with the tides
        And letting our love guide me
Till the end
Lemon Oct 2019
I look at you
My sweet sweet girl

I look at you and see my world
The purity and grace
The love and life
You hold them all inside your mind
And through you face they shall shine

You have looks to die for
And a heart of gold
Your mind is calm
But free to roam

I wander in
This old town
Just to find
The stupid guy
Who made you frown

It hurts me so
To see you sad
But You show me the sun
When you smile so glad

Tonight I go
To see you again
My one true love
And forever friend
Lemon Nov 2019
I love the smell of the fresh air and trees
And the cool feeling of the wind on my feet
The sweet sound of the river running
And this beautiful view only for me
I feel so happy
So happy and free
Like I can be whoever I wanna be
I feel at peace
In the open air
I can hear creature running in the distance
And I hear birds chirping above in the trees
But most of all
I hear me
I listen to myself
The way I breath
How my thoughts calm down
And stop running
I lay upon the grass
And close my eyes
For here I wont be bothered
By others and their lies
Because here I am alone
But the good kind
Just surrounded by peaceful sounds all the time
I wish I could stay here forever
And just live this life
Because it's here that I feel truly at peace
Lemon Nov 2019
Hatred
It's all around
But no one ever makes a sound
They silently judge you
Thinking you a fool
But little do they know
You can play that game too
So be prepared
And expect a surprise
For hatred is strong
But will lead to your demise
How
Lemon Dec 2019
How
Let me ask you,
how does one love,
and the other hate?

How does one lie,
and the other get blamed?

How does one live,
while the other barely survives?

How does one soar,
while the other just breaks?

How do you live,
knowing the torment you've caused?

And how can they love,
after being hurt for so long?
Lemon Nov 2019
I'm a user
              A loser
                        And an abuser

I'm a giver
               A taker
                          And a heartbreaker

I'm a hurter
                 A nurture

A sister
          And a misser

But most of all
                      I'm human

A mistake maker
                         And problem causer

An ungrateful brat
                              A hard working rat

I'm somethin sweet
                              And somethin mean

Just the right amount
                               To destroy or build anything

So keep this in mind
                            When becoming my friend

For I dont choose who I destroy
                                        They choose me instead
Lemon May 2020
I'm a mess,
thought it was new but its the same old ****,
Same old brain,
Same old body,
Same old failures,
And same old fears,
Same ******* tears.
Will they ever stop flowing?
The answer is no.
Will I ever move on?
Will I ever love who I am?
No.
Sick of feeling sick,
Of being in pain,
Sick of existing this way.
Sick of making myself fade away,
Yet I keep doing it every single day.
Lifes a game,
And im on my last life,
Losing every battle,
Losing my mind.
In the end all I'll be is insane.
Lemon Aug 2020
Do you not want me anymore?
Have I become too much of a bore?
Have I tired you out with the constant text?
Or did I not show you enough affection?

Please tell me why it is my texts are unanswered.
Why do you reply to all the comments but mine?
Am I not what you want anymore?
Have I lost the attention I adored?

Is the love all gone?
Dried up in the sand.
Am I nolonger the woman you wish to hold hands?
Have you moved on to someone new?
Or has someone old come back for you?

Please just tell me the truth,
Because nothing can hurt me as much as you.
You hold my heart in your hand,
And I know I should give up,
But I refused,
I will stand.
My love for you will not be dormant.
It will not hide away.
So crush me now or let us be okay.
I just need go know the answer before it's too late.

I know it's toxic,
I know I'll end up hurt,
But I love you more than I love myself,
So I'll endure.
Till the bitter end,
When I can feel no more.
I'll love you forever and always,
But I fear your love is only temporary,
And it will surly fade,
Just like my face.
Lemon Jan 2020
Have you ever felt a love,
One that left you in tears of joy,
When you think about your future,
And all the years to come,

Have you laid awake in bed,
Thinking of the nights to come,
Where you can lay with your love,
And hold them so close,

Have you ever felt the hurt,
When you see them in pain,
Or the absolute bliss,
When you see they've had a good day,

Have you ever had a love so true,
You know it'll never end,
That it'll always be the two of you,
Until the very end,

Have you ever felt the safety,
Of being in their arms,
Knowing with them,
Nothing will cause you harm,

Have you ever had dreams,
Of what your life will be,
When you finally live happily ever after,
With the love of your life,

If any of that is true,
Please hold them dear,
Enjoy every second you get,
And let them know how you feel,

This world can be cruel,
And the people not kind,
But love will stand strong,
Through the toughest storms in the night.
Me
Lemon Feb 2020
Me
The run
The fight
The power

Overwhelmed
Fear
Lost
Here

Save me
Save them
Hurt me
Drop them

Feel me
Love me
Leave me
Need me
Lemon Nov 2019
I think you fixed me
At least for a while
You made me so happy
And I was always wearing a smile
You made me want to live
More importantly live with you
I had hope for the future
And for me and you
I thought we could be something
That we had a chance
I learned to love you
And myself
But it was too late
You couldn't put up with all my mistakes
And who could blame you?
There were so many
By time I learned and fixed them all
You had already left
So now I’m stuck
Right back where I started
Now I can love
But not with you
So what’s the point?
What do I do?
I don’t know if I can make it in this world
Not without you
Lemon Sep 2020
There are things I've left unspoken,

And thoughts I've pushed away.

There are breaking points I could have avoided,

And pain I could have saved.

Today I started thinking,

What if it was my last day?

Would I be able to see the ones I loved,

Could I say goodbye?

Would I accept my death for what it was,

Or would I be upset and cry?

How would the ones I love handle my departure,

Would it make anyone happy?

Would it bring about any good?

It was at this moment,

All the things I wanted to say,

Everything I wanted to do,

Became a mere memory when I thought about how I would be leaving you.
Lemon Dec 2019
I need you here
Or for me to be there
I need to feel your warmth
To play with your hair
I need to hear your heartbeat
With every breath you take
I need you to come hold me
To take away my pain
I need your love
To wash it all away
I need your eyes
To make me feel okay
I need you here
And I need you now
I can't stand the distance between us
I can't stand you living in doubt
Lemon Oct 2019
I have this feeling
Its rising up
It feels like anger but all grown up
It feels so strange
I don’t know why but now I really want to cry
It hurts me deep
Deep down inside
It almost feels like I broke I spine
I feel the pain
It’s in my brain
or that's what doctor joseph said
Hes says I think too much and that is my brain's pain
He lied to me
I don't know why
But I don't think at all
It made me curl up in a ball
I hide away
Somewhere safe
From the monster I see
When I open the gate
That dreadful gate
Such a horrible fate
To have to open up that gate
Once you do it all goes boom and then your mind explodes
Joseph says it’s all a game to see if I am wild and brave
But I know not of wild and brave more so a coward and afraid
I hide myself all by myself i'm scared to show my face
for if I do it will all go boom and I will be no more
Lemon Feb 2020
Slowly but surely,
I drive you insane,
then I poison your body,
and do it all over again.
Lemon Feb 2021
The grass is always greener in someone elses yard,
And the life is always sweeter when it's not your own.
The light shines brighter when you're far from home,
And the darkness is a little quieter when you're in someone elses arms.

We never learn to appreciate what we have,
And who we are,
Instead we mope over what could have been,
What should have been,
And what never will be.

I'm a simp for life,
For loving yourself,
For understanding you get what you get,
With little leeway,
So you have to forget about the rest,
Or what others have to say,
And make the best of your life.

Time heals all wounds,
Thats not exactly true,
But it will help you.
Time is not your enemy,
If you learn to use it wisely,
And let there be some battles you lose,
Give yourself the experiences you need,
To be able to succeed.
Unfollow those who bring you down,
And keep that head up,
Tall and proud.
Lemon Aug 2020
I've come to realise this awful feeling I have, the one that makes my guts turn and my tears fall, the feeling that makes my skin crawl, it's rage. Pure blooded rage.
Any other time I'll deny it, but right now? Right
now I'm angry, I'm furious and I'm sick of
being mistreated and tossed aside like
trash.

Day after day I await a response, a simple hello, or I'm just not okay right now, anything would be better than this. Than knowing you're ignoring me and only me. Knowing that any second you could disappear
from my life and feel nothing while I feel
everything. You love me? Yeah right. If you
loved me you wouldn't knowingly put me through
this pain and heartache. So why drag it on? If you're done with me tell me. Dont make me hold out hope that every notification is a text from you, that you'll decide you want me again. Because I need you.

I'm angry,
I'm breaking down,
and you don't have a clue,
or maybe you do and you just dont care.
What's it been, four, no five months since weve
had a real conversation. Since I've had a real
conversation with anyone really. Since you left
me high and dry everyone else has too. So why
am i still fighting for just an ounce of effort
from you. I keep saying, todays the day,
he'll respond I know it, just to be let
down when im once again ignored.
I know youre toxic, i know youre
just gonna keep tearing me
apart, but i can't let you go,
I won't. I love you too much to
care for myself. Till my last breath
I will be waiting for that response, for
the love you say you have for me. And if
that day never comes? Well my life will surely
be a sad one.
Red
Lemon Nov 2019
Red
Red.
Drenched in red.
It rolls down my cheeks,
Flowing down my arm,
Dripping off my finger tips,
Splashing onto the concrete below.

Red.
It pools around their limp body,
Face down with a knife in their back.
Face slammed into the ground,
Flesh peeling,
Who deserves this?
Who’s next?

Red.
Soaking into my hair,
Giving redhead a new meaning,
Falling down,
Hitting the ground,
It is my face slammed into the ground,
My body with a knife in my back,
Who deserves this?
I do.
Who’s next?
Maybe you.
Lemon Dec 2019
I've sinned a lot in my life so far
I've hurt others
I've gone too far
But my greatest sin of all
Was letting myself fall
In love with a beast like you

My efforts aren't enough
My love is but a toy
My heart is simply a play thing
One which soon you'll get bored

My greatest sin
Is sticking around
Despite the hurt I feel
Because I love you too much
To save myself
So a sinner I shall be
Lemon Dec 2019
I lay here now
On half of my bed
The other half filled by my sleeping pet
We lay In the quiet of my empty room
For a curse has been laid on me and you
My dad left long ago
And my sister a few months ago too
It's just me and mom
All day long
And her new boyfriend
I'm now scared again
Last time it ended with assault
And the lies build up
To help cover her tracks
Someone intervene
Someone help me relax
I'm paranoid
Of everyone
Scared I might need to run
Run away from it all
Hopefully it will not fall
My little sisters
They are moving away
I might not get to see them another day
It hurts me
Deep down inside
But I've got no more room inside my eyes
No room to hide my sleeping tears
Not after holding it in all these years
Should I start it up
The cutting again
Hey at least the knife will be my friend
I hurt myself
Years ago
And no one ever knew at all
That life had been so cruel
That I hurt myself every night
Or how I tried to take away my life
So here I lay
Thinking these thoughts
I guess I just must be really lost
Lost and afraid
I don't get paid
And my house is going to be taken away
I wanna go
Far away
I don't wanna live another day
Don't you see
It's killing me
The way I think
The way I see
So every night
I continue to lay in fright
Hoping that tonight's the night
The night for me
To finally be free
In hopes that this new year
Will bring me cheer
But deep down
I know it is wrong
That this year will bring the same
Lies and tears
But none will hear
So once again
You can avoid my text
My plead for help
My cries out
When I see the belt
I just wanna go
To disappear
So please hear me this time
Take me away
Or I may do it myself
Some other way
Lemon Dec 2019
You're the antidote I'm cravin
You're the answer to my prayers
Youre the one I'll always believe in
Even when the others doubt

Your sides the place I'm never leaving
And your hearts one I'll never forget
Know when I sing you that song
I never want you to forget

My love for you could concur worlds
The hope inside could save souls
The dreams I hold could hurt a lot
And the thoughts I have could cause storms

The light I hold inside my heart
It shines for you and your missing heart
I'll try my best to do as you wish
I'll give you my love, my life, my sins
Lemon Dec 2019
I see a creature
Peeking behind the door
I say come on in
Come feel my warmth

The creature walks in
To prove if he's friend or foe
He sits beside me
His eyes seem to glow

His body is twisted
Into a thick black fog
His face is bare
And his head wears no hair

He wears a mask
The skull of a boar
But he takes it off
Showing me something more

His voice is rustic
His touch is sharp
But his words are caring
His intentions are true

He shares his name
How he came to this place
We've all got monsters
They all have their own face

But this creature of mine
He'll be here for some time
Providing me fellowship
And a much needed friend

Don't be so quick to dismiss
Let the creatures in
When you make a connection
Everyone wins
Lemon Oct 2020
The father watches over his children,
Where they play with their cheap toys.
Where the monster lay in her room,
Screaming at the non existant noise.
The father didn't stop her,
Instead he just ignored.

Where the children lay crying,
Upset from the day.
They watch their father,
Afraid to speak,
For he's supposed to be a protector,
Not someone they fear to see.

As years went on,
And the children grew,
The father chose sides,
Before any of them knew.
And when the day came,
Where the children needed their father,
He chose the monster,

And left them to wonder.
Why was it not enough,
Did we give too little love?
What could make a father give up his children,
To drop all his love for them and move on.

Hes the parent,
The adult.
So why are the children the ones to fight for him,
When its supposed to be the other way around.
Lemon Dec 2019
Im scared,
Scared to be alone,
To be without you..
Will I continue to be good enough for you?
Was I ever?
Will your attention wander to another girl,
One with less issues,
One with better control,
Will you chose a girl better than me?

I have all the hope in the world for us,
But every now and again,
The fear kicks in and I get scared,
Scared to lose the one I love,
You.

What do I have to show,
What more can I give?
You have my love, my soul and my all,
You have my body, my life, my heart,
You have it all,
So what more do you need?
The proof you seek,
Ive done everything to give it to you,
But you still demand more,
So when will it be enough,
When will my efforts matter?
When will you let me love you,
And let me have you?

You get angry,
You get hurt,
But so do I,
But I'm not allowed to show that side,
I have to let you yell and break my heart again,
I have to remain calm,
To play the villain,
Or I'll lose you forever,
But have I already lost you?
You stopped saying I love you,
And you text less and less,
You stop wearing my necklace,
You stopped claiming to be mine,
Your love has control over me,
And without it,
I'm simply dead.
Lemon Feb 2020
I'm tired

Tired of being sad

Tired of feeling angry

I'm tired of lying awake in bed feeling lonely

I'm just an empty pit

Trapped in a cycle of nothingness

No point no use

No way to move on

I'm tired I say

I didn't get enough sleep

Cause the lingering thought of you holding me

It leaves me longing

I do not sleep because I do not trust

That I am safe in this home

In this monstrous world

I do not sleep because I am afraid

But being awake I grow closer to losing myself

Losing my mind and my hope

I'm scared of who I've become

And what will happen with more restless nights

So yes

I'm tired

And I'm losing my fight
Lemon Feb 2021
Roses are red
Violets aren't blue
I have never known
A love like you

One who cares
And wants to stay
A love that can flourish
Or wither away

Which road we take
Is up to you
Just promise me
Your love is true
Lemon Oct 2019
It's been three month since I last saw you,
since I heard your voice and that beautiful laugh.
I write you letters every day,
but all are returned without delay.
I keep them in this grey glass box that you gave me on my birthday last fall.
I wish we could go back to that time where you still loved me where everything was fine and you were still mine.
I miss seeing you in my bed,
with that stupid old mop of hair on your head.
I miss your late night text when you were gone and the sweet sweet Odor you released all day long.
Why won't you read them, the letters I send.
Why won't you at least open or keep them.
When you send them back, untouched or unread,
A little piece of my heart starts to shred,
but I'll keep on sending them, all year long,
In hopes that maybe one day you'll see just one.
Lemon Oct 2019
Velvet clouds fill the sky, no one really knows why,
In the darkness they shine light
Opening your eyes to what's wrong and right but
Letting others decide your life,
Even in good is not how you should live your life
Together we're stronger but more dangerous too

Obsessive thoughts jump threw their minds
Rapidly changing with the passing time
Eventually the day will come
No one knows when the world will end
Either you get with the program or be left in the wind cause we take

Fatal blows to the heart, but everyone else calls it
A work of art
Letting go and
Losing hope are different ways to forget and cope
So keep on fighting, the war isn't lost, for in this war of hearts you're worth the cost
Lemon Nov 2019
Heed my warning,

And stay far away,

For horrors will unfold,

If you dare walk my way.


For I am a toxic flower,

One of the worst,

I'll bring you up,

Then drag you in the dirt.


I will make your wildest dreams come true,

That includes nightmares too.


So keep your distance,

Don't hold me close,

For when you do,

I just might explode.
Lemon Oct 2019
I was normal once
A long time ago
I miss it so much
But yet still not at all

I don't want to go back
Back to that time
When I was normal
And everything was fine

I've lost myself
So many times
I've hurt myself
And told lots of lies

I've created a world
To which I run and hide
When I need some time
To lay and cry

I'm hurt by others
Everyday
They haunt me
And take me away

Away to this place
I don't wanna go
I think it's inside me
I think it's my home

This home of mine
I hide inside
When people use
Their violent words

I disappear
Into thin air
I like it here
So Here I stay

This place I love
It's under attack
From pills and meds
So I throw them in the trash

My trash is full
Of pain and tears
Of my crazy thoughts
And worthless fears

I hide them there
For none to see
They are my secrets
Just for me

I starve myself
And survive on lies
Even though
I know I can't fly

My stomach hurts
The way it always does
It makes me curl up
And bite my thumb

I push past the pain
For thoughts of the future
If I stand through this
I might be beautiful

That thought
The hope of beauty
It keeps me here
Worthless but breathing

I still lay here
With no motivation
Because I hate my life
And see no reason to be here

I've jumped before
In my dreams
But It wasn't real
I wasn't free

I still lay here
Phone in my hand
Writing these poems
To express myself

But it never works
You won't understand
I can't be fix
This is who I am
Lemon Oct 2019
You were my everything
I gave you my all
But you just hurt me
And fought against me

I did it all for you
Why can't you see
This mess we're in
It's all so I could make you happy

You wanted them gone
So I took them away

You wanted a challenge
So I set up a game

You wanted my heart
And I gave it away

But you want them back
Your bored of the game
You have discarded my love

So why do I try?
You will never see
All I've done is not for me
I may be king but I'm powerless to you
For you will always hold the key to my heart
Even when we are apart
I offer myself to you
At no price
But you turn me away
More than twice
But if you should ever need me
Don't be afraid to call
I will always be here for you
And love you with my all
This was a poem I wrote from the perspective of Jareth from the movie the Labyrinth, an old movie I love. If you’ve seen it hopefully this makes some sense.
You
Lemon Oct 2019
You
You're my everything
My love and life
The best part of my day is when I see that you've replied
It may have taken twelve hours,
But it's better than nothing
Or so I thought
Then I started to see it
Everything unfolded
You stopped responding
And kept things short
I always texted first
And you always felt annoyed
I was blinded by love
And couldn't see
You never truly loved me
~
In the beginning you cared
I'll admit that's true
But your feelings quickly fled
As I began to fall in love with you
So what am I to do
I'm stuck in love with someone who won't ever love me back
And whos already planning to leave as soon as I turn my back
You led me on
Played with me like a toy
But when things started getting real
You threw me out the door
~
It's been over a month
And we've only talked twice
For you ignore my messages
And all my facebook likes
I'm a fool in love
Childish and dumb
I should have noticed sooner
That I was the only one
That ever felt a connection
And ever really hoped
That maybe this time
I would be loved
~
But now you're gone
Or you will be soon enough
Moving on to a new girl
Or maybe an old one
Either way you're leaving me
And the thought haunts me so
Just the thought of you motivated me to be better
To feel better
But now that I see the truth
I wanna throw it all away
Cause if I can't make you happy
Then why am I still me
I should just fade away
Like I used to do
Why did I ever think
I'd matter to you

— The End —