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  Dec 2019 Lemon
MeanAileen
I'm in love with a man
I know not to love,
his heart will never be free.
I waste my days
a slave to his ways-
knowing he will never love me.

He is the secret
I can never reveal,
the best lover I ever have known.
I've nothing to give
but my body.....it's his-
fresh dirt for him to bury his bone.

Hopelessly hooked
on him like a drug,
wanting him day and night.
I play his ***** game
I have no shame-
taking it all, knuckles white.

Dead is the conscience
I knew so well,
and morals.....they ran far away.
Clarity now blurry
in a love-drunk slurry-
the 'good me' has gone astray.

To lay with him
is playing with fire,
the flames...they burn me alive.
Leaving me marred
hurting and scarred-
the pain on which I thrive.

A fool for punishment
I beg for more,
even if all I am worthy of is ****.
Loving him breaks me
it overtakes me-
but I'm not willing to quit.

I die a little more
with each passing day,
until again, I get lost in those eyes....
All doubts go away
so for now I'll stay-
living this life of lies.
You can't always help who you fall in love with...
Lemon Dec 2019
How
Let me ask you,
how does one love,
and the other hate?

How does one lie,
and the other get blamed?

How does one live,
while the other barely survives?

How does one soar,
while the other just breaks?

How do you live,
knowing the torment you've caused?

And how can they love,
after being hurt for so long?
Lemon Nov 2019
I'm not sure why but I tried to die
And now I feel all dead inside
Do you know why I tried to die
Or why I feel so dead inside
I always feel all dead inside
Ever since the day I tried
Tried to take away my life
And tried it while holding a knife
I feel so lost looking in this knife
And I don't know why but now I cry
I cry all the lovely lullabies
The lullabies
Oh lovely cries
They sing me to sleep at night
Every night I lay with fright that this may be my last goodnight
The tears fall out and sing about the monsters of our fearful house
This fearful house they sing about leaves hidden sights to see
But once you see you can't turn back or you must wear a shameful hat
The shameful hate oh sinful hat
Why must you not look back
Wearing this hat oh sinful hat why must I sin for you
For sinning brings more fright of this being my last night
I think I know why I must feel so dead inside for I can not express making me a sinful mess
But a sinful mess must not address any real desire for if I do well then it's you who must bear this frightful night
If I no longer bear this dreaded frightful night it will leave me in a quake that I might not survive
A vegetable
A vegetable is what I will become p
And that my friend is worse than feeling oh so numb
I don't know how I started to feel all of these things
But now I know the reason why
I must stay all dead inside
Lemon Nov 2019
I love the smell of the fresh air and trees
And the cool feeling of the wind on my feet
The sweet sound of the river running
And this beautiful view only for me
I feel so happy
So happy and free
Like I can be whoever I wanna be
I feel at peace
In the open air
I can hear creature running in the distance
And I hear birds chirping above in the trees
But most of all
I hear me
I listen to myself
The way I breath
How my thoughts calm down
And stop running
I lay upon the grass
And close my eyes
For here I wont be bothered
By others and their lies
Because here I am alone
But the good kind
Just surrounded by peaceful sounds all the time
I wish I could stay here forever
And just live this life
Because it's here that I feel truly at peace
Lemon Nov 2019
Red
Red.
Drenched in red.
It rolls down my cheeks,
Flowing down my arm,
Dripping off my finger tips,
Splashing onto the concrete below.

Red.
It pools around their limp body,
Face down with a knife in their back.
Face slammed into the ground,
Flesh peeling,
Who deserves this?
Who’s next?

Red.
Soaking into my hair,
Giving redhead a new meaning,
Falling down,
Hitting the ground,
It is my face slammed into the ground,
My body with a knife in my back,
Who deserves this?
I do.
Who’s next?
Maybe you.
  Nov 2019 Lemon
MeanAileen
It is always present
Dormant in my soul
Until it awakens
Seizing all control.
Crushing happiness
Infecting what's pure
Inflicting a pain
I've learned to endure.
Clouding thoughts
Enslaving my brain
Corrupting judgment
Till i feel I'm insane.
Stealing sunshine
Twisting my smile
Killing kindness
Leaving me hostile.
Ripping at my heart
With utmost aggression
It has awakened...
Hello again, depression.
Just another poem stemming from my depressed brain...
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