Karma was a friend of mine
When I was young, dumb and blind
I then grew old, frail - out of mind
Karma still a friend of mine
The world I thought I knew
Kicked my *** a time or two
Naive
No not me, I knew
More than the girl next door
Karma bust my lip some more
Turns out much is never true
The 12 laws I never knew
Now today I live by em
Can't wait til my dear friend
Karma
Catches up to them.

Ain't no point getting out of bed if you ain't livin the dream
Life isn't easy and nothin' what it seems
Learn to read between the lines
nothin' what it means
Dreams only happen at night
If I ain't hauntin your schemes
Learn to live life right
Ain't nothin what it seems

Remember when
You loved me instead...
Now I'm gone forever
To you
I'm dead

My conscious is heavy
My shoulders are slumped
When I see my family
My throat gets a lump
I want to run
Want to hide
Want anything other than to be alive
Stuck in this cycle
Gone completely insane
Wanting things different
Without Wanting to change
The shackles I bear
Are shackles of shame
Their chains are heavy
They cause me great pain
The battle I'm fighting
Been fighting for years
All out of fight
And all out of tears
Tired of fighting, getting nowhere
All cried out
Filled with fear
Time to put down my armor
Let my guard down
Time to start over
Since no ones around
Pushed 'em all away
While I rot and decay
Want them to leave
But want them to stay
Why God?
Am I this way?

Like a bird with a broken wing
have only a voice left
  no beautiful songs to sing
Only hope left
this gust of winds
Take me where you will
I'll fight what you may bring
Even with my broken heart
And my broken wing
I'll sing my song
And your beautiful hymns
Til my journey comes to an end
With you beside me
I have no brokenness
I will sing

Poisons and potions
Past years of emotions
Regretting my actions
Forgetting my passions
Feelings can't be felt, I've drowned them and numbed them out
I'm insecure and full of doubt
Any chance of hope, I snuffed it out
Replaced it with fear and impending doom
Get out of my way please give me some room
All alone, isolation is home
Pushed everyone away so I can suffer alone
Look in the mirror, see a stranger I fear
No longer trust anyone, death is near
Can't handle feeling, won't allow it
Redirect my thoughts,                          
self destructions my power
Silence is deafening, hour by hour
Forget I exist, I won't be here tomorrow
No hope, just dope, is how I cope, I'm a coward
Self mutilation, my ****** creation
The more I bleed, closer to freed
Please God forgive me, my souls in need.

How come you don't love me
You act like your above me
We both have lived
Did things we aren't proud of
You seen my best side
Then seen the worst of me
I grew, rose above it all
But you still look at me disappointed
By my fall, act like I'm cursed
But really I'm only tired after all

How about instead of analyzing me
You look at yourself first
You have bruises and bumps from life also we both been hurt
I've done drugs and drank
You have slept with hoes and did much more
Whose to say we don't have equal scores?
Next time you think your the judge
Look in the mirror  and realize
You aren't the One from above
Quit hating everyone else
And learn to love

My eyes are welling
Don't want them to know that I'm alive
How I feel on the inside
Am I truly dead or am I alive
My tears could fill the ocean
Not knowing what I'm capable of fulfilling
I have lost all of me
In this world of complete insanity   tell me is it you or is it me
we all face the same destiny

What a nightmare
When your not there
I don't feel alive
Don't belong anywhere
But in your arms
Is when I feel strong
I finally found a place that I belong

My thighs they cried
For you to be on the inside
Carry me away to complete fantasy
Just you and I as I slowly die on the inside
My loves not enough for you to be forever struck
By the insides of my thick thighs
I just hope you realize the prize on the inside
Its only for you the one I let in to see who I'am truly
Let's let forever begin with you on top of me.

We are undecided all the time
Undecided
Locked in time
Undecided
Til we die
Misunderstood
You and I.

Forever in my heart
From the very start
To the bitter end
Till we meet again
My love has only grown
By your actions
I'm torn
What will it be
Together forever shall we?

My penny I found her,
She's not lucky nor is she prettier than  
The penny I found  yesterday.
Just another one to add to my collection of things I dont really appreciate.
Why collect these then you ask?
It has nothing to do with penny, just for my own selfish tasks.
Not to get to know her, to see if she's
Different than the last, I'd rather not, that to me would be precious time lost, especially on one penny that's just going into a collection for me, knowing tomorrow there'll be more anyway.
One more than I had yesterday.
No matter her worth.
I will not treat this one special,
Nor did I the last few I found.
This penny is only just one of many Penny's that I've used in my collection.
She's no different than yesterday's but she's one more than before, therefore, this penny I may need, God only would know what for. Not because she's special, beautiful, young or old, just for my own fulfillment, so I behold them all the same as before. No matter if my actions hurt them, I would never care, because it's not about Penny, as I told you before.

The pain I feel it in my wrist,
In my wrist and my fist
I feel it so deep inside
Whenever mourning by your side
I feel the pain in my thighs
Whenever my cries are denied
The sorrow is wearing me thin
From under my skin
Its weary within
I cannot bear all this pain
That I'm in.
The pain runs deep like a river
An ever bigger sliver threw the flesh
Full of every disappointment and every mess
My river runs deep within
Secretly keeping all of my sin
Sunk below so nobody can see
It's only for me
The pain runs deep like the ocean crashing like waves
With pure emotion
Emotion held in for years
Comes crashing in
As I shed my tears
It's a tidal wave of effect.
Nobody can make it stop
No not yet.
My emotions I did neglect.
It pours out my eyes like counting stars in a clear night sky
Can't be counted
It can't  be denied
The life I lived
I say goodbye

She told me her razor blade
Was like her teddy bear.
Said to him
"Life ain't fair"
He looked at her
On the floor
Looked she'd
Died years before
Wish he could of done something more
Before this happened to his girl
As he sees here lying there
No pain left not one thing she bares
He thinks to himself
What's life for?
With all we go threw
It isn't fair.                                          
Closer to life than ever before.
As she lay there
Pain no more.

The pin the poke,
It swallows me whole;
It was me it stayed with,
I took the fall, just happy it was me and not us all;
If only you'd let me free from all the pain and torment,
It's killing me,
The pain is deep, its deep inside;
For only me to see and for me to hide;
All the hell and mental torture put my life on pause,
I still sit here today without a feeling of cause;
'Stop it you sound dumb'
Plays over and over;
I want to feel numb, not to be sober.
I am my mind's own mental slave, this I will take with me to my grave.
Can't quit thinking of all the games you played.
The pin the poke, the blood rushing in;
I no longer feel like I've lived in such sin, such evil and strife;
I no longer feel like I lived that life.
The pin the poke it swallowed it all;
I no longer stayed curled up in that ball.
In the ball of pain, of torture, and state of confusion;
My life once lived was all a delusion.
I broke free from the evil,
I broke free from the pain,
I have broken free from the shackles and all of the shame.
I am still me but no longer the same;
And this is only my life story or was is it your game?
                                             S.Kajdan