Inhale you like a cigarette
Absorbing all your toxins
Later I’ll be full of regret
Running out of options
No better than a ******
Addicted to your lies
Spoon feed them to me
As my body slowly dies
There’s pleasure in the pain
I’ve never felt more alive
You’re dopamine to my brain
A true devil in disguise
A beast, untamed
Took me by surprise
Let them know I died ashamed
But at least I was by your side

All these lows
With no where to go
Forcing me to grow
And accept the unknown

Numb
And broken
Guard up
I’m coping
The pain
I’m ignoring
But it creeps in
It’s potent
It consumes me
I’m choking
My sanity
It’s stolen
I’ve lost faith
But still hoping
Can’t let the curtain
Close in

I know you wish me the worst
Truly nothing more hurts

Because Darling
I loved you

Each time you fell apart
I’d be your glue

But once you were back together
I became whoever

And I deserve better

But I’ll still love you
Forever

Is life just a bunch of fantasizing and romanticizing stages we haven’t reached?
And once we finally get there we’re still left feeling incomplete?
Because the more I age, I realize everything I let slip away
Used to dream of being where I am now, when I should’ve taken it day by day
Will I ever be content? Will I ever feel at peace?
Reality is difficult because our dreams seem beyond our reach
I’m tired of this back and forth, I wish there were an escape
Because these days feel more like nightmares, but I’m already awake

Loving her was blue
Each day a different shade
Today feels more like the ocean
While yesterday had a tint of gray
My favorite is at her brightest
Although I’ll take her any way
No matter what her tone is
I still love her just the same

When your friends become family
And your family become foes
But then your friends become distant
And you know how this goes
Yet I still pull myself together
Putting forth all effort to be strong
Telling myself it’ll get better
That this feeling won’t last long
But as much as I try to ignore it
Nothing really is the same
I’m not perfect in this I’ll admit
I’ll even take half the blame
I kept my feelings buried
I left you high and dry
And as fine as I seem without you
We both know it’s a lie
Missing you is the worst heartbreak
I need you next to me
Instead it’s a empty ***** bottle
And a sea of misery
I pray that you’ll come back
That there’s more to you and me
‘Cause I need you to be on track
And we have so much more to see

She was only three
When she was first introduced to mean
She saw it in her daddy’s eyes
And she heard it in her mothers cries

She was only five
When she realized she didn’t want to be alive
Because of her life being deprived
Of the love she needed to survive

She was only ten
When she first picked up a pen
And wrote her pain out in her journal
Of the day you hurt her, again

She was only eleven
When her Grandma went to heaven
Her best friend and the sweetest love she’s known
The aftermath, it made her cold

She was only fourteen
And judging by her recklessness should have foreseen
She’d be laying in a hospital bed after being abandoned by friends
Cause the relationships only ever brought her to dead ends

She was only Eighteen
When she accepted her abnormality
Of liking the same gender as she
Knowing her family wouldn’t ever agree

She was only twenty-one
When she first realized she could truly have fun
But it only clouded her brain
Knocked her common sense down the drain

She was only twenty-three
When she was taught the opposite of being free
And the world brought her to her knees
And showed how devastating it could be

She was only twenty-six
When she lost all meaning to live
She cried almost every day
Wishing all her problems would go away

She was only twenty-eight
When she realized this was her fate
To grow and heal from who she was
And look how far she’s come

How do you move on?
As if I were nothing to you
As if we didn’t talk from dusk till dawn
And exchange I love you’s
As if my voice wasn’t once your favorite song
God knows your eyes were my favorite shade of blue
You told me my arms were where you belonged
But were you ever telling the truth?

You level me out, you set me free
When things don’t go my way you encourage me to see
That nothing is ever as bad, as I believe it to be

Soul as dark as the pits of hell
Hate flowing through your veins
Only the emotionally intuitive can tell
That you are mentally insane
The worst kind of damaged and broken
Addicted to causing pain
Going out and starting commotions
So no one forgets your name
There’s no loving someone like you
You’re nothing but **** in disguise
And even though he cannot see it
I have a wide third eye
I just like the good souls
See what I’m trying to imply
Thats why I never listen to what’s told
And always look inside

So many messages
Just meaningless texts
She’s craving to be seen
She’s got 20 sent
And received
But not one that asked her how her day is
Or about any of her strange dreams
She wants to tell you about what happen 4pm that day
What video she watched, or her new favorite song to play
And she’s got so many messages in her phone always
But none asking if she’s even okay

It’s incredible how much pain you can harbor
Without a single person being aware

Every time I think it couldn’t get worse
It does
It feels like the world is testing me
But with each heartache
The stronger I become

What am I doing here?
I can’t help but wonder
In a world of no peace
A world in constant hunger
I’ve always felt like a misfit
No matter where I go
They say life’s a present
It doesn’t feel like it though
I don’t mean to be depressing
I promise I want to see the good
Treat every day as a blessing
Don’t get me misunderstood
But with all the chaos surrounding
It’s hard to hold onto hope
I’m 26 and counting
I still don’t know how to cope
What am I doing here?
Maybe I won’t ever truly know
But what I have come to learn
Is this place is not my home
There’s too much love in my heart
For a world so distant and ice cold
Which is what sets me apart
And unable to fit in it’s mold

Lucid dreamer
She loves being in control
So the second she wakes up
The world appears dull
She’s a character in a book
But not of her own
Living in a script
Doing what she is told
So at night when she gets home
And she finally falls asleep
She returns to her dream world
Where she controls what she can be

If God is a woman than the devil must be too
But she’s built like an angel so you’d never have a clue

Words to me are everything
But different in each persons view
The meaning behind what I say runs deep
I cannot say the same for you
You’re full of sweet nothings
Beautiful to hear but untrue
Didn’t anyone teach you growing up
That’s the one thing you should never do

I wish I could take all your pain
Have it wash away with the rain
Roll you a jay, pour a glass of Cabernet
And fly us to a private get away
One where our worries are pushed aside
We’d laugh about non sense enjoying the ride
We’d have nothing to fear, no need to hide
Just joyful hearts and smiles stretched wide
I’d carry all the weight for you if I could
I know you feel trapped and misunderstood
Truthfully you deserve all things that are good
But this life doesn’t always go the way that it should
So lean on me when you don’t know what to do
I promise there’s nothing I wouldn’t endure for you
The journey in front of us is rough but it’s a wonderful view
Because after the storm, the sky goes back to being blue

What’s forever without meaning?
It’s hollow-hearted and misleading
What’s love without believing?
Only fabricated and deceiving

What’s friendship without support?
What good is a car if it can’t transport?
What’s selflessness if you’re self absorbed?
What’s concern if you’re only ever ignored?

What’s a rainbow if you only view in black & white
What good is the day if you’re only awake at night
What’s the point if you’re only acting out of spite
Why even explain the truth, if you lost your sense of sight

The weight is heavy
When you have a heart
In a heartless world