For all the mistakes of my past
I pushed him away
Fighting, arguing
Keeping him at bay
But I forgot
He was no coward
Neither a bully
None from my past
A lover rookie
He was a man
Of his actions and words
The one who promised
A better world
Delicately, yet with strength
He brought down my walls
Slowly unearthing emotions
I once thought were lost
In dark dungeons…

Yesterday I was a Sage
Today, I am too naive

Yesterday, I had that zest
Today is too far from conquest

Yesterday, i had a realm of dreams
Today is a wave trodden castle

Yesterday i stood positive
#TodayNegative.

Sanctuary,
I will get to you someday
I will feel you in some way,
I can feel this, at least it's something,
They have the guts to scream but never know the words to say,
The ones who got in but couldn't wait to get away,
The girl from down the street who always smiled your way,
The euphoric atmosphere that your worst nightmares made clear as day,
I always knew it, I just never knew exactly what to say

This is a morning when I step into the streets and fall in love aimlessly, hoping to somehow, some way fix myself using someone else,
A morning that's too brisk to not wear a jacket, but too hot to not break into a sweat,
A morning where each drag of a cigarette hurts my throat, but takes my mind off of my upset stomach,
I'm spiraling, but I'm taking others down with me, even when I don't want to

I'm sorry,
I'm just tired,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry

The leaves blowing up and down the road are almost as restless as my mind is when I try to wrap my head around why you left,
Maybe I can fill the void with someone else, and maybe when I stop talking to them for no real reason, they will go on to do the same,
I don't mean for this to happen, but I fear that it's inevitable,
I don't know how to fix myself,
It's like I'm trying to fix something that was never really broken to begin with,
I hope now you understand what it's like to deal with this

I'm not truly sorry, but I'm going to keep apologizing because nothing else that I could possibly say sounds better

I just never know exactly what to say

Everything is so bright but also bleak,
I just never know exactly what to say,
I want to get away from here,
I just never know exactly what to say,
Please,
I just never know exactly what to say,
Help,
I just never know exactly what to say,
Me

This hurts like hell, I just never know exactly what to say

There is a difference between liking it and
getting use to it

Why do you all gather just to shatter?

Grip another frame and nod to the banter

Your eyes stay vacant in faces like plaster

Lines for lunacy and the jaws move faster

Dawn dazed youth distracted by a sunbeam

Speak about nothing but stay smug when the lights gleam

Laugh for the alien with a sober reaction

What we lack in conviction we make up in traction

We only speak sense to a casual observer

Black light goddess with the vanity fervor

in these spaces full of frenzied freaks

The highs scream predatory and the time sings bleak